Chapter Twenty-One
L ogan was leaning against the building when I came out of the front entrance. He pushed away from the wall and started walking with me.
“Hello there, Sleeping Beauty.”
I tried to contain my smile as I gave him a mannerly tilt of my head. “Mr. Harper.”
He held out his hand. A thrill ran through me but I stopped myself before I took it.
Logan saw my uncertain glance up to the breezeways and dropped the hand back to his side. I pulled a guilty face, but he nodded his understanding.
“I won’t kiss and tell,” he teased.
“I hope that’s a promise.” I gave him an inviting smile before glancing around the parking lot. “Is the jeep in the garage downstairs?”
Logan stopped when we reached the bank of private units. “I thought we’d take something different today.”
He pushed a fob on his key ring and I was startled as the garage door we were standing beside began to lift with a rumble and a car came into view. It was a Benz: beautiful, sleek, and cobalt blue.
Logan was already wearing a sheepish smile when I looked back at him and sighed. “Figures.”
He walked to the passenger side to open the door for me. “Your chariot awaits.”
Twenty minutes later, we were in Daytona. I spent far too much of the ride gushing about how beautiful the car was with its leather seats, large sunroof, and dashboard full of high-tech gadgets.
“My Highlander is over a decade old and has seen better days. I’m not planning on replacing it until the wheels fall off though,” I told him.
“I usually drive the jeep, which is six years old, or the old truck, but sometimes I like the comfort of a nicer vehicle. I lease a new Benz every few years,” he admitted, the glance he threw me slightly abashed.
“Oh, I get it. I’d be riding around in a limo if I’d been born with a silver spoon in my mouth.”
“It was gold, thank you very much,” Logan joked back.
When we came to the next intersection, I was surprised when he turned into the Oceanside Hospital employee entrance.
Once we were out of the car, he offered me his hand again and I squeezed it happily. Being out of sight of home, I welcomed his touch as we headed for an entrance.
I gave him a serious once over. “I swear, if you tell me that you have a medical degree as well, I am going to have a coronary.”
Logan grinned. “Yeah, that might do you in.” He stopped and pulled me to him. “Before you expire though, I believe I have a promise to keep…”
When we ended the kiss, I smiled up at him dreamily. “Mmmm, now I can go out happy at least.”
My arms had gone around his neck, and when my fingers brushed the chain he wore I felt Logan stiffen. I casually dropped my arms, still smiling as if I hadn’t noticed to push us past the awkward moment. “Alright. Let’s go find me a stretcher, Doc.”
He took my hand again, lacing his fingers through mine.
We continued into the building and a tall, bald man at the reception desk greeted Logan. “Hey, my guy! How are you doing?”
Logan shook the man’s outstretched hand. “Great, Rodney, how was your trip to visit your mother?”
I listened to them chat for a few minutes, certainly familiar with one another.
“Rodney, this is Madison. Can we get an extra pass for her?”
The older man smiled at me with a flirtatious wink. “Anything for a lovely lady.”
He printed two visitor labels and waved to us as we headed to the elevators. We stepped into the first to open and Logan pressed the button for the fourth floor.
I side-eyed him with a raised brow. “You’re not taking me somewhere to harvest my organs, right?”
Logan grinned. “I’m kind of a volunteer. I come by to visit with people.”
I tried to hide my complete surprise. “That is really sweet.”
When the elevator opened, he led me to the right toward a sign that read Long Term Care.
“There are people here who are lonely, waiting on an organ donation, getting treatments for cancer or other diseases, recovering from surgery, different reasons. Some don’t have any family or friends close by or with the luxury of a lot of free time and resources to be here with them. I’ve felt less alone, helping them feel less alone.”
I studied his profile, kind of in awe, and shook my head. “You’re not the person I thought you were at all.”
Logan side-eyed me this time. “You thought I was a stuffy asshole with a soft spot only activated by cute, sassy little girls.”
I stopped with an apologetic wince. “Never an asshole, maybe a little stuffy though. I did make a few assumptions about you that I’m regretting. I seem to have an attraction to guys who—” I clamped my lips shut.
Logan studied my face but seemed to decide to let it go instead of pressing me to continue. “Don’t worry about it. We both know I haven’t exactly been a ray of sunshine most of the time.”
“Anyone could understand once finding out about your past.” I rubbed his arm. “I just figured you could sense I had the hots for you and wanted to make it crystal clear you weren’t interested.”
Logan lit with pleasure, then shook his head. “You hide that pretty well actually.”
We started walking again.
“I didn’t notice much of anything around me for a long time, probably at least that first year after... Once I moved down here, I offered to take over building maintenance with the board to keep my hands and mind busy, but other than focusing on broken lights or repairing railings, I was in a bit of a daze. It took time before I started looking for reasons to exist again. Bought the first business, started the surfing lessons,” he paused, “began spending time here talking to people who might need a friendly face or ear. The busier I got, the more I felt alive again. Awake again. And when I woke up, I started noticing you.” He gave me a sexy smile. “A lot.”
My face heated with embarrassment. “How could you not?” I held out my arms to mime a large stomach, puffed out my cheeks, and waddled a few steps hoping for one of his laughs.
Instead, Logan grabbed my hand to stop me then took a step closer and dropped his tone. “I think it’s about time we squashed a few things, Crash.”
He took my other hand and squeezed both until I met his eyes.
“I’ve been figuring out more and more that someone, pretty sure I know who, did a serious number on you. I’m not going to tell you it’s time to get over it or that it doesn’t matter. I know it matters a lot. But, can you just listen to me for a minute and try to take what I say at face value?”
I chewed my lip as I gave Logan a hesitant nod.
“Good. So let me be clear. I noticed you, Madison. I noticed you interacting with your family and neighbors. I noticed your kindness, your sharp sense of humor, and your intelligence. I noticed you taking care of your girls, spending time with them, playing with them, laughing with them.”
Logan squeezed my hands again.
“I noticed you not losing your patience or temper with Grace when she was going through what looked and sounded like some seriously rough teenage girl mood swings. I noticed when you comforted Sadie like your heart was breaking for her the summer before last when she dropped her ice cream cone on the pool deck and started bawling her eyes out. I’ve seen you being an exceptional mom and caring person dozens of times.”
Logan let go of a hand to brush hair behind my ear as I stared at him.
“And yeah, damnit, I did notice your looks. Your gorgeous, long hair. The cute little freckles that come out the more sun you get. How your eyes sparkle when you’re happy and those adorable dimples that pop into your cheeks when you smile. I noticed the hell out of your lips and wondered how soft they might be. I saw every one of your curves and I never had a negative thought about a single one of them.”
Logan took a step closer and put his hands on my cheeks to tilt my face toward his.
“How do you not know you’re beautiful? You have been since the first time I laid eyes on you. You could look the same as the day I met you and I wouldn’t have wanted to kiss you any less that night at the bar. The only thing that stopped me from wanting to get to know you sooner was my guilt and hangups about my past. I wasn’t ready until recently. What happened at Hanks just gave me a stiff kick in the ass.”
My lips twitched and Logan gave me a knowing smile before he continued.
“I don’t know your full story, and if you decide to tell me things at some point, I won’t be surprised to learn most of this self-doubt and the insecurities you carry around come from the same source. I was a lawyer, a pretty decent one, and I can read people pretty damn well.”
Logan gently ran his knuckles over my cheek and I leaned into his touch.
“I have seen you seem to lose yourself in thought. Maybe memories? I have watched your face when you talk about him and your marriage or your divorce. I’ve listened to you word things in a way to hide true meanings or shift a sentence when you catch yourself revealing more than you want. I know he hurt you and nothing can change that. But I can tell you I also know you didn’t deserve whatever he did to crush your spirit and self-worth, to make you doubt for even a second that a man you’re attracted to could have the same attraction to you.”
I’d lowered my chin, feeling vulnerable by his spot-on assessment. Logan put a finger to it gently until I met his eye again.
“Your size or shape might change but that shouldn’t impact how you value yourself. There was nothing wrong with you before and there is nothing wrong with you now. If you ask me, the only thing you need to change is the size of the space you’re allowing him to live in your head rent-free. Don’t let him have that, Madison. I know he doesn’t deserve it. Stop selling yourself short and evict the bastard.”
A warm feeling spread through my body as I absorbed everything Logan had said. The things he’d observed about me and focused on were so touching. I had no idea he’d been paying attention to me while I’d been busy trying to hide my interest in him.
“You’re not the person I thought you were at all,” I murmured.
Logan kissed me. “You are exactly the person I thought you were. Hell, you’re better.”
I felt myself blushing like a silly little girl.
“Can you spend some time with what I’ve said, please? I know a person’s head and heart aren’t going to change overnight, but the more you experience something different, the more you will believe something different. Believing it will help you let go of whatever BS was said or done to you in the past. ”
What he was asking was fair so I nodded my agreement. “I’ll work on believing things I haven’t been given a reason to doubt.”
Logan gave a satisfied nod of his own and tapped my nose. “See, you are a smart cookie.”
He kept hold of my hand as we started walking again.
After several steps, I broke the silence. “You were mighty impressive in court during closing arguments, huh?”
Logan tipped his head back as he laughed and I grinned as it echoed down the hall.
Logan spent the next hour knocking on door frames and entering rooms as patients welcomed us in.
He introduced me to Agnes; in her second week of recovering from hip replacement surgery. We praised the blanket she was knitting and chatted for a while before going to the next door. A little old man was asleep in a chair, hooked to a dialysis machine, so we moved on quietly.
“I’ll catch up with Simon tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? How often are you here?”
Logan gave me a little shrug. “I swing in most weekdays for a bit.”
He nodded at a woman in the next room when she noticed us over the book she was reading as we walked past. “She’s new, I’ll introduce myself another day.”
Next, I met two middle-aged men sharing a room. Bill and Frank were living in the hospital waiting for lung transplants. Bill entertained us for ten solid minutes with a story about his granddaughter.
The following stop was with a teenage boy sitting on his bed, oxygen tubes hanging from his nose as he played on a handheld game device. He perked up when he saw Logan. “Hey, man!”
“Happy to see you, Toby.” Logan bumped fists with him. “Not back here though, of course. How was your sister’s wedding?”
The boy’s face fell. “I started going downhill the night before. My mom had to stream it for me, I couldn’t make it out of the house. Lauren insisted they would delay but I told her no way, she needed to lock up Rick before he realized he was marrying into a family of psychos.”
Logan chuckled. “I’m sorry to hear you missed the big day. I’m sure everyone was disappointed you weren’t there. This is my friend Madison.”
Toby had been shooting me quick, shy glances as they spoke. “Hi,” we said in unison, which made him smile. He seemed to relax a little more every time we made eye contact as they continued catching up.
They talked about the surf shop for a while, then Logan mentioned a comic book series I soon learned the boy was obsessed with. I listened with growing amusement as they had a good-natured argument about a recently released issue. When we were about to leave, Logan told him they would start the surfing lessons they’d discussed when he felt better.
“Thanks, man, I can’t wait.”
They bumped fists again and I gently touched the boy’s arm. “It was so nice meeting you, Toby.”
He gave me a massive grin in return this time.
We took a few steps down the hall before Logan looked down at my questioning face. “Leukemia. Poor kid has been in and out of here regularly since he was eleven.”
“That’s awful,” I sighed sadly.
“You cheered him up today though.”
I lifted a skeptical brow. “We barely spoke.”
“He’s a teenage boy stuck in the hospital and a hot woman came to visit him. Trust me, he’ll be calling all his friends. In fact…”
Logan grabbed my hand and pressed us against the wall before taking a few steps back toward the open doorway as he put a finger to his lips for the universal sign of silence.
I listened and heard Toby’s voice. “For real, Sean! She came to visit with my buddy Logan. I don’t know how old. I mean it doesn’t matter; she was an adult. But still, she smiled at me and was super cool and really pretty. I think she liked me.”
I clamped my lips shut and edged away from the door.
Logan followed looking smug. “Told you. I better keep my eye on that kid or he might try to make a move.”
I gave in and laughed. “Alright. I get it.”
We skipped a few doorways, Logan calling out hellos to people he knew. They greeted him warmly and gave me curious looks as I smiled back timidly.
We came to the last closed door at the end of the hall. “One more visit today.” Logan let out a puff of air. “This one is a little harder, but I want you to meet this little girl. She is a real angel.”
“I would be happy to.”
Turning to the door, giving him a brave face, I steeled myself for what lay beyond it. I imagined a little body battling some horrible disease and wanted to be prepared to react with compassion and a positive spirit, thankful he had warned me before this particular visit.
Logan opened the door and ushered me in. The child in bed was covered by a pink, plush quilt instead of a bleached white hospital blanket, and sound asleep.
At first glance, she appeared completely normal, aside from the tubes and wires running below the blanket and into her right arm. She looked like any other little girl in slumber with her hands resting on her belly as she dreamed and I breathed a sigh of relief.
I studied the room, taking in the differences from the prior ones we’d entered. The wall over the bed was covered with hand-drawn pictures, created by a child at different stages of development. There were stick figures, flowers, rainbows, and butterflies. Then more detailed images: a group of puppies, a flying unicorn, and a mushroom-shaped house surrounded by fairies.
There was a vase of daisies on a little table by the bed and under the window was a long bookcase with what looked like hundreds of children’s books of different sizes and heights all lined up with their colorful spines sticking out. A line of stuffed animals sat along the top of it.
The beeping and harsh lines of the medical equipment were softened by the personal touches added to the room to make the little girl more comfortable.
I glanced at Logan; it was on my tongue to whisper how much her family must love her when I saw the shadow of sadness on his face. I looked back at the child with worry; her illness must be worse than it appeared.
I quietly walked closer to the bed and studied her with curiosity.
She looked to be around eight or nine years old and was extremely thin. Her skin tone looked healthy, maybe a bit pale for Florida, with blonde hair around her peaceful face. She had long, thick lashes framing her closed eyes. I noted her pointed little nose. Then chin.
My breath caught as my gaze snapped back to the girl’s blonde locks and I felt like the world stopped spinning.
I turned to look at Logan. He was staring at me, his eyes wide and unsure, over the same nose and chin.
“T-this…” my voice shook as I turned back to the bed, my hands going to cover my mouth. “This is Riley.”