Chapter Twenty-Eight
L ogan rushed to me and dropped to his knees, wrapping me in his arms as I came completely undone.
He didn’t move, just held on tight for a long time while I clung to him as my whole body shook. I pressed my face into his shoulder, my emotions leaking from my eyes and nose, soft wails escaping my throat.
It was ultimately too much. Years of pain and memories, fears old and new, all came rolling to the surface and I just let it all out. All the feelings I’d locked away with Drew seemed determined to be set free as well.
I don’t know how long I sat there bawling against Logan, but eventually, my arms relaxed around his neck and I rested my head on his shoulder, my cries reduced to sad sighs.
He shifted and slid an arm under my knees, lifting me as he turned and sat back against the cushions, resting me across his lap. He put his arms around me again and tucked my head under his chin. I settled more for several minutes, the occasional sniffle or tear escaping.
I finally looked at Logan, mortified that I hadn’t been able to control myself. I saw his deep worry and felt horrible for causing it.
“You tell me when you’re ready,” he said softly, but his voice gave away his anxiety. He kissed my temple and tucked my head back under his chin.
I took deep breaths, grabbing his arms around me as if I could pull him closer as I decided what to do.
I knew I owed him an explanation. Something told me I was ready to tell Logan the truth. He deserved it and to decide for himself if knowing it meant not wanting to be with someone like me.
I steeled myself, took a deep breath, and started speaking.
I told Logan everything.
What my marriage had been like.
The cruel comments and treatment.
The gaslighting and cheating.
The yelling and violent behavior.
The drinking and drug use.
I even spoke words I’d never been able to say out loud to another living soul through fresh tears—that my husband sometimes struck me and that he had forced himself on me not long before our marriage ended.
The floodgates opened and I didn’t stop talking until Logan knew it all, including the arrest, the divorce, the parole, the reasons for my sometimes-odd behavior the last few weeks, and the call from the detective that triggered my emotional collapse today.
Logan listened in silence. The only signs of his reactions were his breath catching, chest heaving or him squeezing me tighter.
When I ran out of words, I lay limply in his arms, exhausted from crying and releasing all of the ugly parts of my past into the world. I felt freed, but also waves of self-disgust and embarrassment that someone now knew the truth about me. Especially because it was him. My head was still under his chin, my face dropped in shame.
“Pathetic, huh?” I sniffled. “I deserved it for staying.”
Logan’s body tensed and I felt him breathe deeply to relax his muscles again before he responded in a gentle but firm voice.
“You have nothing to be ashamed of, Madison. That son of a bitch is responsible for his choices and what he did to you. No one else.”
I shook my head sadly. “Maybe, but I didn’t leave. I let him keep hurting me.” Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks. “And Gra—” my voice caught, “my little Grace, that is my fault. It’s my fault she saw and heard and felt the things she did when we lived with her father. It’s my fault I didn’t protect my baby.”
Logan shifted and I felt his eyes on me, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. He started talking anyway, knowing he had my full attention .
“I was a practicing defense attorney, like my father, but when I was in law school, we would assist in different types of trials and arbitration to learn the ropes. We had to do rotations so we could decide on a practice focus. Family law was the one I hated the most.
“I worked on depositions with divorcees several times. Often, two people just deciding to go separate ways, but there were some cases I brought home with me at night… Clients that kept me awake.”
Logan ran his hand lightly up and down my arm.
“I remember one incredibly sweet woman who’d been devoted to caring for her family and their home for over three decades. When their last child moved out, her husband blindsided her with a divorce so he could marry his 25-year-old girlfriend, the mother of his 2-year-old son. Neither of which she’d had the slightest clue existed.
“There was one who left court with her husband instead of signing the divorce papers. He’d dropped to his knees with flowers and promised to never gamble away their savings again, even though we were there because he’d already done it three times.
“Another woman was finally beaten so severely she started fearing for her life enough to get out and came to our office after being released from the hospital with a broken arm and hundreds of stitches.
“There were others like them with similar stories. Do you know what they all had in common?” Logan asked .
I remained silent so he continued.
“Not a single one of them had wanted to give up on the person they loved and they were all abused by that person who was supposed to love them back. Emotionally, mentally, or physically, it didn’t matter; they were victims.”
Logan gently lifted my chin to look at him.
“Madison, you were a victim. Abusers use manipulation and control and make sure it is hard to walk away from them. Thank god he screwed up so incredibly bad, allowing you to free yourself from him. I don’t even want to imagine what he might have eventually done to—”
Logan’s arms tightened around me and he shook his head.
“From my experience with a few unsavory clients, violent men only escalate.”
He kissed my forehead softly.
“You have to stop believing you deserved any of it, that it was your fault, sweetheart.”
“I don’t know if I can,” I whispered.
Logan swallowed his frustration.
“You told me to forgive myself for believing I let my family down when I wasn’t there for them. You don’t get to be a hypocrite and tell me I should forgive myself if you aren’t willing to do the same. You were so young when it started and in a bad situation trying to make the best of it. You told me you didn’t want Grace to have a childhood like yours; you wanted what you thought was best for her. It had to take a lot of strength to make those decisions.
“When things finally fell apart, you could have fallen apart too. You chose to walk away from your abuser instead. You cared for your children, gave them a home and security, and all of yourself so they’d know how much they are loved. Did you make mistakes? Yeah, probably, but you owned them. You did what you could to correct them when you had the opportunity. You worked your ass off to build your career, and I know you did it for them. That matters. Those girls love the hell out of you.”
I lowered my chin as I teared up again.
“And now, you’re finally letting yourself be happy with someone. As that someone, I’m not okay with seeing you lose the confidence I’ve watched grow in you over our time together, even for a second. The last few weeks with you, I’ve been healing from my past and I think you have been doing the same, even with the knowledge that scumbag was set free. Today is just a bump in the road.”
Logan ran his fingers through my hair and cupped my head gently.
“A snake slithering out of his cage doesn’t change the fact that you are a wonderful, strong woman and mother. You don’t have to be scared to be real with me, Madison. You can cry and talk about what you need to whenever you need to. I won’t listen to you insult or blame yourself though, that I will shut down.”
Logan fell silent and I reflected on everything he’d said and how it made me feel while he continued to hold me .
I was so relieved he hadn’t told me to leave. Logan could have been upset with me for not being honest with him at times, which would have been fair.
Instead, his focus was on my pain, validating it, making sure I understood he was a safe space to express it and my feelings. I was deeply grateful for that. I did believe I could trust him to be open and honest. I even started sharing my thoughts out loud as they came to me.
“The last few weeks I have been thinking about Drew much more than I would like, but it’s been anxiety over them letting him out. The last time I remember thinking about my past with him was before you told me I should kick him out of my head that day at the hospital.”
I reflected on the time since and it registered that I had.
“I don’t compare every interaction with you to a bad memory anymore. I stopped dwelling on that life without even realizing it. I know that’s because of you; how happy you make me. You have not once made me feel like I’m not enough or too much. You want to make me smile and laugh and do dozens of small things for me, just because you can.”
I swallowed emotion.
“I do know Grace is better now. She was in therapy and asked to stop going when she was almost 17. She is happier and healthier and I know I’ve done and will continue to do what is best for her and Sadie.”
Logan gently trailed his fingers up my arm again while I worked through my feelings .
“Once Drew was out of our lives, I decided because the girls couldn’t have both parents, they deserved to grow up with one hundred percent of me. That was also an excuse though, to protect myself. I chose to be alone because alone was safe, alone meant not having to worry about being treated poorly. I was so scared of ending up hurt by someone again and I never wanted to chance subjecting my children to another toxic environment. Alone was the right choice for a long time because I wasn’t able to see my life any other way.”
I looked up at Logan. I’d calmed, self-doubt fading if not completely leaving me. He had started talking me through my despair and I was leading myself the rest of the way out. I was beginning to feel like myself again, pushing fragile, broken Maddie back where she belonged: in the past.
“Now I’ve felt what a healthy relationship does for your soul, and I want that feeling. I know I deserve that feeling just as much as anyone. You told me if I experienced something different, I would start to believe something different.” I cupped my hand to his cheek. “I have, Logan. Thank you for giving that to me.”
“I haven’t done anything special, Madison. You’re finding and embracing things that never should’ve been taken from you to begin with.”
I sat up and turned in his lap, putting my arms around his neck. He hugged me back as I kissed him, then I put my forehead against his .
“Yeah well, you bringing out your lawyer voice and giving your long passionate speeches are pretty effective, but also completely unfair. I don’t stand a chance when we have our first disagreement.”
Logan hugged me tighter. “Don’t forget it, sweetheart.”
I rested my head on his shoulder as he gently caressed my hair.
“That detective…” there was concern in his voice, “she sounded confident he is where he’s supposed to be?”
“Yes.”
“Because I’ll get on the phone right now and book flights for the girls and your mother if having them here would make you feel more secure and worry less,” Logan told me vehemently.
His words hit me with all the right emotions, but I shook my head as I sat back up and gave him a grateful smile. “It’s okay, I can handle one more week.”
Logan opened his mouth, hesitated, but then pressed on. “It might not be my place to say this, but I think Grace has a right to know he is out. I understand wanting to protect Sadie, but Grace isn’t a child anymore, Madison. I think you should give her more credit that she can handle it. Wouldn’t you rather she find out from you instead of possibly hearing from the bastard out of the blue?”
I chewed the inside of my lip. I knew he was right. I’d been thinking about it more and more since the last phone call with her. I blew out a breath and nodded. “You’re right. She isn’t a little girl anymore. I will tell her when she gets here. ”
“And will you share with me if anything else happens that upsets you?” he asked.
Knowing so much of his character now, I realized how foolish I’d been to think Logan would head for the hills if I told him the truth.
I nodded. “And I’m so sorry. Thank you for not bolting, or I guess it would have been kicking me out, because of all my baggage and drama.”
He cupped my cheeks. “I’ve had your cheesecake. No way am I giving that up.”
I hid my smile by giving him a sad sigh and pout. “Only keeping me around for my baking skills.”
“No.” Logan shook his head, expression serious but amusement in his eyes. “The sex is phenomenal as well.”
I grinned as he tucked hair behind my ear and ran his knuckles over my cheek.
“It would take something much bigger than your past to get rid of me, Crash.”
I shifted and settled my head against his chest.
“Thank you for saying that, for everything you’ve said today. I really am so sorry. I’ve been hiding things from everyone who cares for me, not just you. You are… the first person I’ve ever told most of those things. I’ve also pushed it with being truthful a few times. You deserve me to be as open and honest with you as you have been with me. Learning who you are has been the biggest gift. ”
I listened to his heartbeat for a few moments, then turned to caress his soft skin with my lips before pressing a kiss against the steady pulse. “You have the most beautiful heart, Logan Harper.”
Logan’s body stilled, then his chest expanded as he ran his fingers into my hair. He tugged the locks gently until I tilted my head to look at him. I didn’t understand what I saw in his eye, a mixture of emotions that didn’t completely mesh.
“Are you okay?” I asked gently, worried some thought he’d had or something I’d said was making him realize everything he’d found out was just too much for him.
Logan studied my face, almost as if he’d never looked at it so closely before. He nodded. “I’m just extremely happy you’ve opened up to me.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m glad…” His blue stare didn’t waver, making me feel shy and unbalanced so I picked up my figurative shield and looked away with a playful smile. “Now that all that heavy, emotional drama is out of the way… what I’m waiting to hear more about is the amazing sex someone recently mentioned.”
“Is that right?”
Logan dropped a hand to my thigh, moving it until I was straddling his lap and he used the one still laced in my hair to pull my lips to his. He picked up my hand and pressed my palm to his heart before cupping my face as if it were made of something fragile, then his mouth moved against mine with exquisite gentleness. This kiss felt different from any we’d shared before; as if something deeper were fueling it. I was liquid in his arms as I kissed him back with equal tenderness.
Logan shifted our bodies and pressed me into the soft fabric of the sofa, his mouth never leaving mine. I wrapped my limbs around him, wanting to feel as close as possible. I’d opened up and laid myself fully bare to him. It hadn’t been easy, but I did feel lighter, uninhibited, and as if our connection was stronger than before. The passion radiating off Logan as he made love to me with just our mouths had me feeling like he was experiencing the change as well.
Inevitably our need grew, the motion of our hands and mouths becoming more urgent.
Logan broke his lips from mine. I knew the look he was giving me now… very well.
“I said phenomenal sex,” he told me.
He started moving down my body and I bit my lip as I watched him.
“Not amazing.”
He licked and trailed kisses along his path and I shivered.
“But I don’t want to talk about it.”
When his mouth reached my bathing suit briefs, Logan curled his fingers into the fabric and looked up at me, taking my breath away with the want in his eyes.
“Put your fingers in my hair and hold on, sweetheart. I’m going to show you instead.”