Chapter 1.6 #3
“Yes, he is the kindest and best brother anyone could hope for, but if you had seen him last summer—his pain, his sadness. It breaks my heart when I remember. I have suffered so much more for him than for myself. Then we were separated for a few months, and he started writing to me several times a week as he did when I was at school. I was so happy! When we met again last December, I could easily see he was not yet well. He always looked preoccupied—distracted—but he seemed to enjoy my company. We used to talk and walk through the park; sometimes we would read together. I played the instrument for him every evening, but then…”
Elizabeth struggled to find a way of stopping the confession, as the grief obviously was too much for Georgiana to bear.
However, before Elizabeth could say a word, the girl resumed her tale.
“Then I remained alone to spend Easter with my relatives—the Fitzwilliams—and my brother left for Rosings as is his habit every year. When he returned…Oh, Elizabeth, if you had seen him then!” The tears that threatened were flowing freely down Georgiana’s face; Elizabeth’s eyes were filling, too, as she fought in vain to comfort her friend and hide her own torment.
“For a whole week he barely spoke to anyone. I did not dare confront him, but I begged him a thousand times to tell me how I could help him. Of course, I could not possibly help him in any way as clearly his pain was caused by my behaviour.”
“That cannot be, Georgiana! You said you were not even with Mr Darcy during that time!”
“Yes, but the consequences of my actions remained! I almost eloped with a man who cared nothing for me and wanted only to take advantage of my silliness—and of course my dowry—to take revenge on William. Something must have reminded him of it while he was in Kent, which brought him to that state. If you knew, Elizabeth…He barely left his room, and when he did, he secluded himself in the library; he never joined me for either breakfast or dinner. In fact, I think he barely ate anything; he only drank and demanded silence and solitude.”
Elizabeth gasped and covered her mouth with her hand, and Georgiana, startled, then added in a great hurry, “Oh, please do not presume William became so drunken as to lose his mind. He is not that kind of man! But he was drinking excessively and rarely ate anything, and he hardly ever slept! I could hear him walking through the house in the middle of the night and could not bring myself to sleep either. I knew not what to do. I asked my cousin David’s help, but for some reason, William refused to talk to him either.
So I wrote to Cassandra. She was my last hope. ”
Georgiana paused again and breathed deeply a few times without looking at Elizabeth.
She kept her eyes fixed on a tree in front of them and continued her tale.
“Cassandra was in Paris but returned immediately. She arrived in the middle of the night; we talked for more than an hour. I remember crying the whole time. Then she suddenly left me and dashed into William’s room.
I followed her to his study but did not dare to go further.
I could hear their voices. They talked calmly at first; then they fought.
I could hear Cassandra yelling at him and then his angry voice.
They argued for such a long time, and then everything was quiet, and I could barely hear them speaking.
It was almost dawn when Cassandra came out, and she looked so distressed, so sad.
She said I did the best thing in writing her.
She was so kind, so loving to me. She remained with us that night and the following week.
The next day, William slept until nearly dinnertime.
Can you imagine? Cassandra sent a tray of food to his room, but he did not eat much.
So she sent the tray back to him and threatened that she would have the servants tie him up, and she would force-feed him with her own hands.
” Georgiana started to laugh—a nervous, liberating laugh—but Elizabeth had no strength to join in her amusement.
“Can you imagine, Elizabeth? William tied up and Cassandra feeding him? The next day she demanded he join us for dinner or else she would move the dinner table into his room and we would all eat there with him—so he finally came down to join us.”
She laughed again, this time turning her eyes to Elizabeth, and gasped at seeing her white face.
“Oh, my dear Elizabeth, I am so sorry! Please forgive me! I have been so selfish to take advantage of your friendship and burden you so! I have certainly ruined your day completely.”
Elizabeth could bear it no longer. “Georgiana, please stop and allow me to speak now. I am afraid you will not be so willing to call me your friend when I finish.”
The young girl frowned, staring inquiringly and incredulously at her.
“Georgiana, all this time you have tormented and blamed yourself for no reason. It was I who brought so much distress to Mr Darcy, though I never could have imagined something would happen as you just described. I could not have imagined our dispute would affect him so much.”
“You? I do not understand, Elizabeth. How can that be? My brother has spoken so highly of you since the beginning of your acquaintance. He never mentioned any disagreement between you.”
“Oh, but there have been many disagreements between us. In fact, Mr Darcy and I misunderstood each other completely for months. We came to realise that when we met again in Kent. Did your brother not mention to you that we met last April in Kent?”
“Yes, he wrote me from Rosings and informed me you were visiting your cousin and his wife.”
“So it was. Then one day Mr Darcy and I had a grave quarrel, and though I remain convinced that my decision at the time was correct, I now deeply regret it, mostly because of my own faults and shortcomings. We both said things that never should have been said. Only the next day did I come to understand how wrong my opinion had been and how unfair I had been in my judgement. Even worse, I foolishly trusted another man’s lies about your brother, which I had angrily thrown in his face during our argument. What do you think of me now?”
A lump in her throat made her voice tremble.
She felt Georgiana gently squeezing her hands; only then did she notice that her hands were trembling, too.
“Elizabeth, I cannot understand. You said you were correct in your decision. What decision? And how did you come to quarrel so violently with my brother? Were you alone?”
“Georgiana, please do not be upset with me, but I cannot offer you more details, at least not at the moment.”
“I see…” The girl’s tone was different and so was the glare she fixed upon Elizabeth.
“But if your quarrel was the reason for my brother’s distress, how was it possible that he kept you in such high esteem?
After he somehow regained his old spirit, he used to mention your name quite a lot, but he never spoke one unkind word about you.
When we met that day in the park, I am certain he was pleased to see you.
Even more so, he has encouraged me to become your friend.
He certainly would not have done that if he did not think highly of you. How can that be?”
“I really do not know, Georgiana. I confess I was certain that, were Mr Darcy and I ever to meet again, he would avoid me as his worst enemy. I never dared to imagine he would be so kind and friendly toward me, especially after what transpired between us in Kent.”
“I see…” Georgiana rose from the blanket and started to pace the grove. Elizabeth followed with her eyes, suddenly feeling cold; she shivered and wrapped her arms around herself.
Finally, the girl returned to the blanket, sat down again, and then asked in a tone that demanded straight answers, “Elizabeth, can you at least tell me who the man was you trusted against my brother?”
She hesitated only a moment. “Mr Wickham.”
Georgiana immediately turned pale but did not seem surprised.
“I suspected as much. My brother told me he was in Hertfordshire, and I guessed it could not have been a coincidence. Maligning William’s name seems very much like Mr Wickham.
He is also the man I told you about, but I am certain you already knew that. ”
“I did. Mr Darcy trusted me with this revelation when we were in Kent.”