Remembrance of the Past (Pride and Prejudice Variation)

Chapter 1

“You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

Three months had passed since those astonishing words erupted from the last man in the world from whom she would expect to hear them.

Three months filled with tormenting uncertainties about herself and her abilities to judge people.

Three months of self-reproach and self-censure, not because she had refused his marriage offer—no, in this she had no doubt about the justice of her decision, and not for a moment could she repent her refusal—but because Elizabeth Bennet knew she had been blind, partial, prejudiced, and absurd in his regard.

In the succeeding months, she had yet to recover from the surprise of that singular day at Hunsford parsonage.

Even now, walking with her aunt in the paths of Hyde Park, her thoughts travelled back to the torment of that moment.

That he should have been in love with her for so many months—so much in love as to wish to marry her in spite of all his objections against her and her family—was still incredible to Elizabeth.

“You could not have made the offer of your hand in any possible way that would have tempted me to accept it.”

It was true; nothing he could have told her at that moment would have induced her to marry him.

Still, the expression of mingled incredulity and mortification that overspread his face at hearing her words had haunted her restless nights ever since.

His disappointed feelings became the object of her compassion.

Yet, she could not approve his manner nor forgive the offenses he heaped on her family, regardless of how merited the reproaches had been. She only wished she had not allowed rage and prejudice to cloud her judgment nor refused him in such a despicable manner.

Most of all, she could not think without shame and humiliation of her lack of discernment and her poor abilities to see the truth behind the appearance of both Mr Wickham and Mr Darcy.

Fortunately, the regiment had departed for Brighton, and she likely never would see Mr Wickham again.

Elizabeth’s relief was overshadowed by her distress that her father had allowed Lydia to accompany Colonel Forster’s wife on their journey to the Brighton encampment.

She had tried to convince Mr Bennet to keep Lydia at home, but he refused to see the reason of her arguments and met her concerns with wry amusement.

Consequently, Lydia was off, and Elizabeth struggled to subdue her vexation by not dwelling on the situation.

She only hoped her father would prove to be right in this instance.

“Elizabeth!” Mrs Gardiner’s voice brought her back to reality. “My dear, I am truly worried about you lately. You seem so…unlike yourself.”

“Do not trouble yourself, Aunt. I was thinking of Longbourn and especially of Jane.” She blushed, ashamed to deceive her affectionate aunt. She always had complete confidence in Mrs Gardiner and shared many secrets with her, but she could not divulge this one.

“Jane is not well, either, but in her case, I know the reason that prevents her being happy. I only hope in time that she will find the strength to put aside her regrets before they become injurious to her health.”

“I had hoped she would join us; I feel sad to know she will be mourning in the solitude of her room while I enjoy the many beauties on our tour.”

“Well, my dear, she offered to remain at Longbourn and take care of your little cousins, and you know she could not be persuaded otherwise.”

“Yes, I know, Aunt. You have been very kind both to Jane and to me. We shall never be able to repay your kindness.”

“Oh, do not say a word more, Lizzy. Besides, I feel guilty; we promised you a two-month tour to the Lakes and instead we returned to London without a certain date for our departure. I hope your uncle can solve his urgent business matter soon so we may leave as planned.”

“My dear Aunt, while I confess I am anxious to start our tour, it is such a rare pleasure to enjoy your company for an entire day; I truly do not mind.”

“I am glad, my dear, because I also enjoy your presence here exceedingly. And this morning was very productive, was it not?”

“Yes, very productive,” laughed Elizabeth. “Two new dresses ordered at the modiste, visits to every shop in Covent Garden, and now a long walk in Hyde Park.”

“Well, your uncle insisted on our doing so. I hope you are not fatigued.”

“Oh, I am not at all fatigued, Aunt—quite the contrary. You know I am fond of walking, though I have to say I prefer country roads to over-crowded, fashionable London streets.”

“My dear, the disadvantage of walking in those secluded places of yours is that you may not have a carriage following you that you can simply enter when your feet refuse to obey you anymore.”

Good humour seized Elizabeth again, and she succeeded in putting aside any disturbing thoughts. Warmed by the powerful June sun, she continued to enjoy their walk through the park and the chat with her aunt, making plans for their long-awaited trip to the North.

It was past midday when the heat finally drove Elizabeth and her aunt to the park’s exit.

Their animated discussion occupied Elizabeth’s full attention, and she startled in utter surprise when a familiar voice called her name.

She stopped and turned back, only to see the jovial face of Colonel Fitzwilliam.

Memories of the last time she had met the gentleman instantly invaded her mind, and her cheeks burned crimson as she forced herself to smile and greet him with the same openness he displayed.

He was as charming as ever, unable to conceal his pleasure at seeing her again, and she was content not to notice any change in his behaviour toward her, which only proved, she hoped, that he remained oblivious of the events preceding his departure from Kent.

Would he be as jovial if he knew? Likely not.

A moment later, her newly formed smile faded, her heart nearly stopped, and her face turned white when her eyes met Mr Darcy’s intense gaze from a short distance behind the colonel.

Her eyes remained imprisoned by his, and no word escaped her lips, nor could she hear what the colonel was saying. It took her several moments to distinguish the young lady who was staring at her as she clutched Mr Darcy’s arm, her blue eyes filled with curiosity.

Elizabeth’s first impulse was to hide or run. Yet, she could not have done so had she wanted; the shock of seeing him had anchored her feet in place.

The colonel’s voice turned her eyes again to him, and she returned his greeting.

Her mind instantly discerned the circumstances: The colonel had seen her and hurried in her direction, unaware of the great distress the encounter would cause her and his cousin.

Mr Darcy looked stony and immovable, not taking his eyes from her until she could feel his intense stare burning her profile.

She cast another glance at him only to see his countenance as severe as ever.

She could not run from him, but she was certain he would soon turn and depart, together with the beautiful young lady, and she could not blame him. Why would he show any enjoyment in seeing her again? Why would he desire even to speak to her?

For a moment, Mr Darcy recovered himself enough to move, but instead of turning away, he advanced towards the ladies and bowed to Elizabeth, greeting her, if not in perfect composure, at least with well-bred civility. His cheeks were slightly coloured and his tone hesitant.

“Miss Bennet, it is such a pleasant surprise to see you again.”

“Mr Darcy,” was all she could manage to say, curtsying to him. Her eyes lowered to the ground and then returned to the colonel who was smiling at her, well humoured.

“Miss Bennet, how are you? Very well, I hope. Have you been in London long? Are you residing in the neighbourhood by any chance?”

“No, I have not been in London long, sir; I left Hertfordshire only a week ago. I am visiting my aunt and uncle.” Only then did she remember Mrs Gardiner, who was patiently waiting a few steps behind her.

She looked from her aunt to the colonel and then to Mr Darcy and his companion.

How would he respond to the revelation that this was her aunt who lived in Gracechurch Street?

And what of the young lady? He had not yet introduced her to them; perhaps he was protecting her from their inferior company.

She certainly did not look as though she were accustomed to mingling with the inhabitants of Cheapside.

As he guessed the reason for her hesitation, Darcy stepped closer and slightly bowed to Mrs Gardiner in acknowledgment; the colonel, easier in manner, directly asked for the favour of an introduction, and Elizabeth obliged, casting repeated glances at both gentlemen.

While the colonel’s countenance displayed nothing but delight during the introduction, Darcy was undoubtedly surprised, but his attitude remained polite, and he expressed his pleasure to meet Mrs Gardiner.

Then, to Elizabeth’s utter shock, he turned and gently took the young lady’s hand until he brought her in front of him.

He met Elizabeth’s eyes and, with a gentleness she had never heard from him before, spoke more to her than to her aunt.

“Miss Bennet, Mrs Gardiner, allow me to introduce my sister, Georgiana.”

Elizabeth’s eyes opened wide at such a request so humbly addressed—surprisingly relieved at the revelation that she was his sister—and she tried to understand the reason for his unexpected change in manners.

She was certain he would make his escape as soon as possible, avoiding her as he would his greatest enemy.

Instead, he was kind and polite, extending the introduction of his sister to her and her aunt.

Her colour changed, and she stood mute for a few moments.