Chapter 8 #5
“Lady Cassandra, can you not see that this is precisely the reason I have to leave as soon as possible? I know Mr Darcy will do what is right though he has not made any promise to me. But I know he will, and I cannot bear to see the look on his face when he hears such dreadful news. I cannot bear to see him forced to keep his word—a word he did not even give me—with the price of ruining his and his sister’s name and peace of mind…
I cannot allow that to happen. If I leave now, there is still time to prevent everything before it is started between us, and by the time the scandal becomes public, Mr Darcy will surely understand my reason.
It is much easier to lose something you never truly had. ”
“Miss Bennet, forgive my boldness, but I must say your entire reasoning is incorrect. I doubt very much that Darcy will accept the news of your sudden departure calmly. Please do not presume how he will react. Of course, your sister’s elopement will raise a scandal, especially if they do not marry soon, but this is not the first or the last situation of its kind.
It has happened to more illustrious families, and every time, people gossiped for awhile and soon put everything behind them. ”
“Can you not understand, your ladyship? It is not only about elopement; it is so much more than that! If my sister had eloped with any other man, I might agree with you. Even more, perhaps I would have been selfish enough to put my desires and my happiness above anything else. In such a situation, I would have been pleased to have Mr Darcy keep his word, and I may have even asked for his help. But considering it is Mr Wickham, how can I put Mr Darcy and Georgiana in such a horrible situation? Only yesterday, they could not stand even to hear Mr Wickham’s name.
How can I torture them by forcing them to be part of this disgraceful calamity?
I cannot do that to them, not after all they have gone through in the last months.
They will not suffer again because of me; I will not allow that, no matter the price I have to pay. ”
Suddenly, her countenance froze and her eyes fixed on her ladyship. “Lady Cassandra, you must help me with this. You must promise you will not tell anybody the reason for our departure.”
“Miss Bennet, you are not being reasonable. You surely know that such a thing cannot be kept secret; besides, Mr Bingley is settled to return to Netherfield in a short while. Surely you cannot forbid him to do that—
“No…no…Mr Bingley…the situation is different in his case. This scandal would not affect him as much; he will not be harmed as much as Mr Darcy and Georgiana…and when he returns—well, we shall see…But you must promise not to tell anyone for now.”
Her eyes had lost all their brightness, and the lady could feel the burden of her grief; it was not the time for an argument, so Lady Cassandra decided to do anything to calm her. “Very well, Miss Bennet, I promise I shall keep the secret as long as possible.”
“Thank you, your ladyship.”
Lady Cassandra remained silent for a moment while her eyes searched Elizabeth’s with the greatest care.
She then put her arm around her shoulders and gently pulled her close until Elizabeth began crying on her shoulder, continually whispering, “Thank you.” The Gardiners and Georgiana found them thus a few moments later.
“Elizabeth, what has happened? Mr Gardiner said no one died—thank God—and no one has fallen ill but that some events require your immediate return home.”
“Yes…yes, my uncle is right. We must leave immediately.”
“Oh, I am so sorry! Mr Gardiner told me it was an urgent family matter. Is there nothing I can do to help you? Can you not stay a little longer until William returns?”
“No, we cannot delay; please understand me, Georgiana. It is very likely that the rain will begin any moment, and we need to leave as soon as possible and travel as fast as we can.”
The sadness and disappointment brought tears to Miss Darcy’s eyes, and she did not fight to hold them back.
“Very well then, if you need to go, so be it, but please, write me to inform us as soon as you can. I shall not find rest until I have news from you, nor shall William either.”
“I…I shall try…if the situation will allow me…but…” Her tears stopped her from speaking further.
“Oh, Elizabeth, something very bad has happened; you are suffering so much, yet you will not allow me to help you and do not want to wait a little longer until my brother returns. Did we do something to offend you? Are you upset with us? Is that why you want to leave so quickly?”
“Oh no, no, dearest, please do not say that…” She took the girl’s hands and held them tightly while looking deeply into her eyes.
“My dearest friend, please believe me that these last days here at Pemberley have been the happiest in my life. I will treasure their memories as long as I live, and my affection for you will ever remain unchanged, please remember that.”
“Elizabeth, we must leave now,” interrupted Mr Gardiner, and she obeyed.
When she rose to move to the door, Georgiana was still holding her hands tightly.
She embraced her quickly; then she ran and did not stop until she was in the carriage.
She could bear it no longer; her heart was broken, and she knew parts of it would remain at Pemberley. Her heart would never be the same.
The Gardiners joined her shortly, and they were about to leave when Lady Cassandra detained them. “Mr and Mrs Gardiner, Miss. Bennet, I want all of you to promise me something.”
“What could that be, Lady Cassandra?” asked Mr Gardiner
“This searching will be a daunting task, and you may need support in matters you cannot even imagine now. I want you to promise me you will not hesitate to ask my help in anything. You know my location in London; send word there, and my servants will direct it to me as soon as possible.”
“Thank you, your ladyship, your kindness is— Mrs Gardiner tried to express her gratitude.
“Oh please, enough of this nonsense! This is no time for politeness. I hope you find Mr Wickham in time.” She paused and looked at them all before adding, “I shall not take a serious good-bye of you, because I dare say we shall meet again soon. Have a safe journey.”
The carriage left a moment later, and almost instantly, the rain began; Pemberley remained behind with Elizabeth’s weeping heart.
∞∞∞
It was raining again, and Colonel Fitzwilliam and Bingley spent the entire return to Pemberley complaining about the weather and even cursing from time to time. By the time they reached the house, they were soaked and hungry and wanted nothing but the comfort of their rooms.
For Darcy, the rain meant only beautiful memories; nothing could ruin his spirit. He hardly noticed he was wet and cold; and if he was indeed, the mere thought of seeing Elizabeth again and talking to her—confessing himself to her—was enough to warm him.
Darcy was tempted to go in search of her the moment he entered the house, but at the last moment, he came to his senses as he realised the poor state of his clothes.
He hurried to his room and was grateful when Stevens efficiently informed him that a bath was already prepared.
In less than half an hour, with the servant’s silent help, he was properly attired and prepared to meet Elizabeth—to meet his happiness.
“Stevens, do you happen to know whether Mr and Mrs Gardiner have arrived? I hope the bad weather will not keep them at the inn the entire day.”
“Mr and Mrs Gardiner? They were here but they left, sir, together with Miss Bennet.”
“They left?” Darcy’s shock changed his countenance instantly. “In this weather? But why?”
“I do not know, sir. I believe Miss Darcy might know more,” the servant answered, and Darcy dashed through the doorway, almost knocking him down.
He barely knocked and did not wait for an answer before entering Georgiana’s room. At first, he did not even see her until he heard her barely audible sobs coming from an armchair near the window.
He moved closer and knelt near her; it took a great effort to make her take her hands from her red, swollen eyes. When he took her hands gently, she could barely whisper, and he could hardly fathom the meaning of her cruel words. “William, she is gone…Elizabeth is gone.”
∞∞∞
Seven hours had passed and his mind still did not understand what his heart refused to accept.
Georgiana was performing for him with great difficulty; he knew she was expending this great effort only in a desperate attempt to comfort him.
He needed no comfort as he needed no company, no food, and no rest; he needed Elizabeth—more than he had needed anything else in his adult life, but Elizabeth was gone. How was that possible?
Since the moment he had heard the news, he had asked everybody what happened: Lady Cassandra who apparently had witnessed everything, Georgiana who was not coherent as she herself was confused and pained, Mrs Reynolds, Stevens, and the other servants.
Despite the bad weather, he sent Stevens to the inn to ask for more details, but the only clarification was the fact that they had left within half an hour of returning to the inn.
Cassandra had been the only one who could offer him the reason—a reason that seemed insufficient to him and gave little palliation to his torment.
Something happened back in Hertfordshire but apparently nothing tragic.
Yet, Elizabeth hurried to leave because she was afraid the rain might delay them.
Delay them from what? What was so important that she cared so little about him as to leave without a word through his sister?
Even more impossible to bear was that she had told Georgiana she would remember her and love her for the rest of her life.
Was that a last farewell? Had she taken this opportunity to run—to run away from him and from their private talk?
Was the mere idea of a second proposal so dreadful to her?
Had he completely misunderstood her signs, behaviour, and desires again as he had in April?
He attempted an apology before swiftly leaving the room, away from Pemberley, out through the rainy night, walking with no direction and no stars in the sky to light his footsteps.
He needed neither stars nor light. He only needed to know what happened to Elizabeth and to his long-desired happiness.
His steps took him farther and farther away until he could barely see the contour of Pemberley House; only then did he stop, alone in the night with his thoughts—and her memory.
Many hours later, when he returned to the house tired and soaked through from walking in the rain, his boots and greatcoat caked with mud, he felt like dancing with joy and hope: he had discovered the answer!
No, this time he had not misunderstood her; this time he would not allow despair to cloud his mind.
Her every word, every gesture, every look, every blush, and every moment they had spent together since that day in Hyde Park were testimony to her changed feelings and desires—and especially last night.
She could not have run from him! He must follow her!
He entered his room, and while he summoned Stevens and started throwing his soaked clothes carelessly on the floor, he hurriedly poured a glass of brandy to warm himself. But he startled and dropped the glass when he heard Lady Cassandra’s irritated voice from near the fire.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Darcy, are you trying to kill me with worry? This situation cannot continue any longer. We must talk!”