Chapter 15 #2
“You must allow me to tell you everything I have to say before leaving. I am not the kind of man to be dismissed; I promise if you would let me prove my true feelings, you would not remain indifferent to my attentions.” He stepped closer and attempted to take her hand, but she pulled it away violently.
“Lord Markham, I will allow you nothing! I tried to be polite and show you some consideration, but you do not deserve it. Any feelings you might have are not my concern—not now or in the future.”
“Elizabeth, I shall not accept such a reply! I am not accustomed to being refused and certainly not in such a manner! No other woman, ever—
She turned her back on him and grimaced when he seized her arm painfully.
“Lord Markham, unhand me immediately!”
He moved in front of her, his free hand trapping her other arm; he was so close that she could feel his breath, reeking of alcohol. She grew angry and, full of rage, tried to free herself.
“You are a brute, Lord Markham, and I shall have you pay for that! Everyone will find out the kind of man you are, and you will be out of the house this very evening! Let me go this instant!”
“Elizabeth, I care nothing about the others! Have me thrown out of the house if you want, but I will still think of no one but you! Since the night I danced with you, I have thought of no one but you! You—and that bastard Darcy, never leaving your side! It is he, is it not? He is the reason you are refusing me in such a manner! What did he propose to you? A house in town? An allowance? Can you not see that all he offers I can give ten times over? I will take better care of you, Elizabeth. I cannot let you make such a mistake. I cannot let you choose Darcy over me!”
So surprised was Elizabeth by the attack and so shocked that a man of his consequence could behave like a savage that, in the first moments, she barely reacted.
She hardly listened to him; his words reached her ears but she thought of nothing except freeing herself from him.
She felt no fear—only rage against him and fury at her own lack of strength.
She struggled with little success; his grasp became more powerful, and she tried violently to pull away.
Elizabeth heard him saying he did not want to hurt her; he only wanted to prove to her how much he desired her.
As all her efforts at resistance failed, her anger turned to fear and then panic.
She realised such wild behaviour would not listen to reason.
She was his prisoner with little chance of escaping.
In horror and desperation, she saw his face moving toward her in an obvious attempt to kiss her, and she felt sick; she turned her head to avoid his mouth and cried with disgust when she felt cold lips touch her cheek.
The hand that trapped her arm moved to her shoulder and pulled down the neckline of her dress; as she fought, the move ripped apart the thin fabric.
Cringing at his touch, she pushed him away with all her remaining strength and a determination borne of desperation.
She was free—for a moment. The forced separation threw her backward, and her shoes slipped in the mud; she fell, desperately attempting to grab the fence with one hand.
The last image she saw was the moon peeking from behind the clouds.
A sharp pain shattered her head and threw her into a hole of cold darkness.
Someone was calling her name, but she could not answer. She could not even move, nor did she want to. She only sensed the alcohol-drenched smell and vicious hands touching her skin—and she could do nothing but pray the earth would swallow her completely. And then she knew nothing else…
An eternity later—or was it just a moment—only the darkness and the coldness remained and a voice—another voice—calling, crying out her name.
∞∞∞
There were many people around her; Elizabeth could hear them.
She was no longer on the ground but on a soft bed with a pillow beneath her head; the pain at the nape of her neck made it difficult to move her head.
She did not wish to talk to or see anybody—nor did she wish to open her eyes or even to think.
She did not want to think of anything. She did not want to feel anything.
Memories invaded her mind, and her body shivered in disgust as she remembered the violence of his touch. He had tried to kiss her. Had he only tried? She knew at some point he was lying on her, his weight and smell still vivid recollections in her mind. But had he —?
“Oh God, no!” she cried. “No, please no!” Unconsciously, she began to struggle against him until she felt her hands trapped—and then she fought even harder.
Moments later, Elizabeth managed to recognise her sister’s voice calling her name.
Her movements calmed, and she tried to breathe steadily again.
Then, with great effort, she slowly opened her eyes.
Yes, Jane was there, as well as Lady Cassandra and her maid.
They were holding her hands, and she looked at each of them briefly and then closed her eyes again. She did not want to see anyone.
“Lizzy, please open your eyes, dearest,” cried Jane with a tearful voice, but Elizabeth did not obey.
She heard Lady Cassandra saying something, but she did not care enough to try to understand her words.
A door opened, closed again, and then silence.
Were they all gone? No, they were not; she could feel Jane caressing her hand.
She violently pulled her hand from her sister’s grasp, turned her face against the pillow, and started to cry.
She wanted neither Jane’s comfort nor her pity.
“Elizabeth, look at me!” Lady Cassandra’s voice was compelling, and Elizabeth’s sobs stopped instantly. Strangely, the first thing she noticed was that she had called her “Elizabeth.”
Elizabeth did not answer or open her eyes. The darkness was easier to bear. As long as it was dark, there was still a chance that everything had been a nightmare.
She felt Lady Cassandra sit on the bed beside her, trying to make her face them. She resisted—even fought her—and her ladyship abandoned the attempt but remained near her.
“Elizabeth, I know you are frightened and hurt, but you must talk to us.” No reply.
“Please, Lizzy,” added Jane, “staying like that will do no good! We sent for the doctor; he will be here soon. And we called Papa, too.”
“No,” she screamed, “I do not need the doctor; there is nothing a doctor can do for me! And why Papa? He cannot see me like this! What about Mr Bingley? And the others?”
“Elizabeth, calm yourself,” said Lady Cassandra softly, touching her hair. Elizabeth startled and pushed her hand away.
“Very well then; as you wish. I shall leave you alone with your sister; perhaps you will talk to her. And I asked the servant to prepare a bath for you and to bring you some tea—
“Yes, leave.” Elizabeth spoke in a voice she herself could not recognise. “And take Jane with you. I do not want to talk to her! I do not want to talk to anyone. I do not want to bathe. I do not want tea! I just want to die,” she added, barely audible, and turned her face against the pillow again.
“Oh come now,” replied Lady Cassandra. “Stop this nonsense immediately! I know what you think and how hurt you must feel, but you are a smart woman and—
“Do not tell me to stop,” cried Elizabeth, rising from the pillow. “You have no right to tell me what to do! How dare you say you know how I feel and what I think? How can you know that?”
Jane startled, looking at her sister in shock and then at Lady Cassandra, desperately trying to find a way to counter such a harsh argument. She knew her ladyship would be offended, and in truth, she had every reason to be so. However, Lady Cassandra’s reply was nothing but kindness.
“You may yell at me as much as you wish, Elizabeth. Be upset with me, fight with me if it makes you feel better. And you are right; I have no reason to tell you what to do. However, you are wrong when you presume I do not know how you feel. I remember vividly a time when I wanted only to die. But you, my dear, have no reason to feel that way. Everything is well now.”
Elizabeth stared at her, her eyes wide open, breathing deeply as the air was not enough.
“Everything is well? How can you say that? Everything is lost! That man—that man…” She could not continue as she was close to tears. She covered her eyes, and Jane hurried to embrace her warmly.
“I can see you do not desire my presence, so I shall leave you now, Elizabeth. Miss Bennet, please call me if you need anything. I shall be in the library with the gentlemen.
She left, carefully closing the door behind her. Elizabeth breathed in relief and shut her eyes again.
“Jane, how did I get here?” she asked a few moments later.
Her sister took her hand and caressed it gently while answering. “Lady Cassandra and the colonel found you. It appears that her ladyship followed Lord Markham as he left the house. She was the one who discovered you, and then the colonel appeared, and they told us.”
Elizabeth looked at her sister briefly and then turned her head in the opposite direction.
“You should have taken me home directly, Jane. I am among strangers here; how can I bear the looks of Miss Bingley and Mrs Hurst? They will be so happy to see us thrown into a new scandal. I have ruined everything for you—with only three days before your engagement ball.”