Chapter 18 #2
“I do know that you love me. But I must confess I am not entirely certain what ‘ardently’ implies. I have always had some difficulty understanding the true meaning of that expression.”
He laughed back in delight, recollecting their flirtatious conversation during the waltz.
“I shall be more than happy to teach you the complexity of its meaning…as soon as I return.”
“I depend upon that, sir.”
A quick brush of her lips upon his, their faces touching one last time, briefly, and she was gone; his mouth remained dry and thirsty for her sweet flavour while his cheeks were wet with her tears.
∞∞∞
Darcy had been on his way to London for several hours, but Elizabeth still could not sleep. She tried to keep her eyes closed beneath the warm bedcovers—hoping sleep would come—but the cosy warmth only reminded her of his embrace and her worry about his journey.
She grew angry with herself for being weak and not inquiring more persistently about his business in Town. She was frightened about a particular possibility and struggled to force it from her mind.
However, Darcy said he would not go after Markham, and she trusted his word.
No, in truth he did not say he would not go after Markham. He said his business was in London, and he would not travel in that part of the country where Markham was. That should be reassuring, yet she felt heavyhearted and troubled. At least he was not alone; the colonel was with him.
She wondered when they would arrive and how long it would take an express to reach Longbourn with a message from him. She wanted proof that he was well and safe, and then she could bear the separation as long as necessary.
It was full daylight by now, but the house remained silent; the entire family was sleeping soundly after their lively evening. The room suddenly seemed too small for her torment; she needed fresh air. She needed the openness of the outdoors and a stroll along the paths they had walked together.
She dressed properly for a long walk and left the house.
∞∞∞
After a protracted amble in the brisk air of the autumn morning, Elizabeth almost lost her balance on the muddy grass when she heard Lady Cassandra’s insistent voice calling her name.
“Elizabeth, what on earth are you doing? Are you walking in your sleep, or are you daydreaming?” She dismounted and approached Elizabeth who greeted her with a smile of embarrassment.
“Good morning, Cassandra. No, I am definitely not sleeping; in fact, I did not sleep at all after the ball. Hopefully, this walk will calm me, and I will be able to find rest later.”
“No wonder you are distressed after such an animated night as the centre of attention.”
Elizabeth laughed. “I have had enough attention to last a few years at least! What about you? What are you doing here at such an early hour?”
“I needed a long ride to calm my nerves before meeting the Netherfield inhabitants for breakfast. I can only imagine Louisa and Caroline’s faces, not to mention Miss Cardington’s. And it is entirely your fault, you know.” Her eyebrow rose in mocking reproach.
“I am sorry to cause such a difficult situation for you,” Elizabeth replied in the same manner.
“So, are you walking alone, or are you expecting company?” Cassandra asked slyly.
Elizabeth blushed but did not avert her eyes from her companion. “This time I am walking alone,” she answered daringly. “In fact, this is my favourite path. I used to walk along it almost every day.”
“You must learn to ride. You could not walk around Pemberley.”
“Oh, I do know how to ride, but I am not fond of horses. And speaking of that, I should warn you not to ride on this path; it is quite abrupt, and there are many trees and bushes. Your horse might slip at any time!”
“Do not worry about me; I have ridden on far worse paths. And you should be fond of horses; they are wonderful creatures! You will love them if you become better acquainted with them.”
“Well then, perhaps, once at Pemberley, you will help me choose a nice, gentle mare, and I will improve my riding skills.”
“I am not sure that will be possible. I am not sure when I will be at Pemberley in the future. You and Darcy and Georgiana will be a family now and will not need any intrusion on your time together.”
“Cassandra…”
“Besides,” she continued, ignoring Elizabeth’s interruption, “once you are at Pemberley, I doubt Darcy will allow anyone except himself to help you choose anything! I fact, I wonder if he will allow anyone to see you or talk to you at all; I daresay he will lock you in your chambers for some time.” She laughed.
Elizabeth’s face was crimson with mortification, her countenance a blend of embarrassment and boldness as she spoke in a teasing voice.
“Cassandra, when Mr Darcy unlocks my chambers and finally allows me to see other people, I hope with all my heart that those people will be you and Georgiana. If you presume that I would consider your presence at Pemberley an intrusion, you could not be farther from the truth. I do cherish your friendship, and I depend upon your help to learn my duties as Mrs Darcy.”
Cassandra’s face darkened, and her tone became grave.
“Elizabeth, not for a moment did I presume you would not want me at Pemberley; do not distress yourself. But for some time I have been considering leaving the country again once you and Darcy are married. There are some circumstances that have led me to believe my departure would be the best solution for everyone involved.”
“The same circumstances that have made you so sad and tormented lately?”
“Yes…the same circumstances I previously told you I did not want to talk about; do you remember?”
“I do remember,” replied Elizabeth, purposely ignoring the implied reproach.
“I will not force your confidence, nor will I insist on discovering a secret you do not want to share, but I will insist on finding a way to offer you help or at least comfort. And I most assuredly will not calmly rejoice in my own felicity while you exile yourself away from your closest friends and your home. And I doubt very much that William would allow you simply to leave, no matter how preoccupied he might be in keeping me locked in my apartments!”
Her speech became increasingly animated, and her voice showed determination that would brook no opposition. For the first time in their acquaintance, it was Elizabeth who demanded Cassandra’s obedience—and without argument. Cassandra remained silent and lowered her eyes.
“Upon my word, you are truly irritating, Elizabeth, do you know that?” she finally said.
“No more than yourself, your ladyship.”
“Very well, we shall talk about this again soon. However, we shall also talk about your riding skills. You cannot expect to ride bareback on the same horse with Darcy forever, no matter how much you enjoy it.” Cassandra’s triumphant voice and mischievous smile took a small revenge upon her friend.
Elizabeth’s cheeks coloured, and her embarrassment was obvious at the recollection of their ride in the rain. However, it was Elizabeth who had the last word in their debate. Her voice was witty as her eyes sparkled with boldness and amusement.
“Well, I am not sure you are correct, your ladyship. As the future mistress of Pemberley, I am quite certain I will be allowed to ride in any manner I wish, as often as I wish, and to share anything with my husband—including a bare-backed horse.”
Cassandra remained still, her eyes wide in surprise as if she were still trying to understand the reply. Elizabeth burst out in peals of laughter, and Cassandra looked at her in mocking disapproval.
“I have no reply to such a statement. I had best be leaving now, as it seems my wit cannot surpass yours this morning; you are simply in too lively a mood for me. I will go and have a most unpleasant morning with Miss Bingley, Mrs Hurst and Miss Cardington; that is all I can hope for.”
“I would be happy to invite you to have breakfast with us. I cannot bear to know that Miss Bingley and Mrs Hurst will ruin your appetite.”
“Oh, that sounds tempting indeed, but I cannot abandon Georgiana and especially poor Darcy; they would never forgive me.”
“But Cassandra…is William not gone? I imagined he must have reached Town by now; he left quite early.”
“Darcy is gone? Where?”
“Where?! To London!”
“To London? What on earth is he doing in London again? And why did he not tell me?”
“He had some unfinished business; he did not have time to complete everything when he returned in haste. It is something about settlements and other things. He mostly spoke to my father about it. I imagine he did not find the time to mention it to you. But do not worry; he will return in a few days.”
“What a coward! I am sure he simply tried to get away from Miss Bingley and Miss Cardington after they found you were engaged to be married! Otherwise I cannot understand why he left in such a hurry.”
“Oh, do not be so harsh on him!” Elizabeth smiled, struggling not to allow her own concerns to overwhelm her again.
“I suggested he wait and rest a day or two, but he seemed determined to leave today. I imagine he wanted to take advantage of the colonel’s company as they travelled together.
However, I am quite sure he did not run from any lady.
He is a brave and honourable gentleman and can handle Miss Bingley quite skilfully. ”
Elizabeth expected Cassandra would laugh and was prepared to join her, but to her utter shock, Cassandra’s countenance darkened instantly, and Elizabeth was sure her friend forgot to breathe.
The reins were trembling in her hands, and her eyes blinked nervously as she tried—with little success—to mount her horse.
She seemed unable to control her movements, as though she were a beginner riding for the first time.
“Cassandra, what is the matter? Wait, you cannot ride in such a state—
“Elizabeth, I must go. I have not a moment to lose. I must return to Netherfield this instant.”
“Cassandra, wait! I will accompany you to Netherfield. Let us walk together. You cannot—
However, Cassandra did not listen or turn toward Elizabeth as she rode away.
Elizabeth felt her knees become too weak to remain upright, and she found support against a tree.
Cassandra’s reaction frightened her beyond description, and many minutes passed before she dared contemplate what had caused it.
Eventually, she understood it was the mention of the colonel’s name that had affected Cassandra so powerfully.
Later that afternoon, Mr Bennet received a letter from London with a note for Elizabeth inside it. Elizabeth took the envelope and ran to her chamber; as she opened it, she burst into tears of sheer happiness. They had arrived safely, and she could not wish or pray for more.
But there was more: almost two pages speaking of his love and longing for her. After reading it several times, Elizabeth finally lay down on her bed, exhausted, holding the paper tightly to her heart—and fell asleep.
∞∞∞
Her horse was hurtling through the trees and then sliding down a hill, but Cassandra pushed him further. All she did, all she tried, all she fought for was to no avail. They did only what they wanted with no consideration for her or Elizabeth; they cared for nothing except their stupid rules.
Elizabeth had said that Darcy was an honourable man—that he was no coward.
She had spoken in jest, but her words brought to Cassandra’s mind the most painful recollection: her fight with David the morning after they spent the night together.
His words resounded as if he were speaking to her that moment.
“A gentleman must defend his honour and the honour of those for whom he cares; that is how things are, Cassandra, whether you like it or not. I will always protect you and Georgiana; you must know that. I will always do what is right for you, and so will Darcy for Miss Elizabeth.”
That was where Darcy had gone; Cassandra was certain of it.
He had gone to defend Elizabeth’s honour and did not confess the reason for his journey. It proved that he presumed Elizabeth would not agree. He must have known she would not allow him to leave, so he had lied.
What rule of honour compels a man to lie to the person he loves and wants to protect? What sorts of rules were governing the life and behaviour of these brainless men? It was the same nightmare happening again, and she could do nothing to prevent it!
Or maybe she could. Was it possible that Darcy would fight Markham that very day? Probably not—that kind of arrangement needed preparation. If only she could speedily reach Netherfield and leave for London without delay. Maybe there was still time.
She became annoyed and impatient with the trees that prevented her riding as fast as she wished. Fortunately, she had almost reached the open field where nothing would delay her. Netherfield was in sight.
∞∞∞
Mrs Bennet could not decide whether she was utterly happy or deeply distressed. What was this madness of having a double wedding?
It must have been Lizzy’s wild idea; that girl always delighted in vexing her poor mother!
How could she even consider forcing Mr Darcy—whose worth was ten thousand a year—to share his wedding day with Mr Bingley whose income was only five thousand a year?
Ten thousand a year—and probably more! And he wanted to marry Lizzy!
As Mr Darcy’s presence for dinner was not to be expected, Mrs Bennet lost interest in choosing the dishes for the courses, so she spent the day talking with Mrs Gardiner and Jane.
Lizzy did not join them as she was still sleeping, and Mrs Bennet heartily approved; Lizzy must look as rested and beautiful as possible when Mr Darcy returned.
It was almost dinnertime when a servant announced the arrival of Mr Bingley. Normally, Mrs Bennet would have hurried to greet her future son-in-law, but this time she was too deep in conversation with Lizzy—who had recently joined them—about Mr Darcy’s favourite dish.
Jane invited him to sit, but the gentleman rejected any polite conversation.
“I am afraid the reason for this visit is not a pleasant one, and remaining for dinner is completely out of the question. I only stopped by to ask if by any chance you have seen Lady Cassandra today. I—
“I met Cassandra earlier today,” answered Elizabeth, moving closer to him. “Why do you ask, Mr Bingley? Did anything happen? Is Cassandra well?”
“I am afraid I cannot answer you, Miss Elizabeth, as I have not seen her at all since the ball. I was only told she went riding early this morning, and she has not been seen since. Her horse returned to the stables some hours ago, but Lady Cassandra is nowhere to be found.”