Chapter 24 #5
“Of course, I will allow you, dearest. I mean, if that is acceptable to Cassandra.”
“Cassandra wants me to stay, do you not, Cassandra?”
“I certainly want you here, sweetie. It is settled, then; see, Georgie, I told you Darcy would not object to your staying in Town as you feared.” Her mischievous smile made Darcy gulp some wine and Elizabeth stare at her plate.
“That sounds like a good arrangement,” the colonel said gravely. “I think Georgiana’s presence will be good for Cassandra, considering she is not yet fully recovered.”
“I will take care of her, do not worry,” Georgiana assured him.
The colonel smiled at her as he cast a quick glance toward Cassandra. “I do not worry, dearest. You are a very trustworthy young lady, Georgiana.”
“I hope you will join us at Pemberley for Christmas, too, Colonel,” said Elizabeth. “We do count on your presence, you know.”
“You are very kind, Mrs Darcy. I will try to be there; however, I cannot make a promise that I am not certain I will be able to keep. The army is not a place for making long term plans, you know.”
“I know, sir; however, we will hope and pray to see you there.”
“The entire Bennet family will be there.” Darcy addressed his cousin. “And the Bingleys, the Hursts and maybe Caroline Bingley, too. I do count on your presence, you see,” he added meaningfully, and Elizabeth looked at him with mocking reproach, while the others started to laugh.
Cassandra’s face was pale, despite the smile on her lips, and she barely spoke at all for the rest of the evening.
When Georgiana inquired about her lack of humour, she blamed her fatigue, and that was a sign for Darcy to announce their departure.
Cassandra thanked them for their presence without attempting to delay them.
Hesitantly, the colonel offered to remain a little longer in case his help was needed to take Cassandra to her room.
She agreed and expressed her gratitude with distant politeness.
Darcy and Elizabeth said their goodbyes, and the colonel accompanied them outside. The snow continued to fall, steadily. All was whiteness and silence.
The carriage moved slowly. Darcy put his arm around Elizabeth’s shoulders and tenderly caressed her face. “You spent quite some time watching the snow.”
“I love when it snows.” She leaned her head against him.
“Then you will love Pemberley in winter.”
“I will love Pemberley anytime.”
He took her hand and then suddenly chuckled. “I was at a loss for words when David asked me if we would be bringing Georgiana with us!”
“I felt very embarrassed, too; we did not even talk about her! I hope she did not feel neglected.”
“She would have felt more neglected if she had joined us as I plan to selfishly engage all your time, Elizabeth. I am not quite ready to share you with anyone.”
She only smiled; he had expected more of a reaction.
“What is the matter, my dear? Your thoughts seem to be elsewhere. Or perhaps you are displeased with the prospect of being alone with me for more than a month?”
“Oh, that remark does not even deserve an answer,” she replied with mocking severity. “It is about Cassandra.”
“Cassandra? But she looked very well indeed. She has improved greatly in the last week.”
“She did look well, but she is so sad, and so is the colonel. I cannot stand to see them like that.”
“Oh, I understand. But Elizabeth, there is little we can do in this matter.”
“I know, but I cannot help thinking of us—of our situation a few months ago.”
“My dearest, things are completely different with them. There are no misunderstandings between them! The colonel declared his affection and his intention toward Cassandra openly and honestly. She is well aware of his feelings, and all she has to do is recognise her own wishes. David was a perfect gentleman when he decided to wait patiently for her decision. You know I am fond of Cassandra, but I cannot see any fault in David’s behaviour toward her, and I do not believe she is in any danger from him. Would you not agree?”
“I do agree. Though I was quite upset with the colonel at times, I must admit that his devotion and care for Cassandra has been beyond reproach. It is just that they seem unable to speak to each other—to confess what they want. No, not both of them—only Cassandra.”
“Cassandra is a courageous woman. Things will settle between them eventually. I am very confident.”
Though her heart was still heavy with worry, Elizabeth accepted her husband’s conclusions for the moment as they had just arrived home.
∞∞∞
David placed Cassandra on her bed and sat near her. As he had carried her from the dining room, her arms still encircled his neck, and he gently pulled his arm from behind her knees.
For a moment they remained still, their bodies touching with every breath, their eyes locked.
“I should leave,” he said, but he did not move. “I am glad to know Georgiana will stay with you. You need someone to care for you.” Cassandra smiled.
“There is no need to worry for my health; I have thirty servants to take care of me.”
“You need someone to care for you,” he repeated soundly.
“David, please be—be careful. I want nothing more than for you to return safely.”
“Cassandra, I must be sincere with you. My hope is that you will want much more from me than to return safely. In the meantime, I give you my word that I will be cautious. I have no intention of letting myself be killed.” He smiled, but her face darkened.
“David, please do not speak in jest about being killed. You promised you would allow me time to decide, and you kept your promise. And I will keep mine; when we next meet, I shall give you my final answer—if you are still interested in hearing it.”
“Do you doubt that, Cassandra? Do you doubt the depth of my feelings?!”
“I do not doubt you, but I know the paths of the heart can take unexpected turns.”
“My heart is not as unsteady as you think.” He paused and looked at her intently. “Cassandra, I will confess something to you, but you must promise you will take it more like a jest. I would not want you to be upset with me, though I know my confession may sound highly improper.”
“David, what are you trying to tell me?”
“I am trying to tell you about the first time I fell in love with you. I never told anyone, because I was deeply ashamed of my feelings, considering that I watched you growing up, almost like my sister; and even more, for a long time I was certain you would end up marrying Darcy.”
“Oh come now,” she laughed nervously. “Do not tell me you have loved me since I was ten.”
“No, thank God—not since you were ten, but close,” he replied as nervous as she was.
“I first saw you not as my friend but as the most beautiful woman at your ball—when you were seventeen. I had not seen you in years, so when you appeared before me, I could not believe it was you—I simply could not take my eyes off you. I could not stand being apart from you, not even for a moment. It was the first time in my life that I felt my heart aching with desire to be close to a woman—to you. Please do not misunderstand me. Not for a second did I think of anything improper, but—I know it might sound ridiculous—I truly, deeply fell in love with you back then though you were almost still a child. I do not think you remember much of that ball, but for me it was a night of torture and delight. Do you remember you danced the first set with me? Your first ‘official’ dance.”
“Oh God, David,” she whispered tearfully. “Of course I remember everything about that ball, and no, that evening I was not a child any longer. I remember vividly every moment of that night.”
Cassandra seemed so distressed and her suffering so obvious that David looked at her disconcerted and regretful, furious with himself for that imprudent confession.
How stupid he was! He took everything in jest, but for her, the recollection of the time when her parents were still alive was nothing but cause for more grief.
“Cassandra, I beg you to forgive me, I did not want to— I am such a fool! I hoped you would be amused, I hoped you would at least smile a bit, and instead I brought back only painful memories and made you cry. How could I be so thoughtless?”
He rose and bowed politely to her. “I had better leave; I should have left much earlier.”
“David!”
She grabbed his arm and forced him to return to his place near her. Her lips opened to speak, but no words came out; instead, she looked at him with an expression he had never seen before.
Incredulous, David watched her as she leaned her head toward his and felt her lips approaching his face. His mouth ached with desire to feel hers, but her soft kiss rested on his cheek, and then her whisper burned his skin.
“Do not worry about my crying, David. Though you see tears, my heart does smile. And no, you did not bring back only painful memories. I truly thank you for remembering me at that ball. You surely are neither thoughtless nor a fool. Please do not apologise to me ever again.”
An hour later in the carriage taking him to his regiment, Colonel Fitzwilliam remained incredulous about their last conversation. He could still feel the touch of Cassandra’s lips on his face as he wondered how it was possible that his silly confession made her heart smile.
∞∞∞
A few streets away, still preoccupied with the situation of Cassandra and the colonel, Elizabeth was staring through the window, waiting for her husband. He had some important letters to finish for the next morning, and he was already an hour late; she became impatient and tired.