Chapter Twenty-Five
Alicia
The edges of my vision darkened, and my cheeks burned.
The only thing that saved me from marching across the room to give Remi a piece of my mind was my job.
My very important job. I couldn’t quite list all the reasons it was important at the moment, but I did know that it was, and that I loved it, and that I desperately didn’t want to fail at it.
He looked cozy with his arm around another woman—which he had every right to do. But also, and I meant this from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head, fuck him.
For making me confused and jealous.
For making me cry.
I thought he’d grown out of being a piece of shit, but apparently he hadn’t and that was fine, because fuck him. It was humiliating to fall for the same asshole twice. I thought I had grown out of him too.
“I need a drink,” I said to Emmett, hoping that I sounded less frantic to him than I did to me.
He placed his hand on the small of my back and led me through the room and into the kitchen. The smell of chili powder and cumin came from a crockpot on the countertop.
Just inside the door, he paused with a hand on the wall by my cheek, his body creating the semblance of privacy. “Ya all right?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” I sounded almost convincing.
He rubbed at the back of his neck. “I might feel a bit . . . ya know . . . if I were you.”
Yeah, I know.
“I’m okay,” I lied. “Thank you for checking.”
I wanted a drink in my hand to keep them from clenching, and if it had enough bite to it I could blame the tears stinging my eyes on that. How had I let Remi in enough to hurt me? Again?
Emmett took a step back, letting his hand slip back to his side. With a little jerk of his head, he led me further into the room. “What do you wanna drink?”
“Um . . . something strong.”
He nodded giving me a sympathetic quirk of his lips.
The kitchen looked like a grandma’s circa 1990, which it was.
When he’d revealed that they party at Nora’s grandma’s from time-to-time, I’d needed some convincing to stay.
But he’d pointed out that it would be the best place to get to know people and promised to take me somewhere else if I was uncomfortable.
Now, the party’s location had nothing to do with how uncomfortable I was.
I followed him to the middle of the kitchen with its oak trim throughout, blue countertops, and a wallpaper boarder depicting ducks in a pond over and over.
Nora stood with her arms crossed over her chest, the alcohol on the island directly behind her.
She lifted an eyebrow at a man about Emmett’s height with thick, dark hair.
The man was dressed casually but everything fit perfectly.
Just anyone might assume that his jeans and T-shirt took as little attention to put together as Emmett’s, but there was no way.
I knew a fuckboy when I saw one. Though, I was possibly giving myself too much credit, because I hadn’t clocked Remi as one.
While I was dealing with my own drama, there was still enough room inside of me to hurt for Sadie. She was sticking to her plan and ghosting her own fuckboy. But I knew it took something from her every time he texted.
But this stranger had a cocky purse to his lips, and a glass of amber-colored liquid over ice, pinched between two fingers.
Judging body language alone, Nora held all the power here.
He turned his head, and his grin grew warm and welcoming. “Emmett.”
They shook hands before pulling each other into a quick hug.
“Seb, what’s up?” Emmett answered.
“No complaints. How are the horses?”
“They’re good. Lots of work.”
Nora tilted her head, and I got the sinking feeling that she could see the emotions I was hiding. “Alicia, thank you for coming.”
“Happy to be here.” I pointed to the ducks in the pond. “I’m weirded out it’s your grandma’s house.”
She laughed. “You should be. It’s a weird group that decides this is what we want to do.”
“Why do you?”
“Nostalgia? Every time my sister comes back to town we do this. Grandma loves it, because one of these people are going to notice something needs to be fixed and they just show up and take care of it. In the spring, Ransom noticed the gutters were all messed up, and this was the first year Gram didn’t have water in her basement. It’s a good trade off.”
“All right, that’s sweet.”
“It is.”
“Alicia?” Seb asked extending a hand to me.
It was warm in mine, but I didn’t completely trust the polite gesture. “Seb?”
“Yeah. Sebastian.”
“I’m sorry, I should have introduced you—” Emmett began but Nora interrupted.
“Should you, though?”
Seb’s hazel eyes sparkled, clearly delighted. “Don’t mind her, she doesn’t know it yet, but she’s in love with me.”
I snorted. “Obviously.”
Nora reached between Emmett and Sebastian to pull me next to her. Turning her back to them, she gestured to the alcohol bottles and mixers arranged on the island. “What do you wanna drink?”
I considered my options, maybe it was the house reminding me of my pre-bar days, but I shrugged and said, “How about rum and coke?”
“Classic.” She spared Emmett and Seb a glance over her shoulder as she grabbed a red solo cup and started heavily pouring the rum. “He’s Elijah’s business partner.”
I didn’t have to ask her who she was referring to. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eyes. “Are you into him?”
She fought the smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “No. But he’s entertaining too.”
“You have your fun, girl.”
“I will. He shows up with Elijah every once in a while.”
“Who’s that?”
“Hazel’s boyfriend.” She pointed into the other room, where Hazel stood next to a man with wavy chestnut-colored hair.
I didn’t know what was more shocking, how hot he was or how hot Hazel was.
She used to be the quintessential nerdy college student, frizzy ponytail and all.
But as she grinned up at her boyfriend, she looked confident and empowered.
“Good for her,” I said.
“Yeah, he’s great. Total looker. But he’s the lucky one. Hazel’s the best.”
Appreciation filled my chest as I accepted the drink Nora held out to me. I used it to gesture between us. “You and me? We’re gonna be friends.”
She rewarded me with a completely sincere smile. “We are.”
Noise carried through the closed kitchen door where the group had been smoking on the back porch, it quickly grew louder and moved closer. Excited cries and laughter filtered into the room, drawing attention before the door had even opened.
“Here comes drama.” She lifted her cup to her lips and took a big drink just as the door flung open.
A woman who looked a lot like Nora stepped through with a crowd behind her.
But where Nora wore an old hoodie and her curly hair in a bun this woman wore a curated outfit of a flowy long skirt and cropped Fall Out Boy T-shirt under a puffy blue coat that ended at her waist. Her makeup was immaculate and her hair was shiny and straight past her shoulders.
“It is way too quiet in here!” she exclaimed.
From the living room people cried out, “Olivia!”
In the chaos, I snatched my drink and snuck out of the back door.
There was a lone mercury light buzzing from high up on the house and a sheet of stars in a dark blue sky.
The cold pressed against me, shutting down the persistence of my mind to wail and angst. For just a moment, I closed my eyes and let the relief and quiet sink in.
I considered my options and whether it was time to call it a night already. My gut reaction was to move past the emotional turmoil and stay. But the more I considered it, the less I felt that I had the energy for it.
Then the door I had just exited opened and closed, revealing Remi.
A new surge of energy burned through me riding on outrage.
The cold was a distant memory.
I came to stand at my full height.
“What the flying fuck, Remi?” I demanded. “Why are you out here? Did you follow me? What do you want?”
“I just want to talk.” Drenched in light, every detail of his face was completely visible.
“About what, exactly? What could we have to talk about?” I gestured between our chests.
“Whatever this weird relationship we have, this whole thing, let’s just be done with it.
Let’s go back to never speaking. We don’t even have to wave hello to each other.
I will be leaving soon, hopefully, and we can just put this in the past with all of the rest of it. ”
“I don’t want that.”
“I am done, Remi.” My voice broke as I said his name, but I was too far gone to be embarrassed by it. “I am disgusted with how I have acted, and with you, and how you are making me feel. That you can affect my feelings at all. I am disgusted with myself.”
He sighed, running a hand down his face.
I clenched my jaw fighting back my tears. “Aren’t we divorced? Isn’t this supposed to be over with? You’re not supposed to be able to hurt me, anymore.”
His chest sank like all the air had been knocked out of him. A crease dug deeply between his eyebrows as a muscle flexed in his jaw.
“Why did you come out here to say nothing?” I asked. “Go back away. We’ll pretend like this is the old days—you give me the silent treatment, and I’ll pretend like it doesn’t bother me.”
I expected him to glare at me or accuse me of being wrong for my feelings. Instead, he looked at me with eyes full of intense emotions but none of them were anger. “I don’t want to do that.”
“Then string together more than five words, because I. Am. So. Fucking. Over. This.”