Chapter 2
When Bre suggested that she get some rest and sleep in, Cyren didn’t think she’d actually take her advice.
Waking up at four in the afternoon wasn’t intentional.
Morning had come and gone without her even noticing.
Between her tears, a restless night, and a slight headache, sleeping in was the best option.
She’d been drifting in and out all day, crying until her chest hurt, dozing off from exhaustion, then waking right back up with the same ache, idly waiting.
Her eyes burned as she blinked up at the ceiling. They were dry now and sore from everything she’d released. For a minute, she just laid there. She didn’t reach for her phone, didn’t check the time, and didn’t worry about what was going on outside of those four walls.
“It’s really been two years, Mommy,” she mumbled, swallowing the ache that wouldn’t disappear.
Cyren’s nostrils flared at the thought of why her mother wasn’t there. Nicole had been taken away from her and their family in a way that still didn’t feel real when she let herself think about it for too long.
Car accidents were common. Fatal ones weren’t. They barely made up a fraction of reported crashes, which only made it worse. Nicole didn’t die from something ordinary. There was nothing normal about the way her life ended, and Cyren would forever have a chip on her shoulder about it.
Although the police claimed they terminated the pursuit before the crash happened, Cyren didn’t believe them for one second.
Witnesses said otherwise, and the people who were there, who saw the lights and heard the sirens, watched it unfold in real time.
Still, every statement was brushed aside as if it didn’t matter.
Like it didn’t matter that someone lost their life.
A man running from the police blew through a red light without even thinking twice.
Nicole had been stopped, waiting like she was supposed to, along with another driver.
Just regular people, minding their business.
And in a split second, he slammed into them both, turning their lives into nothing more than collateral damage in a situation they had no part in.
And of course, the man being chased survived. It felt like a stab in the heart knowing he had minor injuries, still got another chance to breathe, stand in a courtroom to hear his sentencing, and continue on with a life Nicole didn’t get to finish.
Cyren didn’t consider it justice just because he was serving a decade behind bars. Like that was supposed to even the scales. It didn’t. No sentence was bringing her mama back. She squeezed her eyes shut, her jaw tightening as the memory played on a loop in her head.
“Ugh,” she groaned, her eyes watering. “Do not start crying again.”
Growing up, her granny had always told her, “Crying cleanses the soul.” Cyren was sure she had the purest one with the way she’d been letting it all out.
Her grief hadn’t softened the way people said it would.
It didn’t shrink or fade. She just learned how to handle it differently.
Some days it rested quietly, giving her small reminders that it was still there.
Days like today... it took up every ounce of space.
Her chest tightened again. Not enough to send her spiraling like last night, but enough to have her massaging where her heart thumped. Finally searching through the mess of covers for her phone, Cyren squinted at the screen and the notifications.
There weren’t many that felt important enough to pull her out of the space she was in, but if she didn’t respond to Gabi, soon, she’d be calling someone to do a wellness check.
For a second, she thought about getting up, showering, and doing something to break the cycle she’d been stuck in since yesterday, but her body didn’t follow through.
Instead, she cuddled deeper into the mattress, pulling the cover closer around her, just as Gabi’s name flashed across the screen with an incoming FaceTime call.
Cyren cleared her throat before answering. “Hello. You’re going to live a long time.”
“Well, hello sunshine,” Gabi cheerfully greeted, pulling a small, reluctant smile out of her. “Is that right?”
“Mhm. You literally just crossed my mind.”
“It’s nice to be thought about.” Gabi slightly tilted her head, forcing the knotless braids she’d tossed in a messy bun to loosen. “You just woke up from a nap?”
The question triggered her senses, forcing a yawn past Cyren’s lips. “Yes. It’s like my fifth one today.”
“And that’s okay,” Gabi said, gently. “Your body probably needed it. That means you’re well rested now and can get up out of the house.”
Groaning, Cyren rolled onto her side, pressing her cheek into the pillow. “Who said I wanted to get out?”
“You did. You texted me yesterday and said, ‘I think I’ma get out of the house tomorrow’. I’m just making sure you follow through with those plans. Plus, it’s nice out there today.”
Cyren let out a quiet laugh. It made sense for them to track one another’s weather since they lived in different states and time zones.
Without fail, Cyren could expect a screenshot of Kansas City’s forecast sent to her phone, as if she didn’t already live there.
And in return, she’d send a dramatic voice note, complaining about how California was still warm in October and how jealous she was of Gabi being able to still wear shorts.
She didn’t have to be jealous today, though.
“Yeah, it is nice,” Cyren said, yawning again while stretching. “Where are you going?”
“I’m headed to the gym. Wait”—Gabi squinted at the screen, studying her—“before we get into all of that, because you know I’ll start rambling. Have you eaten today?”
Cyren’s silence was enough.
Gabi sighed. It wasn’t dramatic, but the sigh a best friend does when she knows she has to force her hand.
“I’m not going to fuss at you like I normally would. But you have to at least try to put something on your stomach. I don’t care if it’s a granola bar or a piece of fruit. Something. You’re not about to lay there all day and not eat. Not on my watch.”
Cyren licked her lips and smiled a little. “You sound like my mama.”
Gabi’s expression softened, and her bottom lip poked out, but she didn’t let the moment become too heavy.
It wouldn’t benefit either of them. Plus, she’d had her cry for the day and would most definitely cancel her gym session if Cyren began crying.
Leaning closer to the camera that was propped on her dashboard, she pointed her finger.
“See! Ms. Nicole is speaking through me, so gon’ head and get your ass up. I know those armpits are stank, honey.”
Cyren laughed, flipping her off. “Girl, fuck you. I took a shower last night. You’re so annoying.”
“But you love me,” Gabi shot back, grinning. “Now, come on. Sit up first.”
For a second, Cyren just laid there with her phone propped against her pillow. Gabi watched her, knowing she’d stay on the phone no matter how long it took for her to get up. That alone did something to and for Cyren’s weary spirit.
With a small groan, Cyren pushed herself up, her muscles protesting from being in bed most of the day.
“There we go,” Gabi encouraged. “Look at you. There she is in all of her beautiful glory.”
“Girl, all I did was sit up.”
“And that’s more than what you were doing ten seconds ago. We celebrate all wins over here. Big or small.”
Cyren swung her legs over the side of the bed, letting her feet touch the floor. The coolness of the hardwood floor grounded her a bit. “If I get up, you’re not about to rush me, right?”
“I’m not rushing you now,” Gabi said. “I’m just… here. But you are getting in that shower.”
Cyren glanced toward her bathroom as if it had personally offended her. “You’re not getting off the phone, are you?”
“No. Do I ever?” Gabi replied. They’d be on the phone for hours, doing mundane things in their own world. Nothing changed because the day had. “I’m on FaceTime supervision. Matter of fact, prop me up so I can see you moving around. I don’t trust you.”
Cyren rolled her eyes, but she grabbed her phone anyway, pushing herself fully to stand. Doing a slow, full spin she gave her a tight smile. “Happy now?
“Extremely,” Gabi said, smiling. “Now, go ahead.”
Shuffling toward the bathroom, Cyren set her phone on the counter, angling it so Gabi could still see her. She reached for the shower knob, turning it on and letting the water start to heat. The sound alone eased her.
“See? Don’t you feel better already?” Gabi asked.
Cyren leaned against the counter for a second, looking at herself in the mirror. “Yeah... a little.”
“Good. A little becomes a lot before you know it. Now, let me tell you about this nigga who just started coming to the gym like a month ago.”
“Eww. A man?” Cyren teased as she undressed. She was moving slower than usual, but moving, nonetheless.
Gabi rolled her eyes and fake gagged. “I know, right. The audacity of me to even acknowledge one. He’s fine as hell, though.”
“We use that term very loosely, so he must be a looker for real.”
“Nineties fine, which is just my type.”
Cyren tilted her head to the side, more intrigued now. “Hmm. Okay. Tell me more,” she said, and they laughed.
While Cyren showered, Gabi caught her up on all things concerning Mr. Nineties Fine, distracting Cyren from her own thoughts.
The conversation easily bounced from one topic to the next with messy details and random side stories that were the perfect distraction.
They’d get off topic, then circle back to the beginning.
By the time Cyren stepped out, wrapped in a towel, Gabi had already transitioned into her workout. She got a warmup in and was now lifting weights with Cyren in her headphones. She didn’t care what they were talking about at this point; she just wanted to make sure her girl was good.
“Hello?” Gabi asked between breaths, with her voice slightly strained.