Chapter 6
Tianna
I haven’t felt myself lately. I haven’t felt much of anything, for that matter. Most days, I feel numb.
I find myself wondering more and more each day why I’m here, why I’m doing this. Why I stay with him? I do love him in some sort of fucked up way, I suppose. At first, I truly wanted to marry him, but we had only known each other for a short time. I felt different and cared for with him. When we met, he was everything I couldn’t have wanted in a man. He was caring, loving and gentle. But now? He’s controlling. I saw his true colors two years ago. I saw who he really was, and I thought if I loved him enough, things would change for me. For her. They didn’t. They only got worse for me.
Now, his only rule is that we get married, we are one. And that I follow his rules. And I do, for the most part.
But Remy? How do I leave him? How do I not love him anymore? He’s everything to me. He’s always been everything to me, but I hated the club life. I didn’t understand it and I didn’t want any part of it. I’ve seen Remy come home bloodied and bruised, and that wasn’t a life I wanted for myself. I couldn’t just stay there and look the other way, but I also can’t stay away from him. It’s a lose-lose situation for me. He isn’t going to leave the club, and there’s no way I can live in that uncertainty. I’ve thought about it, time after time. Would it really be that bad? What if I just stayed away from the club aspects of it? But each time I remember the way he looked when he came home that night. Blood coated his hands, and there were splatters up his shirt. His eyes were as wild as I’d ever seen them as if he were high.
I remember him stripping and fucking me against the wall of the bathroom. It wasn’t his normal fucking. It was angry and enraged. I knew after that I couldn’t be what he needed me to be. I never told him about that night and what bothered me. I gave him hints. I didn’t know how to come out and tell him he actually scared me that night. And now here we are.
I sit back in the chair and look at the papers and magazines the wedding planner gave me to get some ideas on dresses and things. There are some beautiful and expensive things in here that I know Brad wouldn’t mind giving me. I wouldn’t mind it either if I weren’t putting my life on the line for this. I’m not saying that it’s all about me; it isn’t. It’s about her. And only her. And soon she’ll be with me. And that is the point of all this. Her.
I shake my head, trying to rid the thoughts and memories that invade my mind. The thoughts of her not being with me. The way he took her. The way he uses her. Tears fall down my cheeks before I even realize it. I reach up and wipe them away quickly before Brad comes home and sees them.
I look back down and flip a few more pages when the door opens, and he walks in. I look up, hoping he can’t see the redness in my eyes from the crying.
“Hey. How was your day?” I ask. I watch him sit his briefcase down by the door before loosening his tie.
“It was good. Long. What are you doing?” he asks, nodding toward the magazines in my hand.
“Penny gave them to me. Thought I might get some ideas for the wedding,” I tell him. He nods his head and walks over, sitting on the arm of the chair.
“What have you found?” I don’t like this. I don’t like doing this. Playing house with him, but I do it anyway.
“I don’t know what I want. These things are all so extravagant and expensive.”
“Price is no concern of mine, Tianna, and you know that.”
“I know. I just don’t think we need all this.”
“What do you want?” he asks, taking me by surprise. “What was your dream as a little girl?” He’s never asked me what I wanted before and it’s a little strange to be asking me now.
“I wanted it all. Flowers, lights, a horse-drawn carriage,” I smile at the memories. “But the main thing I want is for her to be there, Brad.” He huffs out a breath and shoves off the arm of the chair, pacing the living room as he runs his hand through his hair.
“You know that isn’t going to happen, right?”
“Why? Why can’t she be there for this? It’s a big day for us, and you said it yourself: after I marry you, she’s coming back.” He looks over at me and shakes his head.
“She isn’t going to be there. I can’t take that risk,” he tells me.
“What risk? Do you really think I’d be stupid enough to try and run with her?”
“No, but I don’t trust you either, Tianna.”
“What does that mean?”
“Just as I’ve said! I don’t trust you and until I have that trust, she isn’t going anywhere.” Now, I stand to my feet and cross my arms over my chest, letting the magazines fall to the floor.
“What does that mean? You promised me that she would be back here after we got married,” I yell a little louder than I should. That pisses him off. I can see the look in his eyes.
“You do what you’re told, Tianna. And right now, I’m telling you to go take your medicine and go to bed.”
“No.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said no. You lied to me, Brad. You told me she would be back! You lied to me!” I scream at him. Before I know what’s happening, he has me around the throat and slams me onto the chair behind me. His eyes are wild with fury and I know that I pushed his buttons. I went too far, but he lied to me.
“I can do whatever I want to do, Tianna. Don’t you see that? I’m in control, not you! If I say I don’t trust you enough to have her here, then that’s how it’s going to be. Smarting off to me, defying me, that isn’t going to get her back here. It’s only going to prolong how long she’s actually gone.” My eyes well with tears as he holds me in place. I blink rapidly, wishing they wouldn’t fall, but they do anyway. Brad doesn’t say anything as he stares at me. “You going to keep that crying shit up?” I shake my head the best I can while he still holds my throat in his hand.
When he finally pulls away I take a deep breath and sit myself up straight. I watch as he paces the room once more. Then he turns to me.
“I’m tired of you thinking you hold the cards here, Tianna. I’m tired of the back talk. I can make her disappear for good, you know that, right?” Now, more tears fall as my insides churn. He would do it, too. I know he would. “Do you hear me?” he roars.
“Yes. I know,” I whisper.
“Then you better start behaving. Because all it would take is one phone call,” he warns as he pulls his phone out and slides it to life. I shake my head rapidly, the word no falling from my lips.
“Please, Brad! I’m sorry!” I plead with him. Slowly, he lowers the phone and slips it back into his pocket before walking over to me and offering his hand. I raise my shaking hand and slip into his as he pulls me off the chair.
“Now, go do as you’re told. Take your medicine and get in bed.” His tone has calmed back to his normal as I nod my head.
“Okay. I will.” He nods his head and leans in pressing a kiss to my cheek before giving me a little shove in the direction of the stairs. I hurry quickly up them, and into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. Then it happens, and there is no stopping it. Sobs rip from my throat, and I quickly turn to water on to mask the sound. And I stand here and cry as I look at myself in the mirror. I cry because there’s nothing I can do. There’s no way to get away from him.
No matter how much I want to run, I can’t. Maybe if Remy knew if I just told him. Maybe he could help me.
No, he couldn’t. How could he? Brad has too much power. He knows what he’s doing and how to do it. He would send her away for good, and I can’t have that. I won’t have that happen.
So I stop crying and wash my face. I reach for the bottle of sleeping pills, tipping two into my hand before tossing them into my mouth and grabbing a glass of water. Then I swallow them down and head back into the bedroom, falling into bed.
I lie here in the dark for a long time just thinking about her. That is until I fall asleep and the dreams come. Then it’s all about them. The men.