Chapter 18
Tianna
Neither of us move. Not even when the guys turn on the music and start drinking. Remy just stands here holding me in his arms. I don’t know what happened, and I’m not going to ask. Maybe he just needs this right now. God knows I do.
The thought of telling him I’m pregnant is making me sick to my stomach more than I already am. I don’t want to see the hurt in his eyes. I don’t want to see the pain it will cause him. Tears roll down my cheeks as I keep my face pressed into his chest.
“I’m gonna grab a beer,” he says, a hint of sadness in his tone. I nod my head, but I never look up so he doesn’t see my sadness. Remy pulls away and walks to the bar as I wipe my cheeks and sit back on the couch. After a few long minutes, Kiki comes back and sits down next to me.
“They had a rough night,” she tells me.
“I can tell.” They’re all tense and drinking.
“Sometimes that happens,” she adds.
“I’m scared, Kiki.”
“I know you are,” she says, throwing her arm around my shoulder and pulling me into her side. She keeps me there, holding me tightly even when the guys look at us strangely.
“What am I going to do?”
“I can’t answer that for you, Tianna. Just know I’m always here. I’m here whatever you choose to do.”
“I can’t thank you enough for that. I feel like I have no one right now,” I admit.
“You have me. You have the club. You have Remy.” Tears stream down my cheeks just as Remy turns to look at us. He immediately comes toward me, offering his hand. I reach out and take it, letting him pull me off the couch. He turns to walk away and pulls me along behind him.
He doesn’t stop until we reach his room and we walk inside. He closes the door behind us and turns to face me.
“What’s goin’ on?”
“Nothing. Why?”
“You’re cryin’, darlin’. What is it?” He knows something is up. He’s always known when something is wrong.
“I’m just overwhelmed.”
“That’s not it. Somethin’s botherin’ you, and I want to know what it is.”
“It’s nothing. Really. Are you okay?” He stares at me now. Just stares because he knows I’m lying. He knows I’m not telling the truth.
“Let’s not do this, Tianna. Tell me what the fuck is goin’ on. Did someone say somethin’ to you?”
“No. About what?”
“Did one of the guys touch you?” he asks anger in his tone. I can see the way his nostrils flare.
“What? No. Of course not.”
“Then what is it? What’s goin’ on?”
“It’s just everything, Remy. I miss her, I miss Charlie.” He scrubs his hand over his face before looking back at me.
“I’m doin’ everything I can to get her back,” he reminds me. I move toward him now, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“I know you are, and you have no idea how much that means to me,” I tell him.
“But there’s more, isn’t there?”
“Remy, please.”
“Just tell me, Tianna. Just get out. You’ll feel better if you do.” I can’t do this. I can’t tell him. Can I? How do I tell him? I pull my arms away from his neck and take a few steps back because I’m not sure how he’s going to react to this.
“You’re right. There’s more. I … I wasn’t going to tell you right away. I wanted to wait until I made a decision about it. I didn’t want to worry you or upset you,” I ramble on.
“Tianna, baby, please. Just say whatever it is, and let’s get this over with,” he says. I know this is bothering him. He wants to know everything, and I want him to, but this? This is going to kill him. This is going to rip him apart.
“I … I took a test. I’m pregnant, Remy.” His eyes widen before he takes a few steps back like he’s been hit. I know that was a blow he wasn’t expecting. I step toward him, but he throws his hand up to stop me.
“You’re pregnant.”
“I didn’t know. I thought it was like you said, that I was getting sick from not having the sleeping pills. Kiki thought I should at least take one to be sure.” He nods his head, but he doesn’t say anything. He seems to be lost in thought. He raises his hand to scratch at the scruff on his jaw before looking back at me.
“You didn’t know?” he asks. I shake my head no. “It’s Brad’s baby, then?”
“I’m sorry, Remy. I didn’t plan this, I swear to you!” Tears roll down my cheeks now as he watches me.
“Of course you didn’t. I’m sure that sick fuck did, though. Anything to keep you in line!” He roars before punching the wall next to us. I startle, but I don’t move. I stand here, still, not knowing what’s going to happen next.
“I’m sorry. I don’t even know if I want to keep it,” I tell him. Now, his head swivels around, and his eyes meet mine.
“What?”
“I don’t know if I want to keep it. That’s why I was waiting to tell you.”
“You wouldn’t want your own baby?”
“I … I don’t know! I don’t know anything anymore!”
“It’s a part of you, Tianna! How could you even think about givin’ that up?”
“It’s a part of Brad! A piece of him I never wanted!”
“You don’t even know it’s his!” He screams at me. Then I see it. The look in his eyes changes. What does that mean? How could it possibly be anyone else’s? He knows something. Something he isn’t telling me.
“You wanted the truth from me now I want it from you. What are you hiding?” I ask, keeping my tone calm.
“I’m not doin’ this right now,” he says before moving toward the door. I quickly rush in front of him, blocking the door.
“You just made me tell you, Remy, now goddamn it tell me!”
“I can’t do this,” he says, trying to move around me. I place my arms out to the sides and stand firm.
“Tell me,” I demand.
“I don’t … I don’t wanna fuckin’ do this, Tianna! Don’t you see that? I don’t wanna hurt you any more than you’ve already been hurt! This is tearin’ me the fuck up inside, and I can’t do that to you!” I can feel the pain in him. I can see it all in his eyes. Whatever it is is bad.
“You don’t have a fucking choice, Remy. You wanted me, right? All of me? Then I want the same.”
“Don’t make me do this, baby. Please.” He’s begging. And Remy doesn’t beg. He never has so why is he now? My chest rises and falls rapidly because I can feel it deep inside of me. Something bad is going to come out of his mouth. “Let’s just go out there and grab a drink and calm down, yeah?” He leans down and presses his lips to mine, but I shake my head. I need to know.
“I deserve to know what’s going on, Remy. Can’t you at least give me that?”
“Do you realize how much I love you?” he asks.
“I love you too. And if this thing is going to work between us, then we can’t keep having secrets.” I watch him struggle internally with whatever this is. I watch him battle himself before he presses his lips to mine one more time. This time, I let him kiss me. Because I know once the words leave his mouth, something is going to happen.
Remy pulls back and lowers his hands to his side.
“I don’t wanna hurt you, Tianna.”
“Then tell me the truth. Is it a club girl? Are you with someone?” He shakes his head.
“No. I’m not with anyone but you.”
“Then what the hell is going on?”
“Baby, please. Can’t we just drop it for now? I’ll tell you, just not now.”
“No. Tell me what the fuck is going on, Remy!” I snap at him. I see his control break. His hands come up to tug at his hair as he spins around and walks a little. He’s pacing and stalling.
“You remember, you made me do this.”
“Do what?”
“You said Brad gave you sleepin’ pills, right?”
“Yeah. Basically, every night.”
“Did they ever cause you to have dreams?”
“Yeah. Strange ones, too. There were men. There were always men touching me and …” I stop right there as I look at him. Shaking my head, no. “No. He was a bastard, sure, but he wouldn’t have let anyone else touch me.”
“There’s videos, Tianna. A lot of them.”
“No. You’re lying. Why would he do that? He got whatever he wanted out of me. I obeyed him for Charlie. He wouldn’t do that.”
“He did it,” he says softly. Instantly, I rush him. I slam into him, screaming, yelling, kicking, fighting.
“You’re a liar! It was only ever him! Those men, they, they were just a dream. That’s all it was! A fucking dream!” Remy wraps his arms around me to calm me down but there’s no use. I flail in his arms until he releases me, and then I scream at the top of my lungs.
Remy doesn’t say a word as he stands there and watches me. Not one single word. Brad did that to me. He let those men do that to me. And I was so fucking blind I didn’t know it.
“How didn’t I know?”
“You were drugged, baby.”
“How …”
“He made you believe it was all just a dream.” My hand falls to my stomach.
“This baby … oh my God. This baby could be any of those men.” Reality hits me like a brick. My knees nearly buckle as that thought settles in.
“We don’t know, Tianna. We just don’t know who that baby belongs to, but one thing is for sure, you’re mine.”
“Stop, Remy. Stop fucking saying that to me! Oh my God. I don’t know who this baby belongs to,” I sob now. Remy comes toward me, but I don’t let him get that close. I shove him away and take a step back.
“Don’t do that, Tianna.”
“Do what?”
“Push me away. Don’t do that shit again,” he warns me.
“Are you kidding me? Don’t you dare tell me you’re not pissed about this,” I tell him.
“I didn’t say that, but that baby inside of you didn’t ask for this shit either,” he reminds me. That’s true, but still. How do I do this? How do I carry a child for a man I don’t even know?