Chapter 24
Remy
They finally came and got me to go see her. She’s … not good. She lies there motionless, with tubes and wires coming out of her. She looks so damn fragile in this moment.
She overdosed just like we knew she did. Now she’s in a coma. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. I’m hurt, I’m scared, I’m pissed. There are so many emotions running through me that I can’t even comprehend which is the right one. I just sit here saying nothing to her. I want to yell at her. I have every right to fucking yell at her, but I don’t. The nurse said she could hear me. I don’t fucking believe her, so I don’t say anything right now. I just watch her.
I never thought this was how my life would end up. I never once thought I’d be raising a baby on my own. And looking at her lying there, I don’t know if I can. Maybe Charlie was better off with Brad’s cousin. At least there, she was being cared for properly.
I shift in my chair and reach for her hand. I wrap my fingers around it and pull myself closer.
“I should yell at you. I should shake your ass until you wake up and then fuckin’ yell at you again,” I mumble, not knowing what else to do.
“You did what you set out to do. There is no more baby,” I tell her as if she can hear me now. “You fuckin’ took that from me too, Tianna. I don’t get it. I don’t understand why you’re so goddamn selfish.” I squeeze her hand a little tighter than I need to before I realize what I’m doing, and then I loosen my grip.
“I went out and got her back just for you to disappear again. You know how fucked up that is, right? The fact that anything could have happened to us while we were out there lookin’ for Charlie, and you did this shit?”
I scrub my free hand over my face, not knowing what to do with myself. They said anger was natural to feel. And I sure as hell feel it.
“You know, when you left me the first time, I thought I could get over you. That time you were gone, no doubt havin’ Charlie, I tried to move on. Then you showed up that day lookin’ for me, and fuck! I thought you were comin’ back to me. And when you did come back? God, Tianna. I was in heaven. I had you back in my arms where you belonged, and then this? How could you do this to me? To us?” The door opens and in walks the guys.
“How you doin’?” Hodge asks me. I shake my head and wipe at my eyes because I’m falling apart here. I’m slowly falling apart.
“She’s the same as she has been. Doc said, uh, she might not wake up,” I say, forcing the words to leave my mouth.
“You gotta stay positive, Remy. Don’t go down that path until you have to,” Gunner tells me.
“I’m doin’ the best I can. How’s Charlie?” I haven’t been home in a few days. I’ve opted to stay here with Tianna.
“She’s good. Kiki is lovin’ havin’ her there.”
“Yeah, Kiki is good with her,” I mumble.
“Why don’t you take a break and go see her? I’ll stay here and sit with her.” I love that he’s offering, but I don’t know if I can pull myself away from her. I do want to see Charlie, though. I do want to make sure she’s okay. So I finally nod my head. I lean down and press my lips to Tianna’s hand before I release it and stand up. I walk over to the guys and they pull me into a hug.
“She’s gonna be fine. She’ll get through this,” Locke tries to reassure me. Hodge slaps a hand on my back before following me into the hallway.
“I’ll drive you home.” I nod my head and look over my shoulder at her door before following him down the hallway.
“I can’t believe this is what my life is now,” I tell him.
“It was a shock to all of us that she’d do that.”
“She couldn’t deal with it. And part of that is my fault. I tried to force her to keep that baby even though she wanted nothin’ to do with it.”
“Don’t blame yourself, brother. You were doin’ what you felt was right. There’s no shame in that.”
“It could have been different though, yeah? Maybe I should have told her that we were lookin’ for Charlie when we left. I didn’t want to get her hopes up, though. I didn’t want to come back, and her see I failed to find her,” I tell him.
“I get that, but she did what she did, Remy. There’s no one to blame now. Could it have been prevented? Probably not. She made up her mind,” he says, and he’s right. She did make up her mind. She chose to do this. She knew what she was doing but there’s a part of me that wishes she didn’t. That part wishes she didn’t know what she was doing, that she just wanted to sleep. Deep down, I know that isn’t true.
We walk out of the hospital together and head for the truck.
“Do we have any word on Brad yet?”
“We got a few leads we’re gonna follow up on, but nothin’ solid just yet.”
“I want him, Locke.”
“We all want him for what he did to her.”
“I mean it, that kill is mine,” I tell him. He nods his head as we climb into the truck and take off.
“That kill will be yours, Remy. No worries there.”
“What if she doesn’t wake up?”
“Don’t say that shit.”
“I mean it. What if she doesn’t wake up? How the hell do I raise a little girl on my own, brother?”
“You don’t. You have us. The whole fuckin’ club is behind you right now, Remy. You have to know that. We’re here for you. We’ll do whatever we need to do to help you.” He’s right. And I know that deep down I have the guys to back me up. They’d never let me down. It’s what we do. We have each other’s backs. But this is a child. My child. The one I was supposed to be raising with Tianna. And she fucked that up. She fucking ruined that for me. For us.
We climb into the truck, and I look out the window, wondering what the hell I should do. I blow out a breath and run my hand over my face before I sigh. This is all a mess, and that motherfucker is still out there. When I get my hands on him, he’s going to wish he was dead because I’m going to make him suffer for what he did to her.
We pull into the parking lot, climb out, and head inside. I stop dead in my tracks when I see her sitting in a little high chair, eating. Kiki is talking to her and making little noises at her as Charlie grins at her. The more Kiki talks to her, the more she laughs. It’s probably the best fucking sound I’ve ever heard. I keep my eyes glued to her even when she turns her little head to look at me.
The air is sucked from my lungs. That’s my daughter. That’s my little girl.
“You should go over there,” Hodge urges me, giving me a little push when my feet don’t want to move. I take slow steps toward her while she watches me the whole time.
“Hey, baby girl,” I say as she smiles up at me.
“Tell Daddy we’ve been eating lunch, haven’t we, Charlie.” Her little feet kick as she laughs again, and I feel my fucking soul breaking.
“How is she today?” Kiki asks as I look over at her.
“They said she’s the same. Doc said it’s just a waiting game,” I tell her, even though my voice is husky.
“She needs time. That’s all. She needs to heal, and then she’ll wake up. You know she’s stubborn as hell. She’ll wake up on her time,” Kiki tells me. Maybe she’s right. Maybe she’s wrong. I honestly don’t know anymore. I don’t know what to say, so I just nod my head. “She needs changing. She made a mess. You want to do it?” she asks me as she stands and pulls Charlie out of the chair.
“I … I don’t know what the hell I’m doin’.”
“It’s okay. I’ll come with you,” she says. I nod my head as she passes me a dirty Charlie. Her eyes meet mine, and she smiles again before focusing on my patches. She reaches up and starts to pick at the corner as I carry her down the hall.
We go into the room, and that’s when I actually notice all the stuff that’s in here for Charlie.
“Where did all this come from?” I ask. Kiki smiles over her shoulder as she pulls clothes out of the closet.
“Me and Tianna ordered it a while ago when you left me your card. You’ve been so busy at the hospital that I had Locke help me set it all up. Hope that’s okay.”
“Yeah. It’s fine. Thank you for doin’ all this, Kiki.”
“You know I’m always here to help. Come on, let’s change her.” I walk over to the bed and lay her down as she wiggles and tries to scoot away. On instinct, I reach out and grab her ankle, keeping her from falling off the bed. Kiki laughs as she lays the clothes out.
“What am I supposed to do?” I ask her.
“Just take those clothes off, and we’ll change her diaper and put fresh clothes on.” She makes it sound so fucking easy, especially when Charlie is kicking her feet and trying to roll away.
I finally get her shirt off and then move to her pants. I never knew just how hard this could be. I wrestle her pants off, and then she turns, trying to crawl away from me. I grab her and bring her back to the edge near me, and she laughs.
“Do they all do this?” I ask Kiki, causing her to laugh again.
“She’s almost two. They’re wild. In fact, they call it the terrible twos because they get into so much,” she tells me. That’s great and not what I needed to hear right now.
Kiki takes over, showing me how to change her diaper before passing me the pants she pulled out. It’s a damn struggle trying to get Charlie back into clothes, but once she’s dressed, she slides off the bed and walks across the room. I hadn’t even thought about her being able to walk.
“Jesus,” I whisper under my breath. “She’s walkin’.”
“She does pretty well. That just means you have to watch her closer. She’ll be into everything,” Kiki tells me. I nod my head when she heads for the door. What the fuck?
“Where the hell are you goin’?”
“To give you some time with her,” she answers.
“Alone? You think that’s a good idea?” She laughs at me. I can’t help it. I’ve never been alone with a kid before.
“You’re going to be fine, Remy. Just make sure she doesn’t put stuff in her mouth.” Before I can say anything further or protest, Kiki is out the door.