Chapter 25
“ W hat the hell are you doing here at this hour?”
“It’s only ten. Since when are you in bed by then?”
“Since now. Are you drunk?”
“Maybe. A little.”
“How’d you get here?”
“Ned brought me.”
Great, Duke thought. Now someone else knows Sierra came to his house late at night and will jump to the usual conclusions. Not that Ned would tell anyone, but still…
“Why didn’t you text me?”
“I did. You didn’t answer.”
“That’s because I’m busy.”
Her eyes got wide. “Is she here ? Now?”
Before he could reply, he was horrified to see tears in her eyes. What the hell was happening? “What’s going on, Sierra?”
“Nothing. I’ll go. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
She was out the door before he could stop her, so he followed her into the yard.
“Sierra. Stop.”
He honestly couldn’t believe what he was seeing when she crumpled before his eyes, dropping into one of the Adirondack chairs near his firepit and weeping as if her heart had been demolished. “Did something happen?”
She shook her head as she continued to sob.
Duke sat next to her and put a hand on her shoulder. “Tell me what’s going on.”
The Sierra he knew and loved didn’t cry. She made other people cry. He was truly unsettled to see her so upset, and he couldn’t help but wonder what McKenzie must be thinking after another woman had come barging into his home like she lived there at the worst possible time.
“They found Billy.”
Duke gasped. “Oh damn.”
As a daily regular at the gym, Sierra had been closer to him than Duke was. “I’m sorry. I was so hoping he’d be found alive.”
“I know. We all were. His poor brother. Did you know it was just the two of them? Their parents and sister all died young.”
“No, I didn’t. That’s so sad.”
A few minutes passed before Sierra had pulled herself together to the point where she could speak. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have barged in on you like that.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“Is something else other than Billy upsetting you?”
“It’s going to sound so stupid.”
“Tell me anyway.”
“You have better things to do than listen to me freak out.”
They’d been friends for a long time, and he’d never seen her freak out, which was why it was so disconcerting to see her this way.
She wiped her face and seemed to force herself to look at him. “Remember that I told you this is going to sound stupid…” She took a deep breath and then released it. “As we get, you know, deeper into our thirties, I guess I had it in my mind that if it never happened for us, we might, you know, end up together.”
Duke stared at her almost as if he were seeing her for the first time. Her confession shocked him.
“It told you it was stupid. Seeing you with McKenzie kind of forced me to confront some things, and… I’m sorry. I never should’ve come here and barged into your house like that.”
“You’re welcome here any time. You know that.”
“I do. I know that.” She glanced at him through the loose strands of her hair. “I’ve made everything weird between us now, haven’t I?”
“No, but you’ve surprised me. I didn’t know you thought of me as your backup plan.”
“Don’t put it that way.”
“Isn’t that what it would’ve been, though?”
“I guess, but I care about you too much to ever think of you in those terms.”
“And I care about you, but not like that. Believe me, there’ve been times when I wondered what was wrong with me that I wasn’t asking you out or trying to make something happen with you. But it was the word ‘trying’ that always stopped me. If it was going to happen between us, it would have. A long time ago.”
“Yeah, I know, and you’re right. My meltdown has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me realizing that time is moving on and my life isn’t what I hoped it would be at this point. That’s on me, not you.” She stood. “I’ll go. I’m sorry I interrupted your evening. McKenzie seems like a nice person. I hope you guys will be h-happy.”
“I’ll drive you home.”
“Don’t be silly. I can get myself home.”
“I’ll drive you. Just let me grab my keys.”
She sighed. “Fine.”
Duke went inside and directly to the bedroom, where McKenzie was stretched out on his bed under a blanket.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, she’s… I don’t know. She’s upset. They found Billy, who was a friend of hers. I’m going to drive her home. I’ll be back in twenty minutes. I’m really sorry about this.”
“It’s fine.”
He leaned over to kiss her. “It’s not fine, but I didn’t know she was coming or that she was upset or any of it.”
“It’s not your fault. I think I’ll go home, though.”
“Please don’t.” He paused, feeling as torn as he ever had between where he wanted to be and what he needed to do for a longtime friend. “The only thing I want in this entire world is to be here with you. Please don’t go.”
She smiled, and some of the earlier warmth returned to her eyes. “Okay. I won’t.”
“I’ll be right back.”
“I’ll be here.”
He kissed her again before grabbing a sweatshirt and his keys and heading for the door. When he stepped into the cool autumn air, he unlocked the truck for Sierra.
She climbed into the passenger seat.
Duke backed the truck out of the driveway and headed for town, where Sierra lived above her studio.
“I feel like a total asshole. Is she mad?”
“Nah. It’s fine.”
“I’d never want to mess anything up for you. I hope you know that.”
“I do.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“What is it about her that does it for you?”
Duke huffed out a laugh. “Everything. Every fucking thing. She’s smart, funny, sexy, practical and an amazing mother. She’s bossy as hell and tells me to wear a helmet on the bike, and I do it because she cares. That’s why she’s making me do it.”
Sierra turned toward him in her seat. “You’re wearing a helmet?”
“Yep.”
“Wow, this is serious.”
“I think it could be.”
“You really want to take on a woman with a kid?”
“If it’s that woman and that kid, then yeah, I do.”
“Huh.”
“What does that mean?”
“I never pictured you as the domesticated family man.”
He shrugged. “People grow up. They change. They want different things.”
“I know they do. I just didn’t think you would.”
“Why?”
“I guess because you didn’t have it growing up, so I figured you didn’t want it.”
“I didn’t until I met someone who made me want it.”
“And you already know you want that with her?”
“I know that for the first time since Lynn, I want to see what it could be.” After a long silence, he added, “I hope you can be happy for me.”
“I am! Of course I am.”
Duke pulled up to a parking spot next to the stairs that led to her apartment. “I hope so. You know how important you are to me, and you always will be.”
“I do know, and same goes. I’m sorry I made everything weird tonight. I had too much wine and…”
“No worries.”
“I want you to know… No one deserves to be happy more than you do.”
“That’s not true?—”
“It is, Duke. It’s true.”
Sierra was one of the few people who knew just how rough his childhood had been.
“Does she know?”
He shook his head. “There’s no need to go there. It’s all in the past now.”
“It’s a big part of your past, and if this thing with her is as serious as you say it is, you should tell her everything she needs to know.”
“Thank you for your input. I’ll take it under advisement.”
She leaned over to kiss his cheek. “Thanks for the ride home and for not kicking me out of your life.”
“I want you in my life. But you have to accept McKenzie to stay there. I won’t have any drama where she’s concerned. She’s had enough of that to last a lifetime.”
“I get it. No drama.”
“Go get some sleep—and take a Motrin so you’re not hurting tomorrow.”
“Thanks, Dad. I will. Love you.”
“Love you, too, kid.”
Duke watched her go up the stairs and waited until the lights went on inside before he backed out of the spot and headed for home.
Freaking Sierra. Ugh. Not only had she arrived at the worst possible time, but she’d also filled his head with things from his past that he tried hard to never revisit. It’d taken years for him to not think about the bad stuff every day anymore, and now she had him wondering if he owed McKenzie the full truth about his past before he could expect to have a future with her.
He so, so, so did not want to go there with her or anyone.
Ever.
But was it fair to her for him not to give her all the information she needed to make decisions about whether she wanted to be with him long-term?
He’d never told Lynn, and he’d been relieved later that he hadn’t reopened that wound for a relationship that hadn’t lasted.
Today had been a really good day. Tonight had been a great night. He wished he could rewind to earlier to see Sierra’s text so he could tell her not to come over. That way, he’d never have had to hear her tell him he owed it to McKenzie to fully share his painful past with her.
That was the last fucking thing he wanted to be thinking about as he headed home to her mostly naked in his bed.
He hoped they could pick up where they’d left off before they were interrupted, and more than anything, he hoped that Sierra’s sudden appearance at his house hadn’t given McKenzie doubts about him or his relationship with Sierra.
In the driveway, he applied the brakes impatiently and brought the truck to an abrupt stop. He jogged from the truck to the door and rushed to the bedroom to find her curled up in a ball, fast asleep in his bed, hands placed angelically under her face.
The sight of her sleeping in his bed came with an overwhelming feeling of rightness. As he got undressed, he hoped she’d make herself comfortable in his bed and his life. He went to check on Jax, brushed his teeth and took a leak before he crawled into bed next to her, putting an arm around her.
She sighed and relaxed into his embrace, as if she knew it was him and that she was safe.
This night hadn’t turned out the way he’d thought it would, but she was sleeping in his arms while her little boy slept in the next room.
Having them there was like having a dream he hadn’t dared to entertain come true. He wanted to close his eyes and dwell in that perfect place for as long as he possibly could.