Chapter 30
M cKenzie spent Jax’s naptime completing her initial assessment of Duke’s books and made a list of recommendations for streamlining processes. The good news was that his records weren’t in terrible shape. The bad news was he owed estimated quarterly state and federal taxes that were overdue and accumulating penalties. He needed to take care of that as soon as possible, and she hoped that wouldn’t be a problem for him.
Next, she spent an hour reconciling Sierra’s bank statements and posting journal entries to her general ledger. She made a list of recommendations for her, which included separating her personal and corporate expenditures by procuring a corporate credit card that offered points or cash rewards. The commingling of personal and professional made for messy accounting, which she explained to Sierra in an email that included a list of credit cards that would suit her business.
The work made her feel useful and productive. When she was finished, she made notes about the time she’d spent on both accounts. She wouldn’t bill Duke for any work she did for him, but she added an hour and a half to Sierra’s tab for month-end billing. Figuring out her hourly rate was on her to-do list.
She stood to stretch just as the first squeak came from Jax.
Smiling, McKenzie went to retrieve him, freeing him from the car seat and lifting him into her arms. He was sweaty from sleeping and snuggled her as always when he first woke up. “How’s my best buddy?”
“Bud.”
“Yes, you’re my bud!”
“Bud.”
McKenzie put him on the bed to change him and took full advantage of the opportunity to place noisy kisses on his belly that provoked the laughter she loved so much. When she first realized she was pregnant with him, she’d been terrified. She and Eric hadn’t spoken about having children and had been careful to prevent pregnancy. To this day, she had no idea what had gone “wrong,” but once the fear had subsided, she’d been excited.
Until she’d told Eric, and all her excitement died a painful death. She’d been shocked, devastated and terrified after he left her to deal with the baby on her own. A few bleak weeks had followed, along with debilitating nausea that had made it nearly impossible to work. Moving back in with her mother had been a new low.
But a funny thing had happened as her baby had grown inside her. The excitement had come back, and then after he was born, she’d experienced the most profound feelings of pure joy that she’d ever known. Jax might’ve been “an accident,” but he’d become the happiest accident of her entire life.
She gave him a quick bath and changed him into pajamas. Then she took a quick shower and packed up what they needed to spend the night at Duke’s.
Spend the night at Duke’s.
She had no doubt they’d pick up where they’d left off the night before, and the very thought of it made her scalp and various other parts tingle with anticipation.
Every minute they spent together took them a step down the path toward something significant. Was she ready for that? Was he? Before him, she would’ve said no way, no how. The last thing she needed was another man in her life. But this man… He was different. Her unicorn, her one-in-a-million.
She was so tempted to jump right in with both feet—case in point: packing a bag to spend the night—but they needed to have a conversation about where this was headed, because it wasn’t just about them. Jax was part of the equation, too, and as such, she needed to make sure they were on the same page.
Carrying Jax and her backpack, she went downstairs and across the yard.
He had music playing, loudly, so he didn’t hear her knock.
In the kitchen, she found him singing along to “Tennessee Whiskey” as he stood watch over something on the stove, his hips keeping time with the song.
For a moment, she was struck dumb by the realization that she was more than halfway in love with him—and that was before he sensed her there, turned and smiled with his whole face. Yeah, she was probably more than halfway in love.
He reached out to take Jax from her and continued to dance around the kitchen, delighting her little boy with his singing and his moves. “You gotta love Chris Stapleton. What a voice.”
“I do love him.” And you. I love you, too. But she couldn’t say that. It was far too soon for such things, and besides, who knew if he even wanted a little insta-family?
The insecurities hit hard, one right after the other. Every man left. Her father had left. Eric had left. Others before him… How did anyone who’d been through that ever take a chance on someone new?
“Something wrong, sweetheart?”
His voice tugged her out of the deep thoughts.
“No, just thinking.”
He turned down the music. “About what?”
“Everything.”
“That’s a lot of thinking.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“Look what I found sitting on the side of the road today.” He gestured to a high chair in the corner that she hadn’t noticed. “Cleaned it up and tightened the screws so it’s safe for Jax.”
McKenzie was so shocked, she could barely think, let alone speak.
“What do you say we give it a whirl, Mr. Jax?” Duke settled her son into the chair and put a couple of animal crackers on the tray that immediately grabbed the baby’s attention.
With Jax occupied, he came over to McKenzie, singing along to Chris singing “Think I’m In Love With You.” He held out his arms, inviting her to dance with him, and her heart was completely and absolutely lost to this dream of a man.
He held her close as he sang and moved her around the kitchen. “Whatever you’re thinking or stressing about, knock it off. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere as long as you and Jax want to be with me. I hope you want to be with me for a very long time, because I’ve never felt better than I do when you’re in my arms.”
McKenzie melted into him, swept away by his words, the song lyrics, the way they moved together like they’d been dancing forever rather than this being the first time. The high chair had been the kicker, she would decide later. The absolute send-her-over-the-edge kicker.
“How did you bring a high chair home on a motorcycle?”
“Carefully.”
“You’re too much.”
“I saw the one from the cabin in the dumpster, so I thought it might help to grab that one.”
“It’s a huge help. Thank you for doing that and for cleaning it up and making it safe for him.”
“I loved doing it.” He pulled her in even closer to him, letting her feel what her nearness had done to him. “Tell me what you’re worried about.”
“I don’t want to make another bad decision.”
“Does this feel like a bad decision to you?”
She shook her head. “Not even kinda.”
“And that’s a problem?”
“Everything is perfect until it isn’t.”
“I can’t promise it’ll be perfect. Hell, what fun would that be? All I can tell you is I’m as into you as I’ve ever been with anyone. And yes, I know you and Jax are a package deal. If you’d asked me a few weeks ago if I was ready to be a dad, I would’ve laughed. What the hell do I know about being anyone’s father? But now… Today, I saw a high chair by the side of the road and grabbed it for Jax because he needs one, and I’m sure they don’t sell ’em on the island anywhere.”
McKenzie looked up at him with the start of tears in her eyes. “That’s literally the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for us.”
“No way.”
“Other than giving us a place to live, that is.”
“Aw, that was nothing.”
“It was everything to us.”
He kissed away her tears. “I don’t want you to worry about anything where I’m concerned. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere as long as you want me around.”
“I want you around.”
“Is it scary to admit that?”
“Not as scary as it would be with anyone other than you.”
Jax started banging on the tray, demanding more crackers.
Duke laughed as he released her to go to him. “I like how he tells us what he wants.”
“I hear we’ll be wishing he’d hush up in no time at all.”
“I can’t wait to hear what he has to say.”
“There you go again. Being sweet.” As she fed Jax cereal and the peas he loved, McKenzie was awash in the strongest feelings she’d ever had for another human being—other than Jax, of course. But these were different feelings. These were full of giddy hope, sweet anticipation and excitement for a future that looked so much brighter than it had before Duke.
He served her a salad with an array of dressings. “Wasn’t sure what you like.”
“So you bought them all?”
“I bought three.”
“I like them all.”
“Then they won’t go to waste.”
“And you bought animal crackers.”
“My buddy loves them.”
“Yes, he does.”
He went to the stove and returned with plates for each of them. “My own creation—seasoned ground beef, pasta, tomatoes and sauce.”
“It looks and smells delicious.”
“It always does when you don’t have to make it.”
“You’re spoiling me.”
“And loving every second of it. Oh, I forgot. There’s bread, too.”
After things blew up with Eric, she’d had to force herself to eat for her sake and the baby’s. Even after Jax arrived, she’d still struggled to eat with her nerves in a constant uproar.
The second she caught a whiff of the meal Duke had made, she was ravenously hungry for the first time in longer than she could remember. She took a bite, and the flavors exploded on her tongue, making her want more. “This is so good.”
“I’m glad you like it.”
“I have news about your books.”
“Ugh, is it gonna give me heartburn?”
“Not unless you don’t have the money in an account I don’t know about to pay your overdue estimated quarterlies.”
“I’ve got the money.”
“Then no heartburn. You should pay them tomorrow because you’re accruing penalties with every day that goes by.”
“I’ll take care of it in the morning.”
“I’ll send you the info you need by email.”
“Thank you. Can we not mention it again until then?”
She laughed as she nodded. “My lips are sealed.”
“Well, don’t do that.”
She laughed again at the pained face he made.
They ate in companionable silence while she gathered her thoughts so she could tell him how she was feeling.
“When I said this is so good, I wasn’t just talking about the food, which is delicious. I’m talking about all of it. You and me and Jax. This .”
“I think so, too. I couldn’t wait to come home to see what you guys were up to.”
“And then we weren’t even here.”
“You were at work. I liked knowing you’d be back before long.”
“You’ve been the best friend I’ve ever had, Duke. You’ve been there for me more than people I’ve known all my life. You gave us a place to stay and let me borrow your truck and cooked for me and found a high chair and?—”
His hand landed on top of hers. “I love having you guys here. If I had my way, I’d want you to stay forever.”
“Forever is a really long time.”
“I know.” He leaned over to kiss her. “I hope it’s a really, really long time. If I had you and Jax to come home to every night, I can’t imagine ever wanting anything else.”
“It’s too soon for you to know that.”
He shook his head. “I’ve known that for weeks.”
“You’ve only known me for a few weeks!”
“It took about ten seconds to be nearly one hundred percent certain that I wanted you in my life. I had to talk myself out of running away from you because you’re Rosemary’s granddaughter, and I worried that she wouldn’t approve. But then I thought maybe she’d been preparing me for you with all the time she invested in me. I know that sounds dumb, but I’d like to think it’s possible.”
“It’s not dumb. It’s very sweet.”
“There’s that damned word again,” he said with an exasperated grimace.
“You’d better get used to it since you keep doing sweet things.”
“I suppose I can live with that tag as long as I get to do sweet things for you and those sweet things make you happy.”
“They make me very happy. Scary happy.”
“Don’t be scared.”
“Can’t help it.”
“Any time you feel scared, you tell me, and I’ll give you a hundred reasons why you don’t need to be.”
“A hundred, huh?”
“I can do a hundred without even breaking a sweat.”
“Give me three.”
“You’re beautiful, smart and sexy as f-u-c-k. To start with. You make me laugh, you make me smile so much my face hurts, you care enough to make me wear a helmet, you’ve got me counting the minutes until I can see you again.”
“You count the minutes?”
“I do. Five times sixty was three hundred minutes today. They went by slow .”
“And then I wasn’t here when you got home.”
“Believe me, I noticed.”
“You want my list?”
“You have one?”
“I sure do. First and foremost, you’re sweet and kind and thoughtful. You’re a hard worker, and you’ve built a life for yourself that you love so much you won’t give it up for anything or anyone. You’re a good friend to everyone in your life. You’re an amazing artist, and you make cool things from nothing, including the most elaborate cross-stitch I’ve ever seen. You think of everyone else before you think of yourself, and you’re sexy as f-u-c-k, too.”
“All that, huh?”
“That’s just off the top of my head.”
Jax picked that moment to bang the two spoons McKenzie had given him on the tray like it was a drum.
“Someone’s not looking too sleepy.”
“Nope. Maybe some playtime will help.” She used wet paper towels to clean him up and retrieved him from the chair while Duke carried their dishes to the sink. “I’ll wash the dishes.”
“No worries. I’ve got it.”
“That’s not fair. You cooked.”
“Go play with your son. I’ve got this.”
“And he does the dishes…” She waved her hand in front of her face. “So sexy and sweet .”
His low growl made her laugh as she carried Jax to the living room and put him down to play with his toys for a bit. They rolled a ball back and forth until he got bored with that and turned his attention to a toy with lots of colorful buttons that made a variety of sounds. He loved that one, of course. The louder the better.
Duke joined them a few minutes later, bringing her a glass of water and his wineglass as he sat on the floor with them.
“Coffee and water. Such service.”
“You know it.”
He stretched out next to Jax and fiddled with the ball.
Jax crawled toward him, reaching for the ball, which Duke snagged before he could get it.
The baby laughed and lunged toward Duke, landing on him, which triggered a mini wrestling match that Jax thoroughly enjoyed.
Her heart was full to overflowing as she watched them play and laugh. How lucky were they to have such a good man in their lives? She’d been so heartbroken by the breakup with Eric, but she could now see that it’d been for the best. She never would’ve come to Gansett and found a whole new happy, satisfying life if he hadn’t betrayed her.
When Jax began rubbing his eyes, McKenzie changed his diaper and sat in the rocking chair in Duke’s living room with a light blanket over them to breastfeed him and rock him to sleep. “I can feel you watching me.”
“I love watching you in mom mode.”
“I love him so much. I never imagined I could love anyone the way I love him.”
“He’s a very lucky boy.”
She used her free hand to run her fingers through his soft blond hair. “We’re both lucky to have each other.”
“He must look like his father.”
“He does.”
“Does that bother you?”
“Not at all. He’s his own unique self.”
“What’ll you tell him about his dad when he asks?”
“I haven’t really thought about that, but I suppose I’d tell him that his dad wasn’t available to us. I hope he doesn’t ask about that for a long time.”
“Maybe by the time he gets curious, he’ll have a dad who loves him and is there for him every day.”
“Wouldn’t that be something?”
“Sure would.”
“Is that what you want?”
“It’s funny… If you’d asked me a couple of months ago if I was jonesing for kids, I would’ve said not really. But now that I know him—and you—it doesn’t seem so out there anymore. I keep thinking about all the things I could teach him. Like how to ride the Harley and how I could give him his first tattoo.”
McKenzie gave him a withering look that made him laugh.
“What? I’d get him a helmet.”
“No Harley and no tattoos.”
“Looks like it’ll be me and you against Mommy, Jax.”
“I’ll put you both in time-out.”
“I love when you’re bossy with me, babe.”
“No tattoos, Duke. I mean it.”
“Not until he’s eighteen, of course.”
“Not even then!”
His bark of laughter startled Jax.
“Hush. The baby is trying to sleep.”
“Yes, ma’am.” His eyes sparkled with mischief. “I’ll hold off on the tattoos. For now, anyway.”
“I’d rather you teach him things like cross-stitching, cooking, gardening.”
“I’ll add them to the list.”
“And no Harley.”
“Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.”
“Nonnegotiable. My son will not ride on motorcycles.”
“Said every mom everywhere. What else is a hard no?”
“Football.” She shuddered. “The head injuries are terrifying.”
“You can get head injuries playing any sport. Hell, you can get a head injury tripping down the stairs.”
“Don’t give me more things to worry about.” She adjusted her top and her sleeping son so she could carry him to bed. As she tucked him in, she thought about how she ought to bring the portable crib to Duke’s house since it seemed like they were spending more time there than at the apartment.
Everything was moving fast. Lightning speed, actually, but she couldn’t seem to bring herself to slow it down. She didn’t want to slow it down. She wanted to jump in with both feet to whatever this was and wallow in the nicest thing to ever happen to her. For a girl who’d been so badly burned in the past, alarm bells should’ve been sounding loudly. But there were no bells. Just lots of butterflies, excitement and anticipation.
She kissed Jax good night. “Mommy loves you to the moon and back.” After adjusting the bumper that Duke had made from a blanket to keep him on the bed, she tiptoed from the room.
When she returned to the living room, Duke had moved from the floor to the sofa and was sipping amber liquid from a cocktail glass.
“Whatcha got there?”
“A little taste of bourbon.”
“I’ve never had it.”
“Want to try?”
“Sure.” She sat next to him and took the glass from him, taking a tentative sip since she wouldn’t feed Jax again until the morning. The liquor heated her from the inside as she handed the glass back to Duke. “Oh, I like it.”
“I do, too.”
“Hold that thought for a few more months, and then I’d like to try it again.”
“You got it. Is the little guy down for the count?”
“Yep.”
“He’s such a good baby.”
“He’s the best. The first couple of months were rough. He barely slept and was a bit colicky, which is no fun at all. But thankfully, he’s become super easy.”
He twirled a strand of her hair around his finger. “I wish I’d been there then.”
“I do, too.” She ventured a glance at him. “This is starting to feel oh-so-serious.”
“Is that okay?”
“I want it to be. It feels so good to be with you this way. It feels better than anything ever has. It’s just…”
He reached for her hand and linked their fingers. “Tell me.”
“I know I have nothing to be afraid of where you’re concerned, but I feel like I’m tossing all caution to the wind and diving in headfirst, which would be totally fine if it was just me. But it’s not just me. I have to think of Jax, too.”
“I hear you, and I get why you feel the way you do. All I can tell you is I’ve never wanted anything more than to make the three of us a family. I hope you know that I’m already most of the way in love with both of you, and I want more nights like this one. I want a lifetime of nights just like this.”
What could she say to that? How could she deny that was exactly what she wanted, too? She couldn’t, so she took his glass, put it on the table and reached for him.
Their kiss was hot and desperate and full of longing.
“God, MK, what you do to me.”
“What do I do?”
“You make me feel everything.”
“Same.” She put her hand on his face and drew him into another deep, sexy kiss. “Let’s go to bed.”