11. Chapter 10
Chapter 10
Oak
L aw’s hug carried me through the rest of the night. I excused myself from the party even before Law, Caitlyn, and the kids left, though. Luckily Charlie understood that I needed a break, especially because we were going to Gram and Gramps’ the next day for a family hangout and dinner.
As I walked back to my cabin, I forced my shoulders down. Sometimes forced relaxation was still relaxation. I already missed Law’s arms around me, and I realized that, just like my crush, was a problem.
He’d called me a kid. That was all I needed to know about how he saw me. A kid who happened to be a friend. Law, much like Charlie, was a touchy feely guy. Scratch that, Charlie was more like that now, but I knew that it had been Law who sustained his need for physical comfort for a long time growing up and right up until Charlie had moved here.
Now, having lived through the experience that was Law’s hugs, twice, I could understand how much they sustained you.
It was kind of sad that while I’d been here, I’d been hugged more than I’d been in the first eighteen years of my life. I had a few hugger friends in college, but this was something completely different.
Actually, no. It wasn’t “kind of sad”. It was fucking devastating. The thought hadn’t really felt too bad before, but now that I knew what I’d been missing? I fucking hated my parents for doing these things to me and my siblings.
And I fucking loved the fact that I could cuss up a storm now without feeling like I’d go directly to hell.
I snorted at myself and unlocked the door to my cabin. I kicked the wall next to the doorframe a couple of times with both feet, then stepped inside. I got rid of my shoes and outerwear, then took my backpack to the couch.
The tin of yarn would be living on the coffee table for now, big as it was. It just happened to be gorgeous, and I liked to look at pretty things.
I glanced at the meager pile of cardboard boxes in the kitchen corner. Some of my pretty things were still packed because there just wasn’t room for everything in the cabin. Oh well. Maybe one day.
The next day, my family luckily realized that I wasn’t going to have much energy for being social. That meant that they told me to head over to Gram and Gramps’ place whenever I wanted, just to be there before dinnertime.
I was pretty sure Law had told Charlie who had told Uncle Teague who had told Grams. Again, they made me feel a bit mushy and weak, but in a good way. That was another realization I’d had recently; that I had never been able to just be weak at home. Because first I’d been a boy—and then a man—and weakness and needing support just weren’t allowed for me.
I remembered countless times when me or one of my brothers got hurt playing and we were told to brush it off. Or when Amos, the middle brother who was four years younger than me, had gotten super sad when his favorite teacher moved away. He’d been trying his best not to cry, but he’d been only six and I could still recall the way how I’d hated my parents for not comforting him.
By the time I felt ready to head to my grandparents’ place, I gathered the few presents I had for them, Charlie, and my aunt and uncle, and started the walk to the parking lot. I kept my car there, because with it by the cabins, especially with all the snow around, made it feel even more cramped.
How Charlie had kept his massive SUV there, I didn’t know.
I walked past the road leading to the Yellow House and wondered if Caitlyn had left yet. I got my answer as soon as I saw the parking lot below.
They were all there, for some reason. Maybe they’d grabbed one last bite to eat, or Caitlyn had gone to say bye to Nic and Dana. Either way, I walked to my car that was on the other side of the lot and tried not to spy on their family moment.
I could tell Harper was trying to hold herself together. The other two were openly crying. Everyone was hugging and talking, but fortunately I was far enough not to be able to figure out the words.
As I drove away from the Inn, I hated myself a little. I was envious of those children. They were going through something really rough, but they had all the support they could possibly need. How could I envy them for not having their mom around as much? I would’ve given anything to have a loving family like theirs growing up.
Mine had been a family that was perfect on the outside if you looked at it through a certain lens. We were the perfect Youngs. My whole body shuddered as I drove, as if my psyche was trying to shake off the memories of the abuse I’d suffered all in the name of making sure we were perfect.
I really needed to ask Charlie and Uncle Teague about finding me a therapist. I needed to put these feelings somewhere they would help and not harm me or anyone else.
The dinner was nice. At one point, as we were sitting in their cozy living room post-dinner, Gram’s cell rang and she went to the catchall table between the kitchen and the living room to check it.
I could see her make a weird face, and then she glanced toward us. Her expression, as she made eye contact with me, told me who was calling.
“Do I take it?” she asked me, even though everyone else had stopped talking and were watching, too.
I sat next to Aunt Regan on the couch, and they reached for my hand and squeezed. I felt choked up.
“She’s your daughter,” I managed to say somehow.
“But she’s not your mother, is she?” Grams asked in her gentlest, most understanding tone.
I burst into tears and shook my head. “No, she can’t be anymore.”
Aunt Regan pulled me against them, and soon Charlie sandwiched me from the other side. I could see Grams put the phone back down without answering it.
Then she wiped her eyes and asked, “How about dessert? I feel like we need some right about now.”
Aunt Regan squeezed me hard, then let go so they could help Grams. Uncle Teague took their place and yeah, his hugs were almost as good as Law’s. Almost.
I worked the days between Christmas and New Years as usual. I had come to enjoy cleaning the Inn and even the monotony of it all. It was weird, knowing that I was having a good time doing the job most people wouldn’t touch with a long pole, but I tried not to let it get to me.
Even while I’d been at college, I hadn’t felt good about it. I didn’t like studying. There was a part of my brain that tried to reject the whole sitting with my nose stuck in a book and then going in and being tested on that cycle.
I enjoyed doing things where I could see the results right after, and cleaning was one of those things. Maybe I didn’t want to do it for the rest of my life, but it paid my practically nonexistent bills right now and made me feel productive.
On the thirtieth, I finished cleaning the toilets next to the lobby and opened the door, just to literally run into Law.
I smacked my face against his clavicle, the pain bursting along my nose as I yelped.
He grabbed my shoulders to steady me and pushed me back into the tiled room.
“Let me see. Did you get hurt?” he said, his big hands already cupping my face and examining it with his gaze.
My eyes had watered, a few tears ran down my cheeks and he wiped those off with his thumbs with a practiced motion of a parent. Then he frowned a little.
“How’s your nose feeling?”
“Ouchy?” I replied weakly.
That made him look me in the eyes, amusement dancing in the warm brown depths. “Ouchy?”
“Yes.” I grinned, then winced when it made my nose move. “Look it up; it’s a medical term.”
Law chuckled, then got serious again. “Can I feel it? See if it’s broken?”
I shrugged. I didn’t want to feel more pain, but maybe he’d know if I was fucked.
Ever so gently, he grabbed the bridge of my nose, making me hiss as he felt around.
“I think it’s fine. We should go get you some frozen peas or something from Dana, just to make sure it won’t swell much.”
“Okay.” At least it wasn’t broken. “I’ll live to be pretty for another day?” I asked off-handedly.
I’d broken our eye contact, and his stillness made me look back. His expression was… weird. Like he wasn’t sure about something?
Then he snapped out of it and cleared his throat. “Yeah, you definitely will.” He smiled awkwardly, then ducked deeper into the bathroom. “I actually need to pee, but if you leave your cart, I’ll push it to where you need it next if you go get the cold pack?”
“Oh, I just finished, so I’ll put it away into the maintenance closet.”
He stopped by one of the urinals. “No, no. I know where that is. I’ll do it. Go treat your face.”
I hovered, then nodded jerkily. “Okay. Thanks.” I quickly ducked out of the room before I stood there watching him take a leak.
Luckily it was afternoon, so there were no guests around when I walked briskly past the office. Charlie was working, but when I glanced through the window, he was concentrating on the computer.
I frowned—then winced because ouch—when I realized the kids weren’t there.
As I pushed through the door into the kitchen, Dana was doing some prep for tomorrow’s big New Year’s dinner. I had a feeling half of the town would come in and I’d be running my ass off all night.
I stopped right inside the doors. Even the kids knew you couldn’t just run into Dana’s domain.
“Hey, I need a cold pack.”
She turned around and frowned. “There’s actual ones in the big first aid kit in the office, but there’s peas in that freezer behind you.” She wiped her hands to her ever-present towel and came to find the peas. “What happened?”
“I ran into a wall,” I joked, gesturing at my nose. I could feel it swelling.
“Grab a clean towel from over there.”
I went to her pile of towels and took one, then watched as she wrapped it around an almost empty bag of peas.
“Thanks.” I took it and gingerly put it against my nose.
“What really happened?” she asked, hovering a little, which wasn’t her usual thing. Neither Dana or Nic were what I’d call particularly motherly, but she was clearly worried about me now.
“I happened,” Law stated from the doorway. He held out his hand. “Ibuprofen from the medicine cabinet. You have a few minutes before Charlie comes in, fussing.”
I smiled and winced, then took the pills he was offering. Dana went to get me a glass of water, and I popped the pills into my mouth, then awkwardly drank the water while holding onto the cold pack.
“Explain.” Dana frowned at Law.
“I needed to take a leak and rushed into the bathroom as Oak was coming out. I smacked straight into him.”
That gave me a pause. From my point of view, I’d been the one colliding with him. I concentrated on my nose while Dana, appeased, went back to work.
Then, just as Law has said, his brother pushed through the swinging doors.
“Oak, are you okay?”
“I’ll be fine. It’s just sore. I’m just hoping I don’t get much bruising because that’ll look fun tomorrow for the dinner service,” I spoke past the towel.
“I’m sure someone has some makeup you can use if that happens,” Dana piped up from her chopping station.
“By someone you mean Nic,” Charlie teased.
“Of course I mean Nic. Although I think she hasn’t used any in ages.”
“I haven’t used what?” Nic asked, frowning at all of us. “Why are you all—Oak, what happened?”
“Get out of my kitchen, all of you out. And someone return my stuff when you’re done,” Dana snapped, although much more kindly than she probably would’ve in a different kitchen.
We headed out, and I heard Nic ask Law where the kids were.
“Oh, Grams and Gramps wanted them for the day. There’s apparently a little hill near their house for sledding that’s safer than ours.”
Yeah, ours was just the road into the parking lot and that could get dangerous easily, no matter how watchful the adults were.
I followed Charlie, Law, and Nic to one of the tables, and soon I had a coffee in front of me. Nobody tried to engage with me, which was kind of nice. I just let their words wash over me as I tried to will my nose to not give me black eyes for tomorrow.
Luckily, all I got was a bit of swelling and shadows around my eyes that didn’t really need makeup. The pain was manageable, too, and was mostly gone by the next evening.
As I’d thought, half of the town came in for dinner service, which made me glad that Nic had insisted on a reservation basis so that Dana wouldn’t get completely swamped in the kitchen. She still didn’t accept help, other than for dishwashing, which I did gladly while Cora took care of the front.
Cora and I worked well together, and while these days it was mostly me who took the hours so that she could have more time with her kids on the weekends, it was nice to have an extra pair of hands around on a night like this.
When the dinner service ended at ten, I was ready to drop. By the time I had all the dishes in the industrial size machine, Cora had helped Nic tidy up the dining room and I could hear our families talking there.
I walked through the doors with Dana at my heels.
“Oak, here’s your dinner,” she said, and I sat down at the closest table to the doors instead of going to the family gathered on the other side of the room.
“A lot, huh?” Dana asked quietly, squeezing my arm.
“Yeah.” I hadn’t even had time to think about eating, which made me extra happy that Dana had been keeping track.
She gave me a gentle smile, went back into the kitchen, and came out with a tray of what I thought looked like fancy glasses filled with panna cotta topped with fruit that she carried to the others.
I felt like my feet needed to be chopped off and was pretty sure that once I’d eaten, my whole system would go into a shutdown mode.
After eating about half of my meal, I finally had energy to observe the others.
The kids were drooping already, Harper not surprisingly glued to her Uncle Charlie’s side as they talked about something. Tris was asleep in one of the armchairs someone had moved into the room for more comfortable seating for the family. Marlie sat on the floor next to Steve, who was asleep. She had a book on her lap, but she was flipping the pages kind of haphazardly, which meant she was tired as well.
My grandparents had gone to some friends’ house for the night, and Aunt Regan had bowed out as well right after they’d come in for dinner.
Loreena and Felix had dropped in for a meal as well, but neither of them had felt the New Year spirit—something to do with a family thing. I was pretty sure Felix would open up about that at some point, but apparently New Years weren’t a good time for them.
I got my dessert, too, and suddenly, somehow, it was nearly midnight.
We all bundled up and went outside into the parking lot. Nic and Dana left the dogs inside—even Cricket, to her utter shock—and then we stood in the dark night, waiting.
Even though we were in the middle of the woods, we could still see some of the fireworks they set off just outside Fairville in the clear sky. The kids were certainly happy with the town tradition.
When I glanced at the adults, I saw Charlie and Uncle Teague kiss, and Dana and Nic as well. Oh to be a part of a couple during New Years. I looked at Law, who, to my surprise, was looking at me. He gave me a little smile, then concentrated on his kids again.
The fireworks lessened gradually, and we started the process of saying good night.
“Remember that meeting next week,” Nic told Law and Charlie, then looked at me. “You as well.”
“What?” I blinked owlishly.
“You’re included in the planning,” she said, but before she could elaborate, her wife started to drag her toward the Inn. “See you!”
Charlie and Uncle Teague left after some hugs and promises to see them soon. I felt like all of us were going to take tomorrow off everything. Even the Inn was closed for anything but the motel clients. There was a breakfast service, but even that was more bare bones than the usual fare.
“I don’t wanna walk,” Tristan whined and held his hands up to Law.
“Bud, your sister asked first. I only have one set of arms,” Law told him, Marlie already wrapped around his front like a baby monkey. “I can go get the car, but it’s at the Yellow House.”
“I can carry him?” I peered at them. Tristan wasn’t a little kid anymore, but I could still carry him home.
Law seemed taken aback, and for a moment I thought I’d messed something up.
“You sure? Your feet must be killing you.”
I smiled. “I’m sure.”
“That okay by you, bud?” he asked Tristan, who let out a whoop and bounced over to me.
“If you can jump around like that, maybe you can walk?” I teased him, but then crouched down anyway. “Get on my back.”
He clambered up and almost choked me in the process, but luckily his dad instructed him and soon we were off toward their house.
We walked in silence, all of us tired from the evening’s festivities. It felt… nice, for some reason. Even Tristan’s weight on my back on the road uphill was sort of welcome.
When we made it to the front porch, I crouched down so Tristan, now half asleep again, could get down.
“Thank Oak for carrying you, Tris,” Law reminded him gently.
Tristan threw his arms around me and smooched my cheek. “Thank you, Oak!”
“You’re welcome.”
Harper dragged her siblings inside. We could hear her instructing them to not throw their stuff everywhere as they got rid of their outerwear by the door.
“Sometimes I wonder if the divorce is forcing her to grow up too fast,” Law murmured.
I looked at him and shook my head. “No, I don’t think so. Charlie says she was an old soul from the time she was born.”
Law snorted softly. “I’m not sure if we should feed that side though.”
“She’s still a kid. If we—I mean you, if you make sure she does kid things as well, I don’t see the harm. Some children just are more serious and inclined to take care of others.” I thought back to my own siblings. “I was the oldest, but my youngest sister was the most nurturing of all of us. The most serious. She’s only fifteen now. She told us she wanted to be a mom when she was like… six, I think.”
“Could be cultural, too,” Law mused.
“True, but I see a lot of her in Harper. Luckily without that culture .” I said the last word like it was a curse.
“Yeah, there’s definitely none of that here.” Law’s vehement tone surprised me.
When I turned to look at him again, his expression was serious.
“What?” I asked, frowning a little in a way that made my nose twinge, but I ignored it.
“I’m glad you’re here with us.” Then he grinned. “And not just because you carry my kids.” He reached a hand and touched my shoulder, then squeezed a little. “Happy New Year, Oak.”
I smiled at him. “Happy New Year, Law. I’ll help you carry your kids anytime. Well, maybe not Harper. The smaller ones.”
The fondness in his gaze as he burst into laughter took my breath away. “Noted.”
As I took the steps down and started toward my cabin, I was still smiling. This wasn’t the worst way to start a whole new year, for sure.