26. Chapter 25
Chapter 25
Law
I t was time to tell the kids.
Oak was spending a good three quarters of his free time with us. He joined us for dinner as often as he could, and even when he couldn’t, he headed over after the dinner shift and hung out while we did our evening routines. Tristan enjoyed the hell out of it, and he didn’t seem to care why Oak was there, just that he was. Marlie had asked at least twice why Oak spent so much time at our house, though she just seemed curious and not suspicious. That particular emotion belonged to my eldest, and the occasional assessing stares we got. I didn’t know if Harper had said anything to Charlie about it. I hadn’t asked, and my brother hadn’t said.
But as the snow started to melt and the weeks wore on, I knew we were all as ready as we were going to be. The kids had settled into their lives as much as they could, given that things were always going to be in a little bit of upheaval, considering that there would be times they traveled back and forth between Fairville and Boston.
It was getting harder and harder to keep my affection in check. Oak was just so damn adorable, and I wanted to be able to steal quick kisses or hugs or even a brush of fingers without having to worry about little eyes and ears. More than that, it was important that I showed them what healthy relationships looked like. Hiding the man I was falling in love with wasn’t the right thing to do. And it was beginning to feel like hiding, instead of biding our time.
I cornered Oak at lunch, after we’d eaten together—alas, neither one of us had time for some afternoon delight, which we managed at least a few times a week—and hugged him tightly before I murmured in his ear, “I’m talking to the kids after dinner tonight.”
“Yay.” Oak did a happy little wiggle, humming. We’d talked about it a lot and I knew he was ready for the truth to be known. He’d just been waiting for me to get on the same page. And I’d been waiting for my kids to be in the right chapter so that I could get them to the right page. Then he pulled back so I could see his face. His eyes were soft, full of understanding. “Do you want me there?”
I kissed his cheek, then the corner of his mouth. “Yes. And no. Unfortunately, I think it’s better if I do this without you. They’re bluntly honest, especially Tris, so I don’t necessarily think they’d hold back if you were there. But I want them to feel like they can say anything or feel anything, and for that, it should be just me and them.”
He patted my chest. “I get it. You don’t want them to feel like we’re ganging up on them. But tell me after how it goes. I can come running at a moment’s notice.”
“I know. I appreciate that.” I sighed and dipped to press a kiss to his hair. He’d snuck out in the wee hours this morning, and he’d showered before he left, so he smelled like my shampoo. I liked that more than I probably should have. “It’s gonna go one of two ways; either it’ll be a total non-issue or everybody’s gonna have big feelings.”
Oak snickered. “Knowing your hooligans, you’ll get a mix, but I agree. No in between.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” I shook my head with a laugh I didn’t quite feel. I could guess how they were going to react. I knew my children well. But this was big news and whatever I thought could be blown all to hell.
He fiddled with the buttons on my flannel, this one green and red. Since it wasn’t blue, I knew it was safe from his thieving ways. Somehow all the blue ones in my admittedly small collection had made their way into Oak’s drawers instead of mine.
“If the kids don’t take it well,” he began, his voice soft.
“Hey, no. I’m not worried about that at all. Big reactions, maybe, but they’ll come around quickly. If there’s any kind of negative reaction, which I’m sure there won’t—”
Oak’s mouth on mine shut me up, and I had to smile into the kiss. He pecked me on the lips three times in quick succession, and then took a half step back.
“If it doesn’t go well,” he repeated, tone a touch firmer, “I’ll understand if…I mean, they have to come first. They’re kids. They need their dad. So I’ll get it if we have to break—”
My turn to shut him up, but he was too far away to kiss so I slapped a hand over his mouth. He kept talking, the words muffled beyond recognition, scowling for all he was worth. He even tugged on my wrist before he realized I wouldn’t budge. In a last-ditch effort, he licked my palm. But that didn’t work either.
I gave Oak a wink and his expression softened immediately.
“We will cross that bridge if we come to it. And in the unlikely scenario that we do, you and I will figure out a way to have quality time together. To still date. Even if it no longer includes some or all of my children. Because yes, they come first. But that doesn’t mean you and I aren’t important. That you aren’t important to me. ” I wanted to tell him the true depth of my feelings, but he got that split second of panic in his eyes, just like he always did when I got too close to the line, so I changed tack. “The only way you’re getting rid of my ass is if you bluntly and blatantly break up with me. You hear me?”
Oak put his arms around me, then slid his hands into the back pockets of my jeans and squeezed, even though he couldn’t quite get a good handful. I chuckled and tugged him in as close as possible.
“I happen to like your ass. Maybe one day, we could switch things up and find out just how much,” he said, words muffled against my chest. I sucked in a breath, and he let out a little wicked chuckle, knowing what his words would do to me. It wasn’t my favorite, didn’t do much for me, but if he wanted that, we could. Just being naked with him was amazing. But then he lifted his head and rested his chin on my pec. “I hear you, Law. We’ll work it out.”
Yes, we would. But first, I had to figure out what I was gonna say to my kids.
I gave both Charlie and Caitlyn a heads up, because they’d be the ones the kids ran to, if they didn’t want to talk to me. If they had issues or questions and they wanted to talk to someone else, it would be their mom or uncle. And I was fine with that. I was secure in the knowledge that my children knew they could come to me for whatever they needed, whenever they needed it. But that didn’t mean they wanted me for everything. Sometimes, someone else was the better choice.
I expected to have nerves gathering in my stomach, but I didn’t. That told me, more than anything else, that I was making the right decision. So as dinner wound down and Tristan started getting antsy, ready to hop up from the table and do something else, I cleared my throat to get their attention.
“Munchkins, I’ve got something important I need to talk to you about. Do you have your listening ears on?”
Tris and Marlie mimed attaching the “listening ears” to the sides of their heads and broke into giggles. Harper was too old for that joke and eyed me with worry and suspicion dancing all over her face.
“What’s up, Dad?”
The “Dad emotions” warred in my chest, because part of me wanted to shield them from any worry and was demanding I make things better immediately. The rest of me knew I just needed to tell them and deal with the fallout, big or small, after that.
“You guys have noticed that Oak has been hanging out a lot with us, right? Well, part of that is because he likes us and wants to spend time with us. But the other part is….” Okay, there were the nerves. I took a deep breath. “The other part is because Oak is my boyfriend.”
Utter and complete silence. Which I didn’t think I’d ever heard from my kids before. But it only lasted a few seconds.
Tris’ face scrunched up. “Does that mean you kiss him and stuff?”
I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing, just because of the disgust on his face. He still thought kissing was gross. “Yeah, we kiss and stuff. We like each other, and we talk about our days and hang out. We go to places together and hold hands. Just like Uncle Charlie and Uncle Teague. Or Aunt Nic and Auntie Dana.”
Marlie was twirling her hair, so I pinned my gaze on her and waited for her to speak. “Like you used to do with Mommy.”
Oh hell. She hadn’t pulled out the mommy in a long time. Too old for that. Cait was Mom all of the time now, so to hear that word in my baby girl’s voice was a little heartbreaking.
“Yeah, Mom and I used to do that. Before we realized we were better as friends.” I purposefully used the phrasing Cait and I had used when we explained to the kids that we were getting a divorce. But I had to make one thing clear, guessing where her mind was going. “But it’s different with Oak. Not better or worse, just different. We like each other in a different way.”
“Cause he’s a boy?” Tris asked.
“No, not because he’s a boy. Because he’s Oak. Because of who he is on the inside. We have a different kind of connection.”
Tris nodded like that made all sorts of sense. Then ruined it a moment later when he asked, “What’s different?”
Damn. Kid was too intuitive for his own good. I had to think a second, running through about a hundred different scenarios in my head. It was hard to be age appropriate and still give them enough detail. I finally decided on saying, “That’s for me and Oak to know, because that’s private to our relationship. It’s not anything you need to worry about. The important part for you guys to know is that we care about each other very much and that we’re dating. Oak will be around a lot, and you might see us kiss or hug. What do you think about that?”
“I like it. Dad, can I have dessert?”
I chuckled at Tristan and shooed him off. “Aunt Regan left cupcakes, and you can have one. Only one, you got it?”
“Got it!” Tris jumped down and raced toward the counter and the box of goodies. I turned to Marlie.
“Whatcha thinking, baby girl?”
Marlie shrugged. “I like Oak. He’s nice and he helps us. I guess it’s okay if you kiss him and stuff.”
I smiled at her. But there was one kid left, and she’d been incredibly quiet this whole time. “Harper?”
She hopped up and wouldn’t look at me. “You do you, Dad. May I be excused? I have some homework.”
Without waiting for me to answer, she crossed into the kitchen to drop her plate in the sink and then speed walked away and up the stairs. I blew out a breath. That was the first time, to my knowledge, that she’d ever lied to me. I knew her homework was done, because she was a stickler for doing it immediately. Dammit.
“Marlie, you can have a cupcake too, if you want one. And then will you put a movie on for you and Tris? I need to talk to your sister.”
Marlie nodded, twirling her hair, but she didn’t look too upset. “Okay.”
“Thanks.” I kissed the top of her head then left the room, heading straight up to Harper’s.
She hadn’t shut the door, which was somewhat of a surprise. I knocked on the frame, not wanting to barge in. Harper had her back to me, sitting at her desk, and didn’t acknowledge my knock.
“Harper Charlotte?”
She let out a disgusted noise, and even though I couldn’t see her face, I was sure she rolled her eyes. “What?”
Given the situation, I let the attitude slide. “You wanna tell me what’s going on?”
“I don’t wanna talk,” she grumbled, all her ire clear in her tone.
“Fair enough. How about you just listen?” I took her silence as assent, and though I desperately wanted to go in there, I respected her space and leaned against the jamb instead. “It’s clear you’re upset. And whatever you’re feeling is your right to feel. I’m not gonna try to tell you what you should think or feel. But I gotta say, I’m surprised. I didn’t think you’d have a problem with me dating a man.”
She sucked her teeth. “It’s not because he’s a man.”
I quirked an eyebrow. “Then is it because I’m dating in the first place?”
“No.” She didn’t need to say the “duh.” It was implied in her tone. And while both those things were a relief, and she was talking even though she’d said she didn’t want to, I could figure out what her problem was . I had to walk a fine line here and not push too much.
“All right. Well that’s good to know. I’m very glad to hear you don’t have issues with either of those things. It’s important to me that you know that love comes in all different shapes and sizes, yeah? So know that when you feel like talking and telling me what’s bothering you so much, I’m ready to listen. And if you need to—”
She whipped around. “You lied!”
“Hey,” I said, softly and calmly. “There’s no reason to shout. Please try to be respectful.”
Her eyes were blazing and her attitude was just as high, even if her voice was more even. “Why? You weren’t.”
I took a deep breath. My first instinct was to go on the defensive, to argue back. But from the moment Harper was born, I made a vow to be very intentional in my parenting. Cait and I both had. We wanted to raise kids who didn’t fear their parents, who didn’t have to worry about getting yelled at, and who knew how to regulate their emotions. It hadn’t always been easy. And moments like this made it especially hard.
“Can you explain that?
“Ugh.” Harper clearly thought I was being dense or stupid. I simply waited her out until she relented. “You’re gay. Is that really why you and Mom got divorced?”
“No,” I said firmly, gaze never wavering. “Mom and I told you the truth. We realized we were better as friends. And I’m not gay, I’m bisexual. And yes, Mom has always known.”
I knew that would be her next question, so I answered it before she could accuse me of keeping that a secret too. Emotions warred on her face for a few seconds, from confusion to surprise, before finally settling on anger again.
“Fine! You didn’t tell us you were bi. And you didn’t tell us you were dating Oak. That’s still lying!”
I sighed but tried to smile. “First of all, just because you’re my kids and I love you more than anything doesn’t mean you get to know every little detail of my life. I’m a person too, and I’m allowed to keep things to myself if I want to. Sexuality is one of those things you don’t get to know about anyone until they’re ready to tell you. Right?”
“Fine,” she grumbled. She folded her arms over her chest and kept glaring. “Fine. That’s true. But you and Oak have been dating for weeks. I thought something was going on. But you didn’t tell us. You kept it a secret.”
“You’re right.”
Her mouth gaped open, surprised, I think, that I agreed with her. It took her a good thirty seconds to gather herself and remember she was supposed to be scowling. “But it’s been weeks, Dad. And I saw you. Sometimes, you look at Oak like Uncle Teague looks at Uncle Charlie. I knew it.”
I should’ve never forgotten, even for a second, just how astute she was. Harper had always been the kid that took in her surroundings, watching people and figuring things out. I should have realized she would have put the pieces together. And I kind of did, but not to this extent. I hadn’t figured out that she’d known, without anyone saying anything at all.
“Sweetheart, I can understand how you might think that was lying. And it kind of was keeping a secret. But it wasn’t because I wanted to keep things from you.” Well, I had been, but not for the reasons she thought, and certainly not for reasons I was going to explain. That would just make matters worse, and it wasn’t the important part anyway. “But see, you three? You’re the most important people in my world. I’ll do anything to keep you safe and happy. And sometimes, that means that I don’t tell you who I’m dating until I’m sure it’s a solid thing that’s gonna last.”
“Like it lasted with Mom?” she sneered.
I stood up straight. “That’s unfair and uncalled for. There’s no reason to be hurtful.”
Harper’s mouth screwed up, like she was ready to fight, but a second later it drained out of her. “I’m sorry.”
“Thank you. I appreciate the apology. And I know you’re upset, angry even, and that’s why you said that. But that’s when we need to watch our words the most, so we don’t hurt people.”
She nodded. “I’m just mad you didn’t tell us.”
How badly I wanted to go to her and hug her. But I respected the boundary she’d put in place.
“Yeah, I can understand that. And you can be mad until you work through it. I’m here to help you do that, but you can call Mom or Uncle Charlie if you’d rather.” I smiled at her when her expression finally softened. “Just remember, I love you. And I don’t have to tell you everything about my life. Sometimes, I’m going to keep secrets. Or wait to tell you something until I feel it’s the right time. Your happiness is my number one priority.”
“Yeah, Dad. I know that.” She turned back to her desk. “I love you too.”
“Thanks, kiddo. Aunt Regan left cupcakes, if you want one later.”
“Okay.” There were several beats of silence, I figured that was all I was going to get out of her. Eleven was a tough age, and twelve would be worse. Hormones and new emotions and all that. She was just trying to navigate the world, after all.
“Come down when you’re ready.”
“Dad?” I turned back to see her glancing over her shoulder. “I like Oak and all. If he makes you happy, I guess I gotta get over being mad.”
“I’d like that. Thanks, Harper. I’ll see you in a bit.” Because I had no doubt she’d come down for a cupcake eventually, and maybe even join us in the living room, though it would take her a bit to be okay with everything.
I left the room, then, but only made it halfway down the stairs before I needed to just sit and breathe. Out of all the reactions that I imagined, Harper, or any of them, thinking I was a liar hadn’t even crossed my mind. I was infinitely grateful she’d opened up to me, and that we’d be able to work through it. Maybe I would talk to Oak’s therapist about getting the kids in, just so they had someone impartial to talk to. They were adjusting well, overall, but it couldn’t hurt. If Dr. Marks couldn’t see them herself, I was sure she would have recommendations.
Parenting was hard.
But the truth was out now, and all the kids were on board with me dating Oak. Harper’s issues were different, and we’d work through them, with or without professional help. In the meantime, all I could do was keep loving them, keep helping them. But most importantly, with everything out in the open, I could let myself fall in love with Oak.