Chapter 10
Jasper
“What time are you planning on leaving?”
Arlo stretches out in my bed, arms raised above his head and his beautiful face squinted up as he stretches. “Dunno. Like five, I think. I’m gonna run to the grocery store and stock up on things, then pack a bag and make sure everything is ready to go.”
I open my drawer, pulling out a pair of boxers.
“This is unfair, you know?”
“What is?” I ask, stepping into them.
Arlo waves a hand around. “You.”
“Me?” I ask. “What did I do?”
Sitting up, the blanket pooling around his waist, Arlo drags his eyes from my face and down slowly. “You look like that, and you’re leaving.”
I nod solemnly. “Ah, yes. Dreaded work.”
“You get it.”
Shaking my head with a laugh, I pull on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. “If anything, it’s unfair for me. Not of me.”
Arlo’s nose scrunches. “What do you mean?”
I step closer to the bed, leaning over before pressing my lips to his in a quick kiss. “You’re stretched out naked in my bed, and I have to leave. That’s the unfair thing.”
“Yeah, you might be right.” Arlo throws the blanket off himself, then moves until he’s sitting at the edge of my bed. “Things are about to change in a really big way, huh?”
Cupping Arlo’s chin, I tilt his head back. “They are, but it’s okay.”
He blinks up at me, his lashes fluttering. “What if they change for the worse?”
I cock my head. “What do you mean, baby boy?”
“Like with you and me. We just got together, you know? And this is a lot.”
I press my thumb to the freckle on his bottom lip, brushing it back and forth while I search his eyes. “In some ways,” I start, “you’re right. We did just get together. But really, we just made it official more than anything else. It’s been almost a year, Arlo.”
He nods.
“Sure, we just labeled what we are, but I’m in this. I’ve been in this. It’ll be an adjustment, I’m sure, but we’ll be fine. Do you believe me?”
He nods again, his eyes falling shut as he leans into my touch. My touch-starved, needy baby boy. I press a kiss to his forehead. “Okay, I’ve gotta get to work. I’ll text you when I can. Stay as long as you want, okay?”
I step away from him, opening my nightstand and taking a spare key out. “Here.” Arlo turns to look at me, his eyes widening when he sees what I’m holding. “This is for you. It’s for my house, obviously. Just in case the code doesn’t work.”
He holds his hand out, and I place the key in his palm.
Tilting his head back, he pouts his lips at me. He’s got me wrapped, and he knows it. I just know that Salem and Nora will be the same. Hell, I’m already planning a summer pool build. For kids I don’t even know yet, and if that doesn’t tell you all you need to know… Well.
After giving him a quick kiss, I brush his hair off his face. “Lock up before you leave, baby boy.”
In what seems like a daze, he smiles at me. “Okay. I will. Can I call you when I get to the hotel tonight?”
“Of course.” Sitting on the edge of my bed beside him, I put on my socks and shoes. “No promises I’ll be able to answer, but I’ll do my best.”
With another quick kiss, I head outside to my truck.
Arlo wants to tell Austin and Luca about our relationship at our next game night. Apparently, he thinks it’ll be funny to see their reactions in real time. I’m starting to wonder if that’s also when he’s going to tell them about the kids.
Either way, I know it’s gonna be hard as hell to work with Austin all day. It was for my last shift too. My only saving grace is that he’s not as perceptive as Luca. If I worked with Luca? Shit. He’d have me called out in seconds.
I’m about to pull out of the driveway when my phone buzzes.
Arlo
I love you
I couldn’t stop my smile if I tried.
Me
I love you too.
Tossing my phone into the console, I back out of the driveway. There are no words to describe what it feels like going to work, knowing that everything in the universe that I could possibly want is mine.
“I think my boyfriend might be the most talented person I know,” Austin says, sitting down next to me in the lounge.
“Yeah?” I ask, sliding my phone into my pocket.
He waves his phone around. “Yeah, Luca finally finished his first draft and what he called edits from hell, and he’s letting me read it. I mean…” Austin pauses, glancing at his phone. “He was always writing when we were young, and some of it was pretty good, but this… this is next level, man.”
I can’t help but smile. “I wonder if he’d let me read it.”
Austin shrugs. “I don’t see why not, but I can ask him. It’s like… really impressive. I guess I don’t really know what I expected, especially since it’s been so long since he’s actually written, but it’s so good.”
When Luca escaped his abusive ex, I had the privilege of helping him learn self-defense. I got to watch the two of them fall in love. Arlo joined Luca a lot in the beginning. I think I started falling for him back then, if I’m being honest with myself.
Then we hooked up that first time, and he stopped coming for a bit.
When he came back… Well, I was gone… I couldn’t resist him, and he didn’t seem like he could resist me, either.
One day, he hung around after Austin and Luca left.
He followed me to my truck and stared at me for a second with those gorgeous eyes of his.
Before I even knew what was happening, I had him in my arms, and I was kissing him in the middle of the parking lot. Twenty minutes later, we were gasping for air and coming our brains out in the back seat of my truck.
That’s how it started. With the two of us fucking in the damn parking lot outside the gym. I’d like to say it was the only time. It wasn’t. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Thank God for tinted windows, I guess.
Eventually, I got him to my house, and that’s when he started showing up.
I never once turned him away. Not that I wanted to.
I need Arlo like air. Somehow he’s gotten under my skin, melded himself with my bone marrow, become one with the chambers of my heart.
He’s so intertwined with my chemical makeup that I’m sure I’d cease to exist without him.
I shake myself out of my thoughts. “What are his plans? Is he wanting to publish?”
Austin nods. “I think so. He wants to send it off to agents, I guess. I’m not really sure how that works.”
I laugh. “Yeah, I’m not sure either. Sounds like a lot.”
Austin leans back, opening his mouth to speak, when the tones drop. It’s sharp and sudden, and even though I’ve heard them a hundred times, I startle.
The conversation dies in a heartbeat as Austin and I make eye contact and then jump to our feet.
Dispatch comes over the speaker, and I listen, taking in the major details.
Structure Fire.
Residential.
Reports of heavy smoke.
Possible occupant inside.
We’re halfway to the door of the lounge when my feet stop. Austin’s still going. Still moving. Getting further away from me as my body freezes.
2684 Hollow Drive. That’s…
The room tilts. The whole world shifts.
“Jasper?” Austin asks, pausing in the doorway. “We’ve gotta go, man. Let’s go.”
The house number repeats in my head as I follow Austin on legs that don’t feel like my own. 2684. 2684 Hollow Drive.
I step into my turnout pants on autopilot, muscle memory taking over. Suspenders. Coat. Hood.
My hands feel like wood. My lungs feel frozen. I’m not sure I’m even breathing. Is there oxygen here?
“Jasper?” Austin nearly shouts. “Let’s go! What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I lock eyes with him. “That’s Arlo’s address.”
His eyes widen briefly, then he stalks toward me, getting right in my face. “Keep it the fuck together. Keep it together, or you’ve gotta sit it out. Can you do that?”
I nod, swallowing hard. “I’ll keep it together.”
“Then let’s go.”
“Any update on the potential occupant?” Austin asks dispatch.
“Nothing as of now. The caller states the resident was home, but he hasn’t seen them leave the house. He was going to look inside, but he couldn’t get close enough.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
This cannot be happening. This cannot be fucking happening.
The ride feels like it takes a lifetime. I know it’s less than five minutes. Left on Cherry. Right on Pinehill. Left on Hollow. Three houses down on the right.
I know this town like the back of my hand.
I know the turns. The roads. The mailboxes, even.
When we turn onto Pinehill, smoke fills my vision. Black and rolling.
My stomach drops straight through the floor.
When Arlo’s house comes into view, flames are shooting through the window, the glass busted.
“On the scene,” Austin says, his voice tense and no-nonsense. I try to listen to him as my legs turn to jelly and my heart thunders in my ears. “Fire on Delta side. Possible occupant inside. Search is priority.”
As soon as we come to a stop, I’m on my feet, rushing toward the house.
His car is in the driveway, and he’s nowhere to be seen, which means only one thing.
Almost twenty years of protocol leave my brain in an instant.
My only thought is Arlo. I have to get him out of there. I have to find him. I have to.
I ignore Austin calling after me. Ignore the panic rising in my chest. Ignore the crackling flames and the groaning structure.
It’s almost impossible to see through the smoke as I sweep each room, looking for him. My heart rate climbs, my lungs nearly giving out even with my SCBA. I force myself to keep moving. To keep looking. To keep fucking going.
Finally, I see him. Prone on the ground in the hallway.
I rush to him. Be okay. Be okay. Dear fucking God, please be okay.
Rolling him onto his back, I glance at his face. Black soot is clinging to his nostrils and his mouth. I stand, grabbing the collar of his shirt, and start dragging him through the house.
My knees nearly buckle when I have him in the grass safely away from the house, ripping my mask off as I drop to my knees beside Arlo. Austin kneels beside me, cutting Arlo’s shirt off him.
His chest is still. Unmoving. Austin leans down, ear hovering over Arlo’s nose and mouth.
He’s not breathing. He’s not breathing.
I know this. I know what I’m supposed to be doing. But I can’t. My hands aren’t working. I can’t do this.
I have to.
Arlo needs me. He needs me.
I’m trained for this.
Austin places a mask over Arlo’s mouth, sealing it as he tilts his head back and starts ventilation.
“Jasper,” he snaps, his voice cutting through the panic roaring in my ears. “Check pulse.”
I drop two fingers to Arlo’s neck almost on instinct. He’s burned. His neck’s blood red and already blistering.
There’s… nothing.
I press harder.
Still nothing.
Adjust my fingers.
Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing.
My vision narrows, my eyes going blurry.
“No pulse,” I choke out. “Starting compressions.”
I position my hands in the center of his chest, locking my elbows. I’ve done this hundreds of times. Thousands, maybe.
This is no different. This is just like all the other times.
I press down. Hard.
I count in my head. One, two, three, four…
My arms start shaking, so I readjust and keep going. Keep pushing pushing pushing, pumping blood through the veins of the man I love.
“Arlo.” Tears well in my eyes, spilling down my cheeks before I can stop them. “You can’t fucking die on me like this. You’re not allowed.”
I stop compressions, my hands shaking madly while Austin checks his pulse. “Nothing. Resume.”
I start back up.
There’s nothing but this.
Nothing but my hands, trying to bring Arlo back to me.
Push. Release. Push. Release.
“C’mon, baby boy,” I breathe, my voice cracking. “Come on. Please. Please don’t leave me like this. I’ll do anything.”
My breathing is ragged, my vision blurring in and out of focus.
More sirens approach. I’m still doing compressions, still staring at Arlo’s face, when a paramedic rushes to us with a monitor and airway kit.
“Status?”
Austin answers. “Adult male. No pulse. Unknown downtime. Burns along neck and shoulder.”
“Pause compressions.”
I sit back, drawing in a gasping breath as sweat beads on my skin.
They place pads on Arlo’s chest, and the unforgiving straight line across the monitor makes my stomach lurch.
“Asystole. Resume compressions.”
“Tube him,” someone says.
“Switch with me,” Austin says softly.
“No. Don’t touch him,” I snap, far more harshly than I mean to.
“Jasper,” Austin says, beside me now. “I care about him too. Let me help. You’re flagging.”
I shake my head, sweat flying off my hair. Eighteen, nineteen, twenty…
“You don’t. Not like I do,” I grit out.
“Goddammit, Jasper.”
“Hold compressions.”
I sit back, wiping at my face.
“Still asystole. Switch out.”
“No,” I snap.
Austin grabs my arms. “You’re burning out, Jasper. Let us help.”
My throat nearly closes up, but I nod, then drop onto my ass.
A medic takes my place. “Load him. We’re ready to transport.”
I push to my feet, watching as they load him onto a stretcher.
Austin grabs my face, forcing me to look at him. “Go.”
“Go?” I echo.
“With him. Go with him. Keep me updated. Go.”
I nod without thought, then I’m rushing after the medics and climbing into the ambulance with them.
The doors slam closed. We start moving.
They continue compressions. Arlo’s body jerks with each one. His color is better, I think. Or maybe I’m imagining it. Maybe I want it so badly I’m willing to believe anything.
I can’t do this again.
I can’t fucking do this again.
I can’t bury two people I love this way. I can’t. My heart hammers and my head swims, Arlo’s body flickering in and out of focus as images of Sarah flash through my mind.
Her small body. The way her hair looked, singed and broken. Her blue lips. The same flat line. The same bone-deep, aching pain in my heart.
“Pause compressions.”