Chapter 32
Arlo
By the time we pull into the driveway, Nora is asleep, and I’ve mostly been able to tune out the tinny voices on the video that’s still playing.
Jasper puts the truck in park, then turns in his seat to look at me. “I’ll carry Nora in and take her to bed.”
I can’t manage much more than a nod. I guess I’m gonna try to get Salem to talk to me. That’s really what it comes down to. He needs to open up to me and talk, whether he wants to or not.
With a sigh, Jasper pushes open the truck door and gets out, then opens the back door.
I’m frustrated and hurt, and I want to go to mine and Jasper’s room and hide out from the world. I can’t, of course. Fuck, this is so much harder than I thought it would be.
Jasper unbuckles Nora. She stirs a bit, but when she realizes it’s him, she closes her eyes again. He lifts her without thought, and she wraps her arms around his neck.
It’s not until they’ve made it to the door that Salem sighs. “I’m gonna go in and go to bed.”
He’s out of the truck before I can even respond. Giving myself a few minutes to regulate, I wait until he’s inside the house and the door is shut behind him before I climb down.
By the time I make it inside, Jasper is standing just inside the door.
“Hey, baby boy,” he whispers, hooking an arm around my waist and pulling me close to him.
“Hey,” I whisper back, wrapping myself around him and soaking in his warmth. “I’m gonna go talk to Salem.”
Jasper’s chest rises and falls under my head. “Might be a good idea to wait, baby boy. Let him cool off.”
I shake my head. “I can’t keep putting it off. I need to figure out what the problem is. Maybe if I try to just be calm and open with him, he’ll do the same.”
I’m sure my logic is flawed, but it’s all I’ve got. I have to do something.
After giving me a quick squeeze, Jasper lets go of me, then takes a step back. “I’ll be here if you need me.”
“I know.” I raise up on my tiptoes and purse my lips.
Jasper kisses me softly, then he brushes his nose over mine.
With another quick kiss, Jasper squeezes my arms, then steps past me and walks into our bedroom.
I sigh, steeling myself, and walk to Salem’s bedroom door.
He has it pulled shut, so I hesitate for a second, fist hovering over it. Finally, I knock.
“What?” he calls from inside.
“Can I come talk to you?”
The door creaks open, and Salem peaks his head around it. “Fine.”
His eyes are red and swollen, and my heart clenches. I wish he’d just fucking open up to me. Our relationship has never been like this before, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t even know how to get him to feel safe talking to me.
“Make it quick,” he says, frustration in his voice.
I step inside, then close the door behind me. It’s clean in here. Pristine, really. His bed is made perfectly, aside from the top corner where the comforter is a little folded back, and the top of his dresser is organized with the few things he actually let us buy for him.
I sigh. “I don’t want to do this, but I have to. We need to figure out what’s going on and get to the bottom of things.”
His eyebrows scrunch together. “The bottom of things?”
“Yes. You’ve been… testy ever since you got here. You snap at me. You’re mean to Nora—”
“I’m not!” he says, cutting me off.
Frustration wells up inside me. I’m truly almost at the limit of what I can take. “You are.”
Something flashes in his eyes. “Maybe I’m just sick and fucking tired of you trying to control me.”
It takes all my strength not to roll my eyes. “I’m not trying to control you, Salem.”
“Sure fucking feels like it.” He sets his jaw, his hands clenched at his sides. This is going off the rails faster than I thought it would.
I force a deep breath into my lungs. “I’m not trying to control you, Salem. I’m trying to parent you. There’s a difference.”
He scoffs, his eyes rolling back in his head. “Right. There’s a difference,” he repeats, mocking my tone. “Really? Because it feels the exact same.”
My chest tightens. “Yeah, because—”
“Because you’re the fucking boss of me,” he snaps. “I know.”
“If you know,” I grit out, running a hand through my hair in frustration, “then why are you giving me such a hard time? I thought this is what you wanted. I thought you wanted to come live with me. I’ve been fighting my fucking ass off for a year trying to get you home, Salem. A fucking year.”
His face does something complicated, and he takes a step away from me like my words physically hit him. “I did want to live with you, but now we live with Jasper.”
That stops me cold. “You don’t like Jasper?”
He shakes his head. “I didn’t say that. Don’t put words in my mouth. God.”
“I’m not putting words in your mouth. I’m trying to understand. Please help me understand.”
Growling, he paces the floor. “It’s different than I thought it would be. It was supposed to be just us, and now it’s not.”
I let out a manic laugh. “Take a look around, kid. In case you missed it. The house I got for us burned to the ground. I almost fucking died. The only reason it didn’t take another year for me to bring you home was because of Jasper.”
He bares his teeth at me. “And I’m just supposed to be grateful that your fancy boyfriend moved us all into his fancy house? I’m supposed to be happy that he’s spending hundreds of dollars on a single dinner and driving us to school in his big, nice truck?”
I honestly don’t even know what to say. Being grateful for the things you have feels like a fucking given to me. “I’m sure as fuck grateful that he took us all in.”
“And what are we gonna do if you break up?” Salem snaps, his eyes zeroing in on mine. “Then what? Nora and I just go back into foster care? You gonna sleep in your car? Got any other fancy friends who will take you and a couple of fucked-up kids in?”
My heart slams against my ribs. “Don’t talk about yourself that way.” Salem waves me off. “Jasper’s not going to kick us out.”
“And you just know that?” He snorts, rolling his eyes again.
I nod, my throat going tight. “Actually, yeah. I trust him. I believe in him.”
“Just like you believed Mom would stay clean.”
His words cut me to the core, and I nearly double over as my eyes burn. “That’s not fair.”
“It’s the truth, Arlo. I can’t help it that you can’t deal with it. But it makes sense, since you left us there and didn’t deal with it at all.”
“I dealt with it my entire fucking life!” I’m raising my voice, and I know I am. But I’m too frustrated to stop. Too upset to regulate myself. “Far longer than you did. I kept your diapers changed and protected you from Mom and Melvin, and I went hungry so you could fucking eat!”
Salem’s eyes widen. “Well, I’m so sorry I was such a burden on you. Maybe you should have left me in Tennessee. That’s all you do anyway. Leave.”
I rub my hand down my face. “No. That’s not all I do. I’m standing right fucking here, Salem. Don’t you think I deserved better than that? Don’t you think I deserved to get away?”
“What about what I deserve?” he shouts, his voice cracking.
“I’m trying to give you what you deserve!” I yell back. “But you won’t fucking let me. Why the fuck are you being like this? I can’t do it.” I shake my head, tears welling up in my eyes. “I can’t fucking do this shit anymore!”
Devastation spreads across Salem’s face, and I want to suck the words back in. I want to take them back. I want to make them go away. I take a step toward him, but he backs away.
The door swings open, and Jasper walks inside.
“That’s enough.” He steps between us, blocking my view of Salem, and as soon as his concerned blue eyes meet mine, a sob rips from my chest. “I think you both need time to calm down. Nothing productive is happening. I know you love each other.” Jasper turns to Salem. “I know you love your brother.”
Salem doesn’t say anything, and that’s probably for the best. I lean over, bracing my hands on my knees as more tears spill from my eyes, my chest heaving with each sob that tears out of me.
“Let’s talk more in the morning, okay?” Jasper says, his voice calm and low. “Is that okay, Salem? We can talk tomorrow; give everyone some time to calm down?”
I’m fucking losing it, so I barely hear Salem’s quiet “Okay.”
“Are you going to be alright?” Jasper asks, and it takes me a second to realize he’s not talking to me. “Do you need to talk? Do you want me to sit in here with you for a second?”
Salem doesn’t answer with words, but he must do something because Jasper says, “Okay, I’m taking him to bed, and if you need me, come get me.”
“Not Arlo?”
Salem’s voice is choked and hurt, and he sounds so much like the small kid I used to do everything I could to protect that it makes my stomach twist in agony.
“No,” Jasper says. “Not Arlo. If you need something, come get me.”
Warm hands grip my sides, and then I’m being lifted, pulled into Jasper’s arms. That makes me cry harder. I bury my face against his throat, not even bothering to look up as he strides out of Salem’s room, pulling the door shut behind him with a quiet click.
When he gets us into the bedroom and lays me down in bed, I curl in on myself, covering my face with my hands.
I fucked everything up. I don’t know what I’m doing at all.
I have no idea how to navigate this. I have no idea how to fix things.
I don’t even know how to have a productive conversation with the person I used to be the closest to.
Salem is a stranger to me, and I’m a stranger to him, and I don’t know what to do with that. I don’t know how to change it. I fear I can’t.
“Baby boy,” Jasper whispers, and then he’s sliding into bed next to me and pulling me into his arms. He shushes me, rubbing his hand up and down my back. “I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but it’ll all be okay.”
I’m not sure how it’ll be okay. Everything feels so damn hopeless. God, I lost my shit. “I hurt him,” I murmur, my voice thick with tears. Pulling myself out of Jasper’s embrace, I sit up, swiping at my face. “I need to go talk to him. I need to apologize. I need to tell him I didn’t mean it.”
Jasper grabs my arm and tugs me back down, wrapping me up and squeezing me half to death. “No. You’ve both talked enough tonight. You can apologize tomorrow. After everyone’s had a good night’s sleep and a little time away from each other, okay?”
I shake my head violently. “No, I need to go now.”
“You don’t.” He squeezes me again. “You’re in no position to talk to him. You need a level head so you can stay calm, and I love you, baby boy, but you’re anything but calm right now.”
As if I don’t already know that.
“Tomorrow,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to my temple, “I’ll call Austin and Luca and see if they’ll come take Nora to breakfast, and the three of us can have a talk, okay?”
I blow out a breath. “Okay.”
Jasper holds me until my tears stop, whispering in my ear that he loves me, stroking my back and running his fingers through my hair, pressing gentle kisses to my forehead and temple and my closed eyelids.
He holds me until his body starts to go slack as sleep takes him.
I lie awake for hours, my mind racing and my heart aching. It’s just before sunrise when I finally doze off.