5. Leesa
5
LEESA
I’m ruminating and I know it. I’ve seen therapists to handle it, but it doesn’t go away easily.
How could he? This is his daughter. Does he want her scared? Does he want her cold? Does he want us to hurt even more?
I pull a door closed after checking a hallway bathroom. I go back to the kitchen and living room after every room to make sure Jazzy’s okay, feigning that I need to check on the cookies. But I think she knows something’s up by her side-eye glances while she continues to color in a Barbie coloring book. She’s way too smart for her good. And mine.
I pull out another sheet of baked cookies.
Probably swiped my phone while I was busy with Jazzy.
If my trust wasn’t shaken before, it’s a frantic toddler with a rattle now.
Cary’s had enough of my time and energy.
With my back turned to the living room, my chest starts to hopscotch. I’ve been so strong for so long. Knowing that I just had to be. I had to make sure that Jazzy always felt protected and make sure that I didn’t say anything bad about Cary. But this is too much.
I can’t help but wonder if he’s watching me right now.
Sure, I can’t prove it’s him, but I can’t help but think of all the times he said that he’d be there in the dark, observing and waiting.
Creepy is fucking right.
My body wracks with an earthquake of realization. I knew it was going to be a challenge being up here, but this makes it more challenging than I ever could’ve imagined.
“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” Rhodes’s voice should’ve scared me, but it didn’t.
I turn and he stands close, blocking Jazzy’s view of me.
I shake my head and cross my arms. “I shouldn’t have come here.” Tears fall over and I can’t stop them.
His arms wrap around me, and I crash to his chest. “Hey, hey, it’s going to be okay.”
I stay there way too long. He’s warm. He’s hard but soft, too. And it’s been so long since I felt the touch of a man.
I look up into that handsome face. The thick trimmed beard over his cheeks and down his sharp jawline. His green eyes piercing into me, deep and direct to the place that heats quickly.
Attraction, off the charts.
Interest, ramping up quickly.
Desire, wet panties are happening.
I push back. I’m not ready for anything physical or emotional yet. I need to get my head in order first.
“Thanks, Rhodes. It’s been a helluva year.” I whisper the “bad word” knowing that my daughter has super hearing.
“Decades,” he mumbles and I wonder what he’s been through.
I grimace. “Sorry to hear that.”
“You want help cleaning up?” he asks, sliding past me to the sink.
A man who does dishes? I almost swoon.
“Sure.”
He starts some warm water in the sink. “Thankfully, the gas water heater works while the electricity is out, so warm baths and showers are still possible.”
“Oh, I might do that. I haven’t taken a bath in years.” I swear I see him shiver. “You cold?”
“No, just… thinking.”
“About?”
“Honestly?” he asks, handing over a clean bowl for me to dry.
“Of course. I appreciate honesty.”
He turns soapy rag in hand. “You in a bubble bath. It’s a thought I might never get out of my head.”
I freeze with the bowl in my hand. “Oh. I guess, thanks?”
“Yeah, honesty can be eye opening, right?” He goes back to the sink of soapy water.
“You ever take baths?”
He looks back over his shoulder. “Is that an invite?”
I’ll probably never see this man again. And maybe… just maybe Shane meant for this to be a new beginning for me as a woman.
Shake the dust off of my lady parts.
“We’ll see, Rhodes. We’ll see…”
The bowl in his hand drops in the water and a cloud of bubbles covers his face.
I laugh as I walk away, sauntering my hips just a little bit more than before.
Sometimes you can’t be ready for what just feels right.