Chapter 10 #2
With Cole, it felt right. Natural. Like we were two people who needed each other in that moment and found comfort in the connection.
With Theo, it felt right too. Different from Cole—lighter, more playful—but just as genuine.
How can they both feel right?
How can I have feelings for two different people at the same time and not feel like I’m cheating on both of them?
I stir the pasta with more force than necessary.
Derek used to say I was too much. Too emotional. Too needy. Too intense about everything.
Maybe he was right. Maybe normal people don’t fall for two men at once. Maybe there’s something fundamentally broken in me that I can’t just pick one person and be satisfied.
The front door opens. Jake’s voice carries through the house.
“Rachel? We’re home!”
I paste on a smile and call back. “In the kitchen.”
Tommy appears first, launching himself at my legs with the force of a small tornado.
“Mama! We went to the science museum, and I saw a real dinosaur skeleton, and Marcus’s mom bought us ice cream even though it wasn’t even lunchtime yet.”
“That sounds amazing, baby.” I ruffle his hair. “Did you say thank you?”
“I said thank you like a hundred times.” He releases my legs and spots the pasta. “Are we having spaghetti?”
“We are.”
“With meatballs?”
“With meatballs.”
“Yes!” He pumps his fist and runs off toward the living room, probably to tell Rex the dinosaur all about his day.
Jake appears in the doorway, keys still in hand. He looks tired. Good tired, but tired.
“How was it?” I ask, focusing on the pasta instead of looking at him directly because I’m pretty sure guilt is written all over my face.
“Good. Marcus’s parents send their regards. They asked about you. Wanted to know how the job hunt’s going.”
“That’s nice of them.”
“They also mentioned they heard about Derek threatening custody.” He leans against the doorframe. “Word travels fast in this town.”
“Too fast.” I drain the pasta, steam rising to fog my glasses. “But yeah, he’s being an ass. Nothing new.”
“I got some news today.”
Something in his tone makes me look up. “Good news or bad news?”
“Good news. I think.” He runs a hand through his hair. “You remember that research position in Alaska I mentioned a while back? The one studying endangered fish populations?”
My stomach drops. “Yeah?”
“They offered it to me. Six months on remote lakes, full funding, my name on the published research.” He’s trying to keep his voice neutral, but I can hear the excitement underneath. “It’s a career-defining opportunity.”
“Jake, that’s incredible.” And I mean it. I do, even though the thought of him being gone for six months makes my chest tight. “When do you leave?”
“That’s the thing. I’m thinking about turning it down.”
“What? Why?”
“Because of everything happening with you. The fires, Derek, the job situation.” He crosses his arms. “You need support right now. I’m not going to abandon you when things are hard.”
“You’re not abandoning me.” I set down the spoon and turn to face him fully. “Jake, this is your dream research. You’ve been working toward something like this for years.”
“I know, but—”
“But nothing. You’re going.” I use my best don’t argue with me " voice. “I’m a grown woman. I can handle Derek and job hunting. You’re not putting your life on hold for me.”
“Rachel—”
“I’m serious. You’re going to Alaska. You’re going to study those fish. You’re going to get your name on important research.” I point at him with the pasta spoon. “And when you come back, I’ll have my life together, and you can stop worrying about me.”
He studies me for a long moment. “You sure?”
“Positive.”
“Because if you need me to stay—”
“I don’t need you to stay. I need you to live your life and stop treating me like I’m going to fall apart without you.” I soften my tone. “I love that you want to protect me. But I’ve got this. I promise.”
Jake nods slowly. “Okay. If you’re sure.”
“I’m sure.”
He pushes off the doorframe. “I’ll call them tomorrow and accept. The position starts in two months, so we’ve got time to figure out logistics.”
“Two months is plenty of time.”
He heads upstairs, and I’m alone in the kitchen again with my boiling pasta and my tangled thoughts.
Two months until Jake leaves.
Two months to figure out what I’m doing with Cole and Theo.
Two months to get my life together enough that my brother can leave without worrying I’ll implode.
I finish making dinner on autopilot. Set the table. Call Tommy to wash his hands. Serve spaghetti like this on a normal evening, and I didn’t just sleep with two different men in the span of forty-eight hours.
Tommy chatters through dinner about dinosaurs, ice cream, and his friend Marcus’s new hamster. Jake talks about the Alaska research, his excitement breaking through despite his attempts to stay measured.
And I sit there, eating spaghetti, wondering if I’m the kind of person who can love two people at once.
Or if I’m just broken in ways I haven’t fully figured out yet.
Later, after Tommy’s in bed and Jake’s locked himself in his office to work on his Alaska acceptance email, I stand in my bedroom doorway and look at the shelf Theo fixed.
It’s solid now. Secure. The books and picture frames were arranged exactly how I had them before.
I think about Cole on the rooftop, his arms around me, while I cried about feeling like a failure.
I think about Theo in this room, his hands gentle and sure, his voice soft when he told me I make him believe in fresh starts.
Two different men. Two different kinds of comfort. Two different ways of making me feel like I matter.
Maybe I am broken.
Or maybe I’m just capable of loving more deeply than one person at a time.
I don’t know which one scares me more.