Chapter 9 #2
I gave her a tight smile, wishing I felt the same, and glanced back at the group of kids, all bowing to the sensei now that class was over. I wasn’t confident like Claire and Delilah, or runway gorgeous like Anna and Brittany, or intelligent like Savannah.
“Why haven’t you told him all of this?” Anna asked, setting Hattie back in her carrier while we started gathering our stuff.
“He’s my lawyer. He can’t have romantic relationships with clients.” And I’d looked it up…multiple times just to be sure. “Everything I’ve read says it’s a breach of ethical conduct, and he could lose his license over it.”
Her face screwed up tightly with disbelief. “Really? That seems a little over the top.”
“You’re telling me,” I grumbled.
“Mama!” Henry ran up to Anna, shoving a paper in her hands. “That’s yours.” He bent over the carrier and shoved his face right in Hattie’s. “Hi, sissy.”
She made a spit bubble that made him laugh.
Luke wasn’t far behind, carrying another blue paper in his hands. His curls were damp, plastered to his forehead. “Hi, baby.” I grinned.
“Hi,” he replied, his voice more somber than Henry’s.
I frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“When is Daddy coming?” he asked, looking up at me with Jeremy’s same brown eyes.
My entire body went haywire, leaving me instantly lightheaded. Luke hadn’t asked about Jeremy once since we’d been here. I thought he hadn’t noticed, that he’d somehow forgotten him, that I’d gotten lucky and would never have to talk about him with Luke ever.
But I’d never been that lucky.
“W-What?”
Luke handed me the paper, and when I looked down at it, I thought I might puke. I blinked quickly, trying to focus my vision, but it wouldn’t cooperate. Reading the paper three times over didn’t seem to change what it said, no matter how much I wanted it to.
Dad’s Night.
A special night next month for the students to showcase what they had learned in class with their fathers.
And as if he had sensed my fear, like a shark scenting blood in the water, my phone started to ring. Jeremy’s name flashed on the screen. My body went numb, my skin clammy yet cold.
I just stared, unblinking, as the phone vibrated on the bench beside me. Only when the screen went black did I feel like I could draw breath again.
“Mommy?”
“What, Luke?” Guilt slammed into me for snapping at him, but I was fraying like worn rope, and I could only take so much before I unraveled completely and lost it inside this dojo with forty screaming toddlers running around and their parents.
“Can Daddy come?”
“No,” I said sharply. I shot up from the bleachers, struggling to stay upright, the walls caving in on me. Anna was down at the bottom, holding Henry’s hand with Hattie’s carrier in the crook of her elbow. She looked over her shoulder, her brows knitting together when her eyes met mine.
I grabbed Luke and hoisted him onto my hip, needing to get out of here. Fast.
“What’s wrong?” Anna asked. I just shook my head and blew past her towards the exit.
My hands trembled as I buckled Luke into his car seat, my breathing erratic. “Why can’t Daddy come?” Luke asked, and I swallowed back a scream.
“Because he’s working,” I lied. How I managed to come up with it so fast, I had no clue.
“Tess. What the hell is going on?”
I winced, turning to face Anna. “The flyer,” I whispered, not wanting Luke to hear. “Luke’s asking about Jeremy.”
Confusion swept across her face until her eyes snapped wide. “Oh my God!”
I leaned against Claire’s truck. “I don’t know what to do,” I whimpered, running shaking hands through my hair. My arms didn’t even feel real. Nothing felt real. “I can’t tell him why he won’t be here.”
The thought of Luke sitting alone in the dojo, looking around at all the kids and their dads, wondering where his was, only to find out he wasn’t there because he beat his mother so she got a restraining order, crushed me.
My chest tightened with that crushing feeling, each breath harder than the last.
Anna’s eyes darted all over me. “Do you want me to call someone?”
I braced a hand against the truck, leaning over.
“No.” I sucked in deep breaths through my nose, blowing them out of my mouth.
There was no one to call anyway. I had no one.
No one special in my life to turn to and call in emergencies.
Just my siblings, but what would happen when they had lives and families of their own?
Savannah just got engaged, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Claire got married within a year.
I couldn’t keep expecting them to take care of me.
I didn’t want them to. I wanted my own person.
Someone just for Luke and me. After everything we’d been through, we deserved a piece of happiness, too.
“You know, one of the guys will happily do it. Weston would love this.”
“I don’t want Weston to do it!” I snapped, and she flinched. More guilt. “I want my son to have a normal family,” my voice cracked on the words. “He’s going to be devastated when he has no one there for him.” A rough, broken sob left me, and I buried my face in my hands.
Anna held me tight. “That’s not true. Luke has so many uncles that he has his pick of who he wants to come for Dad’s Night, and that’s a blessing. There are so many people who love him. And you, too. Don’t let Jeremy take that away from you.”
I nodded, knowing she was right. I sounded ungrateful, but I just wanted Luke to have what I grew up with: two parents who loved each other to the ends of the earth, who would do anything for each other.
And I didn’t know if he ever would.
I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened at the dojo earlier while I stood in the shower, the warm water like ice on my skin.
My heart ached with longing for a future I didn’t know we’d ever have.
I pictured Luke there on Dad’s Night, sad and alone, looking around for Jeremy, and I wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all.
I forced my face under the water, hoping it’d distract me, but my mind stayed planted in that nightmare. I had to find someone to go with him. I knew Emmett would, but I didn’t want to keep making him Luke’s surrogate father; it wasn’t fair to either one of them.
Maybe I could ask Levi. Luke adored him more than any of the other guys. Just the thought lifted my spirits, and I decided I’d ask him in the morning if I didn’t chicken out. I bet he’d say yes.
And it’d mean seeing him in workout clothes again. The suits were nice, wonderful, even, but seeing him in a t-shirt stretched across his broad chest, the sleeves tight from his arms…
The water heated up a bit, or maybe that was just my skin.
I turned under the stream, letting out a shaky breath.
Flashes of Levi played through my mind like a highlight reel: him holding me at the Bull Pen, his hand in mine at Brittany and Colt’s wedding, his voice on the phone earlier.
My blood roared in my ears at the memory of when we got ice cream last week, and the way he licked it and hummed with contentment.
My eyes fluttered shut, my breathing shallow as my mind wandered and placed him here.
And instead of licking ice cream, he was down on his knees, his face buried between my thighs while he licked me.
Something Jeremy had always refused to do.
I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head. I shouldn’t be thinking of him like this. He was my lawyer. We were friends.
But I couldn’t stop.
It was safe to assume Levi was a giver in bed, given how kind he was. The thought made me sway on my feet. Would he be soft and gentle? Or would he be lust-crazed and rough? A side of him he kept under wraps, only for one special person to see.
My thighs pressed together, trying to soothe the ache I felt. I wanted to be that special person for him. I wanted it more than anything.
My heart pounded beneath my hand as it slid across my heaving chest, picturing him here, touching me instead.
My back met the cool tile, moaning as I pinched one of my nipples, my other hand slipping between my legs.
I gasped, inhaling steam, when my fingers brushed against my clit, imagining it was Levi’s hand instead of mine.
His hands were bigger, stronger, perfect.
I propped a foot on the edge of the tub, spreading myself wider.
A tiny whimper left me, pleasure rippling through me.
My head fell back against the wall, picturing Levi towering over me, his hair dripping, eyes dark with desire, a pleased smirk on his face at how desperate I was for him.
God, I bet he looked sexy with his hair wet.
My hand moved faster, his voice from our phone call earlier ringing through my head.
I’m so proud of you, he’d said. The words played in my mind again, picturing the way he’d groan it as he filled me for the first time, proud of how well I took it.
And I would, I’d make it perfect for him.
Just as good as I know he’d make it for me.
The stretch would be tight, but so exquisite it’d send me up onto my toes.
I tried to mimic it with my fingers, but knew nothing would be able to compare to the way I imagined he felt.
I pumped my fingers the way I wanted him to move, forceful and deep. Moving with the kind of power that stole my breath and made me see stars. His groan would bounce off the tile, something low and deep and purely man.
I bit my lip, careful to stay quiet when I picked up the pace, the heel of my palm harsh against my clit.
Pleasure pulled tightly low in my belly, my jaw dropping with gasping breaths.
I imagined Levi’s lips brushing against mine, soft but hungry, giving in to the same desperation I felt.
I wanted it so badly I could feel the slow drag of his tongue against mine, teasing me until I was desperate.
I slapped a hand over my mouth, moaning his name into my hand as I came. My hand slid off my mouth, my breathing ragged. I slid down the tile until I hit the shower floor, my legs trembling.
“What did I just do?” I whispered, knowing I’d just started something I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop.