Chapter 14 #4
“People made snarky comments about me all during high school because they knew my mother had dumped me on my grandfather. Nothing I said or did made any difference, so I learned to ignore the comments.” He halted.
“But that was when the rumors were about me. When I heard them talking about you today, I was angry.”
Mia gazed at him for a moment. “I’ve rarely seen you angry like that. The only other time I can recall was the day I told you I’d lost the baby.”
He sighed. “I’m sorry I got so mad. I didn’t realize you’d miscarried.
Instead of asking you what happened, I believed the worst. I was guilty and upset, but I never talked about you.
You were everything to me.” Jackson’s voice grew tight.
“That’s why I went into the military. I couldn’t stand to be here without you, knowing what had happened. ”
Mia’s gut clenched. “Jackson, I wanted our baby. Even after you rejected me, that child was mine. It was ours. How could you ever have believed I’d get an abortion? That I would give up our baby. I would have faced any scorn to hold him or her.”
Her lungs burned, each breath sharp like she’d run a mile.
“I’m listening now. Tell me how it happened. Please.”
“I got into a stupid fight with Blaine, tripped over something on the porch, and fell down the stairs. I hadn’t even told them.
But they knew once I lost the baby. I thought it was a secret.
I was still bleeding, and in so much pain I could barely walk.
Blaine made me go back to school. I heard the whispers, the snickers when I walked by.
I got kicked off the cheer squad. My friends ignored me.
I don’t know how, but they all knew.” She wrapped her arms around herself, bending over, protecting her vulnerable middle.
“Mia—”
She shook her head. Would she ever stop crying? “I knew you were mad about the baby. You weren’t subtle. But I thought you loved me and that you’d comfort me. Instead, the moment you heard I’d lost the baby, you…you…”
She couldn’t say it.
“I accused the most gentle and honest girl I’d ever known of being selfish, of going behind my back to get an abortion. Then I walked away.”
She peeled her eyelids open. “I wanted to die.”
He groaned, his hands fisted at his side. Tears glinted in his blue eyes.
“Why? Why did you reject me when I told you about the baby?”
“Because I always knew—” he began, then stopped.
“Knew what.” She crossed her arms over her chest and waited.
“I wasn’t good enough for you, Mia. I never had been.
It was selfish of me to convince you to do something that I knew in my heart was wrong.
I knew that having sex outside of marriage wasn’t what God wanted.
When you told me you were pregnant, I knew I’d ruined your life.
And that sooner or later, you’d hate me for it. ”
Her jaw dropped. “What? I never said that!”
He shrugged. “You didn’t have to. I knew from the beginning you deserved better than me. Do you remember the time we were caught making out in the teachers’ workroom?”
Hot blood surged up her chest to her neck. She’d been young and head over heels in love.
It was a feeling she’d never experience again.
She shoved the thoughts of the stolen kisses from her youth aside. She couldn’t lie and say she didn’t remember. Her face probably resembled a ripe tomato.
Instead, she gave a nonchalant shrug. “What about it?”
He searched her face for a moment. “Mrs. Snyder approached me later. She told me quite clearly that I was going to ruin your life. A girl like you could do better than someone like me. She told me all the teachers got concerned when they saw us together.”
Mia shook her head. “I never thought that. I wouldn’t have cut you out of our baby’s life.”
He dropped his head in his hands. “After you told me you were pregnant, I ran all the way home. I was so mad, and I was scared. My grandfather found me. I was rude to him, and he asked what was wrong. I told him.” Jackson lifted his head and gazed into her eyes, his own shadowed with remembered guilt.
“He was disappointed in me, but he helped me understand that the baby was a gift and a responsibility. I needed to man up.”
“But you didn’t—”
“I did.” He walked closer. When he sighed, it ruffled her hair. “I went to your home. Blaine looked at me like I was an insect. I didn’t mention the baby. I just told him I loved you and hoped to marry you one day.”
Her hand flew to her mouth. “When?”
“The day before I confronted you. He told me he knew about the baby and that you had decided to do the right thing and get an abortion. And that he had told you not to waste your time on me.”
She swayed. Only his arms kept her upright. “That’s why you believed it. My own father had told you that vile lie.”
He nodded.
She threw her arms around him. “You weren’t a waste, Jackson. I never would have thought that. I am so sorry you did.”
He gently kissed her forehead. “Mia, didn’t you ever wonder where my mom was?”
She blinked at the change of subject. “I thought she’d died.”
“No. She left. Because of me.”