Chapter 4 #2
Mary chuckled. “You could say that. Look, we all like the commander. He’s an amazing man, and he’s kept our husbands safe more times than we can count. But…he’s not exactly… What word did you use…kind?”
Macie stared at her sister-in-law. “Yes he is,” she countered.
Mary shook her head. “I’m trying to look out for you.
He’s got a reputation for being one of the toughest officers on post. He doesn’t like excuses, and doesn’t like it when his soldiers are late and I heard that when he was at another post, he refused to let a soldier take leave when his baby was being born. I also heard that once he—”
“No,” Macie said firmly.
“No, what?” Mary asked.
“I appreciate that you’re trying to look out for me, but there’s no need,” Macie said, trying to sound firm. She knew Mary had a tendency to say whatever she was thinking, but she didn’t want to hear gossip about Colt.
Mary’s voice gentled. “I’m not trying to be a bitch, I swear.
I just think you need to know so you don’t have expectations that might never be met.
The commander was a Delta Force soldier himself, Macie.
He actually left the teams after an incident where one of his teammates was captured.
I heard Truck talking about it on the phone one night with Blade.
He said the commander went crazy. That he killed forty-two people that day. ”
“Have you ever been so worried about something you can’t breathe?” Macie asked Mary out of the blue.
“What?”
“Have you stood in a room and known deep in your soul that everyone was talking about you behind your back?”
“No, but—”
“I know you’ve been through a lot, Mary.
I know. There’s a saying I try to live by: everyone you meet is fighting an invisible battle you know nothing about, so you should always be kind.
I think you and I know more about that than anyone else in this room.
If I told you that Truck was an asshole, would you believe me?
Would that change how you feel about him? ”
“You know it wouldn’t,” Mary said.
“Right. I can’t pretend to know how Colt was feeling when he killed those people.
I would imagine he was angry. And scared for his friend.
And frustrated, and a hundred other emotions I can’t name.
How would you feel if you were that captured soldier?
Wouldn’t you want your fellow soldiers to do whatever it took to get to you?
What if that was Rayne, and someone was holding her hostage?
Wouldn’t you kill forty-two people to get to her?
“The night of your wedding reception was a living hell for me. I was pretending to be happy, but I was miserable and freaked out that everyone was staring at me, wondering who I was and why I was there. Colt was the only one who noticed. He understood something was wrong and he got me out of there. Spent the entire night making sure I was okay. He didn’t pressure me for sex.
In fact, not once did I even worry that might be why he was helping me.
He held me in his arms all night, making me feel safe, even as I struggled with my brain telling me things that I knew damn well weren’t true, about everyone staring at me at your reception.
“I don’t give a shit what Colt did in the past. Just as I don’t care what you did.
You aren’t perfect either, and what you just told me was rude and bitchy, but I’m going to let it go because I want to be your friend, you’re married to my brother and I truly believe you were trying to help me.
I don’t expect Colt to be some sort of paragon.
The bottom line is that he’s kind to me—and that’s what I care about.
He’s also truly concerned about the men under his command, including my brother, your husband.
And when I called last week, freaked out and scared because men broke into my apartment, Colt was the one who got me through that situation.
He kept me calm so the men didn’t find me.
I know exactly who Colt Robinson is. I think it’s you who doesn’t. ”
The silence in the room after her outburst was oppressive, but Macie refused to look away from Mary. It took everything she had to do it, but she held eye contact with her.
“I’m sorry,” Mary said quietly. “God, you’re right. I was out way of line. But in my defense, I was doing it because I care about you. Because I like you. I’m trying to stop saying whatever I’m thinking, but I’m obviously failing. Forgive me?”
“Of course I do,” Macie told her. The last thing she wanted was to fight with her sister-in-law.
“I’m sorry you were uncomfortable at the reception,” Casey said. “Was it something someone said?”
Macie took a deep breath. She could either confess about her condition or make up something to blow off the other woman’s concern.
But she wanted friends. Wanted to be able to open up to them when something good or bad happened in her life.
If she lied now, it would be almost impossible to explain later.
Making a split-second decision, she said, “I have chronic anxiety. I take meds for it, but sometimes they don’t always help.” She kept the explanation simple, and held her breath to see how they’d react.
“That sucks,” Casey said.
“Wow, I can’t imagine how hard that would be,” Rayne commented.
But it was Mary who blew her mind. She got up out of the chair she’d been sitting in and came over to Macie.
She knelt in front of her and put a hand on her knee.
“I’m sorry,” Mary said. “I should know better than anyone not to assume things about people. And for the record, you seem as if you always have everything under perfect control. Yeah, you were nervous that day you came to the bank, but I figured it was because you hadn’t met me before. ”
“I went home after that meeting, took a pill I only use in extreme situations, and slept for twelve hours,” Macie admitted.
“For what it’s worth, I admire you,” Mary said. “You’ve been through hell and you haven’t let it beat you. You’re tough as nails.”
Macie gaped at her. She knew what Mary had been through. Not only her childhood, but with the breast cancer she’d fought…twice. There was no way she thought Macie was tough. Most days, she felt like a wreck.
“But I can see it now. You’re perfect for the commander.”
All sorts of things raced through Macie’s head at that comment. That she was perfect for him because she needed taking care of. That she was too weak to get by without a man at her side. But then Mary continued.
“Because your heart is so big, you see the good in anyone. And you worry about things because you care. Too much. I think the commander needs that. He needs someone to care about him the way he cares about all the soldiers under his command.”
Macie blinked. Mary was exactly right when it came to Colt. He worked hard. Worried about the soldiers under his command…and their families.
She thought about the last week, how happy he’d been when she’d made dinner for them.
When she’d done laundry. When she’d changed the sheets on the bed they’d been sleeping on all week.
She’d thought he was being grateful because he was trying to make her feel better about living there temporarily, but she realized now that he’d probably always had to do those things himself.
“Shit,” Casey said, wiping tears from under her eyes. “You guys are making me cry. Bitches.”
Mary smiled at Macie, then turned to Casey. “That’s us. The bitch squad.”
Macie couldn’t believe she thought someone calling her a bitch was funny.
In the past, the insinuation could send her to bed for a few days.
But it felt like a compliment to be compared to Mary, who never took shit from anyone.
Macie liked her. Ford had talked to her a lot about Mary’s background, and had warned her not to take what she said personally.
He’d told her that his wife was brash, but it was only to guard herself from being hurt.
It made sense then, and it made even more sense now.
She wasn’t mad at Mary for saying what she had about Colt.
The other woman had been trying to look out for Macie.
But the thing was that she didn’t give a shit what Colt had done in the past. She didn’t know the details of what had happened, but she trusted Colt.
Knew he wouldn’t hurt anyone if the situation didn’t call for it.
And curiously enough, what Mary said made Macie feel even safer with Colt.
He’d make sure her ex didn’t get anywhere near her. Of that she had no doubt.
“Have they found the men who broke into your house, or your ex?” Rayne asked, as if she could read Macie’s mind.
“Not yet. Truck went to my apartment the day before yesterday and realized that someone had been in there. They didn’t trash the place, but they’d definitely been looking for whatever it was that Teddy had left.
The cops didn’t find anything in my safe room where Teddy told the guys whatever it was would be,” Macie told them, already feeling more comfortable with these women than she had with anyone in a very long time.
“Holy crap!” Mary exclaimed.
“Drugs?” Casey asked.
“That’s just it. I don’t know. The cops brought a drug-sniffing dog to my place and he didn’t find anything.
He alerted to a few different places, but the handler thinks it was because Teddy had been there and probably had drugs with him when he was.
” Macie hated that he’d been in her place and might have had drugs on him, but she was trying to move past that.
Colt had been a big help in that arena, reminding her that she wasn’t the one doing drugs, and that she didn’t know what Teddy had been doing.
“Do you need us to go to your apartment and clean up, or get you anything?” Emily asked.
Macie stared at her incredulously.
“What?” Emily asked when Macie didn’t answer her question. “Should I not have asked? Does it make you anxious when people are in your space?”