Chapter 5 #2
She stopped speaking, and Colt gave her several minutes to continue, but when she didn’t, he brought his hand to the back of her neck and massaged her.
“What happened?” He was pretty sure she didn’t have a child hidden somewhere.
He did the math in his head and figured that her child would be somewhere around eighteen.
“My parents made me have an abortion.”
Her words were flat, and all the more heartbreaking because of the lack of emotion in them.
“I’m so sorry, hon.”
She curled farther into him, bringing her knees up. Colt tightened his embrace, trying to cocoon her with support.
“They said I’d make a horrible mother. Convinced me I had no way of supporting myself, never mind a baby.
Said they wouldn’t babysit and I’d have to drop out of school.
They told me I was a slut and it was no wonder my brother left and hadn’t spoken to me since.
They said I had no common sense and my baby would probably be deformed or handicapped. ”
“Assholes!” The word burst from Colt before he could stop it. “Macie, how old you are has nothing to do with whether or not your baby will be born healthy. And I can guarantee that Truck didn’t leave because of you.”
“I know that…now. But I didn’t then. I let them convince me it was for the best. They drove me to the clinic and refused to come back to see the doctor with me.
When she was aborted…it hurt, Colt. Not physically, the doctor numbed me for that part of the procedure, but it felt as if a part of me was being torn away.
The doctor said I was imagining it, that the fetus was small enough that I couldn’t feel anything, but it was as if we were spiritually connected. I knew the second she died.”
“She?” Colt asked, tears forming in his eyes as he imagined the mental anguish she’d gone through as a vulnerable teenager.
“Yeah. A daughter. She’d be eighteen. Graduating from high school and getting ready for college.
I often wonder what kind of person she’d be today.
Would she be a pain in the ass and sneaking out every night?
Or would she be into math and science? Maybe she’d be an athlete or a singer.
I feel guilty for giving in to my parents so easily.
I should’ve stood up to them. Maybe today my daughter would be alive and getting ready to change the world. ”
“Listen to me,” Colt said, turning her chin so she had to face him.
“You have nothing to feel guilty about. Nothing. Your parents are the ones who should feel guilty. They treated you and Truck like shit for years. The fact that they did what they could to make you feel as if his leaving was your fault was already enough for me to hate them. But the fact that they made you abort your baby when you didn’t want to is unforgivable.
“If I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that we can’t go back.
We can’t change the past. We can only go forward.
It sucks, and it’s not fair, but it is what it is.
You have your brother back now. You have me.
You never have to speak to your sperm donors again.
You have a whole group of men and women who are more than happy to be your friends.
“I won’t say that I’ll never look back at what happened to my friends and wish things could be different, but I’m doing my best to move on.
To be the kind of man they’d want at their backs.
To be the kind of commander who would never send his men into battle without knowing all the facts.
Your brother and his team, and the other team I command, will never have to worry about whether they have all the facts before putting their lives on the line.
I will not deploy them if I’m not sure I know everything there is to know about what I’m sending them into.
Randy and Bud didn’t die in vain. They live on in your brother, and in every single Delta Force team member I’m responsible for. ”
“What happened to Gris?” Macie asked.
Colt smiled for the first time in what seemed like hours.
“He was medically retired. Lives in this tiny town called Stehekin in Washington state. The only way you can get there is by a four-hour ferry boat ride up Lake Chelan. They don’t have any big-box stores, there are only about a hundred year-round residents, and it’s buried under snow seven months of the year. ”
“Sounds like heaven,” Macie said with a smile.
“I’ve been there several times. And it is,” Colt agreed. “He and his wife have three kids. His oldest son is named Colt.”
Her smile grew even bigger. “I’d love to meet him sometime.”
“Done. I’ll gladly take you up to Stehekin. In the summer though. I don’t like all that snow.”
She giggled, and Colt could only stare at her. He’d done that. She’d just finished talking about her baby being killed and he’d made her giggle.
Colt had never been a believer in fate. There was no way Randy, Bud, and the others were meant to die how they did. No way that Gris was fated to be tortured like he was.
But sitting on his couch, with Macie relaxed and warm in his arms, he had to reconsider.
He’d done some shitty things in his life. He definitely didn’t deserve someone like Macie. And yet, here she was. There were so many decisions the two of them had made over the years, and even one might have meant they never would’ve crossed paths. But they had.
Colt rearranged them on the couch so his back was against the arm and she was half-sitting, half-lying between his legs, and clicked on the television. They’d disclosed some pretty heavy things to each other today. It was time to rest and simply enjoy being with each other.
He felt Macie relax farther into him and eventually fall asleep. He nuzzled her hair and inhaled its floral scent. He vowed three things, right then and there.
One, if her parents ever tried to contact her, he’d make sure they understood that they were dead to her, and if they ever spoke to her again, they’d regret it. Second, he would not let her ex-boyfriend and his thugs lay one hand on her. She’d been through too much.
And three, he loved her and would do whatever it took to make her happy for the rest of her life. She was meant to be his. She hadn’t blinked at his recounting of the way he’d slaughtered so many people to save one man. Hadn’t been horrified, hadn’t come up with excuses for his behavior.
“Love you, Mace,” he said in a barely audible whisper.
“Mmmm,” she murmured, and tightened her hold on his arm that was around her chest.
Colt smiled, and finally felt the guilt lift that he’d carried around with him for so long. Raising his eyes to the ceiling, he mouthed, Thanks, guys.