Chapter 5 #2
She was unprepared for the way Hollywood gripped her shoulders and turned her to face him.
Or for the look of frustration on his face.
“Don’t. Don’t pull out the bitch with me.
Truck loves you, and I understand that I just laid some heavy shit on you and you’re trying to adjust, but I swear to God, me and the others are going to do everything possible to help him regain his memories.
We need your help. Don’t give up on him so easily.
You know if the tables were turned, he wouldn’t give up on you. ”
“He only married me so I could use his insurance,” Mary protested weakly, knowing, even as she said it, that she didn’t really believe it. “It’s better that he doesn’t remember that.”
“Bullshit. I know this is your defense mechanism talking, but you don’t have to do that with me. I know you.”
Mary stood, dislodging Hollywood’s hands.
She moved away from him until the small kitchen table was between them.
“Believe me, he doesn’t need to remember all the nights he knelt behind me as I puked into the toilet.
Or my hair falling out. Did you know when you go through chemo you can lose all your hair?
Not just the stuff on your head. I didn’t care so much about the arm hair or my pubes, but losing my eyebrows and nose hairs sucked.
You have no idea how much those little suckers do until you don’t have them.
I sneezed all the time because of the shit that got into my nose and I sniffed so much I know people probably wondered if I was doing drugs.
I won’t even get into how many nose bleeds I had as a result. ”
Hollywood looked shocked, but Mary kept going.
“I’ve been nothing but trouble for Truck.
I’m not exactly the right kind of woman to be an Army spouse.
I’ll eventually say the wrong thing to the wrong person and it’ll hurt his career.
This is his chance to start over. Find a nice shy woman who’ll treat him gently and won’t be a pain in his ass.
If he does eventually remember, he’ll probably be relieved to have gotten out of his marriage so easily. ”
Hollywood shook his head in disappointment. “We hoped you’d feel differently.”
Mary was having a hard time feeling anything other than crushing despair. She was barely aware of his words. She just wanted him to go. In reply, she merely shrugged.
“I’m still going to call the others. They’ll be here in a few hours to help you pack and to help get you settled back into your apartment.
I know you’re just trying to push me away, and I’m not going to let that happen.
Put the bitch aside and fight for your man, Mary.
He needs you.” And with that, Hollywood walked toward the front door.
He unlocked it and turned to her before leaving.
“Lock this behind me,” he ordered gently, then left.
The click of the door shutting was all it took to break Mary’s composure.
She crumpled to the floor where she stood, although no tears fell from her eyes.
She deserved Hollywood’s frustration. He had every right to be disappointed, but he’d actually gone pretty easy on her.
As he’d pointed out, she’d unleashed the bitch, but it was to protect herself. She couldn’t deal with his pity.
She wanted Truck. Wanted him to put his arms around her and tell her that everything would be fine. But she wasn’t going to get that. Maybe not ever again.
She had no idea how she’d ever get Truck to love her a second time. She wasn’t like other women. She didn’t dress up, had never “simpered” in her life, and she certainly wasn’t a damsel in distress anymore.
Curling up into a ball, Mary racked her brain for ways she could get through to Truck. How she could make him remember her.
How long she lay there, she had no clue, but when there was a tentative knock on the door, she couldn’t muster up the energy to get up and answer it.
“Mary?” she heard Rayne call out.
She didn’t bother to answer.
“Mary?” her best friend said again, this time closer. She’d opened the unlocked door and entered the apartment. When she saw Mary on the floor of the dining room, she rushed over.
“Oh my God, Mary, are you okay?”
Mary looked up at her best friend and the tears she hadn’t been able to shed finally formed. “What am I going to do?” And with that, Mary burst into tears. Cried like she hadn’t cried since she was five years old and one of the nicer uncles had left.
Four hours later, Mary sat on her couch in her own apartment on the other side of town. Rayne had called the others and within thirty minutes, Harley, Casey, Sadie, and Wendy had arrived at Truck’s apartment to help her.
Emily stayed home because she wasn’t feeling that great and Annie was in school, but the other five women had systematically gone through Truck’s apartment and packed all of Mary’s belongings, and even changed the sheets on the bed and put the dirty towels and linens in the washer.
Mary was thankful, because she didn’t think she would’ve been able to do it. Wouldn’t have been able to find and pack every single thing that she’d brought over in the last few months. Definitely not as quickly as her friends had.
But a small part of her was resentful. They didn’t have to move out of their houses. They didn’t have to pretend not to know their men. They didn’t have their hearts ripped out of their chests. Their men would come home and their lives would resume as normal.
She’d tried to be nice, though. The last thing she wanted was to alienate the best friends she’d ever had, but she was at the end of her rope and wanted to be alone. To wallow in her misery.
When Mary had walked through Truck’s apartment one last time before she left, she’d broken down again.
It was as if she’d never existed there. Hadn’t spent the best and worst times of her life in that apartment.
She felt just as devastated as she had when she was sixteen and Brian admitted he’d only said he loved her to get between her legs.
“I’m staying,” Rayne declared after the others had left.
Mary shook her head. “No, I’m okay.”
“You’re not okay,” Rayne countered. “And I don’t care what you say, I’m not leaving.”
Mary ground her teeth in frustration. She wanted to be alone. She had to go to work the next day and needed time to push everything that had happened to the back of her mind. But she knew Rayne wasn’t going to let her do that. No matter how mean she was to the other woman or what she said.
Instead of lashing out and being a bitch—she really was trying to change—Mary sighed and put her head back on the couch. She closed her eyes and after a long moment, said quietly, “Thank you.”
Rayne picked up her friend’s hand and threaded their fingers. “You’re welcome. I know you don’t want to talk about it, but too bad. We need a plan.”
Mary shook her head but didn’t open her eyes. “There’s nothing we can do. The doctor said that Truck needs time and it wouldn’t be good to try to force his memories to come back.”
“I understand that. But that doesn’t mean we can’t subtly try to get his memories to come back.”
Mary’s eyes popped open and she looked over at her best friend. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, we activate Operation Make Truck Remember His Life.”
“I won’t do anything that’ll hurt him,” Mary said firmly.
“Me either. I know we can’t just go up to him and introduce you as his wife and tell him he loves you. We need to be sneakier about it.”
Despite her depression, Mary was interested. “I’m listening.”
“I talked to Ghost this morning about the situation, and he told me the doctor said it was okay to bring Truck to some of his old hangouts. The places he and the guys go to all the time. Restaurants, the gym and beach where they do PT in the mornings, bars, things like that. So when they do, we’ll just happen to be there.
We won’t necessarily even talk to him, but maybe if he sees you enough, something will click and he’ll remember. ”
“And if he doesn’t?”
“Then you’re no worse off than you are right now.
Look, I can’t imagine what you’re going through, and what I’m about to say in no way negates your feelings, but I’ve lost him too, Mare.
We all have. We can’t have any get-togethers with the guys because he doesn’t know they’re married, and no one is going to leave him out of things.
Truck can’t get to know baby Kate. He can’t be there when Emily has her baby.
And poor Annie, she won’t understand why she hasn’t seen Truck around.
We all want him to regain his memory because of what he means to us. ”
Mary nodded. She got it. She did. Truck was well loved in their circle.
But she had more to lose. The others could eventually become his friends even if he never remembered them.
They could have him back. But if he didn’t remember her, and what they went through together, she knew she didn’t have a shot in hell of making him love her again. Of being his wife for real.
“I know, Raynie.”
“So you’re in? Operation Make Truck Remember is a go?”
Mary nodded. “Yeah, I’m in. I’d give up everything to have him back.”
“You’ll get him if I have anything to say about it.” Rayne held out her pinky. “Pinky swear.”
Mary rolled her eyes at her best friend, but linked her pinky to hers anyway.
“Love you, Mare.”
“Love you back, Raynie.”
“We’re gonna get through this and have our quadruple wedding.”
“I’m less concerned about the wedding at this point. I just hope to get Truck to not hate me on sight.”
“He won’t.”
Mary wished she could be as confident as her best friend.