45
Phoenix
Wren had been staying for a week now, and it felt like I was breathing easier for the first time in a long while. Having her here, wrapped up in the little moments that reminded me of who I was before everything—before the betrayal, the hurt, the constant weight of anxiety—was exactly what I needed.
We spent our nights curled up on the couch, blankets piled around us, watching old movies we used to love. The kind of mindless rom-coms Wren always claimed she hated but secretly loved, and the action thrillers she forced me to watch because she knew I’d actually enjoy them. It was like we’d stepped back in time to those nights when it was just us, the world outside the door not really existing for a while.
What made it even better was the way the others, especially Kage and Parker, had slotted into this new routine. Almost without a word, they started making sure we never ran out of snacks—Kage refilling the popcorn bowl when it emptied, Parker casually walking into the living room to drop off bags of chips or whatever junk food he could find. Sometimes, Zephyr’s sister, Charlotte, would join us, bringing her sarcastic commentary and infectious laugh, making our little movie nights feel like a real family gathering.
It was easy to pretend that things were normal during these moments. That there wasn’t a storm of confusion brewing inside me, that I wasn’t struggling with how much everything had changed since I’d first arrived. Here, in the low glow of the TV screen with Wren snuggled up next to me, it was just… simple.
“You know,”
Wren said one night, her voice cutting through a particularly cheesy line from the movie we were half-watching. “I could get used to this.”
I glanced at her, a small smile tugging at my lips. “What, the never-ending supply of snacks? Or the luxury of watching me squirm through another one of your terrible movie choices?”
Wren chuckled, nudging me with her elbow. “Both. But I mean… this.”
She gestured around the room, her eyes flicking to where Parker had just left after refilling our drinks, and then over to Charlotte, who was stretched out on the other end of the couch, her legs kicked up on the armrest. “It’s kind of nice. Feels like home in a weird way.”
I swallowed, not sure how to respond. Because the truth was, I’d been feeling the same way, but I was terrified to admit it. Terrified that if I let myself believe this could be home, even for a little while, I’d be setting myself up for another fall.
But Wren had always had a way of cutting through my defenses. She leaned closer, dropping her voice so only I could hear. “You seem… lighter, Nix. I’m glad.”
I bit my lip, my fingers picking at the edge of the blanket in my lap. “It’s just having you here,”
I said quietly. “I’ve missed this. Missed us.”
She gave me a warm, knowing smile. “Me too. But it’s not just that.”
Her eyes softened, her gaze flicking toward the kitchen where Parker had disappeared to. “I think… this place is good for you. And so are they.”
Her words sent a ripple of unease through me, and I shifted in my seat. “Wren—”
“You don’t have to say anything,”
she interrupted gently. “I’m just… observing. You’ve been through hell, and I know you’re not ready to let your guard down. But I’ve been watching you this week, and you’re different. You’re more at ease here, even if you won’t admit it.”
I didn’t know how to respond. She wasn’t wrong, but I didn’t want to face the truth of it yet. How could I? I’d spent so long keeping these walls up, guarding myself from the hurt, that the idea of letting them down—even a little—felt like too much.
Instead of answering, I shrugged and turned my attention back to the movie, hoping Wren would drop it. But her words lingered in my mind, twisting around my thoughts like a vine.
The sound of soft footsteps caught my attention, and I glanced up to see Parker reentering the room, carrying a tray with more drinks. He set it down on the table in front of us, his eyes briefly meeting mine before he turned to Wren with a playful grin.
“Thought you two might be getting thirsty,”
he said casually, though there was an edge of warmth in his voice that I couldn’t ignore.
Wren smirked, reaching for one of the drinks. “I swear, if this is your way of bribing me to stay, it’s working.”
Parker chuckled, the sound low and comforting. “Whatever it takes.”
As he straightened up, our eyes met again, and I felt that familiar pang of guilt. It hadn’t gone unnoticed by me that Parker had stopped drinking. I knew part of it was because of me—because of everything I’d been going through. And while I appreciated it more than I could ever express, a part of me felt responsible, like my struggles were dragging everyone else down with me.
“Thanks,”
I murmured softly. I was grateful not just for the drinks, but for everything.
Parker’s eyes softened, and he gave me a small nod before heading back to the kitchen. As he disappeared, I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.
“See what I mean?”
Wren whispered, nudging me again. “They care about you, Nix.”
I didn’t respond, but I couldn’t shake the truth of her words. Despite everything, despite the mess I felt inside, these people—my pack, even if I wasn’t ready to admit it—they were there for me. They cared in a way that was both overwhelming and… comforting.
The movie played on, and I leaned back into the couch, letting Wren’s presence and the warmth of the room wrap around me. Maybe things weren’t perfect. Maybe I wasn’t ready to let go of the hurt or the fear of getting hurt again. But for now, in this moment, I could allow myself to breathe a little easier, to enjoy the simple pleasure of being with people who made me feel like I belonged.
Even if I wasn’t quite ready to call this place home, it was starting to feel like it. And maybe that was enough for now.
◆◆◆
Thirty days.
I could hardly believe I’d made it this far. Thirty days sober. It was both a victory and a terrifying reminder of how fragile this new version of me still felt. But today, it wasn’t just about me. Today, I’d be surrounded by the people who had stuck by me, who were watching me crawl my way out of the darkness. My new AA group was holding an open meeting, followed by a milestone celebration. I would be receiving my thirty-day chip, and the pack—all of them—were coming with me. Even now, the thought of it sent a flutter of anxiety through me.
Standing in front of the mirror in my room, I smoothed my hands down the simple navy-blue dress I’d chosen for the night. It wasn’t fancy, but it made me feel put together, and that was what mattered. I took a deep breath, steeling myself. This was a big step, and while part of me wanted to hide away and face it alone, the bigger part of me—the part that had fought for these thirty days—knew I needed them with me. I wasn’t the same person I had been before, but I wasn’t whole either. Having them by my side tonight felt… necessary.
I made my way toward the stairs, my heels clicking softly on the floor. As I approached, I heard voices drifting up from the hallway below. Wren’s voice, sharp and fierce, cut through the air. I paused, lingering just out of sight.
“You boys better get your shit together,”
she was saying, her tone carrying a warning that made me both smile and cringe at the same time. “I’m heading out after tonight, but that doesn’t mean you get to slack off. Phoenix has worked hard for this, and I’ll be damned if any of you let her down. You hear me?”
I peeked over the banister, my stomach twisting with both affection and embarrassment. Wren had them all gathered in a tight semicircle in the hallway, her hands on her hips, glaring up at them. Kage stood there, arms crossed, wearing an amused grin, while Parker just shook his head, clearly used to my sister’s protective streak by now. Zephyr stood a little to the side, silent but attentive, his jaw tight. It had been difficult between us since… well, since everything. But he was here, and that counted for something.
“And if any of you screw this up,”
Wren continued, her eyes narrowing dangerously, “I’ll set Dove and Raven loose on you. Trust me, they won’t be as forgiving as I am.”
I stifled a laugh. The pack would never survive the wrath of my sisters.
The conversation stopped abruptly when I made my way down the stairs. Kage was the first to notice me, and he straightened, stepping forward with a soft smile. His eyes flickered over me, taking in my appearance, and I could see the approval in his gaze.
“You look beautiful, Doll.”
He extended his arm toward me, and after a moment’s hesitation, I took it, feeling the solid strength of him beneath my fingertips. “Ready?”
I nodded, but the truth was, I wasn’t sure. My stomach twisted in nervous knots, and my heart raced in my chest. But I had to be ready.
As we made our way out of the house, the rest of the pack fell in behind us. Wren shot me a soft smile, her eyes a little too bright, and I could see the pride in her expression. “You’re going to kill it, Nix,”
she whispered as she slipped past to walk alongside Charlotte and Parker.
The drive to the meeting felt longer than usual, each minute stretching into eternity. When we arrived, the parking lot was already filled with familiar cars. My heart pounded in my chest as we walked toward the entrance of the community center where the meetings were held. I could feel the weight of everyone’s presence around me and for once, it didn’t feel like a burden. It felt like support.
Inside, the meeting room was already bustling with people, some familiar faces from the group I’d come to know over the last few weeks, others new. The chairs were arranged in a wide circle, with extra rows added for tonight’s open meeting. The atmosphere was warm, welcoming, but I could still feel the tension in my muscles, the anxiety creeping in as we took our seats.
The meeting started like any other, with the usual readings and introductions. But my mind was only half-present. I was too focused on the moment that was coming, the moment when I’d stand up and accept that chip.
When the time finally came, my sponsor, a kind woman named Beth who had been with me every step of the way, stood up to announce the milestones. One by one, people stepped forward to receive their chips, the room filling with applause and cheers of support. And then she called my name.
I stood slowly, my heart racing, and made my way to the front of the room. The applause felt distant, almost unreal, as I accepted the small, circular token from Beth’s hand. She smiled at me, her eyes full of pride, and whispered, “You’ve earned this, Phoenix.”
As I turned to face the room, I saw them—Wren, Kage, Parker, Zephyr, and Charlotte—all watching me with expressions that I couldn’t quite decipher. There was pride there, yes, but also something deeper.
I made my way back to my seat, my hands trembling slightly as I clutched the chip. The rest of the meeting passed in a blur, but by the end of it, I felt… lighter. Maybe even a little hopeful.
As we left the meeting, Kage wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close as we walked to the car. “You did good, Doll,”
he said softly, his voice steady and reassuring.
For the first time in a long while, I believed him.