47
Zephyr
As the door clicked shut behind the others, leaving just me and Phoenix in the room, the weight in my chest tightened like a vice. I could feel my heartbeat pounding in my ears, the silence between us louder than anything. She sat there, watching me, her eyes searching mine. I swallowed hard, feeling the lump in my throat grow bigger with every second that passed.
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead, a deep sigh escaped me, and before I could stop myself, I was breaking down.
“I’m sorry,”
I choked out, my voice thick with guilt. “I’m so damn sorry for everything, Phoenix.”
Her expression softened, but she remained silent, waiting for me to continue. I didn’t deserve that patience, not from her. Not after what I’d done. But it was there, and that somehow made it worse.
“I don’t even know where to start,”
I admitted, my hands running through my hair in frustration. “I screwed up, Nix. I’ve screwed up so many things, especially when it comes to you. And I know there’s nothing I can say that’ll make it right.”
Her silence was deafening, but I pushed on. She deserved the truth. All of it.
“I need you to know why I acted the way I did. Not as an excuse but… so you understand.”
I shifted in my seat, my hands shaking slightly as I rubbed my palms together. “I’ve had a past with Omegas. And not a good one.”
Her brows furrowed slightly, but she stayed quiet, her gaze never leaving mine. I swallowed, forcing myself to push through the tightening in my chest.
“My mom… she was an Omega,”
I began, the words bitter on my tongue. “She abandoned me and my sister when we were kids. A wealthy pack wanted her, but they didn’t want us—her children. And she chose them over us.”
I clenched my fists, the memory of it still raw after all these years. “She left us to fend for ourselves. Just… walked away. And we were too young to understand why. All I knew was that my mom, the person who was supposed to love and protect us, chose power and status over her own kids.”
Phoenix’s expression softened, a flicker of sympathy in her eyes, but I kept going. I needed to get it all out.
“That… that did something to me. I couldn’t look at Omegas the same way after that. They weren’t the loving, nurturing people everyone made them out to be. To me, they were selfish. Willing to do anything for themselves, even if it meant abandoning their own family.”
I took a shaky breath, the weight of old wounds pressing heavy against my chest. “And then once the band got big, once we actually had something she could want, she started reappearing. Popping up in the media, showing up at venues, trying to play the part of the concerned mother. Always stirring up shit, mostly messing with Charlotte’s head. It’s like she knows exactly how to poke the wounds she left behind.”
Phoenix stayed quiet, but I could feel the tension shift between us, the way her body stilled as she listened. I wasn’t sure what I expected—pity, maybe, or judgment—but she didn’t give me either. Just silence and space, like she understood how deep this all ran.
“She doesn’t care about us,”
I said after a moment, voice lower now. “She only cares when it benefits her. And that... that messed me up for a long time. Still does.”
I paused, taking a shaky breath before continuing. “Then, in high school, my girlfriend—someone I really cared about—presented as an Omega. At the time, I hadn’t presented yet, but I knew I had a more reserved nature, probably because of what my mom did. I wasn’t the loud, brash Alpha everyone expected. I didn’t know what I’d turn out to be, and honestly, I didn’t care. I was just… me.”
I glanced up at Phoenix, meeting her gaze for a moment before looking away again.
“But it mattered to her,”
I muttered, my voice dropping lower. “She left me. Told me I was weak, that I wasn’t going to be a ‘real Alpha.’ Said she needed someone stronger, someone who could give her what she wanted. And she found it in some other guy—an Alpha who fit the image better than I did. That broke me. I wasn’t enough for her because I didn’t fit her idea of what an Alpha should be.”
I shook my head, feeling the familiar ache in my chest. “After that, I just… I couldn’t trust Omegas. Not after what my mom did. Not after what she did. They both made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, like I’d never be the kind of Alpha they needed. So, I built walls. Kept my distance. If I didn’t get close, I couldn’t get hurt.”
I looked back at Phoenix, her eyes locked on mine, wide and glassy.
“And then you came along,”
I whispered, feeling the knot in my throat tighten. “You made me feel things I didn’t want to feel again. You weren’t just another Omega to me. You were… more. And I didn’t know how to handle it. I was terrified of letting you in, terrified that you’d see me the same way they did—like I wasn’t enough. So, I pushed you away. I hurt you because I didn’t know how to let my guard down. And I hate myself for it.”
She shifted slightly in her seat, but she still didn’t speak. I pressed on, feeling like I was standing on the edge of a cliff.
“I was scared,”
I confessed. “Scared of how you made me feel. Scared of letting my guard down and letting you in. I thought if I kept you at arm’s length, I could control it. But all I did was destroy the one good thing I had. You deserved so much better than that, Nix. You deserved better than me.”
The words hung in the air, heavy with regret. I felt a burning sensation behind my eyes but forced it back. I didn’t deserve to cry. Not for this.
“And that’s why… I’m leaving.”
Phoenix blinked, her brows knitting together in confusion. I pushed forward, not giving myself a chance to back out.
“I’m leaving the pack,”
I said, my voice steadier now. “The others—they deserve you. They deserve to have a chance to make things right, to show you the kind of care and love you need. I don’t. I never did.”
Her eyes widened slightly, but I raised a hand to stop her from interrupting.
“I’m not saying this in front of the others because… because they wouldn’t let me leave. They’d fight it, and I don’t want them wasting their time on me. They’ve done more for me than I ever deserved, and I can’t drag them down with my mess anymore. But you… you need to stay with them, Phoenix. They’re good for you. They’ll treat you right.”
I hesitated, my chest tight with the weight of what I was about to say next.
“I just ask for one thing,”
I whispered, my voice barely audible. “Give me a couple of weeks. I need time to get my life in order, to figure out how to tell the guys. After that… I’ll be gone.”
I could feel the tears pricking at the edges of my eyes, but I kept my gaze on her, willing myself to stay strong. I didn’t want her to see how much this was tearing me apart. How much I wanted to beg her to forgive me. But I couldn’t. This was for her. She deserved peace, even if that meant I wasn’t a part of her life anymore.
Phoenix looked down at her hands, silent, processing everything I’d just said. I waited, my heart pounding, not sure if she’d be angry, relieved, or something else entirely. The silence between us was suffocating, but I held my breath, waiting for her response.
Finally, she lifted her gaze back to mine, her expression unreadable. And in that moment, I felt more vulnerable than I ever had in my entire life.
But no matter what she said, I knew one thing for sure—I was ready to let her go. Even if it broke me.
◆◆◆
I wiped a stray tear as I closed the door behind me, my heart heavy with the weight of everything that had just happened. My chest felt tight, like I couldn’t quite catch a full breath. I didn’t want to break down, but here I was, sitting on the edge of my bed, feeling the world closing in on me. The room felt smaller, darker, the walls pressing in as my thoughts started spinning faster and faster.
What the hell was I going to do now?
My hand found its way to the back of my neck, rubbing the tension that had settled there. I knew I had to leave the pack. They deserved better, and I couldn’t keep putting Phoenix through this. I had screwed up so many things—so badly—that there was no way I could just stay and expect everything to be okay. It wasn’t fair to her, and it wasn’t fair to the guys.
I knew I had to set myself up somewhere else, away from the pack. Away from the temptation of staying, of thinking things might work out. Because they wouldn’t.
I needed to disappear.
But the logistics of it all—it made my head hurt. I couldn’t just walk away without thinking things through. The tour, the contracts, everything was tied together. If I left, I didn’t want the guys to face any fallout from the label. They’d worked too hard to build up our reputation, to get to where we were, and I wasn’t about to screw that up for them. But I knew there would be consequences if I left the band. The contract we had with the label was ironclad, and it wasn’t just me on the line—it was all of us.
With a sigh, I grabbed my phone and scrolled through my contacts until I found Pete’s name. He’d been with us since our first tour, back when we didn’t know shit about how the music industry worked. Pete was solid, an older Alpha who’d seen it all and then some. He’d always been the voice of reason when things got crazy, and I needed that right now.
I pressed the call button and waited, hearing the phone ring once, twice, before his familiar gruff voice answered.
“Zeph, what’s going on, kid?”
Pete sounded tired, like he’d been dealing with a long day. But I knew he’d listen, no matter what.
“Hey, Pete. Uh… I need your advice,”
I started, my voice sounding a little rougher than I intended. “I’ve got to leave the pack. Like, for good. But I don’t want the guys to take the hit with the label. I’ve thought it through, but I need your help to figure out how I can break the contract and absorb the costs myself.”
There was silence on the other end for a moment, and I could almost see Pete rubbing his hand over his face like he always did when he was thinking.
“Zeph, slow down. What’s going on? Why the hell are you talking about leaving the pack?”
His voice had a hard edge to it, concern laced through every word.
“I messed up, Pete. Big time. And now I’ve got to make things right. I can’t stay with the pack. They deserve better than me, especially Phoenix. I don’t want to drag them down anymore.”
The words felt like gravel in my throat, each one more painful than the last. “But I don’t want the band to suffer because of me. If I break the contract, I want to make sure the guys aren’t penalized for it.”
Pete let out a long sigh, the sound crackling through the phone. “Zeph, you sure you’ve thought this through? I know things feel heavy right now, but running away isn’t always the answer. You’re part of that pack, whether you feel like you deserve it or not.”
“I have thought it through,”
I insisted, gripping the phone tighter. “I need to be away from temptation. I can’t keep hurting them, Pete. And if I stay, that’s all I’ll do—hurt them more.”
“You’re talking like there’s no chance to fix things. Maybe you’ve made mistakes, but walking away completely? That’s not the solution, kid. You need to talk to the guys first, tell them what’s going on. They’re your brothers. They’ll understand.”
“I’ll tell them. Just… not yet. I need to know what my options are first. I can’t drop this on them without a plan.”
My voice softened, the exhaustion creeping in. “That’s why I’m calling you. I trust you, Pete. I need you to help me figure this out before I get the lawyers involved. I just need a lay of the land, so I know what I’m dealing with.”
Pete was quiet for a few seconds, then he finally said, “I’ll look into it for you. But Zeph, don’t make any rash decisions. There’s always a chance to fix things, man. Don’t give up hope just yet.”
I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. “Thanks, Pete. I appreciate it.”
“Yeah, yeah. Just… take care of yourself, okay? And don’t do anything stupid without talking to me first.”
There was a gruffness to his tone, but I could tell he meant every word.
“I won’t,”
I promised, though deep down, I wasn’t sure how much I could keep that promise. “Thanks again, Pete. I owe you one.”
“Don’t mention it. I’ll be in touch once I’ve got something for you.”
With that, the line went dead, and I was left staring at the phone in my hand, feeling a strange mix of relief and dread.
I tossed the phone onto the bed and leaned back, rubbing my hands over my face. This was just the beginning. I had no idea how the hell I was going to pull this off, but I had to try. Phoenix deserved a fresh start, and the pack deserved to move on without the weight of my mistakes holding them back.
And if that meant walking away from everything I knew, from the only family I’d ever really had, then so be it.