18. Adrian
“Come on, Adrian, fucking push through,” Daniel, my performance coach, barks at me, and I grit my teeth as I curl my arms one more time.
The weights seem heavier today, but I know the only heavy thing is the knowledge of the season starting soon. My mind feels like I put a plate of fifty kilos on it. All of the pressure of performing well this season, to finally get that World Championship title I was so close to grasping last year, is fucking exhausting. I want to win this year, I need to win, but Gabriel is the reigning champion, and I’m a little worried about Grenzenlos taking back their spot at the top. Last year, they didn’t do as well. Hawke came closer to beating our asses than Grenzenlos did, which I know Robert Fuchs is working on with his team to make sure it never happens again.
To simplify, I am scared shitless I won’t be good enough to win this season.
Add Nevaeh confusing me and my feelings on top of all of that, and I’ve never been more of a mess than I am right now.
This is why I never, ever wanted to romantically like someone. It’s exhausting.
“What’s on your mind?” Daniel asks, forcing my attention back to him instead of lingering on the overwhelming panic in my chest.
“I wanna win. Not just the race. Not just the Constructors’ Championship. I want to win,” I explain, taking the towel he hands me and wiping the sweat off my forehead.
“Oh, do you? I thought you were just competing for shits and giggles,” Daniel replies, so I flip him off and drop backward to let my back lie flat against the bench.
“Thank you for taking me seriously,” I say, but Daniel merely snorts.
“You don’t even take yourself seriously most days. Do you really expect me to?” That gets a genuine laugh out of me.
Silence fills the little gym we’re in until he smacks my left knee to get me to sit up.
“Listen, you are ready for that title, Adrian. You’ve worked harder than ever before during the winter break, and it’s been paying off. I see how determined you are, and you will get your win. If the car doesn’t fail you and you don’t make rookie mistakes, I don’t see why you don’t have the same shot as Gabriel at winning.” Daniel hands me my water bottle, gesturing for me to take a sip as I process his words.
He’s right.
Our car has excelled in all of the tests so far. Unless Grenzenlos somehow found a way to become two-tenths of a second per lap faster than us, which is what we averaged in almost every race last season over them, then Gabriel is the only thing in my way to becoming a World Champion and following in the Romanas’ footsteps. I have to hurry the fuck up too because once Valentina is in a top championship competing car, my chances to win will significantly reduce. That woman is fast and skilled and aggressive in her driving, which is a good thing because she isn’t disrespectful about it either. She sticks to the rules while she kicks ass, and that is the most dangerous of combinations.
“You have an obscene amount of faith in me. Could I have some of it?” I joke, but the dumbass rubs under his armpits and smears his hands over my hair and face as if that would transfer the confidence onto me. “You’re fucking disgusting,” I say as I smack his hands away and burst into laughter, grabbing my towel to wipe it away again.
“Great, if you have the energy to insult me, you have the energy for another set. Pick up the weights. Let’s go,” he instructs, and I curse him out under my breath as I do what I’m told.
Daniel kicks my ass for another hour or so before he lets me go home to rest and reset. The first race of the season is only a little over a week away. I’ve been training and preparing, but it feels like I’m not ready yet. It feels like there are a million things I should be doing, and none of them include constantly thinking about Nevaeh’s laugh or the way her eyes sparkle with mischief before she starts flirting with me. I definitely shouldn’t be thinking about the way her attention dropped to my lips when I had her caged between my arms at her kitchen counter. I shouldn’t be thinking about this woman at all, but how could I not?
I’m seriously asking you.
How can I get her out of my goddamn head?
This is all so new to me, I don’t know how to behave anymore. Do I call her? Do I text her? When do I do either of those things? Whenever I think about her? Well, no, probably not. That would be a little too often at this point.
Using my spare key, I make my way into my grandfather’s house, the same place Valentina and Gabriel are living in at the moment. I moved out after Val asked my teammate to move in with her because I wanted to give the two of them their space. It was also because I couldn’t stop seeing my grandparents everywhere. I’m usually pretty good at keeping my grief at bay, ignoring it, and fixating on everything else. I have found that if I am busy with something else, my brain doesn’t have time to remind me of everything I’ve lost, of everyone I’ve lost. It works well most of the time, even better now that the constant reminders that Grandfather”s households aren’t around me, but that doesn’t stop me from visiting Val as much as I can.
I miss her now that we’re not living together for the first time in our lives.
Chase, the little puppy Valentina found at the side of the road, jumps at me as soon as I walk into the door. I greet him because I miss him now that I’ve moved out. He’s always so excited to see me, too. He follows me as I step into the house before disappearing into the kitchen, probably to look for food.
“What the hell? Adrian, I love you, but you have your own place. Gabriel and I have only been engaged for four months. Do you know what that means?” my sister asks as I place my gym bag neatly in the closet, along with my shoes.
“What does it—” I cut off at the sight of her before smacking a hand over my eyes and saying, “No, Val, why? Why?”
“Because Gabriel texted me to put on this exact outfit so he can put me on the dining table and—”
“If you finish that sentence, I’m going to hurl,” I warn, pointing a finger in the direction of where I think she’s standing.
“I’m over here, dumbass,” she says, but there is no way I’m opening my eyes to look at my sister barely covered by a tiny set of lingerie and a small towel, which she probably grabbed to cover herself when I walked inside.
“Naked dinners are incredibly unsanitary,” I point out, grabbing my bag again and throwing one of my clean shirts at her head. I find a pair of extra shorts too, slowly side-stepping toward her to place it in her hand.
“Why are you here?” Val asks, slapping away the hand that’s covering my eyes so I look at her.
She’s drowning in my clothes now, which is a relief. I love my sister, but we both have boundaries set in place. One of them is that I don’t want to see what kind of lingerie she wears for my teammate and biggest rival. A shiver of unease runs through me, along with the desire to deck Gabriel in the face for whatever he does to my little sister. I tried to protect her as best as I could when we were growing up while respecting her boundaries even back then. Should have known the biggest threat would be the pretty boy of Formula One.
I still find it funny that everyone thinks of Gabriel that way.
Naturally, I’m the heartbreaker of F1.
“I miss you,” I admit, wrapping her in a hug even though she’s standing in front of me scowling and with her fists on her hips.
“You saw me three days ago. We had dinner together while we figured out which car you were going to buy,” she says against my chest, and I chuckle before stepping back and placing my hands on her shoulders.
“Well, I have attachment issues. I thought we all already knew that,” I reply, knowing full well it’s not just with Val, too. I spend all of my time with the people I love.
The days I’m not with Val, I spend with James, but he’s really busy with his kid when we’re not in our F1 season. Damian, his son, was adopted by Gabriel’s aunts a few months ago, but they’re more than happy to share custody with James when he’s in Monaco. It’s a good thing I love spending time with the little guy, too.
“Yeah, come on. I made your favorite. Homemade pizza,” she says, so I place a wet kiss on the top of her head. Val’s so short compared to me, but I also know she could knock me on my ass if she wanted to.
“And that is why I love you,” I say with a grin before stepping toward the kitchen.
Unfortunately, I’m not fast enough and when the door opens again, I hear Gabriel’s words loud and fucking clear.
“Get on the table, chérie. I’m starving and I’ve been thinking about your beautiful, thick thighs wrapping around my head all day.”
I cringe once before spinning around to glare at Gabriel. He spots me a moment after frowning at Val’s outfit, his eyes going wide for a fraction of a second. My sister’s fiancé lets out a nervous laugh, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.
“Well, there’s no recovering from that. Should I dig my own grave or do you want to do the honors?” Gabriel asks, and I flash him a mean smile as I take a step toward him.
“I’ll dig yours and you can dig mine because there is no way in hell I’ll ever get rid of that visual.”
“You’re both acting like children. Adrian, you know Gabriel and I have sex, don’t pretend we don’t. Gabriel, next time, check the room before you start dirty talking. There, problem solved.” My sister leaves no room for arguing as she strides into the kitchen to check on the pizza.
“I think our plan is still better,” Gabriel points out, earning himself an agreeing nod from me.
“Absolutely. We can start digging after Val goes to sleep.”
Gabriel smiles as he claps me on the shoulder.