Chapter 31
THIRTY-ONE
I could barely look at Strike and Dash when we told them.
It’s all my fault. I reached for Ryker and pushed him to accept this.
I wanted more from him, and now look what it got us.
My best friends could lose everything they have worked so hard for.
Dash and Strike deserve their dream. They are incredible artists and even better people, and Ry .
. . He was born to sing and perform. It’s what he loves, and today he chose me over his destiny.
I won’t let him sacrifice his dream just for me.
I love him too much for that.
We decide to go to bed early, since none of us are really in a talking mood. Usually, when the door closes, Ry and I can’t keep our hands off each other, but tonight, we fall into the bed, silent and lost. He scoots closer and rests his head on my chest, and I can finally draw in a full breath.
It’s strange. I feel a mix of happy and sad. Happy because he defended me earlier, and sad that this might be over. He might lose this dream because he loves me.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do what they wanted, not if it meant hurting you, not even for our band,” he whispers, his voice soft.
I lift my head to meet his gaze. He looks so worried, so lost. I wrap my arms around him and drag him closer as I kiss the top of his head. “I’m so happy you feel that way, but I’m also so sorry that loving me has caused this.”
“I’m not.” His voice is muffled. “I wouldn’t change a thing. As long as I have you, nothing else matters.”
Fuck, my heart cracks apart, and I know what I’m going to do is the right thing. It has to be. He needs me to look after him—they all do. It’s my job to keep us together, so I’ll do whatever it takes.
“I feel the same way,” I murmur as I kiss his head again. “Sleep, it will all be better in the morning.”
“Promise?” He sounds so young, I shudder.
“I promise,” I answer. I wait until he’s asleep—a shitty move, I know, but he would never let me do this otherwise.
I tuck him in up to his chin and steal a kiss before pulling on my jeans, jacket, and boots.
I sneak out of the silent house. The good memories seem long past as I cross the living room, remembering us curled up there, happier than ever, just last week.
Now it’s empty and cold, and I need to fix it.
Once outside, I hit dial. “It’s me. We need to talk.”
“This better be good. I was in bed,” Mr. Atlas grouses, and Po nods at me. He isn’t sure what I’m going to do, but he trusted me enough to get everyone back here—well, two of them at least, since it’s like eleven.
“I know our relationship is the problem. If I leave the band, will you support them and push them further?” I ask.
“Fox,” Po protests, his eyes widening in horror, so I hold up my hand.
“I will not end my relationship with Ry, so this is the only other alternative. I won’t let my friends suffer because I’m too selfish to let the man I love go.
As long as you promise me that they will be taken care of and taken off suspension, I will end my contract in the morning when the office is open.
I will also sign an NDA, whatever you want. ”
“Sir, Fox is just upset. Let me take him back,” Po begins.
“Wait, this could work,” Atlas murmurs as he leans back, considering my offer. “You would give up your shot at fame?”
“Yes,” I answer without hesitation. “As long as they are safe and get their dream, then I’ll do whatever.
” He tilts his head, and I lean in, sensing his weakness.
“But you will not stop me from seeing Ryker, and you will not push him to act out for the cameras or pretend to be single. We won’t advertise our relationship, but we won’t hide it either.
That’s the deal or you’re back to square one with the rumors and us unwilling to back down. This way, we all win.”
“But you—” Po snaps. “Fox, have you thought about this? Playing guitar was all you ever wanted. You told me that. You said you would do whatever it took?—”
“That was before,” I murmur as I smile sadly at him. “I love him, and if this means he and my friends can keep their dream alive, then I’ll do anything.”
“They won’t like it.” Atlas shrugs.
“I can handle them. Do we have a deal?” I ask.
“Come back tomorrow and we’ll finalize the details, but yes, that will work.” He stands, and I shake his hand. He looks tired, and it’s then I notice the sadness in his eyes.
“We aren’t bad people, Fox, but in this industry, you don’t always get what you want. Artists don’t get to be happy and famous—they can’t have both. I know you hate us and don’t understand right now, but what we are doing is for the band’s benefit. It’s what it takes to get to the top.”
I shake his hand tighter. “I know, but there were other ways to deal with this,” I admit. “I appreciate everything you have done for us, and I know you have our best interests in mind. I hope it stays that way.” I nod at them and head out.
Po catches me outside of the building, spinning me around. “Fox, it isn’t too late to back down on this. We can think of other ways?—”
“I’ve tried. This is the only way. We both know they will never let us be together, and Ryker is so stubborn, he won’t back down. Sanctuary will be disbanded, and I’ll lose them all anyway. At least this way I can still be in their lives and see them achieve everything they ever wanted.”
“And for you?” he presses.
“I’ll have Ryker.” I shrug. “He’s more than enough.”
“Shit.” He scrubs his face. “Go home and talk to them. If you’re still sure tomorrow, then fine, but if not, I’ll have your back, okay?”
Nodding, I shove my hands in my pockets and hesitate. “Thanks, Po, for everything.”
“You make it sound like goodbye.” He smacks my side. “You can’t get rid of me that easily. Go home, Fox, and talk to them.”
Nodding goodbye, I duck my head against the chill and hurry to the road.
A taxi comes by a few minutes later, and on the way home, I stare out at the city, wondering what life will be like after.
It isn’t going to be easy, since they will be busy and touring and I won’t be with them, but as long as I can still text and call, then I can wait.
I can also still help them with their lyrics and support them.
It will hurt seeing them climb to the top with our songs, but I’ll do it for them.
After tonight, nothing will ever be the same. I’m walking away from my dream, yet despite the sadness I feel, I know it’s right.
When I get home, the kitchen light is on. Frowning, I kick off my boots and head that way, my eyes widening when I see all of them sitting at the kitchen table. Ryker’s face is drawn, and he’s clutching a mug.
“I woke to find you gone. I panicked, thinking something bad happened again.” He takes a deep breath, and I see his hands are shaking. “I called Po. He told me you were on your way home and we needed to talk, so I woke them up.”
Strike and Dash look fully awake and just as worried. Blowing out a breath, I shrug out of my jacket, hang it on the back of the chair, and sink into it opposite Ryker. “I’m sorry I worried you, baby. I just needed to do this alone.”
“Why? Where were you?” he demands, angry now. “Do you know how scared I was? It was just like that night. I was so fucking worried.”
“I’m really sorry.” Reaching over, I unclasp his hands from the mug and kiss them. “I never meant to worry you. I just knew if you were awake, you would stop me.”
“Stop you from what?” Strike demands, meeting my gaze. “What’s going on, Fox? Is it about the suspension?”
“Did you manage to get it lifted?” Dash looks so hopeful that I can’t help but smile, and I keep Ryker’s hand in mine as I lean back.
“I did,” I admit.
“How?” Strike asks.
Ryker looks terrified, and he grips my hand like he’s worried I’m going to slip away. “Did you come back to break up with me? For the band?”
I blink incredulously, and my heart shatters when I see tears brimming in his eyes, turning them glassy and broken. Shoving my chair back, I quickly close the distance between us and sink to my knees next to his chair, dragging him down into my arms as I rub his back.
“Never,” I vow. “You’re stuck with me. Don’t ever think that.”
He shakes in my arms, and I hear him struggling to breathe. I let him calm down, and when he does, I wipe under his eyes. His smile is small and shaky but there. “Then how did you get them to listen?”
“I offered them an alternative, something they could make work,” I reply slowly as I grip his hands. It’s my turn to hold on tight now, terrified that he will walk away from me when he hears this. Licking my lips, I glance at the others and take a deep breath. “I am going to leave the band.”
The room falls silent, and I can hear my heart hammering in my ears with terror. “If I leave the band, they will lift the suspension and continue pushing us—you—to the top. Ryker and I won’t have to break up, I made sure of it, and we won’t have to hide. It’s the only way.”
“No,” Strike snaps. “Fox, what the fuck?”
“I’ll always be at your side. I’m not letting you go, but I love you enough to walk away from the band. You guys don’t need me. You’re the talent.” I glance at Ryker, and he recoils in horror.
“I’m not the talent! We all are. Without you, there is no Sanctuary. We do this together or not at all,” he scoffs.
“We could lose everything we’ve worked for,” I start, hoping they will understand.
“I don’t care!” Ry yells.
Ryker is staring at me like I’m a stranger.
“This is the only way, baby. I realized something today when they told us. I can give this up. I could never touch a guitar again and I’d still have a good life as long as you were in it, but I could never give you up, so if the choice is between me walking away from the band and walking away from you, then I choose this band.
This way, you get your dream, and I get you.
” I smile as I kiss the back of his hands as he gapes.
“Fox, your dream?—”
“It’s an easy choice. It was always you. It’s always going to be you. I’m not going back to being just your bandmate. I can be your number one fan. I’ll be your support, but my life means nothing without you, Ryker. This way, I get you, and you get your dream,” I explain gently.
“You’re a fucking idiot.” The venom from Dash makes us all turn to look. He’s on his feet, his face angry, but there are tears in his eyes. “You think we want this without you?” His lip quivers, and Strike wraps his arm around him. “We’re a family, or do we mean so little to you?”
My heart sinks. “You know you mean everything to me.”
“Then don’t do this!” he yells. “Don’t make us go on without you. I won’t do it.”
“Dash is right. We aren’t doing this without you. Ryker, tell him,” Strike demands.
My gaze swings back to Ryker, and I smile sadly. “It’s okay, baby. You don’t have to feel guilty. We are okay?—”
“Guilty? I’m mad as fucking hell.”
My eyes widen.
“What the fuck made you think we would ever let you go? I don’t care if you are doing it for me, for us, or whatever martyr shit you’re pulling. You don’t get to decide this on your own. You just don’t.”
“He’s right. It isn’t even just down to you two,” Strike murmurs.
“This is our band, our family, and he’s right.
This is our dream. Without you, it isn’t.
We either do this together or not at all.
I’d rather be broke and unknown and happy than lose you.
You know you’re our heart. We aren’t doing it without you.
” Ry’s voice is loud and unrelenting as he shakes my hands.
“Do you hear me? If you try to leave us, I’ll walk away too.
We are a band, a family, so no, you aren’t leaving the band or me or any of us.
I don’t care what they do to us. We’ll stick it through together. ”
“Ry—”
“He’s right,” Dash mutters. “It isn’t your choice. If you leave, I’ll leave too.”
“Dash,” I protest frantically.
“I will as well.” Strike smiles. “Maybe I’ll go back to flipping burgers.”
“Stop it,” I beg. “I’m doing this for you.”
“We didn’t ask you to, baby.” Ryker sighs as he cups my jaw.
“This isn’t for you to solve alone. It’s a problem for all of us.
I love you, but you can’t protect us from everything.
Whatever will be, will be. All that matters is that we are together.
I’ve had a taste of fame and fortune, and it means nothing without my family. ”
Looking to the ceiling, I try to blink away my tears, but they slide down my cheeks, and I choke on a stifled sob. “I just want to make sure you guys are happy,” I admit.
“We know.” Ryker slides down to his knees and grabs my face. “We know, baby. You are always protecting us, but you can’t protect us from everything. We are happy to see this through, but together, okay?”
“I don’t want you to lose your dream for me,” I croak.
“Without you it means nothing anyway,” he says. “The only reason I’m comfortable up there on that stage is because of you. We’ll do this together no matter what. Promise me, promise us you’ll stay and see it through.”
My eyes close as I sink into him.
“Promise us,” Dash demands. “No heroic shit, it isn’t your style. You’re making us all look bad, you know,” he mutters, but he’s serious.
“Besides, who would make sure we aren’t late? Who would write our songs and wash our underwear? Nah, you aren’t going anywhere,” Strike adds.
“Promise me,” Ryker orders as I look at him.
“I promise.” It slips free, but it’s the truth, and he sags in relief, embracing me.
Arms wrap around me as Dash and Strike kneel and hold me. “We’ll do this together,” Strike whispers, “or not at all.”
“Together,” Dash agrees.
“Always together,” Ryker says, and I know they are waiting for me.
“Together, no matter what it means,” I promise, and their relief is palpable. I would have given it all up for Ryker, Strike, and Dash, but the fact that they don’t want me to? Yeah, I’ll admit that I can breathe for the first time since we got that call.
“Fucking idiot, trying to leave us.” I jerk as someone slaps my head. “Bad Fox, very bad Fox. You’re grounded.”
I laugh, and their chuckles add to mine until we just laugh and lean into each other, ready to face whatever tomorrow brings together.