Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Blue
For a moment, I don't know where I am. A luxurious, warm weight blankets me. My muscles aren't vibrating, and my thoughts aren't racing. The twitching has disappeared from my eyelids. And I'm no longer floating in a haze where the world tilts sideways.
I blink at the ceiling, confused at how soft and still everything feels, with my room coming into view. Then it all comes back in a slow, intoxicating wave, as bright as if it's happening right now.
Red's hands are all over me.
His voice tells me he wasn't going anywhere.
Then his mouth takes mine, burning my body just as I always imagined.
A smile stretches across my face before I can stop it.
I curl deeper into the pillow, letting the memory take on a life of its own and hearing the low, helpless sound he made when I kissed him back.
Tingles erupt on my cheek, replaying the way his breath shuddered against my skin.
I reach for the back of my hair, electrified by the way his hand tightened in it, as if screaming I'm his to control without speaking a word.
My heart flutters so hard, my chest lifts.
He kissed me.
For real.
It wasn't a dream or fantasy I stitched together in my head. His mouth actually claimed mine, and my body reacted like I'd been waiting twenty-five years for that exact moment.
I press my fingers to my lips, still tender from his. Heat blooms under my skin. Then I roll over and find a piece of paper on the nightstand.
My pulse jumps. I sit up too fast, the edges of the room blurring for a second from how deeply I slept, then snatch the note. The handwriting is clean and controlled.
Blue,
You finally got some sleep. That matters more than anything right now.
I stayed until you were out. I'm going home to get a few hours myself, but I'll still be here for our next session. We'll talk then about how to keep you safe and stable going forward.
Eat something when you wake up. Drink water. No caffeine today.
– Red
My breath catches on the last line. He didn't sign it, Dr. Mercer. He signed it Red.
Heat surges through me, warm and dizzying. I slowly trace the letters with my fingertip, savoring their shape.
He wanted me to wake up to this and know he stayed.
Red cares about me.
He loves me.
A tiny sound escapes my throat. It's a half laugh, half gasp, and I flop back onto the bed, holding the note against my chest.
He left me a love letter!
I look over at the space beside me where he sat. I can almost feel him, even though I was in a haze.
His broad shoulders hunch forward, hand in mine, face tight with concern. And then he leans forward and kisses my forehead.
He definitely loves me.
My heartbeat stumbles, and a warmth spreads low in my stomach. I grab my phone, thumb trembling with excitement. I hesitate for a moment.
Should I text him?
Is it too soon?
Will he think I'm weird?
He signed it Red.
I type quickly.
Me: I slept really well thanks to you.
I hover over send, my pulse thudding, then tap it before I can overthink. And the thrill that shoots through me almost hurts.
I stare at the screen for over three minutes, but nothing comes back.
He's probably sleeping, I tell myself.
Or showering.
Or thinking about kissing me again.
My phone buzzes, and my butterflies dance harder.
Red: Good. I'm glad. What are you going to eat this morning?
I grin so wide, my cheeks ache. Not "hi," or "how do you feel," or "last night was a weird emotional accident." It's just him being bossy and trying to take care of me again.
Me: Do toaster crumbs count as food?
He doesn't answer right away. I imagine him rolling his eyes, maybe sitting on his couch in sweatpants, hair rumpled from sleep, telling himself he's not thinking about the kiss.
I glance at the time.
Scratch that. He's definitely at the office.
Shit!
It's after ten and I'm late for work.
I exit the text chain and see all the missed calls and texts from Mom.
My phone buzzes again.
Red: Eat real food, Blue. Something with protein would be best.
My heart squeezes. He's so worried about me, it's adorable.
I go into the kitchen, pull the expired yogurt from the trash, set it on the counter. I place the cereal box next to it. I snap a photo and send it to him.
Me: Look at me being responsible.
I don't get a response. My heart falls, but I remind myself he's at work. So I get into the shower but don't stay in it long, worried I might miss his reply.
He's probably in a session with a patient, thinking about how he kissed me.
He said I was the best damn kisser!
Another round of adrenaline spikes down my spine and to my toes. I get out of the shower, dry off, then tuck his note carefully into the drawer of my nightstand. I dry my hair, get dressed, and look at my reflection in approval.
Clear eyes, perfect makeup, and spot-on hair are exactly what I need Mom to see so she doesn't worry anymore. I hit all the objectives and can't help but think I'm glowing.
Of course I'm glowing.
Dr. Red Mercer kissed me! He carried me to bed and held my hand until I fell asleep. Then he wrote me a love letter!
I run back to my nightstand, pull out the letter, and snap a photo. I put it back into the drawer and pick an outfit that makes me feel soft and pretty, something that would drive Red insane, just in case I have a chance to "casually" run into him today.
By the time I head out the door, my entire body feels lighter. The world finally shifted into the version of reality I was meant to live in.
Nothing can ruin today.
My stomach growls loud enough to echo off the nearby glass storefront. Normally, I'd ignore it, but Red's note and his texts play in my mind with irritating, irresistible authority.
I clutch my purse tighter, feeling oddly thrilled at the idea of following his instructions. If he wants me fed, I'll eat. If he wants me rested, I'll sleep. There's something exhilarating about knowing he's watching and ordering me around, even from afar.
A café on the corner catches my eye, and I veer toward it, dodging a guy on a scooter. The chalkboard out front advertises "Egg Sandwiches – All Day."
Perfect.
Inside, I order a sandwich with eggs over easy, spinach, and cheddar. Then I order a latte, but remember the no-caffeine rule. "Wait! I can't have that. Let me get..." I scan the menu. "A mango-berry smoothie with protein powder.
Red will approve.
While I wait, I position myself near the window, the soft morning light making everything feel warm and cinematic. It's like I'm the heroine in a movie, and Red's the super-sexy, strong hero.
Pride fills me.
I saved my kisses for someone worth kissing.
The sandwich and smoothie arrive, and I can't help it. I lift my phone and snap a picture of me taking a bite out of the sandwich.
Warm yolk seeps into the toasted bread, the buttery edges giving way under my teeth as the first bite sends a slow, savory heat unfurling through my chest. I chew it, lick my lips, then glance at the photo.
A drop of yolk teases my bottom lip.
Perfect!
I take another selfie with the smoothie and dramatically purse my lips to make them look bigger.
That should remind him of last night's kisses.
Me: Fueling up. Approve, Dr. Mercer?
I add the photos, then hit send, and eat more of my sandwich. It tastes ridiculously good, or maybe everything does this morning because I slept, and Red stayed after he touched me like I mattered.
My phone rings, but I send Mom to voicemail and leave the shop. Then my text ringer dings.
Red: Good. Eat the whole sandwich.
Me: I added protein to the smoothie. Are you proud of me?
I add a hmm emoji and laugh right there on the sidewalk, earning a glance from a woman jogging past.
I take another big bite, snap a picture of the half-eaten sandwich, and send it with a small caption.
Me: I like it when you boss me around.
Three dots appear, then disappear, then appear again.
My stomach flips.
Red: I'm just making sure you're okay.
The words melt through me like honey.
He's still worried about me.
I finish my sandwich to please him, sip the smoothie until it's half gone, and step into the design studio with a bounce in my step I haven't felt in months.
Mom's head pops up from behind a display of fabric swatches. Her eyes widen subtly, and she looks me over like she's trying to solve some complicated puzzle.
"I've been calling you," she says.
"Sorry. I forgot to set my alarm and overslept," I offer, passing her and setting my purse on the counter.
She studies me. "You look like you actually slept."
I shrug, trying for nonchalance but failing miserably. I'm too excited about Red. I chirp, "Turns out sleep is useful."
She gives me a relieved but cautious expression.
I head toward the back office. Before I reach it, my father steps out. His brows crease.
Shit.
"Hey, Dad."
He pulls me in for a hug, then peers closer. "You look rested."
I roll my eyes. "I am. Let me guess. Mom made you worry?"
"You went too long without sleep," Mom reinforces behind me.
Dad studies my face. "Blue, are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I answer easily, brushing past him to grab the order clipboard. "Just busy. I have a lot of tasks to catch up on."
He exchanges a look with my mother. It's the kind of silent, parental communication that used to make me furious, but today, I'm too buoyant to care.
Dad clears his throat. "Your mother said you had a rough few days."
"It wasn't anything special," I lie, not wanting to keep this conversation alive.
Dad says, "Blue—"
"I slept. I'm fine," I reiterate.
Both their eyebrows shoot up.
"And I ate breakfast," I add, lifting my smoothie as evidence.
Mom's smile softens.
Dad's shoulders ease a fraction.
"That's good," Mom says quietly.
I nod and flip open the clipboard, scanning our orders for the day. For once, the lines don't blur, double, or tilt. Everything looks manageable, straightforward, and even enjoyable. I smile and ask, "Can I go to work now?"
Mom pauses, then nods, returning my smile. "Sure."