9. Magnolia
9
MAGNOLIA
O nce we found a suitable place to wash up in the creek, it took ages to actually get going. Garrek insisted on checking the area for ardu, whatever those were. He stomped around the water’s edge, turning over stones and poking a scarily impressive-looking knife he’d pulled from his boot into nooks, crannies, or holes he deemed suspicious.
Which was all of them, apparently.
It took so long that, eventually, I wandered away to relieve myself behind a nearby tree. When I returned, he was still at it, crouching and muttering at something on the ground while he stabbed it with his knife. Once he determined that he’d just murdered a wet, soggy weed instead of some slithery predator hellbent on biting my bare human toes off, he finally stood and turned towards Killian and me.
“Looks clear. But don’t take too long. ”
“Don’t need to tell me twice,” I said. Even standing here, totally dry, I was already chilly.
“Why would I tell you twice? Waste of words.”
“No, that’s what I mean,” I said, removing my jacket and shivering slightly. “You don’ t need to tell me twice. It just means that I get it and I agree. We’ll be quick.”
Garrek grunted and hoisted the trough for the animals that he was going to fill a little further down the creek. He moved to turn, then froze when I whipped my shirt off over my head.
I wasn’t naked underneath. I was wearing my bra. I was just as covered as I’d be swimming at a Terratribe II beach. But a sudden, squiggly sort of shyness slid through me when Garrek’s eyes lit up bright as lanterns in the dark.
“Can you turn those off, please?” I said a little more brusquely than I’d meant to. “Or at least aim them somewhere useful, like the water?”
It took Garrek a very long moment to realize I was speaking to him. With his eyes all lit up, I could better see his expression. It was the expression of someone who’d just been slugged in the temple.
“Garrek?”
And he was the one being such a smartass about saying things twice…
He visibly shook himself, like someone rousing themselves from an involuntary stupor of some sort. Then he aggressively spun his big body around and stomped away through the woods, calling out something that sounded a lot like a harried, “Hurry up. ”
“So impatient, that one,” I muttered, shaking my head.
“He always tells me to hurry up, too,” Killian said sympathetically.
I laughed, appreciating the commiseration Killian was offering me. “Well,” I told him as I shimmied out of my pants, “at least you’re not alone, now!”
Killian paused, his little mouth stretching in a way I hadn’t seen it do before. I thought it might have been a smile. My heart squeezed, leaving my whole chest feeling tender.
“Come on, then,” I said, stepping out of my boots and peeling my pants all the way off. “Let’s not keep that big grump waiting too long.”
I left my socks inside my boots and put my shirt and pants folded on top of my jacket. In the small bag, I had my pyjamas and toiletries I’d brought with me from home. I decided to keep my bra and panties on. I’d wear them like a bathing suit in the water, then at the last second strip them off to give them a wash and wrap myself in my towel. The kid was already traumatized enough without me flashing my alien titties at him.
Killian didn’t seem to share my worry about modesty, though. Within seconds, his boots were kicked off, each of them careening through the air in entirely different directions. He abandoned his trousers and belt and went sprinting for the water, his body a dark blur.
“How is it?” I asked, already knowing the answer from the shocking suck of cold mud on my bare feet as I approached the water.
“Terrible!” Killian shouted gleefully.
Yippee.
I hung my towel on a branch that arched near the water so that it would be ready the moment my frozen ass clambered up the bank.
My breath punched out of me, as if trying to flee the frigid water that I’d just plunged my feet into.
“Holy hills of Terra!” I hissed through gritted teeth. Killian was already submerged up to his waist, apparently oblivious to the fact that this water was about to gnaw my limbs off. Pain shot through my feet and into my ankles.
Praying for the prickly comfort of numbness, I ploughed forward, alternating between holding my breath and yelping as I waded towards Killian.
“Y-you’re not cold?” I stammered, teeth chattering, as I approached him
“Not really,” Killian answered. His eyes were the brightest thing around here. Like two magical little will-o’-the-wisps shining out of his sweet face.
“You have beautiful eyes,” I told him, making shivery conversation to distract myself from the cold. “They’re so bright.”
Killian didn’t seem to enjoy the compliment. He hunched into himself, as if finally feeling the cold. He looked down at the inky surface of the creek, glowing with the reflection of his eyes. He brought his tail down on the surface, making the reflection break apart into chaotic, swirling ripples. Like a child who hated the painting they’d started and had decided to smear the canvas with their paintbrush instead of trying to finish it.
“What’s wrong?” I’d started untying my braids, but stopped, giving him my full attention.
Killian smacked the surface of the water again, a little less viciously this time.
“I don’t like them,” he finally said in a sullen little voice. “They’re not supposed to be white all the time.”
“Why not?” I got back to work on my braids, pulling the springy curls apart as I waited for Killian’s response.
“Because if they’re white all the time, that’s bad.”
“Bad, how?” Alarm made me stiffen even more than the cold. Instantly, I was in nurse mode. “Like, medically bad? From illness or injury?”
“No. It’s because I’m bad.”
My mouth fell open. My heart squeezed again, much more painfully this time. Before I could respond, Killian dunked his head under the water. I used the moment to collect my thoughts and to start frantically washing my body while I still had some vaguely agonized feeling in my fingers. The shampoo and body wash bar I’d made back on Terratribe II was tucked into my bra strap, and I scrubbed it all over myself, including beneath my bra and panties.
By the time I’d given myself a good once-over, Killian had resurfaced.
“You are not bad,” I blurted. Maybe not the most subtle way to phrase it, but my brain was barely above a popsicle and I wanted to get my message across as quickly and efficiently as possible. “Who told you that you were bad?” Anger briefly warmed me, and my eyes narrowed. “Was it Garrek?”
“No,” Killian said.
I let out a small breath in relief.
I was too cold and focused on Killian to fully examine that relief. The relief of not being disappointed in Garrek.
Why should it matter if I were disappointed in him? Why should it matter if the image of Garrek I was slowly putting together – one of a gruff male who was more stressed-out than simply grumpy, a male who cared more than he realized that he let on – was ruined the way Killian had ruined his reflection in the creek?
But that image hadn’t been ruined. In fact, little bits of it had been confirmed. Garrek wasn’t the sort of man to tell a child that he was bad. Even if that child did burn down half his ranch.
“He doesn’t need to tell me,” Killian went on. “I always cause him problems.”
“Hey, now,” I said firmly, using my big-sister voice. The one that always got my five younger siblings to stop what they were doing and listen up. “None of that now, you hear me? You are an awesome kid, Killian. You know how to do so many things! Things I don’t even know how to do! You helped me set up my tent, didn’t you?”
He reluctantly agreed, his tail slapping the water in agitation.
“And I see how much you help the animals, too. You take such good care of the shuldu and the bracku! I bet they’re very happy to have you!”
He didn’t say anything in response to that, but his expression did soften a touch from its unhappy pout. I was getting through to him, at least a little bit.
“And you’re so brave! You’ve already dunked your head in the water, meanwhile here I am, a fully-grown adult, and I haven’t even mustered the courage to do that, yet!” I waved my soap and shampoo bar at him. “I can’t wash my hair if I don’t get it wet!”
Killian hesitated for a moment. Then, he cupped his hands and gathered some water in them. He lifted them together, his brow crinkled with concentration, and then gingerly let the water dribble from his hands onto my hair.
“You don’t have to dunk down if you’re afraid,” he told me, repeating the motion. “I can help you get your hair wet first.”
Luckily, the next handful of water dripped into my eyes, so I could pretend I wasn’t crying.
But I was. I was about to fall apart and sob at the little act of kindness this hurting child had shown me. The way he didn’t want me to be afraid.
“Thank you, sweet pea,” I choked out through a tight throat. I swiped at my eyes. “Someone who was truly bad would never do what you just did. Besides,” I said, sniffing hard and gaining a little control over my sudden urge to weep. “I see Garrek’s eyes go white all the time, too.”
“Not all the time,” Killian grumbled as he spooned more water onto my head with his scoop-like hands .
“But a lot of the time,” I countered. “Would you say he’s a bad man?”
“No!” Killian’s reply was instant and steely with certainty. And then I wanted to cry all over again, thinking about the way these two males had found their way to each other and maybe, just maybe, had found a little bit of healing in the process. Even if they didn’t want to admit it.
“Well, there you go,” I said succinctly. “Thank you for helping me with my hair, Killian. But I think you’ve also helped me to be brave enough to dunk now.”
It would take all night to soak my hair the way Killian was doing it. Time to bite the bullet.
“Here,” Killian said, lowering one of his hands but letting the other hover above the water. “You can hold it, if you want.”
I smiled, remembering how Killian hadn’t wanted to come down off his shuldu and enter Fallon and Darcy’s house when we’d first met. It was only the promise of me holding his hand that had lured him.
And now here he was, offering me that very same thing.
The compassion inside him nearly toppled me. The pure, unselfconscious generosity of it.
He had so, so much to give.
I only wished that he could see it.
I took Killian’s hand, sucked in a breath, and plunged down into the water.