Chapter 10-Ezra
Do I have to beg? (I will.)
I’ve been warned about mama bears protecting their cubs. Armed with no more than hot cocoa, she’s ready for battle as she heads toward me. She’s fucking glorious. “Leave, Ezra. You have no business here.”
“Not until I have a few answers. He’s your son?”
“Yes, my son. Mine.”
“But not just yours. If my brother is the father, don’t you think he deserves to-”
“He deserves nothing!” If looks could kill, I’d already be dead.
Her outburst has the heads of other parents turning our way and that fawn glow in her cheeks deepens. She jerks her chin toward the top of the wooden bleachers behind us. I read her loud and clear – privacy.
Out of habit, I try to steady her as we climb. She shakes me off with a growl. As she collects herself, I reign in the way that growl just hit me. I’m already turned on by Callie but, holy fuck, she’s even hotter when she’s this angry.
To end that line of thought, I stare at the little boys out on the ice, trying to repeat the simple drills they’re being taught. I’ve barely laid eyes on him but I already know Callie’s son on sight. I will never not know him. I want a chance to get to know him.
There’s a painful twinge in my chest, remembering he’s not mine. Trying to sift through the emotions plaguing me and the dozens of whys, I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m jealous. I’m frightened she’ll disappear again.
But, Chase would want to know him. Learning he has a son might change my brother’s entire outlook on life. It would change mine. It’s already changing mine.
She’s gripping that hot chocolate like a shield when I break the silence. “How old… I mean, I have a rough idea but when was he born?”
She’s quiet for so long I nearly give up on an answer. Is she waiting for me to leave? I’m not leaving. Resigned, she replies at last, “He will be five in November.”
November? My birthday is in November but I suppose Callie won’t appreciate me pointing that out. “You left Princeton before the semester ended and did not return. Why didn’t you tell Chase?”
She skewers me with a glare as if I’m the simplest creature alive. “I did.”
Does she mean to suggest he didn’t want him?
No, not possible. After our mother left us, I swore I would never do such a thing to any child of mine. My child would be wanted from the start. I remember telling Chase those words as a boy of thirteen and the way he had solemnly agreed with me.
Chase admitted Callie broke up with him after she caught him kissing another girl. I couldn’t believe my brother was so stupid but women were always his biggest weakness. As a woman scorned, Callie had nearly got him expelled from Princeton with stories about him cheating and copying her work.
“What did he say if you told him?”
“WhenI told him, he convinced me ending the pregnancy would be the most logical and uncomplicated solution to a situation we had not anticipated. I… I told him I would.”
But, she didn’t. “If you changed your mind, don’t you think he might’ve changed his mind in time? He was a scared college kid then-”
“So was I!”she snarls. “So was I, Ezra. I was terrified going to your brother, the man who had broken my heart, to tell him.”
I should’ve bitten my tongue. I’ve defended and protected my younger brother for so long and I keep doing it. Maybe it’s time I thought about that before jumping to his defense. Callie was the one who was pregnant and frightened, the one who left school. She changed her last name. She probably had to drop out of school for a semester. Who was by her side when she gave birth? Her mother?
She has spent nearly five years raising that child from a newborn to the little guy out on the ice right now. Baby smiles and babbling words. Toddler tantrums and birthday candles. Bedtime stories and childhood fears soothed, tears kissed away. Helping him lace up his first pair of shoes, his first pair of skates. I’ve missed all of it.
You’ve missed it? He is not yours.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-”
“Do you know who I found at his apartment when I went to speak to him that night?” My stomach sinks down through the bleachers because I know. “It was all I could do to stand there and knock on that door and then you were the one who answered. You with your anger and accusations and…”
She bites off her words as her eyes grow glassy. It rips me apart seeing her close to tears. I wish I could bite my tongue off altogether. “I’m sorry. I… I’ve regretted those words-”
“I don’t want your apology,” she snaps. “I don’t need it. All I want is to forget you both and I’ve been doing a good job of that until now.”
She hates me. She doesn’t want me in her life at all. The air is filled with regret and remorse and it’s all I can breathe. Every ounce of it is my fault, too. She wants me to go and I should.
But, as I catch sight of her son again, cautiously moving across the ice, I can’t. I have to change things. I have to keep her in my life. I have to make that boy part of my life, too.
“What’s his name?”
When I glance back at Callie, I see her studying me. “What makes you think you have a right to know? You are nothing to him.”
“Please, Callie.”
My begging works. “Wyatt.”
“Wyatt,” I repeat, my heart pounding.
A curt nod. “Yes. I would like for you to leave now, Ezra. Do not follow us when we leave. When you see your brother again, forget you’ve seen me at all.”
“I can’t pretend I don’t know about this, no more than I could pretend not to know you, hummingbird.”
“Fuck you. You will pretend. And, pretend this was an accident while you’re at it.”
She dumps the hot chocolate in my lap before hurrying away.
It burns.
But, I probably deserve worse.
∞∞∞
With most of the hot chocolate wiped away in the men’s room, I come out in time to see the boys and their parents leaving. Little kids equals short practices. Callie gives me another death glare as she hustles Wyatt to the door and I keep my distance. I owe her that even if it’s killing me.
I dodge the dad trying to come over to talk, a hockey fan, and run right into the kid who taught the lesson. He recognizes me as well. By the time he’s finished chatting my ear off, I figure I’ve given her enough time to leave.
When I step outside, I realize it’s started to rain. The parking lot is nearly empty.
But, closer to the busy street, I see Callie and Wyatt standing under the pitiful coverage of the bus stop. Why the hell is she waiting on the bus? What the fuck is Golden Gate paying her if she doesn’t have a car? Whatever it is, she’s worth ten times as much for the greeter bots alone. It’s unacceptable for her to wait here with her kid as it’s growing dark.
Seething, I march over to them, ready to give her a piece of my mind if she attempts to argue. She’s not going to get rid of me under these circumstances. Or ever, a more primal voice inside my head whispers.
Wyatt is asking about pizza and Callie nods absently, staring down the road looking for the bus. She hasn’t even noticed me approaching. Not fucking safe enough for you, dammit.
Wyatt sees me and gives me a toothy grin. “Did you know hummingbirds can fly backwards? No other bird can. I knew that. Did you? Did you, mister?”
“No, I didn’t know that, Wyatt,” I answer.
Callie gasps, realizing someone has approached them from behind unnoticed. Then, she glares at me.
I glare right back. “I’m giving you a ride home. No arguments.”
“We are not going anywhere with-”
“We’re not going home, mister. We’re going to get pizza. I skated good and I’m hungry.”
I smirk, silently thanking Wyatt for the assist. “Yeah, you skated well. We should go get pizza first.”
“No, we will catch the bus and-”
A flash of lightning followed by a loud crack of thunder cuts her off and causes them to both jump. Wyatt moves closer to his mother. “Scared, Mama,” I hear him whimper. Fuck all that. I will not let this child be scared or in danger or go hungry.
“It’s storming. It’s dark. He’s hungry,” I growl, angry that I have to convince her to use good sense.
Wyatt stares at me, speculatively, his chin lifting the exact same way his mother’s often does. “Do we like him, Mama?”
My eyes rise to meet Callie’s. No, she does not.