Chapter 13-Callie
The further out you go onto the ice, the more you fear hearing that cracking sound.
“Up for a bribe?”
“From Clancy’s? You bet your ass I am,” Tabitha says as I place the box of fresh muffins on her desk. “You don’t owe me this, no more than you owed us an explanation.”
“I know but you’ve both been so supportive and Dean…”
“Was surprised to see Ezra at your mother’s house, that’s all.”
Stunned might be a better word. I’ve been hiding from Ezra this past year since he came to town and only recently shared the reason why with my bosses. Then, I invited him to a family cookout, not realizing that Mama invited Dean. They were civil to each other at least.
“Ezra seems very taken with Wyatt,” Tabitha says carefully as we enjoy a muffin apiece.
Yeah, he does. He’s practically begging to be part of my son’s life, even gladly capitulating to my terms. I don’t know how to handle the way it makes me feel whenever I see them bonding. Even Ezra stepping in to do something as simple as fetch a juice box made me feel unexpected flutterings.
So, is he really interested in spending time with me like he claims or is he just buttering me up to get close to Wyatt? It was hard to tell based on what I overheard of his conversation with my mother.
And, none of it can make me forget my greatest fear – that his brother might try to take my son from me.
“What did your cousin tell you? The one who works for that judge.”
Sybil confirmed the things I already knew. If Chase suspects Wyatt is his son, he could petition for a paternity test. Once he knows, he could fight for visitation or even custody. It would be an uphill battle for most fathers but he’s got fame, fortune and a billionaire brother in his pocket. I don’t want Wyatt’s life to become a media circus before he even starts kindergarten.
“Are you so certain Ezra would choose Chase’s side in that? And, remember that you’ve got your own billionaires in your pocket.”
“Ezra choose me over his brother? No way.” He’d made that very clear back at Princeton. “And, I’m not their family.”
“The partners have bonded a lot these past couple of years and they feel very strongly about certain employees. Particularly you.”
I know she believes that but she’s Dean’s wife. I’m just the single mom he has a soft spot for. I can’t see the other partners wanting to blow up their business relationship with Power Play over me.
A cleaning cart rattles by and we stop talking as Daisy pokes her head in. “Any trash to pick up, Mrs. Culver?”
“Not this early, thanks.”
She gives us a bow, like we’re royalty or something which we’re not. She’d been eating a leftover sandwich in the conference room and never got her lemon cookie. “Would you want a muffin, Daisy?” I ask before she can disappear.
She looks utterly dismayed as if I’ve called her out for something. Tabitha stares at me blankly for a moment before jumping up with the box. “Yes, please, take one if you wish. We can’t eat them all.”
Daisy studies the contents of the box like they might bite her before she picks one and dashes off again, mumbling her thanks with scarlet cheeks.
“There’s something about that girl. I worry about her,” I say by way of explanation.
“Little mama hen,” my friend says teasingly before returning to our discussion. “Is it the money thing that worries you most? That doesn’t make Chase look any better.”
“No but it doesn’t help me either.”
I hadn’t told Ezra that the night I told Chase I was pregnant he gave me money to follow through with our agreement. I’d used it for my baby instead of to get rid of him. My mother used the term gold digger when she was dressing down the Sokolov in her firing range on Saturday. Would he think that of me if he knew?
“I wouldn’t mind Ezra being part of our lives if I could feel more certain he won’t turn on me.”
“Do you have feelings for him, Callie?”
“When did I suggest that?”
“You didn’t have to.”
“There’s nothing there,” I scoff. “Maybe a bit of attraction. That’s all.”
“Attraction is generally where it starts. Are you seeing him again?”
I nod. “Wyatt was talking about hockey practice this week on the way home and I mentioned I’d never ice skated in my life. It became… a thing.” A charming and comical thing, both Ezra and Wyatt insisting I try it. “He’s invited me to the arena tomorrow evening when Wyatt has plans with Sybil’s family for a lesson.”
“Just the two of you? Be sure to keep your balance, Callie.”
I know what she means. I’m trying.
∞∞∞
“You haven’t once let go of my hands.” Not that I mind. His hands are warm and strong. They make me feel safe.
“Don’t plan to until you’re ready.”
“Or maybe you’re waiting to leave me stranded in the middle of this rink.”
“I’m not abandoning you.” Not abandoning me and teaching me to ice skate, something his brother never did.
His eyes have been on my feet but he lifts them to meet mine, his expression serious as it usually is when Wyatt’s not around. “I texted Sunday. I wanted to stop by and see you, take you both to get dinner.”
“I know. I got your text.” I don’t tell him I’d debated for an hour before deciding to ignore it. “We were out shopping for a new microwave. A domestic crisis ultra wealthy men like you don’t have to worry about.”
“I know where microwaves are sold.”
“Bravo, sir.”
He chuckles. “I would’ve bought you a microwave and even delivered it.”
“But, I am capable of getting my own.”
“Stubborn woman.”
“Independent woman. I’m not really skating at all, am I? You’re skating backwards, literally towing me along.”
“We’re getting comfortable, Callie.”
Yeah, we are. I don’t know if I can trust that feeling… but I’d like to.
This is not a date. Just because he looks like he’s dressed for a date instead of a business meeting or hockey game, just because he got someone from the arena staff to make us sandwiches when we arrived and brought a bottle of wine and just because he gave me a pair of ice skates doesn’t make it a date.
So, those stupid butterflies that got all flap-happy when he kneeled and laced the skates up for me do not mean a thing. No more than the way he was staring at me intently as his hands worked the laces with practiced ease does.
“The first preseason game is this weekend. I was thinking…”
“Yes?” Curse that breathy excitement in my voice. Like a girl getting asked out on her first date.
“What if you came to the game with me? You and Wyatt.”
“I’ll think about it.” There’s so much to think about when it comes to this thing with Ezra that I can’t quite label. “I’ll give you an answer soon… in case there’s someone else you’d like to invite if I say no.”
“There’s no one else I want to invite,” he says very huffily. It’s kind of cute when Ezra’s feathers are ruffled. Kind of hot, too.
“You said you had dinner with your father last night,” I comment as he continues to effortlessly tow me along.
He looks down at his skates. “Yes, I did.”
I stay quiet, waiting for more. He doesn’t offer it. My stomach churns uncomfortably. Levi Sokolov will be at that preseason game - Wyatt’sgrandfather. Would his son deny him the chance to know his grandchild simply because I ask him to?
“Skate around me.”
“What?” Ezra says, drawn from his silent musings.
“I can stay upright here. I’d like to see you skate. It might help me work on my form.”
He does as I say. I’ve seen him play hockey, admired his skill. He was so talented and I hate that playing professionally was taken from him sooner than it should’ve been. I’ve never watched him simply skate. He flashes a self-conscious smile my way a few times before he loses himself in the activity, as graceful as any falcon in the sky.
I lose myself, too, lost in my thoughts. It’s colder out here than in the stands. My toes have started to ache from it. Memories weave in and out of my mind as Ezra skates circles around me.
I’d never had a serious boyfriend until Chase, always so intent on my studies, the nerdy Black girl from the modest Oakland neighborhood who had dreams of proving herself at an Ivy League school. He was hot with undeniable charm and one of the most popular young men on campus when we met at the start of my junior year.
Chase needed a tutor. I fell in crush.
Chase said ‘let’s date.’ I fell in love.
Ezra called me a puck bunny. I wanted to punch him in the dick… and kiss his stupid mouth.
So, so guilty. I couldn’t believe I had such a perfect boyfriend and I was attracted to his taciturn, scowling older brother. I’d hear that raspy way he’d say my name and we’d quarrel about the stupidest things. I felt like such a bad girl getting hot and bothered by it.
I determined to love Chase harder in order to thrust Ezra from my mind.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, sweetheart,” Chase said that night.
I knew it. Doesn’t the first time usually hurt? I’d held him tighter, promising it was worth it.
What had hurt was what I discovered the next night.
I hadn’t planned to go to the party. It was cold and snowy and I had school work to do. The team was celebrating and many of them would get drunk, Chase included. I didn’t like it when he drank so much. But, we’d taken a big step the night before and he’d sent flowers to my dorm. So romantic. No school work could compare to that.
I’d stepped inside and seen Chase in the thick of the party. But, he hadn’t seen me.
“Where’s Little Miss Studious tonight, Chase?”
“Writing a paper I’m going to borrow later. Come upstairs with me.”
He’d led that girl up the steps and, like a sleepwalker headed toward a cliff, I’d followed them through the raucous party and stood outside some random bedroom with a half-open door.
“You could tell her you’re getting bored…”
“Who says I’m bored? Plus, my GPA is amazing since I’ve been dating Callie.”
“You said virgins were too much work.”
“They are but maybe she’s not one anymore.”
They’d laughed about that together. He’d shared something private about our relationship and they’d laughed. “Then, what do you need me for?” the girl had said, pretending to sulk.
Chase knew it was an act. He’d ducked his chin to tickle her cheek with his nose the same way he’d do with me. “Little Miss Studious hasn’t perfected your skills in other ways, sweetheart.”
He’d called her sweetheart and she had dropped to her knees. I’d felt so sick but it hadn’t stopped me from walking in and telling him off in words I’d never repeat to my mother.
“Callie?” Through the hot film of tears, I see Ezra standing in front of me on the ice, worriedly stroking my cheek. “Why are you crying, darling?”
Why are you crying?He’d asked me that once before.
April, exams nearing and I was in the middle of a brewing scandal no one wanted. I had been angry but he was cheating in more ways than sex. He’d used our tutoring sessions as a way to help himself to my laptop, copying papers and homework and turning them in as his own.
Then, I realized my period was overdue. Four tests just to be sure. Two lines every time. A week of agonized worrying and keeping it to myself.
“Why are you crying those crocodile tears? Isn’t it enough that you’re trying to get my brother expelled with your vindictive lies?”Ezra had said that night at the apartment.
“I’m not lying! He’s been stealing my work for months! But, that doesn’t matter right now. I need to talk to him about something more important. I need... there’s things we need to work through together.”
“Oh, so you’ve come crawling back? Is that it? Two months ago, you dumped him and went to the dean with allegations, all because you were pissed at him. Now you want him back? Is it because you’re so in love with him, Callie? Or is it because of the fat contract he’s getting ready to sign?”
“I don’t care about his money!”
“Yeah, sure. You know what? Thank you for setting me straight the day we met. You’re not a puck bunny. You’re much smarter and so much more trouble than one of those.”
I’m still surprised I had the strength to face Chase after that. I’m still ashamed when I think about the money he gave me.
“Take the money, Callie. It will be forgotten and you’ll get on with your future. I’ll call you in a day or two and… I’m sorry you got hurt.”
But, he had hurt me.
Ezra’s hand is tentatively holding my shoulder as though he’s not sure it’s okay to touch me. We’re sitting together in the never-been-used penalty box. How did we even get here? “Tell me what it is, hummingbird,” he murmurs.
“How can I fully trust you? You hurt me that night.”
“I know, I’m…”
“Hehurt me more.”
“Because you loved him,” he says, his voice gruff and raw.
“Yes.” But, I didn’t love him that night. My love for Chase had died at that party where I’d finally seen him for who he was.
The old wounds are torn open but the poison seems to slip out along with the pain as Ezra murmurs sweeter words than I’d ever expected to hear from him. More honest words than his brother had ever whispered. “I never want to hurt you again, Callie. I’d rather die than hurt Wyatt. I’m not perfect and maybe I’ll fail at times but I don’t intend to hurt you by being in your lives.”
“You want to be close to Wyatt? An uncle he can count on, learn from?” He nods. “And, how exactly do you want to be in my life, Ezra?” I ask, tipping back my chin to look deep into those mossy green eyes.
I swear he doesn’t draw a breath for a solid minute as he stares at me. “I want you. And, I want you to want me, too.” Capturing my chin, he kisses my brow… my eyelids… my cheeks.
Feebly, I push at his chest. “My nose is running and I’m-”
“Don’t care.Still want you.”
A voice inside whispers he’d say anything to get me to cooperate but my resistance crumples because I want him, too. His tongue darts out, tasting the salt of my tears where they’ve gathered at the corner of my mouth. Heat coils in my center, desire thrums through my veins. I’ve wanted another kiss from this man ever since that first one taught me what a kiss could be. I’ve wanted his kisses far longer than that.
The teasing pecks end and he kisses me fully as passion takes over. My arms wrap around his broad shoulders as he tugs me close. My fingers slide into his thick hair before exploring his stubbled jaw and trailing over his cable-knit sweater. I can feel his heart pounding, racing to match my own. Inhaling deeply, I savor his sandalwood scent, so pleasing, so male.
It would be so terribly easy to fall for Ezra just as I once fell for Chase.
But, I’m better at keeping my balance these days and the new skates haven’t made me forget my cold feet.
“Stop, Ezra. This is only confusing me. Your kisses confuse me. I need to figure out what it is I want.”
“Yes, of course.” He releases me at once, trying to hide the hurt. It’s that hurt that breaks me, making me aggravated with myself. I know what I want. I’m scared to take the risk. I’m tired of being scared.
“Just give me some time.”
“Time, however much you need,” he promises.
“Wyatt comes first in my life. Everything I do, I do for him.”
“I know. It’s one of the things… it’s one of the things I admire about you, one of the many things.”
Does he mean that? I don’t ask because he takes my hand and leads me back onto the ice, encouraging me to glide with him.
Side by side, the hesitant and the sure, we make our way around the rink together.