Chapter 22-Callie
Don’t play games with my heart.
I’m not sure how to respond when Ezra explains that it’s been over six years since he last had sex.
But, I definitely know what to say when he adds, “Not since I met you.”
“Don’t lie to me!”
“I’m not lying.”
I jump out of bed, grabbing my pajama top and then throwing it back down when I remember the buttons scattered everywhere. I tug the comforter off my bed instead, leaving Ezra stark naked on the sheets. Damn him for looking so fine. “Bullshit. You were a pro athlete. You’re a fucking billionaire. You’re gorgeous.”
“You think I’m gorgeous?”
“You know you are! You could walk into a room, snap your fingers and get pussy.”
He chuckles. “It’s been a long time since I thought that way.”
Then, he snaps his fingers at me. Son of a bitch.
“Stop it, Ezra.” I don’t know if I’m more pissed at him or these silly, vulnerable tears forming in my eyes. “Don’t you dare try to tell me you’ve been abstinent for six years because of me.”
“But, I have.”
“If you’re just going to lie to me...” His brother didn’t even wait twenty-four hours to go to another girl after punching my V-card. Ezra waiting six years for me? No way.
“Callie, I’m not lying to you.”
“Just… don’t do this to me.” My voice cracks as I sink down onto the mattress. Don’t make my heart hope. I wrap the comforter around my shoulders, swaddling the ends against my chest like a shield. I told myself I’d guard my heart, never allow a Sokolov to hurt me again.
He scoots closer, his nose gently pushing the comforter back so he can nuzzle my bare shoulder. His eyes flick down to the cut of his hip where his tattoo is. It’s about the size of a hockey puck, a bird in flight. It doesn’t look like a falcon to me but what else would it be?
“I know this is a lot but there’s something you…”
“I don’t have the energy for this tonight, Ezra. I need a chance to think things over.”
“Okay,” he says with soft resignation.
“I thought men were supposed to be more honest after they nut.”
“I am being honest.”
Admittedly, he does sound sincere. Chase had more charm but I never doubted the words that came out of Ezra’s mouth, even when they were blunt and hard to hear. “Why?” I ask, genuinely confused. “Why deny yourself for me? You hated me.”
“I told you I never hated you. I liked you entirely too much. Felt like a piece of shit for how much I liked you, honestly, considering everything.”
Considering I was his brother’s girlfriend. Join the piece of shit club. I had liked him, too, even when I didn’t want to. “Okay, but I left town and our lives carried on.”
“They did but part of mine didn’t. I couldn’t get you out of my head after you left, after the way our last encounter ended. I wanted to go after you, look for you but Chase said you were transferring schools and that the, um… allegations were dropped.”
The allegations were dropped because I was gone and Chase went pro. I went running home to my parents with a baby on the way and ten thousand dollars I’d been handed to get rid of it.
“I chose my brother’s side, Callie, but I couldn’t stop thinking of you. I’m not pretending to be some saint. I know I could’ve moved on in the years between now and then, but every woman I’ve met since then… she simply wasn’t you.”
Please, don’t say it like that if you don’t mean it.“If you’d chosen another city to start a hockey team in, we might never have laid eyes on each other again. I wouldn’t want you to be alone forever, Ezra.”
Maybe I would’ve wanted that when I first saw him a couple of months ago but I won’t lie to myself. He doesn’t have to be a saint to be a good man and Ezra is a good man. He’s a man I’d like to keep around, too.
He kisses my bare shoulder and whispers, “I’m not alone now.”
My chin trembles and a hot tear rolls down my cheek. “I want to believe you. I want to believe in you.”
“I hope you will. Don’t cry, darling.”
He sweeps away my tears and that ache in my chest fades into something deeper. A blink, a sigh and our lips touch once more. We lapse into silence, allowing our bodies to speak. He cradles my face in his hands. Mine trace the corded muscles of his shoulders and back, admiring how beautiful he is. It pales in comparison to the beauty within him. I care about Ezra. I want him. I think I’m in love with him but I don’t want to think too hard.
Doubt dissipates as passion takes over. Falling back onto the mattress, I relish the feel of his powerful body hovering over mine, awakening mine.
The man I once thought must have a heart made of ice keeps making me melt. I hope I don’t drown.
∞∞∞
By Sunday evening, the flu has been fucked out of me.
Okay, not literally, but I’ve never enjoyed a sick weekend at home this much in the past.
I almost wish we could hide out here forever and not just in bed. We’ve shared every meal together, the three of us. I’ve listened to endless facts that Wyatt and Ezra have looked up, watched them play kitchen hockey - it’s played in your sock-feet with brooms and paper wadded up into a makeshift puck. Their growing bond has grown even stronger in these three days of cohabitation.
My son has been sitting at the window ever since Ezra left for his place thirty minutes ago, looking gloomy. “Want to watch something before your bath?” He shakes his head. My mothering instincts have me checking his forehead for fever but he feels normal.
“Mama, do you think my real daddy will ever come home?”
I suppress a sigh. Leave it to kids to ask the most difficult-to-answer questions when you’re completely unprepared and scared to death of saying the wrong thing. Parenthood really should come with a manual.
“I don’t expect him to.” But, he could show up. Chase will always be Ezra’s brother and, if Ezra’s in our lives… “I’m sorry if that makes you sad, Bump.”
“Does it make you sad that he’s not here, Mama?”
“No. It only makes me sad if it upsets you.”
“I don’t know him. Why would I be sad?”
But, I know he does get sad sometimes when he thinks about it because it’s normal to want to know who made you when they’re not around. I hug my boy. “Is there anything you’d like to know about your father?” I’ve always told Wyatt he can ask me anything. Strangely enough, Wyatt hasn’t asked his father’s name. I steel myself for the question but it doesn’t come.
“No,” he says, shaking his head. “I liked Ezra being here. Did you?”
“Yes, I did.” Very much. So much it scares me.
“Can you bake him a cake for his birthday? I asked him to come to my party and his birthday is the same day. Did you know that, Mama? Did you?”
“Yes, I did. We could bake him one together, you and me.”
My son grins, that beautiful, radiant grin that makes my heart stop sometimes. “Okay. But, I get the hockey cake, remember? His can be something else.”
“Okay,” I agree, laughing under my breath.
A little later, I’m getting ready to tuck Wyatt in when my phone rings. “It’s EZRA!” he screeches, diving for the phone as if he’s not seen him in years. I’ve barely answered when Wyatt has his cheek pressed against mine. “See you soon, Baboon!”
“In a while, Crocodile,” that familiar deep voice replies, making me smile and feel flushed in an instant. “Are you going to read with your mama tonight?”
“Uh-huh. She’s right here.”
“Hi,” I say, breathily.
“Hello. What’s the word, hummingbird?”
“THAT’S A NEW ONE!” Wyatt promptly collapses on his bed, cackling over Ezra’s rhyme.
“You have created a bedtime monster, Mr. Sokolov. I hope you’re proud of yourself.”
“Immensely,” he says, chuckling. “How are you feeling? Are you sure you don’t want me to drive Bump to school in the morning?”
“I’m staying out of work another day to be sure I’m better but I can take him to preschool.”
“Stubborn woman.”
“Independent woman.”
“Ask Ezra which night I can stay at his place,” Wyatt chirps from behind me.
My brow furrows. I don’t recall them discussing this. I certainly wasn’t asked about it.
“I told Bump he could come over and hang out sometime if he wanted… if it’s fine with you.”
“Man time! Hockey! Cards! Candy!” Wyatt shouts, diving into his pillows.
“Wyatt, it’s time to settle for bed and-”
“Callie, it was just something we talked about that first day when you were sleeping so much. I wasn’t trying to force anything and I told Wyatt it would be your decision. I haven’t forgotten your terms.”
I know he hasn’t and yet it does make me anxious when I consider how readily Ezra’s slipped into our lives during a relatively short period of time. How would Wyatt handle it if Ezra slipped back out of our lives again? Or, what if this thing between Ezra and I fades but he doesn’t want to let Wyatt go?
Shaking off my worries, I decide there’s no need to disappoint either of them tonight. “We’ll figure something out once we’re sure no one else is getting the flu, guys. Now, say your goodnights.”
It takes ten minutes to get through all their goodnights but I can’t complain when I see my little boy smiling like that. And, I can’t deny the way my heart flutters when Ezra gives me a husky, “Goodnight, hummingbird,” either.
∞∞∞
The following morning, I’m regretting my stubbornness. The after-effects of the flu are much more noticeable when you’re not just lounging around in pajamas. The trip over to the preschool and back home leaves me utterly drained so I take a long nap when I return home, grateful there are no chores needing my attention.
When I wake around eleven, I have missed calls from Ezra, Tabitha and Samuel. I return Samuel’s call first out of a sense of duty but he was just checking on my well being. Then, I return Tabitha’s to thank her for the muffins and out of an intense desire to talk to someone about what’s happened.
She can tell from the sound of my voice something is up. “Are you up for lunch? Or, I can bring lunch to you. Anytime, anywhere, I’d love to see you.”
Snickering at her gossip-seeking tone, I suggest we meet in a couple of hours at a restaurant near the office.
Ezra’s message is to the point, saying he hopes I’m well and we need to talk later. His tone was… curt. Anxiety churns in my belly. Not knowing what his day might be like, I call his office line. Celeste informs me that Mr. Sokolov isn’t at the office today. “This is Callie, right?” she asks.
“Yes.”
“Then, I’m sure he won’t mind me telling you he decided to work from home today on the off-chance he might start showing symptoms.”
“Oh, that’s probably wise. Thank you.”
“No, thank you. He’s been so much less grouchy at the office lately and I’m positive you’re the reason why.”
Not sure what to say to that, I wish her a good day and let her get back to work.
An hour later, I’m headed to lunch but the restaurant I’d agreed to meet Tabitha at isn’t far from Ezra’s penthouse. He took such good care of us over the weekend. The bus ride is quick and I have a little time to kill. It wouldn’t hurt to check on him, right?
The only other time I was here Ezra brought us in through the secured garage where he parks. I enter the fancy building’s lobby, all cold marble and glass. My building has a doorman. Ezra’s has a whole staff waiting to assist its tenants, their guests and keep unwanted persons out. I should’ve texted before I just showed up.
The two ladies sitting at the reception desk give my leggings and sweatshirt appraising glances before one asks, “May I help you?”
“Yes, I’m here to see Ezra Sokolov.”
“Is Mr. Sokolov expecting you?”
“Well, no. This is sort of a surprise.”
Lord, I’ve never seen such a condescending smile. “All visitors have to be verbally approved for entrance by the tenant unless they are expected.”
“Yes, I understand that.”
“Especially Mr. Sokolov.”
Yeah, I get it, woman. “That’s fine.”
“Your name?”
“Callie Anderson.” She keeps staring at me for another ten seconds before she picks up the phone. Did she think I was going to turn around and leave?
But, as she’s making her call, another woman in a striking red skirt and sheer white blouse sweeps into the building on a cloud of heavy perfume. Her sexy slingbacks click-clack across the marble as she joins me at the reception desk.
“Amber Ellis for Ezra Sokolov,” she purrs, so clearly pleased with herself.
My jaw drops, recognizing the pretty reporter I’d made embarrassing assumptions about more than once. But, why is she visiting Ezra at his penthouse?
She glances my way and smiles but the smile doesn’t reach her eyes. “Ah, hello. You’re one of Ezra’s employees, right?”
“No, he’s not my-”
“You can take a long lunch before you head back to the office, hun. I’ll be keeping him busy here for a while,” Amber tells me with a wink.
“What?!”
The other receptionist interrupts while mine is still on the phone - maybe calling Ezra, maybe calling the cops, who knows? “He’s expecting you, Ms. Ellis, so you may go right up.”
“Thank you.”
I like to think I’m a strong woman. But this? I can’t handle this. All I can think about is Chase’s casual cheating the night after I gave him something I naively once believed was special. Memories of that snowy February night in New Jersey from years ago flood my brain. I back away from the desk as Amber click-clacks her way into the waiting elevator. She’s expected. At his penthouse. Where he’s conveniently chosen to stay today. She’s planning to keep him busy for a while. I can’t go up there and see it. I just can’t.
“My apologies for your wait. You can go right up, Ms. Anderson,” the receptionist says. She actually sounds sorry. Is it because she knows what a fool I am? “Ma’am? Are you alright?”
No, I’m not.
Blindly, I push through the revolving door, my body on autopilot. The bus driver greets me. I pass by him in a fog. The entire ride does. I text Tabitha - something came up. A lie but I can’t tell her, can’t admit what a fool I’ve been yet. I feel numb. That’s probably better. I don’t want to think about how much this will hurt when the numbness fades. It shouldn’t hurt. I should’ve known.
I don’t even remember reaching my apartment. My eyes land on one of the pictures Wyatt drew for me while I was sick. Ezra stuck it up on the fridge. While he was here all weekend taking care of us. Holding me at night. Fucking me. Making me believe in him.
I jump when my phone starts ringing. It’s him. He’s called a few times in the past twenty minutes and I hadn’t even noticed. I don’t know what to say but something makes me answer. “Hello?”
“Why did you leave?” he growls, sounding frustrated.
“I’m… you had company. I’m home now.”
“No shit, you’re home. I saw you get on the goddamn bus but it was too quick for me.”
“The bus… you followed me?”
“Of course, I did. I’m standing outside your building right now waiting for you to let me up!”