Chapter 23 #3
“It’s my fault,” I blurted. “He didn’t know I was going to kiss him. And honestly, I hadn’t planned on it. I just… I couldn’t help myself.”
At my headlong explanation, Whitney’s startled expression morphed into unadulterated humor. So much for good first impressions. Not that it really mattered, all things considered. I just hoped it didn’t affect her opinion of Ben.
Ben stood, sending me a side smile and rubbing a hand down my back in consolation. “Was there something you needed, Whitney?”
“Yes. More of these came.” Whitney handed Ben a stack of magazines. “I’m not sure why we keep getting them, but they’re in your name.”
Ben sifted through the recent arrivals: Lands’ End, L.L. Bean, and J. Crew. Suddenly his gaze slid to me, as if he’d just realized the connection, and he lifted the magazines. “You wouldn’t know why I’ve been getting a slew of women’s clothing catalogs showing up here, would you?”
I grinned. “Because I didn’t have a different address for you, and fifth-wheel-at-the-back-of-the-property wasn’t an option.”
He chuckled. “I should have known.”
Whitney looked downright entertained by our exchange before glancing down the hallway. “Oh, also, the Webbers are in the showroom and were hoping to speak with you about ordering a custom dining room table.” Her gaze flicked to me. “If you have a minute, that is.”
Ben looked at me like he was reluctant to go. “I’ll be right back. Do you need anything? A water or soda?”
“I’m good, thanks. But I’ll take these.” I grabbed the catalogs from him.
Once Ben and Whitney had left, I dropped into Ben’s chair and started flipping through the pages of the catalogs, trying to distract myself from my churning thoughts.
The last few days had felt like I was on the first upward climb of a rollercoaster.
The tick, tick, ticking of the track beneath me, warning me of what came next—the downward spiral.
But there was nothing I could do. I was already strapped in.
Finn walked over to me, placing his chin on my legs and glancing up at me with those big, pouty eyes of his. I took hold of his darling face and rubbed behind his ears. “Tell me there’s a way this doesn’t end with my heart shattered again.”
Finn just stared at me, his tongue out.
I released a heavy breath. “I didn’t think so.”
After giving Finn a thorough pet, I glanced around the office.
It was so clean, and everything seemed to have a place.
Except the recently arrived catalogs. I opened the drawer to put the stack inside for Ben to find later, when the corner of a picture beneath some papers caught my notice.
The edges were worn from being handled, and I carefully pulled it from its hiding place, smiling when I saw what it was.
Ben and I stood outside the New York City courthouse on the day we’d eloped.
We sported hastily purchased gold bands that ended up turning our fingers green, I carried the bouquet Ben had brought me for my performance, and I wore the closest thing to a wedding dress I’d owned at the time—a white cocktail dress I’d purchased on clearance the year before for a music fundraiser back in Cleveland.
But the smiles on our faces couldn’t have been brighter.
And the way we held each other, like if we were all we had, we could get through anything.
The version of me in the picture was entirely unprepared for what was coming, and a part of me wished I could warn her.
But despite all the hurt that had come, those had been some of the happiest days of my life.
Maybe I’d look back on this time with Ben similarly.
Maybe it was okay to enjoy ourselves and think about the consequences later.
I slid the picture back into its place, set the catalogs inside, and closed the drawer.
A knock at the open door sent my gaze to where Ben stood in the doorway, holding his phone out to show me a notification on his screen.
“What is it?” I asked, excited to hear what made-up appointment had just popped up for him.
“Do we have that second counseling session today?”
My heart dropped. “Oh, no! What time is it!?”
“Three fifty-eight.”
“Shoot. I don’t have my laptop.” I stood up, glancing around. How had I forgotten about it? “I guess I could use my phone. Are you available right now?”
“I am, but… we could just reschedule the appointment?”
“No. If you have time, let’s just do it.” I scrolled through my emails, trying to find the link. “That way it’s over with and we don’t have to think about it again. Plus, it’ll give Mr. Hughes plenty of time to get the paperwork to Judge Rost.” My gaze lifted to Ben. “Yeah?”
Ben’s gaze was locked on me, but after several long seconds, he gave a slow nod. “Yeah. I guess so. Let me go tell Whitney that I’ll be unavailable for the next hour.”
I pulled a chair around from the other side of the desk so Ben and I could sit next to each other.
I hadn’t brought headphones, so it would work better to have both of us on one screen.
My mind flashed to our last session, with Ben’s stories and his teasing, and I suddenly realized being together for this might be a very bad idea.