Chapter Five #2
There was a fluttering in her stomach at the thought of dancing with him.
However, in all honesty, her stomach had been fluttering since she’d seen him standing on the black-and-white tiles in the foyer of her brother’s house.
She couldn’t help relating it to Drake’s presence.
There was a constant, teasing twinkle in his eyes and an appealing curl of his lips, a half-smile, that together were enough to perpetually renew the strange sensation.
There was also a unique sense of happiness building inside her. One she hadn’t felt in a very long time.
Suddenly, though, she remembered the words of Drake’s cousins, and the feeling was tinged with guilt over the fact that he had been coerced into accompanying her tonight, to an event he wouldn’t usually relish. ‘We don’t have to dance,’ she said.
‘You don’t want to?’ he asked.
‘I don’t want you to feel obligated.’
He grasped her hand and tugged her towards the dance floor. ‘I don’t feel obligated. I feel like dancing.’
There was a skip in her step and her heart as she caught up with him and walked onto the dance floor.
She’d danced in the past, with a number of men, but had never wanted to dance as much as she wanted to right now.
Which was unusual, but the entire evening was extraordinarily unusual in the simple fact that she was enjoying herself.
The realisation of that made her swallow hard.
There could be consequences to such happiness.
In people seeing her look happy in Drake’s company, to be precise.
Her family would undoubtedly draw one conclusion—that her introduction to Captain Taylor had been a success, and would finally lead her towards the altar.
They were already standing in a dance hold as they waited for the music to begin, one of her hands on his shoulder, the other clasped in Drake’s own.
His other palm was resting against her waist, and her side was tingling from his touch; her entire body felt flushed at being so close to him.
In a way that felt, well, different from anything she’d experienced before, and quite thrilling.
‘Do you think that you’ll ever want to get married?’ she blurted out.
Embarrassment washed over her. She had no idea where that question had come from. If it had crossed her mind, she certainly hadn’t meant to say it aloud.
He chuckled softly. ‘Have no fear,’ he said quietly. ‘I am not attempting to deceive you in any way. I am not, nor will I ever be interested in marriage. I’m already married to the sea, and she is the only wife I’ll ever need.’
‘I wasn’t—I was just—’ She stopped herself from stammering and shook her head. ‘I apologize.’
‘No need to apologize. I’ve seen the number of men seeking your hand, and though it’s a beautiful hand, as beautiful as the rest of you, I discovered long ago that I like being in control of my life. Total control. A married man doesn’t have that.’
She nodded, as if completely understanding, yet, out of what felt like nowhere, she heard herself asking, ‘What about children? Don’t you want them?’
‘Whether I’d like to have children or not is beside the point.
It wouldn’t be fair to any child to have a father who was always at sea.
Nor would it be fair to their mother, for her to be alone for months on end.
I was a child once, one who lost both of his parents, and would never wish that loneliness upon another. ’
That, Meridith could fully understand. She too had lost both of her parents, and now instead of having a mother, a father, and a bevy of siblings, it felt as if she had several sets of parents, all proclaiming they knew what was best for her.
‘That is difficult, isn’t it? For a child to lose their parents. ’
‘Indeed, it is. Children already have very little control of their lives, and losing their parents leaves them with less.’
‘Is that why you chose to be happy?’ she asked. She couldn’t stop wondering about that comment.
‘Yes.’ The music began, and Drake asked, ‘Shall we?’
‘Yes,’ she replied. Even though she wasn’t sure whether she was agreeing to start their dance, or to join Drake in his choice to enjoy himself.
As they began to waltz across the floor, she pondered his answers in more depth. It was easy to do so, because Drake was such an excellent dancer. Each move was smooth and in time with the music, and that made following him so simple that she didn’t even need to think about it.
Coincidentally, what he’d said about leaving his wife and children home alone for months on end was similar to what her father had said about why he quit sailing. Her father had said he’d never regretted that decision, and she’d never doubted that. But she didn’t doubt what Drake had said, either.
Lifting her face, her breath caught in her throat at the way Drake was looking at her and smiling.
‘You are an excellent dance partner,’ he said.
‘Thank you,’ she replied. ‘I can say the same for you and must wonder how that is possible, considering you’ve been at sea since a young age.’
‘My aunt had me dancing with my cousins as a boy,’ he said. ‘Where did you learn to dance so well?’
‘Miss Ada’s Finishing School for Young Ladies,’ she replied. ‘Dancing was a weekly requirement.’
‘They held weekly dances?’
‘No, we were required to attend dance classes once a week,’ she explained.
He frowned slightly. ‘Who did the girls at the school dance with?’
‘Each other,’ she answered.
‘Did you ever dance with boys?’
‘No, it wasn’t allowed, but I have had male dance partners, especially since returning home.’
‘I imagine you have, and I’m honored to be your partner this evening.’
‘Thank you, I’m honored to be yours.’ She did feel honored, and proud. Which was as surprising as the happiness that had been steadily filling her all evening.
Then again, why shouldn’t she be happy? Despite what her family might assume, Drake was not interested in marriage. Though she was, and would someday marry, it felt good not to have to worry about that tonight. That had to be why she was so comfortable with him.
Comfortable might not be the right word for what she was feeling. Every part of her felt alive, excited, and, well, happy.
Perhaps there was something to what he’d said. Perhaps a person could become truly happy, just by choosing to do so.
The following day as she walked into the zoo, Meridith still felt that surprising lightness. Drake had offered to pick her up today, just as he’d offered to give her a ride home last night, but she’d declined. There was no reason to encourage her family’s assumptions any more than she already had.
Though, oddly enough, no one had mentioned Drake while they’d all been in Peter’s coach on their way home last night, nor this morning.
She hoped it stayed that way, because she enjoyed spending time with Drake. She couldn’t find anything unlikeable about him. Certainly not like she had with the other men with whom she’d been forced to spend time.
With a smile on her face, Meridith admired the animals and buildings while making her way towards the elephant enclosure.
It almost felt as if she was pulling the wool over her family’s eyes, both when it came to Drake’s potential as a husband, and about their outing today.
She hadn’t told anyone that she was meeting Drake, simply that she was going to the zoo, which wasn’t unordinary.
She hadn’t mentioned the prospect of elephant rides, either, and in that instance her discretion was tinged with a sense of regret.
She knew her nieces and nephews would have greatly enjoyed receiving rides on Hugo today, too, but she was no longer allowed to bring them on her visits to the zoo.
It was considered too much of a distraction from her own life—by which, of course, her siblings meant her search for a husband.
She did have hope that after hearing about the rides, Peter might change his mind about letting her bring the children with her again.
Visits to the zoo had always been more enjoyable with Mary and the boys along with her, and she would enjoy having them accompany her again.
She also now believed that she understood what people meant when they’d suggest that someone was walking around with their head in the clouds.
That was exactly what she’d been doing since last night.
Thinking so much about Drake, about dancing with him and laughing with him and having a wonderful time with him, that she couldn’t focus on much else.
Other than seeing him again—in just a few minutes now.
She couldn’t recall a time when she’d been so excited to see someone.
Should she be quite so excited about that? The question disconcerted her, and she forced herself to notice more about her surroundings instead.
Though the zoo was a popular place for many, there appeared to be an overly large number of people here today, both adults and children. They all appeared to be heading in the same direction as she was. The elephant enclosure.
Meridith’s heart skipped a beat, hoping that nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
The scheduled time for her to meet Drake and Rosemary, as well as her younger brother and Lady Montgomery and her son, was still over half an hour away.
The boys would be so disappointed if something had happened to Hugo.
So would she.