Chapter Ten #2
She shook her head. ‘Yes, you were. Having you with me boosted my confidence. I wouldn’t have been as brave without you. I might have second-guessed myself.’ It didn’t embarrass her to admit any of that. Drake had changed her life.
‘I doubt that. You were very insistent about your plan since the moment you created it.’
She had been insistent and fully believed in the restitution of the damage that had to been done.
She just wished she could find a restitution for herself.
The soft kiss he’d placed on her forehead last night had created a desire for more.
The warmth and softness of his lips, the weight of his arm around her, and the heat of his body next to hers had sparked something powerful inside her.
It was quite consuming, and she wished she knew what it meant.
If she was falling in love with him or not.
She had learned plenty of things at finishing school, not so much from lessons or instructors, but from other girls, especially those who had ignored all consequences when it came to sneaking out for a rendezvous with a boy.
What she hadn’t learned was if these new feelings were love, or if what was happening to her was merely a sign that her body had matured enough to want the acts that marriage provided.
Miss Penticoff, who had taught lessons on the subject, had said it would happen to each of them, but that women of good breeding would never act upon the desires that came with maturity until married.
If Meridith was at school right now, she’d ask Miss Penticoff how she would know the difference between maturity and love.
Drake was very different from any other man. She’d found that appealing ever since their first encounter and truly couldn’t imagine feeling this way towards anyone else.
There had to be an explanation as to why she was so drawn to him, and what she should do about it.
Was it lust, or was it love? How was she supposed to know the difference? And could she stop it?
That was her real dilemma. She couldn’t fall in love with a man who didn’t want to get married.
Those thoughts had kept her up all night, and seeing him this morning, all handsome and clean-shaven, she’d feared more than ever that that was what was happening to her.
She’d hoped putting her plan into place would keep her too busy to think about him, but he’d joined her in every step.
Which she did appreciate, but that had made things worse, because it made her…
well, it made her want him by her side all the time. As in forever.
‘May I see your tablet?’ he asked.
‘Of course.’ She handed him the bound booklet that she’d used to collect the cost of the damages and to decipher the length of time it would take the boys to pay what they owed.
‘I noticed how fast you are at calculations. Was arithmetic one of your favourite subjects at school?’
‘No. I found it quite boring. Once you understand numbers, there is no challenge to them. Nothing else to learn. I much preferred literature, languages, and geographics, because there was always something new and will continue to be.’
He nodded as he handed the book back to her. ‘That’s true, but I’ve never seen anyone calculate numbers as quickly as you. It was as if you knew the answers to each calculation without writing anything down.’
‘That’s because I do. When I see numbers that need to be added or subtracted or multiplied or divided, I instantly know the answer. It’s always been like that. I think it came from playing card games with my father. Rather than write down the scores, he’d have me keep track of them in my head.’
‘You have perfect penmanship, too,’ he said. ‘I wish that you had filled out some of the ledgers for my shipping company. Between what looks like chicken scratches and mistakes in totals, I’ve been bleary-eyed every night from staring at them all day.’
‘Don’t you have employees that see to the ledgers?’
‘Yes, and no. The death of my uncle changed some things, but ultimately, the accounting is something that I’ve ignored for too long, and I need to get it all in order.’
‘So you can go on another ocean voyage?’
‘Yes. I can’t do that until I have a partner that I can trust to oversee the accounting ledgers. My uncle always said that one man can’t both sail and watch the docks, so he’d stay ashore and manage that side of things.’
‘While you sailed.’
‘Yes.’
‘Is that the partnership you’re interested in forming with Peter? To oversee your books?’
‘Yes.’
‘Couldn’t you hire an accountant?’
‘Of course, but that would simply be an employee. I want a partner who will also be making money, so they will be vested in the company. That way, if something was to happen to me, the company would continue.’
Her heart skipped a beat in panic. ‘You’re fearful for your life?’
‘No. I love sailing, but it can be dangerous. Accidents happen. No one lives forever. If I have a partner, Coastal Shipping won’t end when I die.’
There was another skip in her heart, a more joyous one. ‘If you were to marry, have children, it could be passed down to your heir.’
Drake shook his head. ‘The reasons I want a partner are the same reasons why I won’t get married.’
The wave of disappointment washing over Meridith was unreasonable.
She already knew he wasn’t interested in marriage, and there was no reason for her to hope that would change.
Nodding at his answer, she said, ‘I’d gladly help you decipher your ledgers if needed.
Until you find a partner. Mr Andrews’s handwriting was hard to read at first, but I’ve gotten used to it, so I could be of help in keeping you from going bleary-eyed. ’
‘Thank you. I will remember that.’
He’d no sooner said that than the coach came to a stop, and she saw her house out of the window.
Yet another wave of disappointment crashed over her at the realisation that their time together was at an end.
‘It’s the least I can do for all of the help that you’ve provided me.
’ The thought that formed next escaped through her lips before she had time to contemplate it.
‘Would you care to join us for dinner tonight?’
She’d never invited anyone to dinner, but there was no reason why she couldn’t.
Nor was there any reason why Drake would want to accept, other than the one that struck her and flew from her lips just as quickly as the invitation had.
‘It would provide you with an opportunity to discuss your partnership with Peter.’
‘There is nothing more to discuss. The decision is his to make.’
‘Very well.’ She scooted across the seat towards the door that was being opened by Drake’s driver. It was better that he didn’t come to dinner. She had to figure this all out on her own.
He laid a hand on her knee, keeping her in her seat while he climbed out. Then he offered her his hand to assist her exit.
‘Thank you,’ she said, once her feet were on the ground, and her breathing returned. The simplest touch from him had the ability to send her reeling inside and out.
He took hold of her elbow. ‘I’ll walk you to the door.’
‘Thank you,’ she said, again, doing her best to act normally, just as she’d done all day.
‘You’re welcome, and I accept your invitation to dinner.’
‘You do?’ She pinched her lips together, but there was nothing she could do to slow the rapid beating of her heart. ‘I mean, wonderful. Seven o’clock?’
‘That will be perfect.’
Once again, she felt as if she was walking on air, even though common sense said that she had no reason to.
After bidding Drake farewell, the first thing she did upon entering the house was to ask Mr Kent to inform the kitchen, Peter, and Alena that Captain Taylor would be joining them for dinner, then she went upstairs to decide what to wear.
As soon as she opened her wardrobe, she reached a verdict, for she really did like the yellow dress with the embroidered daisies that Diana had suggested the night before.
After that, she joined Alena for a light lunch.
It was just the two of them because Peter was currently not home, and the children were eating upstairs with their governess.
Together, she and Alena went over the menu for the evening, which didn’t take long.
Certain thoughts still plagued Meridith throughout the task, and once they were finished, she asked, ‘Do you know when you fell in love with Peter?’
Alena’s smile made her face shine. ‘Yes, I do. You weren’t even born yet, because he was ten and I was eight.
We were both ice-skating on the lake and I fell down.
He tried to avoid hitting me, but fell, and his skate hit me.
’ She touched the side of her face, along the jawline.
‘Right here. I still have the scar if you look closely. It’s very faint now, but that day it bled all over me and all over him because he carried me to my mother.
I’m still not sure how he did that with skates on.
Then he came to visit me regularly. He’d bring sweet treats from the kitchen here, or little gifts that he’d made for me.
I still have a paper bookmark he gave me. ’
Meridith had never heard this story before, but she knew one thing. At eight, Alena wouldn’t have been mature enough to confuse love with lust. ‘How did you know you were in love with him? You were so young.’
‘I just did,’ Alena replied, ‘and I told my mother that I was going to marry him someday.’
Meridith was rapt with attention and truly wanted to know more. ‘What did she say?’
Alena let out a small laugh. ‘She said that she wouldn’t doubt that, because I had stars in my eyes every time I saw him.’ Shaking her head, she let out a sigh. ‘I bawled like a sick calf when we moved away.’
Again, this was not something Meridith had known. ‘When did you move away?’ she asked.