Chapter Twelve #2
Turning about, Drake shot a glare at the elephant, who let out a trumpet. Drake finger-combed his wet hair away from his face and shook his arms, spraying water droplets from his coat-sleeves as he walked forward. ‘Are you all right?’ he asked Meridith.
She nodded, and laughter laced her one-word answer. ‘Yes.’
He gasped hold of her hand and led her from the room, feeling the water that had soaked through his coat, shirt, and pants now entering his boots. If he had any sense, he’d be thanking Hugo, because that kiss had been too heated.
Meridith was an innocent. A lady, and at this moment, he felt like a true rake, because one thing alone had been occupying his mind.
‘I’d offer you a towel, but there’s not one in here,’ Meridith said as they entered the storage room.
Drake closed the split door, sparing another solid glare for Hugo before pulling the top half closed, too. ‘I’ll dry.’ Unbuttoning his coat, he pulled it off and hung it on the doorknob. ‘How wet are you?’
She wiped at the front of her dress with both hands. ‘I’m not. Just a little bit hit my hat and hair.’
‘Well, at least he has manners,’ Drake said, stepping close enough to brush a drop of water off the brim of her hat.
Meridith’s heart was still racing, her lips still tingling, and her insides still roiling with an uncontrollable heat that had ignited during their kissing.
Her mind was just as chaotic as her body.
Drake had left for Bristol the very day that Peter had suggested making him marry her in exchange for a partnership, and since then she’d been wondering how she would react upon seeing him again.
Drake didn’t want marriage. He’d been open and honest about that with her and Peter, and it infuriated her that Peter had suggested such a thing.
She was also furious with herself, because more than once, she’d contemplated what would happen if she agreed with Peter. Only because deep down, she wanted to marry Drake more than anything she’d ever wanted in the past or ever would in the future.
She wanted it even more now. After kissing him. Kissing him in the way that a woman kissed a man that she desired. Desired in the way a wife desired a husband. She fully recognized that Drake was what her body wanted. Only him.
That was what her heart wanted, too. But she couldn’t listen to her heart. Nor could she act upon that want. She couldn’t mail the letter, as Alena had suggested.
She couldn’t be the one to ruin the life that Drake loved.
He wasn’t supposed to be back yet. He’d told Mr Ratnam that he’d be gone for at least a week.
It had only been five days. Meridith wasn’t even packed yet.
Her plan was to do exactly what she’d told Peter.
Go live at Chesterfield. Where there was no chance she would encounter Drake.
Where she could wallow in sorrow for a love that would never be fulfilled. A life that would never be lived.
‘Meridith?’
She swallowed, blinked, stared at him. Water was still dripping from his hair. The mischievous gleam was in his eyes. The permanent grin on his lips. The tiny dimple in his chin. All things about him that she loved. All things about him that she’d missed.
Dear heavens. Why had she forgotten everything she knew to be just and real the moment she saw him? Why had she hugged him? Kissed him? Laughed when Hugo sprayed him with water? Perhaps because she’d needed this. Needed to confirm everything she’d already known.
It certainly had been confirmed. He was the only man she would ever want. Ever love. Every part of her knew that to be true.
Just as she knew that she could not be the one to ruin his life.
‘I have to leave,’ she whispered, more to herself than to him.
He frowned.
She bit her lip, knowing she should leave, but not wanting to go. The idea of never seeing him again was breaking her heart in two.
He was such a perfect man. The perfect man.
His shirt was wet. Soaking wet, and white, which made it translucent, showing off the muscles of his arms, the bulk of his shoulders and chest, and the narrowness of his waist.
Her mouth was suddenly dry, and swallowing didn’t help. Neither did closing her eyes.
Leaving was the only thing that would help, and heavens preserve her, because it felt as if that could very well be the hardest thing she’d ever had to do.
Yet it was exactly what she must do, somehow.
Willing herself to be strong, she twisted, opened her eyes, and moved towards the door with legs that practically fought every step.
‘I’m sorry,’ Drake said.
Her entire being froze. None of this was his fault. And she sincerely didn’t want him to be sorry for kissing her. It had been the most wonderful thing she’d ever experienced.
‘I’ve missed you,’ he said. ‘And I’ve wanted to kiss you for some time, but that’s no excuse. I should have asked your permission.’
She shook her head, but couldn’t face him, so she didn’t turn around. Instead, she stared at the door that was only a few steps away. The door she needed to exit. ‘Please don’t be sorry.’
‘I am sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.’
‘You haven’t upset me,’ she said. ‘I—I just can’t see you. Can’t see you ever again.’
‘What? Why?’
Because you make it impossible for me to think straight, which is what I have to do, she thought, but couldn’t say aloud. ‘I’m the one who is sorry,’ she said, which wasn’t an answer to his question, but the ultimate truth.
His muffled groan echoed against the walls, ceiling, floor, and her ears. ‘Has your family introduced you to someone? Someone you are interested in?’
He had no idea how true that was. ‘Not recently,’ she said.
‘I see.’
No, he didn’t see, and that wasn’t fair to him.
Just like forcing him to marry her wouldn’t be fair.
Pulling up her last bits of courage, because she was going to need it, she turned about, faced him.
He needed to know the truth, then he’d understand.
‘Peter is ready to sign a partnership agreement with you.’
He frowned.
Before he could say anything, she quickly continued, ‘Despite what you told him, he wants the partnership to include me, and I told him that I won’t do it. That I won’t be a part of a business deal.’
‘You?’
She nodded. ‘Yes, a partnership with him includes you marrying me, and I won’t do that. I can’t do that.’
He took a step forward. ‘Why would he do that?’
‘To get rid of me,’ she said.
His expression softened. ‘No, he told me—’
Anger and hurt tangled inside her, creating a chaos she couldn’t control. ‘It doesn’t matter what he said. I know the truth. This is what they want. It’s never mattered what I want. They claim differently, but it hasn’t.’
‘You want to get married.’
‘Not like this.’
He ran a hand through his wet hair. ‘I don’t need him as a partner.’
Knowing what he needed and what he wanted, and that she couldn’t be a part of either, was tearing her apart. ‘Yes, you do. You can’t run a shipping company from the middle of the ocean.’
‘I don’t need to sail.’
She pressed her lips together to hold back a sob. ‘Yes, you do. It’s your life. What you love.’
He shook his head, stared at the floor while pinching the bridge of his nose.
‘I’m sorry, Drake. So sorry.’ The pain in her chest was crushing. She blinked to hold back the tears that stung her eyes. ‘I’m moving to our country estate—’
‘Why?’ he interrupted.
‘I have to.’ Seeing him would simply be too painful. ‘So you and Peter can form a partnership, one that doesn’t include me.’
He stared at her, his expression incredulous, as if he didn’t believe she was telling him the truth.
Or perhaps it was the truth that he didn’t believe.
Even though he’d told Peter he wasn’t interested in marriage, her brother had chosen to ignore it.
That embarrassed her, it angered her, but most of all it hurt her.
The pain inside her was greater than she’d ever felt.
Letting out a low growl, he said, ‘I don’t need your brother as a partner. I don’t need anyone as a partner, and you don’t need to move.’
‘Yes, I do. And if I don’t, he wins. They all win. I’ll never have control over my own life.’
‘Then we’ll get married.’
For the briefest of moments Meridith’s heart soared, but reality quickly returned with a searing pain. He’d said that because he was the kindest and least selfish person on earth ‘I can’t do that to you. Or me.’ Swiping at the tears on her cheeks, she said, ‘I won’t let them win.’
Silence echoed in the air for what felt like forever.
He gave a single nod, then shook his head. ‘Don’t move to Chesterfield. The zoo, the people here, and the animals, need you.’
‘Hugo needs you.’
‘No, he doesn’t.’ He picked his coat up off the doorknob, hooked it on his thumb, and flung it over his shoulder.
‘Yes, he does.’
‘He’s an elephant.’
His tone was so cold, so sharp, she sucked in air at the pain it caused in her heart.
He shook his head as he walked past her and opened the door. ‘I will send a message to your brother stating I’m no longer interested in a partnership.’
‘Drake—’ She stopped, because the way he turned, looked at her made her feel shattered inside.
He stepped closer and cupped her cheek with one hand. ‘I wish the best for you, Meridith. I hope you find the husband you want, and have the children you want, and that you know nothing but happiness for the rest of your life.’
He kissed her forehead, then turned about and walked out of the door.
Her feet felt as if they had become part of the floor.
She couldn’t move them. Couldn’t move anything.
Not even a hand to wipe the tears that trickled down her cheeks.
Not even when they fell so fast it blurred her vision.
No longer able to see him walking away, nor anything else, she squeezed her eyes shut.
Not only against the tears, but at the pain encompassing her entire being.
That pain was what made her move. It became so strong that she sank to the floor. No one had ever told her that love could hurt like this.