Chapter 13
CHAPTER 13
L evi
I stare at Marina, hating how forlorn she looks as Mac pushes past her. She turns her bleak face towards me and I want to comfort her, but I don’t know if I have it in me. I have nothing left except the chilling realisation that Mac would never be interested in someone like me, he’s made that perfectly clear. Of course he wouldn’t. Why would a cop be interested in someone who’s spent time inside? The click of the front door closing as Mac leaves punctuates the silence. Marina turns away and I’m all alone. The room, which only moments ago was filled with his presence, closes around me and I need to get out. I grab my hoodie, putting it on and pulling the hood over my head, shrinking into the comfort of the cocoon it makes. I walk and keep walking, with no destination in mind, keeping my eyes to the ground. I shiver slightly, half wishing I’d grabbed a coat as well since the weather is starting to turn much cooler, but the cold suits my mood, so I can bear it.
Mackinley, Mackinley echoes in my head. I’ve considered what Mac might be short for, but I never thought it was Mackinley. Damn, his name sounds like he was born to be a cop, no doubt influenced by Marina’s obsession with cop shows. For some reason I derive a small amount of satisfaction from that, like he’s got what he deserved. My thoughts are cut through by the sound of my name, and I stop and look up at the source. An SUV is pulled up beside me with Keith and Ben inside.
“Hi Levi. You looked like you were far away just then.” Keith greets me.
“Something like that.” I don’t know what else to say, certainly not where my thoughts were.
“Are you working tonight?”
“Nope, day off today.”
“We’re heading over to Walker’s Farm. Johan has restored the games room. It’s having a mini reopening and we’re watching a film. Do you want to join us?”
Me? Me? I stare at him in shock for a moment. I haven’t been invited anywhere since I was in primary school, and this is the first time any members of the Friday Night Club have really spoken to me apart from ordering drinks in the pub. Admittedly, I work most of the time, and when I’m not at work, I’m not social, but still it takes me by surprise.
“I um... Will Johan and the others mind if I join you?” I ask tentatively. I don’t want to be unwelcome; not everyone wants a jailbird in their midst.
“He’ll be delighted. He said the other night we should invite you to join us, but we mostly meet when you’re working.”
Oh, that they talk about me is also a surprise. I think of the members of the group and how everyone is paired up. I don’t want to be a spare part.
“Won’t I be, you know, extra?”
Keith guffaws loudly and I wince. He must have seen it because he stops. “It’s just a film, a few drinks, and if I know Johan, he’ll have the grill out. It’s not an orgy.”
Maybe I was being sensitive, but as long as they were okay with me being there, I wasn’t going to say no. Anything to take my mind off Mac.
“Okay then, thanks.”
Keith lets out a whoop and I climb into the rear of the car. It doesn’t take long to reach the farm. It’s a few miles out of the village, on a hill that overlooks the valley including the village, the abbey, and the surrounding woodland. It’s a stunning view, and when I get out of the car I stare at it for a few minutes.
“Come on, I smell food,” Keith says, and I catch Ben’s eye roll but he grins at me. I can smell it too now, and in response my stomach grumbles, I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast. I follow Keith and Ben, all the while looking round me. There’s a large farmhouse to one side of the huge driveway with several cars and SUVs parked on it. Low farm buildings run along one side and then it opens out onto fields. Opposite the farmhouse is a two-storey stone building, with a staircase running up to the second floor. As I look over, the door opens and two dogs come barrelling out and down the steps, excitedly running over to us. I stand still. I don’t mind dogs, but mostly my encounters have been with them chasing me off people’s properties. They say dogs can tell good people from bad, so I hope they don’t find out the truth. Keith greets them just as enthusiastically as they do him. One of them has the same colour red hair as him, and as he crouches down to fuss it, it’s hard to see where his large beard ends and the dog begins. The other dog is slightly more reserved but still friendly, and he comes to say hello with his tail wagging so I stroke him. I see Cole walking over so I assume they must be his.
“Hi Cole. Nice dogs. What are their names?”
He whistles and they both obediently sit by his side. He introduces them as Vin, the red wire-haired one, and Roffe who’s a grey marl with white patches.
“They like you,” he concludes, sounding a little surprised, and then he says a word I don’t catch and it’s like the dogs are released by magic as they set off playing across the drive. Cole and Ben start walking, having some sort of conversation, and Keith claps me on the shoulder.
“Come on then, you passed the test.”
“Test?” My mouth goes dry; maybe I wasn’t welcome after all. It’s a long walk back to the village.
“I’m joking,” Keith says with a grin, but somehow I think that’s only half the truth. I follow Keith around one of the low buildings close to the farmhouse and it opens up to a paved area and a garden that goes all the way to the farmhouse. Beyond, I see a much larger area filled with huge tractors and farm machinery and bordered by barns filled with hay and straw.
A grill sits on the paved area, surrounded by Johan and Cole’s brother Tom. Keith goes over to them, and Johan turns and shouts me a hello but doesn’t move from the grill. I say hello to Tom and then see Megan, Tom’s wife, who walks over from the farmhouse carrying a large bowl of salad, which she puts down on a table surrounded by chairs. She greets me with a hello and a smile. Then Johan comes over, and a quick look shows me he’s given over cooking duties to Tom, though Keith appears to be adding his advice as well.
“Hi Levi, it’s great of you to come. Keith said he invited you.”
“I hope that was okay. I don’t want?—”
“It’s fine. I said we should invite you to join us sometime, so it’s perfect,” he says and then gives me a smile. “And I get to show a new person around.”
He directs us towards the farm building and inside I can see why he might be proud of it. It’s a large room with whitewashed walls and low beams painted black. One end is dominated by a screen that I see Josh and Alex putting up. They look up and give a wave but continue with their task. Speakers sit at either side of the screen, with others behind us on the opposite end of the room, which Johan points out. There are an array of cushions, couches, and chairs, as well as some low tables, and there’s also a dartboard, a pool table, and folded up against one wall, a table-tennis table. There’s also an old-fashioned dresser next to a fridge. If this is the games room, it’s very well equipped. A myriad of fairy lights festoon the space and make it look magical as well.
“Keith said you were restoring the room. What was it before?” I ask.
“It was originally a cattle shed, but had been used for storage for at least a century. I cleaned it all out last winter and created the games room. It was supposed to be more for storage, but I convinced Tom that this was a better use for it.
“So why the restoration and reopening?” I’m a little confused.
“This was the site of the famous shootout,” Johan says dramatically. “I’ve had to fill the bullet holes and clean up the blood.”
What?
“Yeah, and some of it was mine,” Josh says walking over. While he’s smiling, Alex, who’s following, looks a little green about it. I don’t blame him. I’ve only heard about the night Josh’s father tried to forcibly take him home. It sounded grim. I can’t imagine what it was like to be in the midst of it. I’ve been in fights, mostly knife fights, and I have a few scars to prove it, but never have guns been involved.
“Do you mind?” I ask. “Being here, isn’t it full of bad memories?”
Josh gives a little huff and I see Alex take his hand.
“The memories are still there of course, I’ll never forget that night, but I will not let that bastard ruin something I enjoy. It might be a small act of defiance to reclaim this space, but it’s important to me.” As he finishes speaking he turns to Alex and gives him a sweet smile. Alex lifts their joined hands and presses a kiss to the back of his hand. It’s beautiful, and I turn away to give them some privacy, and because a deep ache inside me nearly swallows me whole. I can’t imagine anyone looking at me in that way... like I was their whole world.
Just then a shout comes from outside and Johan rushes off, no doubt to save the food. He must be successful as within minutes he calls that the food is ready and we sit down to perfectly cooked burgers and chicken wings, served with salad and several beers. Conversation flows easily and they do their best to include me, though thankfully no one asks anything about my past. Even though the temperature has dropped and I should feel even colder, it being a little late in the year for alfresco eating, I feel warm. It’s a glow from being surrounded by people who aren’t judging me. They’ve accepted me for who I am. In the end I fall silent and concentrate on eating, overwhelmed by the possibility that one day I might be able to call them friends.
It’s almost dark when we finish, and I catch sight of the night sky. I’ve spent most of my life in the city, and even the last few months spent in the village I’ve barely looked up. But on this hill there’s a vast expanse of sky and very little light pollution. I can see more stars, and I suppose planets, than I thought possible. Theoretically I knew they were there, but I didn’t know I could just see them. It’s like the sky is strung with fairy lights, and it’s beautiful. It takes a few minutes for me to notice that everyone has gone inside. The movie is just starting, it’s Guardians of the Galaxy , one of my favourites. I join them and notice that they’ve settled into the chairs and couches, and a couple are sprawled on the floor. I sink into a chair and try to turn my attention to the film, but it’s difficult. Of course they’ve paired up, and I can’t blame them, but an emptiness persists that I’ve never had someone I could curl up and share a film with, and it’s unlikely to ever happen.