Chapter 37
CHAPTER 37
M ac
Everything about Declan Donaghue makes my skin crawl, from his carefully styled black hair and teeth so straight and white half his money must go to his dentist, to his immaculately tailored suit and shoes that shine so much they dazzle. But what I hate most is his arrogant posture and supercilious smile, which he now turns on me. It makes a guy want to punch him. Except I can’t, as I’m trying to make sure his client never walks free again.
This is not the first time I’ve faced him from the witness box, and each time he makes me feel like I need to take a shower just to rid myself of the venomous vibes that emanate from him.
We’re three days into the trial, which is scheduled to last two weeks. The prosecution are presenting evidence and witnesses about the criminal organisation Winstanton ran, especially during his time as chief constable and then as police and crime commissioner, as well as the drugs ring he had a hand in. It’s complex, as it will bring down a few others in the force and even a judge, but they had it coming to them. Then there’s how he treated Josh and the attempted kidnapping last year. Unfortunately we weren’t able to find enough solid evidence to bring manslaughter charges against him for his wife, but Josh seems to have accepted that.
Then it will move on to the grooming and sexual assault charges, and that’s when Levi will be in the box. As usual, my thoughts flick back to him; he’s my brain’s default setting. I hope he’s alright and that he’s been prepared well by the victim support witness service team. I can’t find out, I’m under strict instructions to not even try, and I’m sticking to them even though the ache and longing are getting worse every day. Sleep seems harder to come by every night, and I spend more time drifting off when I am awake. So far, every time Shari has enquired if I’m alright I’ve been able to blame it on the trial. I also can’t alleviate the small knot of worry that sits behind my ribs, the one that wonders if he feels the same way about me as I do him. I made myself pretty clear that last time, even marking him, but the longer we’re apart the more layers the knot grows. Does he think I’m too old? He’s beginning the life he finally wants to lead with his qualifications, will I be in the way? Am I good enough? Am I too grumpy? No one else has managed to put up with me so far in my life. That might not change now. All of this hardens into a lump that gets heavier every day, but I can’t ask him. I just have to suffer. The only thing I do know is that I won’t give him up without a fight.
Whilst we’re present for trials, we aren’t usually allowed into the courtroom for all of it, but in this case, as it is special circumstances, Shari and I have been given permission to attend it all. That means I’ll be in the room when Levi gives his evidence, and I think it might destroy me.
Donaghue asks me his questions. Mostly they follow along the lines of trying to insinuate that I was part of Winstanton’s inner circle and was some sort of admin assistant, or how else was I able to gather all the evidence I have, despite the warnings from my superiors at the time, some of whom are the ones brought down by Winstanton. I call it detective work, and a single-minded desire to make sure Winstanton gets what he deserves. I can agree with Levi on that point; I hate dirty cops too. But despite his questions he has nothing on me, my record is clean. It also speaks for itself. I’m not one for self praise, but I am good at my job and my record proves that.
By the time we get to the end of the first week, everyone is tired, not least the jury. I meet up with Nolan on Friday night, and he tells me he’s booked Valentine’s weekend away, and talks about a meeting for a potential new contract on a development close by—a new equestrian centre that’s being built in the grounds of the Monkswood Hall estate in the next village, Blackwood Heath. I let him ramble on, pleased that he seems less anxious about the day, now that he’s made plans.
I spend the weekend catching up on work I wasn’t able to do while attending the trial—it’s amazing how many emails appear as soon as you take your eye off them—so by Monday morning I’m not as refreshed as I would like, but I know I only have a few days left before I can see Levi again.
Josh and Alex and a couple of members of the Walker family give their evidence, and although Donaghue questions them hard they do well, even when Josh has to face his father across the courtroom. He was offered the chance to be cross examined via a live video link to court but he chose not to. He wanted to face his abuser, and he did an amazing job. Alisha doesn’t give them an easy time either but her questions are well constructed. She’s even harder on the defence witnesses, though, and a couple of them crumble. I’d like to say I derive some satisfaction from seeing Winstanton, who started off the trial with a pompous self-assurance, slowly become more uncomfortable as it progresses. He’s starting to look grey around the edges, and I wonder if he’s going to fall apart before the end. I’ve seen it before and it’s never a pretty sight.
The night before Levi is due in court I barely sleep, and then I fall into a stupor at dawn. I wake up late and only just make it into the courtroom in time, sliding in beside Shari and almost spilling my coffee a second before the judge appears.
My heart skips a beat when Levi enters. It feels like a lifetime since I saw him, even though it’s only been three and a half weeks. I notice all the small details. His hair has grown, and I love the short blond spikes that give him a mean look. Perhaps this is an effort to make him look more respectable, along with the shirt and tie that he looks very uncomfortable in but does a good job of hiding most of his tattoos. He still has the same defiant stance to his chin, but I can tell by the flicking of his eyes that he’s nervous. My fingers flex instinctively, wanting to reach out and take hold of his hand.
I can’t help my heart swelling with pride as his voice is steady while he swears his oath, and as he sits his eyes rove over the courtroom. They meet mine for a brief second and I dare not react, but I see his chest heave as if letting out a deep breath.
As prosecutor, Alisha questions him first, and she goes through some facts, establishing that Levi was left alone with Winstanton, and had it ever happened before. Had he ever met Winstanton previously, and he spoke about when he’d been to the house as a child. He answers her succinctly and competently, though I can see the tension rising. It’s not the first time he’s been in a courtroom, but at least this time he’s not in the defendant’s seat.
Once Alisha has finished, the defence is allowed to question him.
“You’ve spent some time in juvenile detention centres and served a two year prison sentence, is that correct?” It’s Donaghue’s opening question, designed to put Levi on the back foot, show him as a witness with a record in order to attempt to discredit him in the eyes of the jury. Knowing how sensitive Levi is about his past, I know how much he’s going to struggle with this, and my heart breaks, but there’s nothing I can do. Donaghue keeps up the questions; they’re quick-fire, and Levi starts getting agitated.
He bumbles the answer to the next question and looks like he’s about to hyperventilate. I know what Donaghue is doing. Of all the charges brought against Winstanton, this is the worst. Being the head of a criminal organisation will win you respect amongst the people you’ll be spending time with, but crimes involving sexual assault are not seen so kindly. Donaghue must know that the jury will find him guilty of the other charges, but if he can prove that these aren’t true, it’s going to give Winstanton an easier time in prison. So he’s going in extra hard, and I fucking hate seeing Levi falling apart. He needs a break to get his head back together, because any minute one of the questions is going to push him too far and he’s going to blow up, which will play directly into Donaghue’s hands.
“Mac, are you alright?” Shari whispers, and I look at her confused. She looks down at her arm and I follow her gaze. I’ve been gripping tightly onto her arm, not realising.
“Shit, sorry,” I mutter, instantly letting go of her. She rubs her arm and I wonder how long I’ve been holding it for.
“You look like you’re about to have a fit,” she says with concern, and I voice my own concerns about Donaghue and these charges. There’s movement and people are standing—a recess has been called for. I’m glad someone noticed it was needed. I stand; I need some air. I can’t go and talk to Levi, comfort him, so I need to get myself out of the way for a few minutes. I walk outside and lean against the wall of the courthouse, sucking in lungfuls of the crisp early February air, but it doesn’t help much and I still feel angry when I go back inside. I pay a visit to the bathroom. I have just enough time before they restart. As I enter, Donaghue is exiting a cubicle. Red fury takes over and before I can blink I have him up against the wall, my arm across his neck.
“I see the old police dog finally shows his teeth,” he mocks. “And why is that, I wonder,” he continues, and I can’t help the growl that escapes. Which only makes him laugh.
“I know what you’re up to,” I grind out, pressing my arm into his throat, but before I can say anything else the door creaks open and I release him, stepping back.
He turns away from me towards a mirror and brushes himself down.
“I’m just doing my job,” he answers with an oily smile before leaving, and only the deep swallow he gives betrays the fact that I hurt him. Which was fucking stupid of me, but if he causes Levi to break down out there I will ruin my clean record and hunt him down. As the door shuts behind him, I fight the very strong urge to punch something.
I settle back in my seat, and Shari must see something in my face.
“Jeez Mac, you look terrible,” she says.
I can’t answer, but lock my eyes onto Levi who’s returning.
Donaghue takes his time as he rises, and as he does he scans the room. His eyes stop on me for a millisecond, and I can’t help but wonder if I just made everything worse for Levi.
Fuck!
“Mr Burton, would you call yourself a homosexual?”
“Objection, Your Honour.” Alisha rises from her seat.
Joanna pauses briefly. “Overruled. But the defence must ask the same question of each of the witnesses to this charge.” I get the feeling that she’s wanting to see where this goes.
Donaghue asks again, and Levi hesitates for a second before he answers.
“Yes.”
“And am I right in that you like your partners to be older?”
My heart stops and I can’t breathe. I can see where Donaghue is going with this now. He’s going to try and make it look like Levi has a preference for older guys, made a pass at Winstanton, and that Winstanton refused his advances and his actions were the result of that rejection. I will get him for this. I squeeze my hands between my knees so I can’t act on that sooner rather than later. Thankfully we have several other witnesses and the email evidence, which Donaghue knows about, so I think he’s doing this to get back at me for almost crushing his windpipe a few minutes ago. The next few seconds are pure agony, and all I can repeat in my head is a silent apology to Levi. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
Levi takes a breath and answers. “Age is irrelevant if you find the right partner. A partner you choose.” I stare at him, and my heart bursts. The fucking hero.
Donaghue carries on his line of questioning for a few more minutes, but he’s clearly thrown by Levi's cleverly worded answer and he doesn’t get much more out of him. At last he is allowed to leave so they can call the next witness.
I drop my head, relieved it’s over for Levi, proud of him and cursing myself for what I’ve done. I still can’t see or talk to Levi until the trial finishes and a verdict is reached. I just hope he’ll forgive me for this.