Chapter Fifty-Six
Cooper
I don’t stop him. Just stand rooted, staring at the empty space where he disappeared, cold sinking into my bones like it’s trying to snuff out anything warm.
Everything hurts, and none of it’s physical.
A heavy hand lands on my shoulder, and I jolt.
“He’s a delight.”
“I fucked up,” I whisper, the sound broken, scraped raw.
Lockie’s quiet for a long moment, and I turn to look at him.
“Yeah, maybe,” he says. “But it hasn’t been easy on you either.”
A thin, humorless laugh slips out. “I deserved it.”
He doesn’t argue. Instead, he nudges me toward the trail. The walk to the rental car is silent, the drive back to the hotel worse. Declan’s words loop relentlessly in my mind.
I only ever wanted you as Cooper.
Streetlights strobe across Lockie’s face as he drives, carving sharp angles into his unreadable expression.
He hasn’t said a word in fifteen minutes, just white-knuckled the wheel like he’s expecting me to crack again.
He never pushes, never pries, but he’s always there.
This quiet wall I lean on without meaning to.
Wetting my lips, I hold out my hand. “My phone?”
Last time I had it, I’d spiraled so hard he had to talk me out of a panic attack. He hasn’t returned it since.
“You sure you want it?”
“I need it,” I tell him, even though the truth is more complicated than that. I’m terrified of what I’ll see. Terrified it will confirm every worst thought I’ve had. But I need to see how far I actually let things go. Need to see what I broke.
He exhales, pulls my phone from his pocket, pressing it into my hand. “Do not read anything sent from Liam, okay?”
I nod, turning it on. Notifications with my manager’s name flood the screen. Nausea rolls up my throat, but I swallow it down and scroll to the only name that matters in my text log. Except it’s farther down than I expected, buried under people I barely know. The guilt hits fresh all over again.
Opening the thread, I sag back into my seat.
Something came up. Catch you next time.
Four years old. I didn’t even reply. Fuck, I don’t remember getting it.
“God,” I breathe. “I’m a dick.”
But something doesn’t sit right. I scroll again, slower this time. Dates jump, gaps appear where there shouldn’t be any, birthday messages I know I would have replied to. Long stretches of nothing that don’t match the man who would always……
“Lockie…” My stomach twists, voice coming out rough. “Some of these… I don’t remember seeing them come in.”
His eyes flick from the road to me, then back again. “You mentioned before that Liam used to have full access, right?”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean he…” I trail off, frowning as I try to remember seeing him with my phone.
The upward curl of his lips I swear I caught on occasion as he tugged my phone from his pocket, finger angrily swiping the screen.
I thought it was because the vibrations from notifications were annoying him, but when I got it back at the end of the day, there was never anything there.
“That fucking bastard,” I snarl.
It doesn’t make me innocent, not by a long shot. I should’ve checked for myself. I should’ve realized his silence was off. But I kept telling myself there were reasons for that. Tour dates, time zones, guilt. My career became the excuse for everything. Turning off my phone, I pass it back.
“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” I groan, slumping in my seat. “We had plans. He was going to fly out, watch me play. We were going to explore LA, do all the dumb tourist stuff. Keep in fucking touch. But instead, I let this chasm form until it was too wide to cross.”
Pulling into the hotel lot, he turns off the engine, facing me fully now. No pity, just that understated steadiness he gives when I’m really falling apart.
“The truth fucking sucks sometimes, Cooper. But if he matters that much to you? Do something about it.”
But where do I even start? The one person I swore I’d never hurt is the one I hurt most. I wanted music more than anything. I just didn’t realize what it would cost me until it was gone.
Squeezing my shoulder, he opens his door. “Get some rest. Things will look better in the morning.”
I wish I believed him. I really do. But all I feel is an empty space where Declan used to be.