Chapter Sixty-Five
Declan
“I almost kissed Cooper.”
Levi freezes halfway into the booth, beer still in hand, then lowers the rest of the way. His eyebrows climb like he’s watching a car crash in slow motion.
Setting his glass down, he links his fingers, setting them on the table. “What? When?”
“The other night?”
“Are you asking or telling?”
I shrug, not sure how to answer, certainly not wanting to tell him that I might have been avoiding Cooper. On purpose. Since it happened.
“Jesus, when I asked what I missed while I was away,” he says, lifting his drink to his lips and pausing. “I was expecting the usual; Grace scored a goal, the chef’s come up with this new sandwich, not hey Levi, I almost made out with my ex-hookup-ex-best-friend-love-of-my-life.”
Heat floods my neck. “Don’t make a big deal out of it, okay?”
“Oh, but it is a big deal,” he says. “I left for Wisconsin for two weeks, Declan. Two. And then I come back and you’re almost kissing the one person you’ve spent nearly a decade pretending you didn’t care about? Sorry, dude, I’m gonna make a big deal out of it.”
I drop my head against the side of the booth. “It wasn’t a big—”
“Was,” he cuts in. “I can hear it in your voice.”
Of course he can. Levi could always read me too easily. Always has, ever since we played on the same line. And when Cooper disappeared from my life, Levi didn’t. No questions, no pressure—just the kind of friend who doesn’t bail.
Emma drops off his burger, and he thanks her, taking a bite and talking with his mouth full. “Tell me everything. From the beginning.”
So I do. Not every detail, just the gist. Cooper showing up everywhere. Our argument. Him coming to the rink in the morning, being at the bar until mid-afternoon. Helping me close the other night.
“How long has it been like this?” he asks quietly. “His burnout and stuff?”
I shrug, picking at the label on my beer. “No idea. He didn’t technically tell me, sort of sugarcoated it for kid’s ears.”
He frowns, confused.
“Grace. He told her a lot.”
“Of course he did.” He laughs, popping a fry into his mouth. “That girl’s like a walking confessional booth.”
“She’s obsessed with him; he’s literally all she talks about. Mom said she started to turn up at Holly and Seth’s to see if he’s there, and if he is, she’ll spend hours talking his ear off or demanding that he play her favorite song again. And he just…lets her.”
Levi studies me for a long moment. “And how do you feel about that?”
“What is this? Therapy?” I deadpan, sighing when he gives me a look. “I don’t know.”
“Bullshit.”
“Look, I’m trying, okay?” I send him a glare. “But this is complicated.”
My life then and my life now have collided like some big clusterfuck of…whatever the hell this is.
“Complicated because of the love,” he deadpans right back.
I scowl, downing half my beer. This was more of a four-beer-deep kind of conversation. Wiping his hands on his napkin, he pushes his empty plate away. “Dec, you basically said the guy has been glued to your side ever since he got here. People don’t do that if they’re indifferent.”
“He feels guilty,” I say, looking at the table. “About everything that happened. About our argument, about us not talking.”
“Pretty sure it wasn’t guilt that caused that almost kiss.”
My head snaps up, and Levi meets my glare without flinching.
“Give me that look all you want. But you forget… I was there back in college. I saw the way he looked at you when he came to visit you, how he was always messaging and calling you. Whatever happened last night wasn’t because of guilt.”
My jaw tightens, a raging headache pushing behind my eyes. “Even if you’re right—which you’re not—none of it matters. Eventually, he’s going to leave again.”
Levi lets out a breath, lowering his voice. “Have you ever thought that maybe the reason he told Grace all that stuff was because he couldn’t figure out how to tell you? That maybe he’s scared of the same thing you are?”
I don’t say a word.
“Dec,” Levi says, quieter now. “If you’d told him how you felt all those years ago, do you honestly think you’d be in this mess?”
Even if I had, what would have changed? Cooper would still have wanted to leave to chase his dream, and it’s not like I would’ve asked him to stay.
My throat thickens, clogging with regret, fear, uncertainty, take your fucking pick. “I was twenty. I didn’t know how to—”
“Okay, but you’re not twenty anymore. Stop guessing what his reaction would be and ask him. You’d finally know, one way or another.”
“I can’t,” I say, voice tight. “I can’t—”
“Risk it,” he finishes, sounding as exasperated as I feel.
“Stop interrupting me, asshole.”
“Then stop making excuses. You’re not moving on. You haven’t for over a decade. You’re stuck in the same place you were when I first met you.”
I swallow hard. The worst part is that he’s right.
Everything else kept moving—careers, seasons, people—but my heart has stayed stuck on the same patch of ice for years, unable, or unwilling, to move.
“At least try being his friend again and stop pushing him away. Especially when I know you don’t really want to.” Nudging my beer toward me, Levi grins. “Now finish your damn beer and get me another, you emotional disaster.”
Snorting, I roll my eyes. “Why did I even ask you to come here?”
“Because you love me. And because I tell you the truth instead of letting you drown in your own bullshit.”
I flip him the bird, and he laughs.
“Also, I bring glamour to your otherwise boring little life. Did I tell you I hooked up with one of the bridesmaids at my sister’s wedding?”
“Please don’t,” I groan. “I swear since your ass got dumped, you’ve turned back into college-Levi.”
“Her name was Violet.” He continues, ignoring me. “Legs that went on for days. Great dancer or maybe contortionist. Hard to tell when her thighs were around my neck…”
“Jesus Christ,” I mutter, dropping my head into my hands.
Levi laughs again, loud and unbothered, the sound following me as I slide out and head toward the bar for a refill. Waiting, I glance behind me, and the knot in my stomach I’ve carried for the last two weeks loosening. Because if anyone can talk me down from the mess in my head, it’s him.
Pulling my phone from my pocket, thumb hovering over the screen, I pull up the contact I’ve avoided for so long. His name sits there with that red circle emoji, a warning label I put there myself. Maybe Levi’s right and pushing him away isn’t helping anyone.
Tapping onto my messages, I start a new thread, our history erased the day I tried to delete him from my life.
Me
You around tomorrow? I’m covering the bar. If you’re bored…
My finger hesitates before I hit send, and I shove the phone deep in my pocket, huffing a humorless laugh. Of course he’s around. He’s been in here every day so far. But it’s an olive branch.
Blowing out a breath, I head back toward the booth. Levi looks up, one eyebrow raised like he can read every thought in my head.
“I tried.” I shrug, sliding back in opposite him.
Levi smirks and lifts his beer in a mock toast. “Proud of you, man.”
I give him a pointed look, clinking my glass to his, pretending my pulse isn’t racing. Whatever happens next…at least I’m not running anymore.