Chapter 21
CHAPTER
TWENTY-ONE
BODHI
Iggy and I hadn’t spoken in over twenty-four hours.
After the way he’d reacted before we left for Munich, I’d thought giving him space was the right move. I’d questioned his integrity, and he’d bristled. Got defensive. Addict or not, that reaction made sense. No one liked feeling cornered.
Still, something about it hadn’t sat right with me.
Alarm bells had been ringing in my head ever since, and it took real effort not to ignore Iggy’s wishes and glue myself to his side until I knew, without question, that he was okay.
The problem was, I had a feeling that if I did that, I’d only push him further away.
Turn concern into pressure and widen the gap instead of closing it.
So I’d compromised.
Trix had told me she’d hang out with Iggy on our day off, so I’d handed her my credit card and told her to get whatever they wanted.
She’d promised they’d have a pamper night to remember.
Iggy had said he was tired, and I clung to the hope that he’d had a quiet night.
Something soothing that helped him decompress instead of spiral.
I woke up the next morning alone, hating the empty space beside me.
It was funny, really. I’d spent years fucking my way through tours.
Slept with nameless strangers on random Tuesdays out of boredom.
Fallen into group sex because the moment called for it and the high loosened everyone’s edges.
In the sixteen years since I’d lost my virginity, I’d never shared a bed with anyone I slept with.
Had never wanted them there longer than necessary.
Because sleep was vulnerability, and I didn’t let just anyone see me without my armour on.
But I’d invited Iggy into my bed without hesitation. Not for sex, though that was a bonus. To sleep. To hold him. To feel the warmth of his body pressed against mine. To let my sheets soak up the peaches-and-cream scent of his skin.
I liked having him there.
The way he curled into my side. The way his leg twitched in the middle of the night and startled me awake. The way he stole the blankets and somehow ended up dead centre in the bed, every single time.
I liked it because I loved him.
But before the sex, before the confessions and the secret kisses and the easy touches, Iggy had been my friend.
I’d let him get to know me. Had let myself trust him, and that didn’t happen often.
I kept my circle small on purpose, yet Iggy had walked straight into it and made himself at home.
Told me, without saying a word, that he wasn’t leaving.
That I’d just have to deal with him being part of my life now.
And after one night without him, one full day, I was fucking lonely.
I’d spent the day off with the band, eating local food and doing tourist shit.
But everything reminded me of Iggy. We’d rented bikes and cycled around the English Garden, and all I could think about was Amsterdam.
About Iggy nearly killing us both by steering the tandem bike into traffic and tourists.
Even apart, he was still everywhere.
One day was enough. I’d given him space. He’d had his pamper night.
Now I was done waiting.
I was going to close the distance between us.
Drag him back to me and hold him close. Gather the fragile, damaged pieces of him and mix them with my own until we built something new out of it.
Something stronger. Something that kept us tangled together.
Because I wasn’t ready to let him slip through my fingers.
At ten o’clock, I left my room and headed down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. Mick and Riff were already camped out at a table, and I slid into the empty seat beside Riff. Thump arrived shortly after, followed by Clara and Ghost.
“Surprised to see you awake at this hour, Ghostie,” Riff teased as he poured milk into his coffee.
“Someone forced me down here,” Ghost replied, shooting a sideways look at our manager.
Clara just lifted her chin and kept spreading peanut butter over a slice of toast.
“You’ve got a show tonight,” she said calmly. “And you need to start eating breakfast. It’s good for you. Unlike sleeping until it’s time to head to the arena.”
Thump leaned forward, elbows on the table, chin propped in his hands.
“Aww. Our mother hen is worried about our well-being.”
Clara glared and pointed her sticky knife at him. Then at the rest of us.
“I have to worry about you assholes. If I didn’t, you’d all be rotting away in bed with malnutrition. Or scurvy.”
“We’re not pirates,” Ghost scoffed, rolling his eyes.
“Actually,” Mick said, tapping at his phone. “Around seven percent of adults in the US have a vitamin C deficiency.”
He turned the screen towards us to show off his Google search.
“What does that have to do with anything?” Thump asked around a mouthful of waffles and bacon.
“That’s what scurvy is, dumbass,” Riff shot back. His eyes dropped to Thump’s plate, stacked high with grease and carbs. “And based on your breakfast, you could use a few extra vitamins yourself.”
He picked up an uncut kiwi and threw it at Thump. It thudded against his chest, dropped into his lap, then rolled onto the floor. Thump flipped him off and reached for a packet of ketchup, clearly aiming for retaliation.
Clara set her knife down with deliberate care and glared at both of them.
“Stop acting like children,” she hissed. “You’re worse than my sister’s kids. And they’re barely more than toddlers.”
“Careful,” Ghost smirked. “She’ll put you in time out.”
“I will put all of you in time out if you’re not careful,” Clara snapped, shoulders stiff.
That did the trick. Thump and Riff settled, and the conversation drifted to safer ground.
I didn’t really join in. Instead, I picked at a bowl of cereal slowly turning to mush, my eyes flicking between my bandmates and the restaurant entrance. Searching for a flash of pink hair that hadn’t appeared yet.
Was Iggy still asleep? Or had he gone out to eat with Half Life? I still hadn’t heard from him, even after the text I’d sent yesterday. I hadn’t wanted to push my luck with a follow-up. No, I wanted to see him in person. To look at him and know he was okay after the way we’d left things.
“You’re quiet,” Riff murmured, nudging me with his elbow.
I glanced down at my bowl and shrugged. “How’s that different from any other day?”
He chuckled and bit into a chunk of sausage. “Fair. I guess you’re quieter than usual, which is saying something.”
“I’m just tired.”
“Bullshit,” Riff said immediately. “You went to bed early last night. And I know you’ve been sleeping better since Iggy’s been around.”
He waggled his eyebrows, grinning. Normally I would’ve laughed it off. But today I didn’t, and Riff noticed.
“What’s going on?” he asked, frowning. “Trouble in paradise?”
I sighed and leaned back in my chair. Glancing around to make sure no one else was listening, I tapped the pocket of my jeans where my vape was tucked away.
“Fancy a smoke?”
Riff pursed his lips and nodded. We excused ourselves, agreeing on a time to meet back in the lobby before tonight’s show. None of us had any other obligations today, which made it the perfect opportunity for everyone to do nothing.
Or in my case, to try and patch things up with Iggy.
We stepped out through the automatic doors and walked until we found a wooden bench a short distance from the entrance.
Riff sat first. I dropped down beside him, crossing one leg and resting my ankle on my knee.
For a while, we didn’t talk. Just took a few pulls from our vapes and listened to the hum of passing cars.
“Go on, then,” Riff said eventually, waving his vape in a lazy circle.
I dragged a hand through my hair and leaned back, staring up at the overcast sky.
“Iggy and I had a fight,” I said. “Well. Not really a fight. But something . . . kind of like a fight.”
Riff frowned. “How the fuck do you have something kind of like a fight?”
I did my best to explain what had happened, skirting around the details about the painkillers. I didn’t want to betray Iggy’s trust. When I finished, Riff hummed low in his throat.
“Okay,” he said slowly. “I see what you mean.” He scratched at his chin. “Sounds like he was cranky and took it out on you without meaning to. This whole thing—the shows, the travelling—it’s a lot for everyone, crew included, and he’s not used to it.”
“Maybe,” I muttered.
“And,” Riff went on. “You two have been glued together non-stop. Even before you pulled your heads out of your asses and admitted you liked each other.” He shrugged. “Maybe he really was just tired. Needed a bit of space to breathe.”
I chewed on my bottom lip and nodded.
He wasn’t wrong. I had zero dating experience, but I was pretty sure couples weren’t supposed to spend every waking second together.
I was used to the chaos of tour life. Used to tight spaces and no privacy and always having someone within arm’s reach.
But Iggy wasn’t. This was all new territory for him.
Hell, I didn’t even know how much experience he had with relationships at all.
It wasn’t a stretch to think he might be overwhelmed. That he might need a breather.
Was I worrying over nothing?
I opened my mouth to reply when something caught my eye.
Two somethings.
Trix and Bella stumbled out through the hotel doors like extras in a zombie film.
Bella’s short hair stuck out in every direction, and Trix’s freshly dyed indigo hair looked like a lion’s mane.
They swayed as they walked, shoulders knocking together.
Trix’s usually warm tan had turned vaguely green in the morning light, and Bella’s eyes were puffy, rimmed red with exhaustion.
The signs of a brutal hangover might as well have been flashing in neon.
I shot to my feet, moving before my brain had a chance to catch up.
“Bodhi?” Riff called after me. “Where are you going?”