10. Chapter 9
Chapter 9
Felix
I couldn’t believe I’d just done that. Something had come over me all of a sudden. It’s why I had to escape so quickly, so I could process the line I just crossed.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Yes, I wanted her number, but now that meant she’d be expecting a text from me. I couldn’t be a douche and not send anything to her. I just had to think how to word it and when exactly to send it.
I didn’t want to but all of last night, I had thought of her after our meeting in the bar. I liked the way she had dimples when she smiled and I admired the way her brown hair shone. I wondered what shampoo she used as it looked soft and silky. I’d prayed I wouldn’t see her today, partly because I knew I’d crumble in front of her, but life has a funny way of shoving things in front of you. I decided to go for a ski today to let loose and feel that familiar rush of adrenaline.
When I’d stopped for lunch, I had spotted Alisha, almost as if I was seeking her out and it then became hard to ignore her presence. I knew she had felt my gaze on her as her eyes had met mine. I felt like my stomach had backflipped and frontflipped all in one go. When I had finally plucked up the courage to go and speak to her, all the nerves came back. But this meeting needed to go better than yesterday’s. So when I recommended some places for her to try, that was me being nice. Or trying to be.
When she had sent the first text to me indicating that it was her, I had tried to remain calm and collected in front of her. My phone went straight into my pocket, and I didn’t look at it for the next few hours.
Maybe I didn’t need to text her. She probably wouldn’t care.
At five o’clock, I returned home and needed a long, hot bath to ease my tired muscles and mind. My aunt had called me and asked me to come to lunch tomorrow for our usual roast. I couldn’t say no and definitely needed family around me during this difficult time. The bath had helped a little but not enough to block the constant memories of my relationship.
“Fuck this.” I sighed and decided I needed something strong in my system. In the kitchen, I pulled out a glass from the cupboard and then some génépi. It was a French herbal liquor which I drank neat. After two more glasses, I started to feel the effect and pulled out my phone. I was feeling even more confident and my thumb hovered over the call button, with my ex’s name above it.
No, Felix, you are not doing this.
Thankfully, I still had some control, and I deleted her number which was long-awaited. I clicked on the text from Alisha and started typing.
Felix : How was your day?
I didn’t think she would reply straight away; probably had better things to do, so I made myself busy by pouring another glass of liquor.
So much fun getting drunk on your own.
My phone lit up when I was halfway through my drink and I almost spat it out when I saw the reply from Alisha.
Alisha: Fine thank you, so what are these restaurants then?
I remembered my initial reason for passing on my number to her and started to type.
Felix : So, I’d try Winkler Pizza, Down Under and Loba if you like ribs. There are some more places in town too or if you want to venture further out, I could take you
As soon as I’d sent this, I internally cringed. I could take you.
Alisha : I’m always down for an adventure, let’s go somewhere tomorrow evening?
I was surprised she actually took me up on the offer.
Well, you can’t back out now, Felix.
Felix : Text me your address and I’ll pick you up, does your friend want to come along?
Alisha : Just asked her, she said no as she wants to catch up with her family via FaceTime.
The thought of it just being us two panicked me but also ignited a new feeling within me. Perhaps it could be excitement. She didn’t seem repulsed and was genuinely interested in spending time with me, but how could I tell from just a few texts? I almost felt hopeful that I could make a friend and now I was thankful for the alcohol. I almost kissed the near-empty bottle.
“Well, you’d better get your act together,” I said to no one in particular and it wasn’t long before I got myself to bed for a deep sleep. For the first time in months, I slept soundly and probably because I wanted the next day to come quickly. I wanted to see her.
I didn’t know what exactly was happening but I felt drawn to Alisha somehow.
***
After a refreshing sleep, I ate my breakfast which consisted of porridge and bananas with a drizzle of honey. I would be setting off to go and see my aunt within the next two hours and my sister would meet me there.
I was dreading going to work tomorrow and wished weekends would be longer in general. I also had a meeting with my boss too, probably about my work performance, which was pretty average. But in that kind of job, it would be right?
I watched a bit of TV, though nothing interesting was on. The only thing I really enjoyed was Ski Sunday. Christmas wasn’t far away and I despised the adverts, especially the romantic, lovey dovey ones. Christmas was supposed to be an exciting time of the year. I knew it would be, since it’d be the first one alone since the breakup. I’d remembered this time last year, I was preparing for the wedding and was at my happiest. Nothing could have ruined my happiness back then.
I decided it was time to pause the pity party and get a move on to my aunt’s house. I looked rather presentable, well, I hoped. My brown hair was slightly ruffled and I finally had a shave. As I looked in the car mirror, I noticed how alert my eyes looked. The sleep had definitely helped. My aunt lived in Zurs, which was about twelve miles from here. The radio played quietly in the background as I drove, and I even hummed a little tune, which was a first for me in many months. I knew my two older twin cousins Jakob and Elias would be there, they always came around for Sunday lunch and it was a good time to catch up with them.
I pulled up into the gravel drive, and found a spot next to my sister’s ruby red mini cooper, she had a thing for that colour and even her car seats were the same shade. My car was a standard Range Rover, dark blue and comfortable. Nothing too snazzy, and the engine was powerful enough. I switched off the ignition and swung the car door open, instantly meeting the tall silhouette of my aunt. I hadn’t noticed she was there and jumped a little.
“Finally!” Aunt Brenna grinned as if she was very happy to see me. She had soft features, long wavy blonde hair, with kind, light blue eyes that never seemed to stop sparkling. I had been so glad she accepted us into her family years ago and she always made an effort for me and my sister.
“Hello, Aunt Brenna.” I pressed a kiss on both of her rouge tinted cheeks.
“You look better than the last time I saw you.” Aunt Brenna took a pause to scan me and seemed satisfied that I wasn’t my usual self. I even cracked her a small smile.
“I got some good sleep last night,” I continued the conversation as she led us inside.
“I’m so glad. Well, lunch is almost ready so I hope you’re hungry.” Aunt Brenna was an amazing cook and I knew that what she’d prepared I’d scarf down.
“Thanks for inviting me over.”
“You’re always welcome, Felix. You’re like a third son to me.” She smiled. And over the years, she had been like a mum to me too.
Once inside, the familiar living room greeted me. She’d always had the same two beige sofas, both opposite one another and a wide screen TV was in the back of the room. I questioned her about her room decoration a while back, but she was very keen to keep things as they were. She was rigid about her cleaning, everything had to be stored away. Unused magazines would be recycled, as well as newspapers.
Aunt Brenna liked everything in ship shape, just like her. My uncle? He’d died some time ago, never met him, but from what I’d heard, he was a kind man who looked after his wife well. She missed him, of course, but she had her two sons to lean on when times got rough. And she had me and Mira. We weren’t going anywhere, not after all she’d done for us.
“So, what can I help with?” I asked her, walking with her to the kitchen. The tiles on the floor were crystal white, matching the shade of her teeth. The walls were off-white and she had a modern sink installed, as well as a dishwasher, washing machine and tumble dryer. She owned two fridges, one was kept for dairy goods and the other for meats and other food and drink. Aunt Brenna would get frustrated if her sons rearranged things in the fridge, which they had done at times to piss her off.
I could smell what was in the oven, and she had also made two different kinds of potatoes: mashed and roasted. Mira was quite fussy with her food but my aunt was always happy to cater for her.
“If you could take the chicken out, then carve it, that would be great. I’m going to put the other food on the table. I’ll call your cousins down. I’m so annoyed that they didn’t come down already to say hello,” Aunt Brenna huffed, Jakob and Elias were probably playing video games since they were addicts, even at the ripe age of twenty-eight. I supposed my aunt was used to it but she’d had several stern conversations with them to ‘ get off their asses and do something useful ’.
“Of course,” I said, the job I had was easy and I wanted to make things simpler for her if I could. Take the stress off her plate and be a helpful nephew. Even if it was something small, it was showing her my gratitude for looking after my sister and I all these years.
“Get down here now, boys!” Aunt Brenna yelled at the end of the staircase, her voice almost cracking as she did. Very soon, we heard the plop of Jakob and Elias’ feet across the floorboards and they made it downstairs within twenty seconds.
“Your cousin is here,” my aunt merely stated as she joined me back in the kitchen. My cousins followed behind her, a slight frown mirrored on their faces. They were identical twins, with soft blue eyes, the same shade as their mother and dark brown hair which was from their father’s side. The twins were close to one another, we always described them as two peas in a pod. Never could separate them.
Jakob spoke first, “Hi, Feli.”
A nickname he had given me when he first met me and I’d remembered that it used to bother me but now, I’d grown used to it. I was glad that I had a good relationship with my cousins, even if they could be pain in the asses at times. But they had accepted me into their family. We all needed one another, due to the loss we had experienced.
“Are you feeling better now?” Elias piped in, slapping his hand on my back as he always did when he greeted me. Both of them were slightly taller than me and I’d remember for the first year I’d gotten to know them, it had been hard to tell them apart. But I’d soon recognised the differences between the two. Jakob had a slight scar above his left eyebrow and Elias has a beauty spot underneath his nose. So now I knew who was who.
“Peachy,” I replied, a slight sour taste to my mouth as I said this. Today, I was not going to spend any more time thinking about my ex. She had a whole new man now and it was clear there was no room for me. Perhaps there never had been. I wished I had seen the warning signs sooner.
“Right, please now help me with the table,” Aunt Brenna said and we all hopped to it with no arguments. As we were arranging the plates and glasses, Mira announced her arrival.
“Sorry I’m late, the hospital was asking me about doing some more shifts,” she said as our aunt engulfed her in a hug. She was already tired enough as it was, so I was hoping she’d say no to it. It was nice to spend time with her.
“You need to take care of yourself, young lady. Take a break,” Aunt Brenna scolded her.
“I know.” Mira sighed but we both knew she didn’t like letting people down, especially her colleagues.
It was time to eat and as always, Aunt Brenna asked us to join hands and make a blessing.
“As always, I am blessed to have four amazing children and happy we get to share this meal together,” Aunt Brenna said, a warmness to her tone.
I realised how grateful I should be for her, and for my cousins. I cracked a slight smile as we tucked into our delicious food but the smile was partly because in a few hours, I would be in the company of someone different, someone who seemed like they could be worth it.