14. Chapter 13
Chapter 13
Felix
I slept very well last night, so much that I almost didn’t want to get out of my soft, warm bed. I hadn’t had a single negative thought invade my mind, which was a start. As soon as I woke up, I felt giddy and instantly knew the reason why. I would be seeing Alisha today and really was starting to appreciate her company. She had a kind aura about her, I didn’t really know much about auras in general, but she seemed like a person who liked to make time for others and truly take interest in them. I would ask her about her backstory today, her life in England and how she was finding Austria. It wouldn’t be long until Christmas was here and of course, the shops had started to decorate and restaurants introduced their Christmas lunch menus.
I was in high spirits, I even made myself a hearty breakfast at 8:00 am and ate it all. No scraps left that I would normally throw away. I felt like I had gained an appetite. My sister would be pleased, as she had spent months trying to persuade me to eat a little more. I decided I would give her a call, since she wouldn’t be going to work until this afternoon.
Mira picked up within three things and her tone was ridden with concern, “Felix, are you alright?”
“I’m absolutely fine. Just thought I’d call to see how you are?” I asked and I heard her take a deep inhale before speaking.
“I thought you were in danger or something. You don’t normally ring in the morning. I’m okay, Felix. Just cleaning the place up a bit,” Mira said in a chirpy tone. I could hear plates clattering in the background, she was probably unloading the dishwasher.
“Sounds like you. I’ve eaten my breakfast and now I’m just relaxing.”
“Wow, I’m glad you’ve had the first important meal of the day. It helps you function. What are your plans today?” my sister asked me, the background noise had halted.
“I’m going for a hike this morning,” I said, and I knew my sister would press for more information. She worried about me, more so than she should.
“On your own?” Mira asked, a slight hint of concern in her voice.
“No. I’m going with a woman.” I instantly regretted telling her that.
“Am I really talking to Felix or?” Mira laughed and I couldn’t help but mimic.
“You truly are. It’s not a date or anything. We went out to dinner last night but—”
“You went out for a dinner date and didn’t tell me!?” Mira raised her voice and I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing I wouldn’t hear the end of it now.
I listened to her ramble on for almost a minute before finally deciding to interrupt her.
“Well, I decided it was time to make a friend. And to stop feeling sorry for myself. Alisha is nice. But she’s only here for a short time. So, we can’t really be anything other than friends.” As I said the word friends , I knew it was a lie but I needed to remain nonchalant about this all.
“Okay. I get it. It’s probably wise not to start something. Plus, you’re still healing. But good on you, Felix. I’m proud of you,” Mira said.
“Thank you. I hope you have a good shift today. Maybe I’ll ring you tomorrow,” I offered.
“I’ll hold you to that. You better tell me every single thing. Alisha sounds cool.” Mira was right. Alisha was pretty cool, and as soon as I finished speaking with my sister, it was only 9:15 am. Less than two hours until I saw Alisha, but time couldn’t speed up quicker.
***
To kill the time, I’d cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom as it had been a while. The laundry had been sorted, and the clothes were now in the dryer. Every so often, my eyes had drifted to the clock hanging on the wall in the kitchen. I hated the way it would tick, but also relished in the fact that with every passing minute I would finally get to leave the house.
“Finally,” I muttered as it was now 10:30 am and it meant I could make my way to the cable car. It was about a fifteen minute walk, no need for a car. I would be a little early but I didn’t mind waiting. Many, many thoughts were swimming in my head. I wondered what Alisha did last night, whether she went straight to bed or did she have a moment to think about me, like I had done about her.
When I arrived, I checked my phone for the time and it was about 10:50 am. I had walked a little slower than usual, as a way of calming my nerves. I had ten minutes until I would see her. I gave myself a pep talk, reminding myself not to say anything stupid or weird. Alisha needed to see a calm and collected Felix, someone who had their shit together. I really didn’t want her to see the cracks, to see my vulnerability. I needed to put that all behind me, at least for today.
“Fuck,” I muttered to myself as I could see Alisha approaching, a few minutes earlier than I had anticipated. She looked glorious, her dark hair was slightly windswept, probably from her ski helmet, and she had already changed out of her ski gear. I hoped her lesson had gone okay and that she was making progress. Maybe I could even take her down the slopes one day, if she felt confident enough. I knew she didn’t have very long left here in Ischgl, but if I help her achieve something then I’d do my best.
“Hello,” she said calmly, as she stopped a few metres in front of me. She tucked a loose strand of brown hair behind one ear and offered me a sheepish grin. It sent me into overdrive, a mere gesture but that was all it took.
Remain composed.
“Hi. Um, how are you? How was your lesson? You’re out a bit early,” I spoke rather too quickly for my liking and my voice had a slight high pitch to it. But there was nothing I could do about it. I cleared my throat and waited for her answer, shoving my hands in my trouser pockets.
So thankful for pockets.
“I’m very good. The lesson was really fun today, got to try out a higher slope. Fell a few times so I think my legs will be a bit sore later. Nothing a good bubble bath can’t sort out. I wanted to leave a bit earlier so I wouldn’t be late meeting you,” Alisha replied, taking a small step closer. I couldn’t help but lean a little more forward, my body was basically ignoring my mind at this point. She looked so beautiful and I noticed the few freckles she had by her nose.
How had I not noticed this before? Her skin looked so soft but I had enough self-control to stop myself from touching her cheek.
“I understand,” I said and my mouth felt dry all of a sudden.
“So, are you thirsty? I could do with a cup of coffee before our walk.” Alisha grinned and I nodded, like she had read my mind.
“I know a few places,” I said, leading the way and we both fell into step with one another. There were a few coffee shops nearby, so it didn’t matter which one we would go into as they were all good. We picked one called Ski fahren und Schleifen (Ski and Grind), which lived up to its name as it was full of ski photos, many celebrities had gone there and had signed their posters too. The baristas always made delicious coffee, some with aromatic spices. One of my favourites was the spiced chai latte so I would order one today. Alisha hadn’t said much else to me as we entered inside the coffee shop but I was hoping we would engage in conversation once we were sat down.
“I’ll get us the drinks. What would you like?” Alisha asked me. She had beaten me to it as I was going to offer to pay for us both.
“Spiced chai latte for me please, medium,” I said, shrugging my coat off. There was a soft buzz of chatter around us and a few children were sitting in the sofa area, drawing pictures with their crayons.
“I didn’t know you liked that. That’s my favourite coffee. Or one of them.” Alisha grinned. I knew I needed to keep making her smile like that throughout the day, as it made me feel like I achieved something good. Her smile always seemed genuine, I liked the way crinkles would form around her eyes.
“We might become best friends at this rate,” I said, and I wasn’t particularly joking. I knew I wanted to be a little more than friends though.
“Or soulmates.” Alisha gave me a wink, and I was thankful that I was now sitting down otherwise I’d have toppled over. Soulmates. I didn’t believe in them, never had.
I sighed and shook my head, the negative thoughts were not going to take a hold of me today. Definitely not today. I refocused my attention back on Alisha who was now at the front of the queue, she had grabbed a blueberry muffin which caused me to smile. She really did have a sweet tooth.
I drummed my fingers on my table as I tried not to stare too much. My phone pinged, signalling I had a text. Probably my sister checking in on me, as she usually did.
Mira: Hello, big brother. How is your morning going?
Felix: Good morning, little sister. Just in Ski and Grind with Alisha. We stopped for coffee before going for a walk. How’s your shift going?
Mira: Oh, coffee ;) I haven’t even met her but I’m already rooting for the pair of you. It’s slow this morning but it will pick up in afternoon, just having a coffee myself but on my lonesome
Felix: Take care of yourself, you work too hard. I’d like to see more of you
Mira: Don’t worry Felix, I’m okay. I’m going to see if I can request some annual leave, then maybe we can plan something together but I don’t want to get your hopes up, as it’s nearly Christmas and lots can happen
Felix: I get it, always here if you need me. Anyway, talk later
I put my phone away as Alisha placed a tray on the table, presenting two cups of coffee and her blueberry muffin. It did look delicious.
“I’m very jealous of your muffin,” I said and that caused Alisha to laugh as she sat down in front of me, scraping her chair forward to rest her elbows on the table. She raised one eyebrow and I realised how that may have sounded.
“Oh, um, I meant that it looks delicious…”
Stop talking. Now.
“I’ll share it with you, if you want,” Alisha said, an almost innocent tone to her voice.
“Are you sure? I’m happy to go and get one myself,” I said, hoping I hadn’t made things awkward.
“Absolutely sure. Sharing is caring.” Alisha picked up her knife and cut the muffin into two, offering me a piece. As I took a bite of the sweet but succulent treat, our eyes locked for a moment and it felt as though we were the only two in the room. All I could feel was heat. And then, alongside the scorching heat, I felt desire. I noticed the way her tongue darted out of her mouth, to swipe away any remaining crumbs. I wanted to taste her mouth if I could. But I wouldn’t act on anything, nor do anything to make her uncomfortable. No matter how much I wanted it.
“That really is delicious.” Alisha chuckled softly, wiping a napkin around her mouth. Her skin was lightly flushed.
Was she blushing?
“I never normally go for blueberry. But something tells me it’s always worth trying something different,” I said and Alisha nodded in agreement.
“It always is. Life is too short. Let’s drink our coffee, before it gets cold. And then, talk to me about you. I want to know more.” Alisha picked up her cup and blew softly over the top of it as it was still steaming.
She wanted to know more. I needed to be careful with what I would tell her today.
“Well, I’m quite close with my sister Mira. She checks in on me every day. We had a…rough start in life.” I paused on the last sentence and took a long sip of my coffee, thankful I had that to distract me from panicking. Thinking about my past still affected me; it was the fact that my sister and I had parents who didn’t care about us. Growing up, we didn’t think we had been worthy of love. We’d found it difficult when our aunt took us in, and it took about six months before we fully trusted her and her sons. If I were to have kids of my own one day, I’d never abandon them or leave them to fend for themselves. I’d never let them feel the way me and Mira felt: unwanted and unloved. I wouldn’t be the best father in the world, I’d make mistakes as any parent would but I’d make sure I did the best job I could raising my kids.
“You look lost in thought. Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?” Alisha asked, looking a little concerned. I met her eyes again and all I could see was sympathy in them.
She was worried about me.
It was hard to believe that anyone would show a hint of care about me but I wanted to trust in Alisha. So I continued to speak.
“I won’t talk about it today. But there’s a lot. My past is still a lot to get my head round. I’m the person I am today because of it,” I admitted.
“I completely understand. But thank you for telling me a bit about you. You’re pretty cool, Felix,” Alisha said. My heart raced when she said this, knowing that she thought I was cool. In return, I thought she was pretty phenomenal.
We continued to talk until we had finished our coffees and it was time to get going for our walk. The sun was beaming outside, and as we took a step outside into the fresh air, I reflected on what I’d said about my past. There was this saying, that the past shouldn’t define you. Maybe I needed to listen to that.