15. Remi
fifteen
Remi
Lucy had the windows down and the music up, some bass-heavy track I didn’t know but felt in my chest. The night air was cold enough to sting but I didn’t care because I was finally free. I leaned my head back against the seat and closed my eyes, letting the wind whip my hair around my face.
“You good?” Lucy asked, glancing over at me.
“I’m getting there.”
She grinned and turned the music up louder.
We drove for fifteen minutes, winding through neighborhoods I barely recognized until we hit a street lined with cars on both sides. Lucy slowed down, scanning for a spot, and I could already hear it the low thrum of bass, voices layered over each other, and someone laughing too loud.
“There,” I said, pointing at a gap between two trucks.
Lucy parallel parked like she was in a Fast and Furious movie, and we got out, making our way up to the house.
It was a two-story house, white siding that probably looked decent in daylight but right now just looked washed out under the streetlights.
The front door was wide open, and people were spilling out onto the porch and down the steps.
A guy in a backwards hat was leaning against the railing with a red solo cup, talking to a girl in a crop top who kept laughing and touching his arm and all I could think was that this as exactly what I needed.
“Come on,” Lucy said, linking her arm through mine and pulling me toward the door.
We walked up the steps and into the house and immediately the heat hit me.
Bodies were everywhere and the air was thick with sweat and cheap cologne.
The living room was packed, people dancing in the middle, others pressed against the walls holding drinks and shouting over the music.
The bass was so loud I could feel it in my ribs.
Lucy didn’t hesitate as she pulled me through the crowd toward the kitchen, weaving between people like she owned the place.
The kitchen was slightly less packed but still full. Someone had set up a makeshift bar on the counter handles of vodka, tequila, rum, and a few mixers that were already half-empty. Lucy grabbed two cups and started pouring without asking what I wanted.
“Tequila and Sprite,” she said, handing me one. “You’re welcome.”
I took it and drank half of it in one go. It burned going down but in a good way because it made everything else fade into the background.
Lucy watched me and raised an eyebrow. “Okay, yeah, you needed this.”
“You have no idea, babe.”
She poured herself the same thing and we stood there for a minute, leaning against the counter and watching people filter in and out of the kitchen.
A guy walked past us carrying a case of beer on his shoulder like it weighed nothing.
Two girls were taking shots in the corner and shrieking every time they threw them back.
Lucy pulled a small bag out of her jacket pocket and held it up between two fingers, eyebrows raised.
I didn’t even think about it. “Let’s go.”
We found the bathroom down the hall, locked the door behind us, and Lucy dumped a little onto the counter. She used her ID to cut it into two lines efficiently like she’d done this a thousand times. But let’s be honest, she really has.
She went first, then handed me the rolled-up bill.
I leaned down and inhaled and the burn hit the back of my throat immediately. I straightened up, blinking hard, and Lucy was already grinning at me.
“Fuck yeah babe, there you are.” she said.
The high spread through me almost instantly, that sharpness clawing its way into my chest and making everything feel just a little bit brighter.
We walked back out into the party, and I felt like myself again for the first time since Sunday.
I didn’t want to think about Rio wasn’t going to.
I thought about Rio anyway.
It was impossible not to because was in my house now.
In the guest suite one floor below me moving his things in like he belonged there, like he hadn’t just blown up my entire fucking life two days ago.
But out here, in this house full of strangers, with Lucy next to me, a drink in my hand and the coke making everything feel warm, I could almost forget.
Almost.
I finished my drink and Lucy got me another one, and then another.
The music changed to something with a heavier beat and people started moving differently.
The living room turned into a dance floor, and everyone was pressed together with their hands in the air.
Lucy grabbed my hand and pulled me into the middle of it.
I let go and feel myself get lost in it the music, the movement, and the heat of everyone around me.
Lucy was dancing next to me, her blonde hair shining in the light every time she turned her head.
She was magnetic like this, pulling people into her orbit without even trying.
A guy moved closer to her and she let it happen, laughing at something he said that I couldn’t hear over the music.
I tried to dance and not think about anything, but the anger was still there. The only thing that had changed about it was the edges of it were softer and more blurred. I could feel it, but it didn’t have teeth anymore.
But out here with the music pounding, Lucy laughing next to me and the coke making my heart race, I could just exist in a space that had nothing to do with him.
For a few hours, I could just be nineteen.
Lucy leaned over and shouted something in my ear that I didn’t hear. I shook my head and she rolled her eyes, grabbed my hand, and pulled me toward the edge of the room where it was slightly less loud.
“I said, are you having fun yet?” she asked, grinning.
“Yes, I’m feeling pretty great.” I smiled at her.
“Good because looked like you were about to murder someone earlier.”
“Actually, I was.”
“Well, you look hot now, so I think we’re good.”
I laughed and she pulled me back into the crowd.
The party moved around us, people everywhere were talking, laughing, dancing, and drinking.
A girl stumbled past me with her heels in her hand, mascara smudged under her eyes, looking like she was having the time of her life.
Two guys were arguing about something near the stairs, gesturing wildly, but neither of them looked actually mad.
Someone turned the music up even louder and the bass rattled the windows.
Lucy introduced me to people whose names I forgot immediately. A guy in a flannel who said he was in her psych class and girl with blue hair who complimented my jacket. Another girl who asked where I got my lipstick from and then made me write it down in her phone.
I talked to all of them and none of them at the same time. Which I know doesn’t make sense, but I felt like I could do this and live in this moment without the bullshit of everything crushing me. I didn’t even want to go home anymore.
Lucy was dancing next to me again with her head tipped back, laughing at something the guy in the flannel said. She so looked happy and carefree like nothing in the world could touch her and I wanted to feel like that.
I danced, drank, and let the music drown out everything else before I felt it.
I looked around the room scanning faces, but I didn’t see anything out of place, so I shook it off and went back to my drink.
There wasn’t any number of sips that could take the feeling away that I was being watched.
The hairs on the back of my neck were standing up, and I almost wish I hadn’t gotten so fucked up.
I looked up again and looked around slower this time, and that’s when I saw him.
Across the room, leaning against the wall near the stairs, arms crossed, and watching me.
Rio.
My brain took a second to catch up, like it couldn’t process what I was seeing.
What the fuck.
What the actual fuck.
He was here at the party, at my fucking party, and he was looking right at me.
The coke and the alcohol made everything sharper which made my thoughts come louder, and the only thing I could think was this fucking motherfucker.