Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
The Darcys spent much of that day in separate pursuits without crossing paths.
This was unusual for the couple, and the servants noted the distance between them.
A few times, Darcy hovered by the door of whatever room Elizabeth was in, watching her for a few moments before sighing and moving on, unsure of how to approach his wife.
He knew he was correct—they had already discussed this and agreed on this course of action—but he was concerned about speaking to Elizabeth without upsetting her further.
Finally, he moved to his room to dress for dinner and waited for his wife in their sitting room to escort her downstairs. After some time, he finally knocked on her bedroom door to check on her.
“Dearest,” he called as he opened the door. “Are you well?” His voice betrayed his uncertainty.
“I am tired,” Elizabeth replied from the bed. “I requested a tray in my room this evening.”
“Might I join you?” he asked softly.
She sniffed. “If you like,” she replied diffidently.
He nodded but then stepped away. After speaking to his valet to send a message to deliver an additional tray to the mistress’s bedchambers, he removed his coat and boots and went to join his wife in her bedchamber.
The room had been rarely used during their marriage except as an extension of Elizabeth’s dressing room. She had not fully redecorated it but replaced a few faded and worn pieces and ordered new curtains and a counterpane to brighten the room.
“Are you well, my love?” he asked as he entered the room, pulling a chair nearer to her.
She looked abashed. “No,” she replied. “I feel somewhat foolish for hiding here this evening and avoiding you all day. I have missed you but was too proud to seek you out. I am glad you discovered me here. I am sorry for behaving childishly.”
“Are you still determined to travel to Longbourn?” he asked quietly.
She sighed deeply. “No, you were right. We had agreed that it was a foolish idea. I was exhausted by our travel in October, and I was uncomfortable travelling to Lambton just a few days ago. It is ridiculous to suppose that if I struggled to travel just five miles, I could manage a journey of more than a hundred and fifty miles. I would be miserable travelling for days and likely make you miserable. I do know better, but it seems that this baby makes me incapable of thinking reasonably.”
Darcy attempted not to laugh at the look on her face as she said this.
Uncertain if he should agree with her, he made a non-committal noise in his throat.
Elizabeth noticed this and grinned at him.
“I no longer feel so irrational, so you may laugh at me if you like. I dare say the physician will arrive tomorrow and want to meet with you before you see me, and you can tell him all about it.”
He grinned in return and released the chuckle he had held back.
However, he had not kissed her since that morning, so he moved to sit beside her on the bed and remedy that problem.
They were interrupted several minutes later when her abigail arrived, leading several footmen carrying the trays that contained their dinner.
As they ate, Darcy addressed the argument again. “Elizabeth, is there something else on your mind that led to your earlier upset? You cannot truly want to go to Longbourn, can you? Not after swearing never to step foot in your mother’s house again.”
Elizabeth drew in a shuddering breath. “I am feeling more emotional than usual, but I cannot help but think how excited my mother would be if it were one of my sisters facing their confinement. Our aunts intend to come to see us near my lying-in, and I am certain they will be helpful. And while I doubt I would want Mama anywhere near me during my time, I cannot help but feel some resentment that she cannot let go of hers to speak to me even a little. Nearly the last words she said to me were criticising me for gaining weight and risking you losing interest in me. A small part of me wants to show her that I was not growing fat and lazy, as she implied, but that I am carrying a child, your child. I am certain she is aware of it, but I want her to be forced to see me and have to pretend to be happy for me. I know it is silly, but I would like her to acknowledge that I have done something well. Although, I can imagine her commenting that I will continue to fail you by having only girls just as she did.”
“Dearest, you know that I will never lose interest in you or seek out the company of another,” Darcy reassured her.
“I understand your desire to have your mother approve of you and your resentment towards her. Endangering yourself—and our child—by travelling to Longbourn now so that you can hear her ‘pretend’ to be happy for you will not accomplish anything other than make you miserable.”
“I know, but being so close to becoming a mother makes me much more aware of my parents’ failings.
I never wanted a marriage like my parents, but I have realised that I do not want to parent like them.
Both my parents allowed their resentment of the other to affect how they acted, and they made others miserable along with themselves.
I worry that I am more like my mother than I realised if I am willing to allow my resentment for her to cause me to pick fights with my extremely long-suffering husband,” Elizabeth said as she leaned towards him.
Darcy leaned to meet her and wrapped one arm around her shoulder.
“We will not be like your parents, my love,” he said reassuringly.
“We discuss our problems and work them out; we do not allow things to fester. Additionally, Pemberley has no entail, and a son or a daughter can inherit, so there are no worries. We are blessed with excellent examples to follow and notable examples to avoid. So do not fret, Elizabeth; we will always strive to do well by our children.”
The Darcys enjoyed their solitude in Derbyshire through the winter.
Letters frequently flew back and forth between Pemberley and points south.
All of Elizabeth’s sisters, including Georgiana, were prolific correspondents.
For a while, much of the news regarded Jane’s wedding—the arrangements and the shopping eventually subsumed with details of the wedding itself.
While not as handsome as Darcy, Jane had been glowing, and Mr Hastings appeared delighted.
Kitty had written this comparison, which had made Elizabeth laugh out loud when Darcy flushed when she read that sentence to him.
Jane’s wedding breakfast was sufficiently grand, although it had stayed within the budget set by Mr Bennet.
Mrs Bennet had done all she could to convince her husband otherwise, but he had been adamant that the funds he offered were sufficient.
With some ideas from Mrs Gardiner, she had managed it very well, and the breakfast had been complimented by all in attendance.
Lady Lucas might have turned her nose up at it a little, but she was the only one, and it was most likely done out of spite.
Charlotte Collins had returned home without her husband—he had been sent to Africa as a missionary for the Church of England.
Charlotte intended to visit her home briefly as she decided her future, keeping in mind the promise of a cottage wherever she wanted to live.
Meryton was looking less and less likely …
“Darling,” Elizabeth said upon reading the letter from Charlotte not long after Jane’s wedding, “did you know that Mr Collins has been sent to Africa as a missionary for the Church of England? You must have, since Charlotte writes that she accepts your offer to purchase her a small cottage near Lambton for her to live in.”
Darcy smirked. “I did not know his exact fate, but, if you recall, you did know that I would write to my uncle about having Mr Collins investigated since he spread rumours after kicking you out of his home at the direction of his patroness. We spoke then of my intention to offer your friend a home if necessary.”
Elizabeth made a face as she sought to remember. “I am sorry, William; I had forgotten that conversation. You have said this baby makes me irrational, but I believe it also makes me forgetful. I have taken to making lists of things I need to remember.”
He laughed outright at this. “I have seen your lists, and I am most intrigued when you remove them from some interesting spots on your person. I believe, dearest, that you will need to add larger pockets to your dresses to allow you to carry all the items you believe necessary to carry around with you.” She blushed, remembering how he had discovered one of her lists as he had helped her undress when they went to their chambers to rest the previous afternoon.
Standing, he went to lock the door of his study before returning to stand in front of her. “Would you like my help retrieving one of these lists, my dear?” It was her turn to laugh.
“As I recall, I had to rewrite that list after you discovered it, my husband,” she teased. “If I allow you to help, I will have to rewrite yet another.”
“But it is time for your rest, dearest,” he told her, bending to kiss her passionately before pulling two or three lists where they were tucked into her bodice and laying them on the table with her other letters. “I will promise not to damage these. Now, come here.”