10. Merle
Merle
The omega is hurting, not just in body but in his mind, I can feel it. I approach slowly, trying not to make noise. This is stupid, so stupid. I shouldn’t be here. I lick my lips and take another step.
He watches me with almost black eyes in a face that looks gaunt.
I creep closer, aware that I’m entering a space that I have no permission to be in.
To enter another omega’s space is not just disrespectful but extremely dangerous.
With a nervous inhale, I hold out the bundle I’ve had tucked under my arm.
The materials are soft and clean. He’s an omega, he will like them.
Maybe.
Why am I doing this? It’s crazy.
He helped me.
When he doesn’t take the bundle, I put it on the bed, add three knives I stole and a chocolate bar. My whole body is trembling when I stand upright, keeping my eyes averted from his.
He doesn’t say a word, just watches me as I quietly leave his room as silently as I entered it.
It feels like there is a dangerous beast at my back. Once I’m safely back in my corner of my room, I let the shakes overtake me and press my forehead to my knees, breathing slowly through forced movements.
That’s my good deed for the year. I don’t need to do anymore.
I don’t know how Sage got into the room and onto my bed, but he’s lying there, staring up at the ceiling when I look up.
I watch him watching the ceiling, knowing he’s aware of me watching. It’s like some messed-up game of chicken.
“You have been here for weeks now, and you haven’t spoken a single word.”
I press my lips together, as if he’s trying to pry them loose just with his words. I don’t like this line of conversation.
“I have so many things about you that I want to know.” He pulls a sad face.
“What is your favourite food? If I don’t know how to cook it, I can learn.
What’s your favourite colour? Is it that beautiful orange amber colour like your eyes?
How did your hair get orange tips? What’s your favourite movie? Do you like winter or summer?”
I stare at this ranting, lunatic alpha and wonder if he’s on drugs. Being around drugged alphas is a whole other danger, but he’s not displaying any other signs. Still, I edge further away from him, just to be safe.
“What does your voice sound like? Do you sing off-key like Blaze does, or can you sing well like King? Do you know that I have a little cousin? He’s feisty.
They found their omega a year or so ago.
I think you might like her and her family.
Part of me thinks I should bundle you up and take you to them.
Maybe they can help you; we sure as shit aren’t. ”
He falls silent, frowning at the ceiling.
Go somewhere else? They want to send me away? That scares me more than anything. It never occurred to me that they might send me away.
“How did you get those scars, Omega? Tell me so I can make sure it never happens again. I’ll make sure they never touch you.”
I get up on my feet, preparing to run.
“Mashed potatoes are my favourite food. There are a million ways you can have it, and all of them are good. I’m going to make you mashed potatoes for dinner. You haven’t had mash until you’ve had my mash.”
He sits up, and his eyes collide with mine. Dark green eyes, powerful eyes. He’s got a gaze that sees right inside to all the broken bits. I feel naked when he looks at me.
“I brought you a present.”
He holds up a single bloom. The flower is a delicate pink colour, but the green is as vibrant as anything I’ve ever seen. It’s beautiful. Like a shiny, one of the things I steal. I want it. With reluctance, I walk towards him, reaching out. He lets me take the flower.
I stare at it, twirling it in my fingers. It’s a Forest Boronia with four petals and the pink so light it’s just a hint of colour. I lift it to my nose, inhaling the strong scent. It’s spicy with citrus notes and almost honey elements. It’s lovely.
When I open my eyes, Sage is watching me with the softest expression.
“You looked almost happy, Omega,” he murmurs. “I will endeavor to find a way to bring that smile all the way out.”
He swings up, blows me a kiss, and disappears.
I stare down at the flower for a long time.
Are these alphas different? Or is this just another slow torture?
I walk into the kitchen, and Rolly and King separate immediately. I think they were fighting. Or making out. I’m not sure, but I’m relieved they aren’t still doing it.
“Just hugging my best friend,” Rolly says with a wink.
They don’t look like they were hugging; they look like they were fighting. Now I’m even more sure that they were.
I take a deep breath, then force myself to edge around the counter towards the sink. Rolly bounces over, startling me.
“Would you like some water?”
I stare at him, then slowly nod.
He grabs a cup and fills it with water, passing it to me as if it were precious. Under their heavy and watchful eyes, I choke the water down and reach to fill it up again. He snatches the cup, refills it, and repeats the ritual of handing it to me and staring at me expectantly until it’s drained.
I retreat again but pause, focusing intently as the two of them get into a whisper fight. I stand there listening, frowning, but then the entire world crashes to a stop, falling into a pit of the darkest memories.
“Merle,” Roseland whispers.
He steps towards me, but I step back, jerking so quickly I hit my elbow on the wall. My scent gets distressed, spreading quickly with sour notes. His instincts surge up. I can smell his rose and sandalwood getting stronger.
“Please,” he whispers.
I shake my head, trying to dislodge the memories. My skin burns as the belt comes down on my back, wrapping around my shoulders. I scream.
“Aaron, get back!” an alpha commands.
Memories slam into me, so many I can’t stop them.
I back up, uncaring of where I’m going. With a shriek, I crash into someone and turn, clawing them as I cling to them. I can’t see anything but that night. The sirens, the blood, the bodies. He’s falling.
I scream and scream.
“Okay, Merle, easy now. We’re going to stop the nightmares. No more pain.”
A needle slides into my arm. I have a moment of terror, then relief, as I realise it’s all going away. I look up and find my arms wrapped around the omega.
My only safety.
His expression changes before he swings me up into his arms, right as the world goes dark, I hear him say, “I’ve got you.”
I wake up and find Blaze leaning over me. He fluffs my pillows and then tucks a blanket over me. I stare at him while he works until he finally looks at me, and I drop my gaze, unable to hold his.
“Pix brought you straight back to your room. Rolly has been sitting with you, holding a bottle of water all night. I sent him to bed a few minutes ago.”
I stare at him.
“It’s the middle of the night. You’ve slept almost thirty-five hours.”
I stare at him, sure I misheard him.
“You needed to sleep. Get some rest.”
I struggle up, and he helps me when I get stuck. I feel weak as a kitten.
“The drugs are almost gone, then you will have all your energy back. I’ve got a snack for you. It’s some of Sage’s midnight mash. He wanted you to have some for when you woke up.”
I suddenly remember how I ended up here and Roseland. Guilt tightens my chest, and I let out a whine.
Blaze’s head snaps in my direction. He watches me with an eerie intensity.
I go to the toilet, then get up and walk out of the room, ignoring Blaze.
It doesn’t take me long to find Roseland’s room. His scent pours out from under the door. I push it open. He’s sitting in the dark, just staring at the wall.
I touch the wall until I find the light switch and walk towards him. He blinks at me, but his reactions are slow, like he doesn’t believe I’m really here.
I can’t believe I’m really here.
My breath is locked in my lungs, but I take his hand and pull.
My heart is thundering, and my vision is dotting in and out, but I hold the memories back until Roseland is on his feet staring down at me.
I yank at his shirt, lifting it until I see the massive scar on his left side, near his hip.
I reach out and touch it, ignoring the way he flinches.
It was real.
It happened.
He was dead. I saw him die. There was so much blood.
He survived, and I ran away. I left him, and I ran away. I hold the material tighter, shaking violently. My head gets weird and fuzzy. I feel like a kettle that’s boiled. Like I’m on the edge, and I’m teetering over. The shakes get worse, and my teeth chatter.
I drop his shirt and step back, but he grabs my wrists and yanks me back up against his chest.
“It wasn’t your fault, Merle.”
I stare up at him, refusing to believe him.
“It wasn’t. You did the right thing. Everything you did was right.” He means it.
I shake my head in disbelief and tug my hands free and step back. I silently tell him no, but my courage leaves me, and I turn and race back to my room.
Blaze follows, and when I get on the floor, he lifts me up, sits me on the bed, and tucks me in.
“I think maybe it’s time to change some things.
Starting with you sleeping on the floor.
I cannot tell you how distressing it is as an alpha to see an omega sleeping on the floor.
This bed is yours, no one will sleep in it with you unless you invite them.
No one will hurt you in it. But no more floors. ”
I push the blankets back and try to get out of bed, but he grabs my shoulder and shoves me back down.
“I’ve moved your nesting items under the pillow.”
I stare up at him, refusing to respond. He waits me out, finally, I sneak my hand under the pillow and feel all the cutlery I’ve collected.
There’s a watch I stole from King, and a silver coin I took from Rolly.
I have one of Pix’s rings, and Sage left a silver button he cut off a shirt he saw me staring at.
Blaze pulls out a key and holds it up. It gleams in the low light, calling to me.
I reach for it.
“This is the key to this house. It will always be a home for you. Wherever you go, you can come back here and know that you will be safe.”
I stare at the key. If he’s giving me a key to get back in, that means he’s going to let me leave, right?
I clutch the key in my fist and watch him cautiously.
He grabs the bowl and holds it as he takes out a spoon and dips it in. Before I can register what he’s doing, he’s managed to get a whole spoonful into my mouth. I let out a strangled sound, but Blaze laughs.
It’s an evil laugh in that it’s so beautiful I want to hear more of it.
He continues to feed me, and it makes me feel strangely vulnerable, but not in a bad way. This time, it almost feels good.
I wrap my arms around myself, refusing more food, refusing to let him make me feel good. He sighs heavily but packs up everything and stands up.
I refuse to look at him.
“Goodnight, Merle.”
He leaves, and as soon as he’s gone, I wish he was back. Instead of staying where he left me, I climb out of bed; the key hidden in my hand. I try every locked door. I search room after room.
Hours later, I return to my room defeated. I can’t find a way out.
I climb into the bed, hesitating a moment, considering going back to the floor in pure spite, but everything is on the bed, and he let me keep my treasures.
I climb in, pull the blanket up to my chin.
Roseland has a scar. He’s alive. I pull the blankets up over my head, blocking out all the thoughts that I’m trying to hide from.
I breathe slowly, forcing myself to stay calm, to keep going. One second. One minute and then another.
I count the seconds, stopping somewhere around three thousand, where I fall into a deep but restless sleep, where visions show me Roseland trying to save me and dying in front of me, over and over again.