10. Vivienne
10
VIVIENNE
W hat was I thinking? I’m so tired of thinking that. I know exactly what I was thinking. Asher is gorgeous. He was in my bed, and I wanted him. It’s not as complicated as my brain wants to make it this morning.
So what if I was once in love with him? And I left him, breaking his heart. But he broke me too. I wanted to try. I begged him to try. And he wouldn’t.
I’m frustrated and angry as I climb out of bed, going into my bathroom. Baz and Asher will have to share the bathroom between their rooms, but luckily, I have my own. I quickly go about my morning routine but remain in my pajama shirt and shorts, unable to ignore the purple marks on my neck when I look in the mirror as I brush my teeth. Jesus, his mouth felt good.
I shake off the memories of Asher’s mouth on me last night and creep to Baz’s room, peeking through the door and seeing him awake playing with his toys. “Good morning, sweetheart.”
He smiles over at me. “Good morning!”
“You want breakfast?”
He nods while playing with his train set. “Yeah, but um . . .” He holds a finger to his chin, buttering me up by looking all cute. “Can I have it in here?”
I laugh and shake my head at him, wanting him to have the freedom of childhood for as long as he can. Life is so complicated when you get older.
“Yes. I’ll bring it to you, I suppose. Can you say ‘please’?”
He nods, focusing on his toys as he singsongs, “Please.”
I’m satisfied with that, smiling down at him before walking to the kitchen, looking through the cabinets to decide what to make for breakfast as I go through my phone, checking my email. As I grab the pancake mix from the cabinet, I hear the doorbell. I place the mix on the counter before answering the door and seeing Sawyer there. I feel a sense of dread and maybe guilt as I open the door. “Hi. I didn’t know you were coming by today.”
I try to subtly cover my neck with my hand as I let him walk in the house. Shamefully enough, this is not the first time we’ve been in this same position. Me with Asher’s passionate mark on my flesh and feeling guilty about it with Sawyer.
He’s in a good mood, evident by his grin as I close the door behind him. “Yeah. Unfortunately, I can’t stay long. I have to go look at a house with Linc. I just found this for Baz and wanted to give it to him.”
I smile when I see a remote-control monster truck in his hands. “You spoil him.”
He shrugs. “He’s earned it.”
His smile falls as his eyes move to my neck. A hot flush covers my cheeks as I watch the recognition hit. “Wow.” He grips the back of his neck with his hand, placing the truck on the sofa. “You guys didn’t waste much time, huh?”
I feel like I might burst into flames as I struggle to form words. “I’m sorry. It was nothing.”
“Nothing, huh?” He drops his hand and moves closer to me, his body stalking mine. Is he jealous? My back rests against the wall of the living room. I didn’t even realize I was backing away from him. His chest is nearly touching mine as his fingers graze over the purple hickey. “Doesn’t look like nothing.”
My eyes meet his, the contact of his strong body only adding to my confusion. “A stupid junior high-type make-out.”
He nods his head, pulling his hand away, but his eyes remain there. “That’s all?”
I nod my head, knowing I don’t technically owe him an explanation, but I don’t want him to wonder. “Yes.”
His gaze lowers over my chest and then flicks up to my face. “He didn’t leave any more marks?”
The heat coming from him is almost too much. Even if I'm not in love with Sawyer, there’s an insane attraction there. I bite my bottom lip, my voice raspy. “Are you jealous?”
The smirk that plays on his lips is undeniably sexy as he takes in the sight of my marred neck again. “No.” Of course not, because it’s not love. His hands rest on the wall on either side of my head as his lips near mine. “But that doesn't mean I don’t feel the urge to compete.”
I groan softly into his ear as his lips dip to my neck and his tongue darts out, licking over the spot that’s bruised from Asher’s punishing mouth. “Sawyer,” I breathe.
I can feel him smile against my skin, one of his hands roaming over my breast, my nipple hardening from the contact. “You’re allowed to do what you want, Viv. You aren’t in a cage with me.”
I feel his body against mine, and my eyes flutter closed with the contact, enjoying the comforting feeling as his lips kiss and suck on my neck before his mouth moves up to my ear.
His voice is husky as he breathes passionate words that drive me crazy. “Doesn’t mean I won’t try to make you scream louder than he can.”
Jesus. I’m in trouble.
“Swearer!”
Shit! We both jump at the sound of Baz running toward us, and Sawyer pushes away as not only Baz, but also Asher join us in the living room. I notice Sebastian is dressed and his hair brushed. Of course, Asher has fallen right back into his role of helping me out with him.
Sawyer and I don’t ever touch or kiss around Baz. The last thing I want to do is confuse him. Asher’s eyes drill into me from across the room, but I try to only focus on my son. “Sawyer stopped by to see you.”
Sebastian looks so happy as Sawyer grabs the truck and holds it out for him as Baz loses his mind with excitement, tearing the package open. “Wow! This is the one I've been wanting!”
I smile and shake my head. “Can you say ‘thank you’?”
He nods his head excitedly. “Thank you, Swearer!”
I laugh at the nickname for Sawyer that definitely fits him. “You’re welcome. I wish I could stay and play, but I gotta go look at a house.”
“I can go too!” Baz starts toward the door, and I follow. “Honey, Sawyer has to work.”
He turns to look at Sawyer, his little eyes sad. “I can go to work.”
Sawyer grins, but I shake my head. “No. Why don’t you stay here and play. Maybe Sawyer will come back after work.”
Sawyer moves closer to me, keeping his voice low enough for only me to hear him as Baz pouts. “If you’re cool with it, he could go. It’s just me and Linc.”
I look at Sawyer, also keeping my voice quiet. “You don’t have to do that. You’ll be working.”
He shrugs. “We’re just checking out a house a few miles away. I’ll watch him closely, and Linc will be there to watch him too.” He smiles, and I know how much he cares for my son. The knowledge warms my heart. “Only if you’re okay with it. We’ll be back in an hour or so.”
I look over at Sebastian and then back to Sawyer. “Are you sure?”
He laughs, knowing I've given my okay and walks to Baz, lifting him up. “Of course. I can’t give up the chance to hang out with my best friend.”
My eyes flick instinctively to Asher, his former best friend. Even if Sawyer is joking around with Baz, I wonder if that stung Ash. Did he mean it to? Asher’s eyes are shooting daggers at Sawyer, but he doesn’t say a word.
“Yay! I’m bringing my truck!” I love seeing my son happy, that’s for sure.
I look back to the kitchen. “You haven’t had breakfast.”
Sawyer shrugs easily. “We’ll grab something.”
I give him a smile, knowing Baz is in good hands, and I walk over to Sebastian, leaning down to look into his eyes. “You’ll listen to Sawyer? And Uncle Linc? Stay right with them?”
He nods his head emphatically.
I hug him. “Okay. Have fun.”
He smiles brightly, slipping on his shoes that are by the door, and I walk them out. Sawyer assures me it will be okay before they back out of the drive, and I wave good-bye before walking back inside.
I’m met with dark angry eyes and a strong body. Asher is waiting for me at the door as I sheepishly close it behind me. “What?”
“You just let him take Baz anywhere he wants to?”
I roll my eyes. The one thing I will not put up with is anyone accusing me of being a bad mother. “Sawyer won’t let anything happen to Sebastian, and you know it.”
“He hates kids. One bit him in high school when he had to go over to the elementary school to read to the first graders.”
I want to laugh, but Asher’s angry gaze won’t allow it. “He loves Baz, and Baz loves him back. That’s all that matters.” He folds his arms over his broad chest, and I don’t miss the way his biceps flex. “Are you sure that’s all that’s bothering you?”
I brace myself, knowing I'm poking the bear, giving him every opportunity to call me a slut. He did walk in on Sawyer trying to cover his handiwork with his own. “And what else would be bugging me, exactly?”
He drops his hands taking one step closer to me, his eyes flickering with scorn. “You tell me. You’re the one being pissy.”
His eyes move to my neck, and I feel like I’m going to melt into the floor from the heat coming off him, especially after only moments ago being cornered by Sawyer. “You mean me walking in on Sawyer slobbering all over my sloppy seconds?”
Okay, that stings.
“Don’t tell me you’re going to slut-shame.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, Viv.” His voice is cold and deep, full of anger and betrayal, but his eyes don’t leave my neck. I see his hand flexing at his side, almost like he’s fighting the urge to touch me, his gaze lingering on the flesh of my neck. “You wanna spread your legs for that fucker, go for it.” He leans in even closer. “You wanna fuck everyone within a thirty-mile radius, go for it.” His breath is warm on my skin as his mouth nears my ear. “I don’t care who you let touch you.”
I try not to let the words hurt me. He’s right, everyone is easy on me. They all seem to want to protect me, but I hurt him too. I left him behind, even if I loved him and he didn’t love me. Even if I wanted to try, and he crushed me when he didn’t want to. I took Baz away from him for a year, knowing how badly he needed him.
And for that, I'm forever remorseful.
He doesn’t push away from me though, and I felt how badly he wanted to stay last night. He may want to hate me, but part of him, even if it’s a very carnal part, wants me. He lifts his gaze to meet my eyes.
“Jesus, after me last night and him today . . .” His voice is a cruel growl. “You must be dying for some relief. I doubt you came just from him sucking on your neck for a second.”
I’m certainly struggling with my attraction to him too. I glare at him, trying to appear confident. “No. I know how to finish myself.”
I don’t miss the way his breath catches in his throat as I brush past him, heading for my room.
“In fact,” I look back at him over my shoulder, “I think a nice hot shower sounds like a great idea right now.”
“Don’t you mean cold?”
I shake my head, still looking at him over my shoulder. “You only need the water cold if you don’t want to get off.”
I turn away from him and walk to my room, stupidly hoping that he takes that as an invitation to join me.
Because that’s exactly what it was.